“Thank you.” His heart swelling with pride, his cheeks filled with heat from her praise.
“You made this?” She stared at him, her eyes wide with surprise.
He nodded. “A storm uprooted this ancient oak. The tree was magnificent. I couldn’t bear to simply chop it up for firewood, so I made furniture out of it instead.”
She drew her brows together. “Did…did she know this?”
“Yes,” he answered, noting how Laura couldn’t bring herself to use his former wife’s name. “Kirsten knew. In many ways she tried to tell me how much she hated me and our life here. I pretended not to notice. Maybe if I had, Rachel would never have suffered the things she did.”
“You can’t blame yourself for what your wife or those people did to Rachel. No one should live their lives by what-ifs.”
He nodded, any further words stuck in his throat. They stared at each other a moment, their own battles put aside. Then she lowered her gaze and stepped away.
“I’ll get Rachel for lunch.”
After their meal, Nathan stood out on the porch staring at the cloudless sky. Earlier he’d wanted nothing more than to pull Laura into his arms, but he knew he couldn’t force her to see the folly of her decision. She’d have to come to that conclusion herself. At least he’d gotten a normal conversation out of her once again. Before walking away, she’d smiled with tenderness. Both were hopeful signs.
A smile on his lips, he slapped his hat onto his head and headed back out to finish his plowing. One step at a time, he’d just take things one step at a time. He was so deep in his thoughts as he strode across the yard he almost didn’t see the wagon pulling up the drive.
“Hey there, Nathan,” Frank called as he brought the wagon up beside him.
“What are you two doing out here on a weekday?” Nathan asked as he moved to the other side to give Sarah a hand down.
“Well, we’ve got somethin’ we want to discuss with you and Laura.” Sarah reached back into the seat for the cake she’d brought and marched past both men up the porch and into the house.
Nathan shrugged and gave Frank a puzzled look.
The storekeeper simply laughed and slapped him on the shoulder. “I’d tell you but I don’t want to ruin Sarah’s surprise.”
A bit puzzled, Nathan followed the pair into the house. Rachel still sat in her seat at the table finishing her lunch. Sarah had already removed her coat and was hugging Laura.
“Now I’ve brought an applesauce stack cake, ’cause we have some celebratin’ to do.”
“What are we celebrating?” Laura asked as she retrieved plates from the cupboard.
Frank pulled Sarah into his side and cleared his throat. “With all the sickness and dying we’ve seen in the past month, we thought we ought not to put things off—”
“Frank and I are getting married next week,” Sarah blurted out the news before Frank finished his speech.
Another round of hugging between the women took place, while the men shook hands. The couple stayed most of the afternoon so the women could plan the ceremony and the feast to follow. Finally the men went outside to look at the fields and discuss farming, leaving Laura and Sarah alone for a few minutes.
“Got to the lovin’ part, didn’t you, honey?” Sarah asked unceremoniously.
“Does it show that much?” Laura, blushing furiously, stood and started clearing the table.
“Not really.” Sarah followed her to the sink with several plates. “I guessed by the way neither of you can look the other in the face, but when ya think the other ain’t watchin’ you sneak peeks.” She placed her red, work-worn hands on Laura’s, stilling her actions and forcing her to look at her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Laura shook her head. “Not really, Sarah. It was a mistake.”
“Hogwash. I’m tellin’ ya that man out there was made to love a good woman, and you’re that woman.”
Laura took a deep breath. She needed to confide in someone. “Nathan doesn’t trust me.”
“He will, honey. He just needs time, that’s all.”
“We don’t have a lot of time.”
Sarah gave her a puzzled look. “You have your whole lives in front of you.”
Laura looked out the window, watching her husband hitching his draft horse to the plow. She wished she had her whole life to spend here on the farm with him. “I came here as a mail-order bride, Sarah. The very first day, I’d originally signed a contract to stay five years, but he made it clear he didn’t want me, and I’m not sure I was cut out to be a farm wife. At the end of that time, I’ll be leaving. The best I can do is try to forget that night ever happened.”
“Why are you leavin’? Is there someone you’re pinin’ for back East?” Sarah gripped her hands, forcing Laura to look at her.
“No. Oh no. Believe me. There’s never been anyone in my life before Nathan.” Probably never would be after. Laura clung to Sarah’s hