Rage and heartbreak tore at him at the sight.
“Little darlin’, you don’t have to hide under there to eat. No one’s going to take the food away from you here. No one’s going to hurt you. I promise,” he said as softly as he could.
His words startled her and she stopped eating but didn’t look his way.
After a few minutes, he closed his eyes and willed himself to go back to sleep.
Another noise woke him. It sounded like a kitten purring.
He opened one eye and saw the little girl lying on the pallet beside him, shivering as she slept.
As careful as he could not to touch her, he pulled the corner of the blanket up over her. In the dim moonlight streaming into the room he watched her sleep.
Had she ever been this peaceful? Had she ever felt safe enough to sleep? Would she ever come to trust him?
“We slept like that for nearly two weeks. Finally, I carried her to bed one night, her screaming the whole way. I let her down in the room I’d spent making ready for her. It was across the hall from mine. The minute I let her go, she’d gone into a corner again, but stopped screaming.”
He ran his hand over his face in remembered frustration.
“Did she stay there?”
“I tried closing the door, but that brought on more screaming and she pounded on the door.”
“She was afraid of being locked in, wasn’t she?”
Something in the way Laura said that struck a note with him. Had she been locked up as a child?
“Apparently. As soon as I opened the door and told her I would leave it open, she stopped screaming. By this time I had to hope she trusted me a little, so I left her in the room, went to my room and left the door to it open too. Then I went to bed.”
“What happened?” Laura asked, interest sparking in her emerald eyes.
“I’m not sure. The next morning I woke in a near panic. I hadn’t heard a sound all night. I was sure she’d gotten out of the house.”
“Did she?”
“No. She was fast asleep in the bed. I also found all the food I’d left on the table gone. That’s when I knew she could manage the stairs by herself, so no more carrying her to bed. It took a few nights, but she finally started following me up when I told her it was bedtime.”
“When did she start letting you touch her?”
“I left her in the house while I tended the animals, but nothing else was getting done on the farm. So one day I told her if she’d let me carry her, I’d take her to the barn with me. I promised not to hurt her and that she’d always be safe with me.”
“Did she let you?”
“I’d given up getting any response, so I just went to the back door. The minute it was open, she came running and stopped beside me. I took that to mean she wanted to go with me.” A lump formed in his throat at the memory of Rachel’s first act of trust. “We still had our battles, especially when I give her a bath, so that’s why she only gets one once a month. But at least now I can carry her or touch her without her screaming bloody murder.”
“Is that why you carry her up to bed and down in the morning? Because she’ll let you?”
He nodded. “It’s the only time I can hold her, so I take advantage of it. Soon she’ll be too old for even that.”
“When did you find out her name?”
“I didn’t. In fact, I don’t think she ever had one from those people or Kirsten.”
“You named her Rachel?”
“Yep. After my ma.”
“That’s a good choice, I’m sure.” Laura smiled as she looked at Rachel.
Nathan sat back to sip his coffee, his nerves a bit raw from telling Laura that tale. He needed to change the subject. “So tell me what brought you out here? What made you want to be a mail-order bride? I’d really expected a widow or someone in desperate need to answer the ad. You don’t appear to be either. Tell me why you wanted to come west and marry a total stranger.”
For a moment she remained silent as if gathering her thoughts. “As I told your brother, I’d given up finding a husband in the usual manner because I’m not as pretty as most women. I suppose you could call me plain.”
“I wouldn’t.” He spoke the words softly, remembering the way her smile lit up her features and how passionate her anger made her.
His comment must have distracted her because it took her a moment to continue what she’d been saying. “A friend of mine saw your ad in the Baltimore paper and suggested I go and talk with your brother. I’ve always wanted children, and the possibility of having some of my own influenced my decision greatly.”
“If you want children, this marriage can’t stay one in name only. The good Lord provided only one way to make them,” he drawled out with a wicked grin on his face.
“Mr. Cantrell!” Heat rose in her face again. “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t talk like that in front of Rachel.”
She shoved her chair away from the table and gathered the plates. “Besides, you’ve made it quite clear you don’t wish to remain married to me. Since I’ve seen my share of children raised by one parent or out on the streets as orphans, I don’t intend to place another in that situation.”
Watching her reaction to his teasing, Nathan couldn’t help but chuckle at her frustrated anger. Her natural and unguarded responses were refreshing.
He pushed away from the table and lifted Rachel in his arms. “It’s time for you to be in bed, little darlin’.”
When Nathan returned, Laura stood at the sink cleaning the dishes, her back to him. He knew she was aware of him standing there but she refused to turn around. Shrugging into his coat and pulling on his gloves, he chuckled to himself. I’m starting to get under her skin. Good.
“I’ll be out in the barn milking for about an hour. Leave the lamp on in here when you go up to bed.”
She didn’t answer.
“Laura, did you hear me?”
“Yes, I heard you, Mr. Cantrell,” she answered him without turning around.
His humor disappeared.
He stomped over to her, grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around, leaning over her until she had no choice but to look up at him. “You will not ignore me, woman. You can be angry with me all you want, but you will not pretend I don’t exist. I put up with it once in my life, I won’t ever do that again. And my name is Nathan to you, not Mr. Cantrell.”
Then he pulled her into his arms and crushed her lips beneath his. He’d caught her by surprise, her mouth slightly open in the beginning of a protest. The advantage was his. He plunged his tongue in to taste more of her as he kissed her with an intensity that surprised him.
She pushed her wet hands against his chest to get free from his grasp. He pulled her tighter while easing his lips into a softer, deeper, more intimate kiss. After a few seconds, she quit fighting and slowly melted into his hard body. Nathan deepened the kiss further, almost losing himself to his desires.
A soft moan escaped her.
At the sound he realized he’d bent her back into the sink’s hard edge. Slowly he straightened them both, easing his grip on her. Then he lifted his head and watched her eyes open.
The color of old jade.
Her lips were still parted almost in invitation. It was all he could do to move away from her and out the door.
Once outside, he leaned back against the kitchen door, the muscles in his legs shaking with the effort of holding him up.
What had possessed him to kiss her?
Never in his life had he forced a kiss on an unwilling woman, but her efforts to ignore him ignited his anger beyond reason. That’s why he’d grabbed her like that. The pure desire he’d felt when he’d crushed her in his arms and kissed her had taken him by surprise.
He hadn’t expected her response. The intensity of her reaction overwhelmed his senses.
Shaking his head at the idea, he headed to the barn.
No, he refused to believe she was anything special. He’d thought that once and his
life had become a living hell. Having a woman who wasn’t an employee under his roof must be the problem. That was the only explanation for what had just happened in there.
He’d just find some way to keep his distance from her. He wasn’t going to let a woman manipulate him ever again.
Long after Nathan left, Laura continued to stare at the door, holding on to the sink behind her for support.
She’d never been kissed before.
Inhaling deeply, she lifted her hand slowly to her lips. Gently she rubbed a fingertip across them, closing her eyes and remembering the feel of his lips, the strength of his body pressed against hers.
Oh my.
Almost in a trance, she turned back to finish washing the dishes, then went to her room. Her mind replayed the entire evening as she unbuttoned her dress and slipped it over her head.
Why did he kiss me?
She hadn’t given him any indication she’d wanted kissing and she’d been so angry at his teasing.
She slipped into her nightdress then crawled under the covers. Before she fell asleep, she realized Nathan’s attentions had achieved one good thing. She’d hadn’t worried about Nigel Blackwood or thought about the senator’s murder once since meeting her husband. Hopefully Blackwood had given up the search for her.
Chapter Six
The next afternoon, Laura came down from checking on Rachel, who quietly sat in her room, to find a gray-haired woman standing in the kitchen. She was looking around the room at the clean table and floor and the laundry drying on the line in front of the fireplace.
“Looks like Nathan’s done right well for hisself this time.” The woman nodded at Laura. “You must be Laura. I’m Sarah Jones. Seems you’ve been busy. It’ll probably take you weeks to get this place into working order.”
“It’s a start.” The other woman’s words pleased Laura and she automatically put aside any animosity she might’ve held before. She grasped Sarah’s outstretched hand. “Thank you for coming to visit. I’ve heard a good deal about you. Won’t you make yourself at home?”
“Thought you’d never ask.” Sarah removed her coat and sat at the table. Then she cackled heartily. “I just bet you’ve heard about me. That’s a good man you’ve married. Just like a son he is to me. How you two getting on?”
“I guess as well as can be expected. He’s very hard to understand at times.”
Sarah laughed again. “Honey, all men are hard to understand most times. Even the ones you raise will keep you shaking your head at their antics. My late husband Tom used to get me so riled up I’d like to take a skillet to his head. But then he’d love me so fierce afterward, I’d forget what it was I’d been so mad about. Don’t suppose you and Nathan have got to the lovin’ part yet?”
Laura blushed clear to the roots of her hair, unable to find words to answer the other woman.
“Has he kissed you yet?” Sarah eyed her closely, then came to her own conclusion. “Yep, he sure has. Well, you just keep him guessing for a while. That boy could do a little chasing for once. Keep ’im humble, it will. Now tell me ’bout yourself.”
Laura poured them each some coffee she’d kept warm on the back of the stove then settled in a chair across from Sarah. She hadn’t felt this comfortable talking with anyone since she’d left Beth’s house.
“I’ve lived my whole life in Washington. I came out here to be Nathan’s wife because I thought I might make him a good one and I was hoping to someday have children. I’m an orphan. Both my parents died when I was about eight. Other than that, there isn’t much else for me to tell.”
Sarah reached across the table and patted her hand. “I come from Virginia myself, so I guess that makes us kinda neighbors from back East, don’t it? Both of my parents died before I moved out here too. And as for children, I have four—two boys and two girls. I suppose Nathan told you about my Tom dyin’ in that raid.”
“Yes, he did.” Laura gave her a sympathetic smile. “I was sorry to hear about it. He also told me you help him out with the canning and making butter. I was hoping you could teach me how to do those. Back home we always bought most things at the market.”
“Honey, I’d be happy to. Let’s start with makin’ butter. You just go get the churn and cream.”
Laura gathered the desired objects. Sarah showed her how to pour in the cream and use the churn to make butter. While she worked, Sarah told her how Nathan had employed several housekeepers over the last year and a half. Many of them took the position in hopes of snaring their employer as a husband. None were able to deal with Rachel in any acceptable fashion, and he’d summarily dismissed those that hadn’t left on their own. Laura sensed Sarah felt sorry for the little girl but had no clue how to help her.
She also learned more about her new friend. Sarah had a small house just outside town. She took in people’s laundry to earn money for the things she needed to buy at Mr. Jensen’s mercantile. The way she spoke about the storeowner, Laura suspected Sarah was a little sweet on him. Mr. Jensen also had a son and daughter.
“Sarah I’d like you to continue sharing the eggs, milk and butter with us, just as you’ve been doing.” She didn’t want to take those items away from Sarah and her children. It would put an extra hardship on them.
Sarah shook her head. “Now we’ve become friends here today. Don’t ruin it by trying to give me charity. I only took those things before, because I’d done part of the work. With you doing your own churning, it wouldn’t be right for me to take any.”
An idea popped into Laura’s mind. “Actually, I was thinking there might be a way for you to earn your share.”
“There isn’t enough churning for both of us, honey.”
“No, you’re right, there isn’t. But I was wondering if you could teach me how to sew. Rachel needs some new clothes and all the windows are in desperate need of curtains. It would be too expensive to hire a seamstress. I could do the work myself, but I don’t know the first thing about sewing.”
“Okay, honey, you’ve got yourself a deal, but only until you can do it all by yourself.” Sarah rose from her seat. “Now I have to collect Billy and Tom Jr. from the barn and be on my way.” She gave Laura a conspiratorial wink. “They’ve been keeping Nathan busy so you and I could get to know each other. I’ll be by next Monday to start your sewin’ lessons. That should give you some time to buy material at the mercantile on Saturday.”
Laura walked the older woman out and stood on the porch as she went to her wagon where Nathan and two redheaded boys stood talking. He helped Sarah into the wagon and laughed at something she said, looking at Laura as he did so. An embarrassed heat filled her cheeks as she waved at her new friend until their wagon disappeared down the road. When she looked back at the barn, Nathan had disappeared inside once more. She wondered what Sarah and Nathan had discussed about her.
* * * * *
The next two days passed similarly to the first two. Avoiding the parlor with its cloth-covered furniture, Laura spent her days cleaning a new area of the house, cooking tasty meals and spending time with Rachel. No significant changes occurred with the little girl in those days, but Laura felt herself being drawn closer to her.
At night she tried to talk to her husband without allowing him to trigger her temper. Occasionally she succeeded. It seemed he derived some sort of perverse pleasure at driving her to the limits of her patience and beyond. If he wasn’t provoking her with words, he’d sneak up behind her and speak right behind her ear in his lowest voice. Not only did it startle her, but it sent shivers of awareness shooting all over her body.
His other tactic to disturb her was even more devious.
Finished with his breakfast the first morning after Sarah’s visit, Nathan leaned back in his chair and stared at her with those deep blue eyes of his.
Laura toyed with her fork in her eggs, as skittish as a kitten in a room full of dogs. Beneath his scrutiny she was so warm she wouldn’t be surprised if puddles formed under her feet.
“So,�
� he said, making her jump, the fork clattering on the table. “Besides working in your aunt’s boarding house, what did you do in Baltimore?”
“Oh, I’m not from Baltimore.”
He drew his brows down in puzzlement.
Good. He was always surprising her. It was about time she got a little revenge.
“Where are you from?”
“Washington.”
“How did you learn I was looking for a wife then?”
“A friend saw the advertisement in the newspaper and recommended I apply.” She relaxed as she told the tale. She’d become quite good at giving half-truth explanations about her past.
“So the boarding house is in the capital?”
“Yes. Not too far from Congress.”
“And what did you do in Washington besides run this business for your aunt?”
Realizing he meant to quiz her this morning, Laura leaned back in her chair, resting her hands in her lap. “A few years back I met the owner of a library, Mr. Goldberg. He’s a kindly old man who said I reminded him of his daughter. He let me work in the library every evening.”
“Really? What did you do there?”
“File books back in their proper places. Mr. Goldberg was very particular about that. I also found books for research for patrons, sometimes even members of Congress.”
Suddenly Senator Anderson’s smiling face flashed in her mind.
Blinking back tears, she pushed away from the table and began clearing the breakfast dishes. Thank goodness Nathan’s inquisition stopped.
* * * * *
At lunch the next day, Nathan waited until Laura had a bite of biscuit in her mouth before launching into his questions again.
“I’ve been wondering something.”
He hid his smile as she quickly chewed her food and reached for her glass of water. Catching her guard down for surprise questions was proving as entertaining to him as sneaking up and startling her from behind.
Mesmerized, he watched the muscles of her throat work as she drank. What he wouldn’t give to slide his lips over that soft column of exposed flesh.
“Yes?”
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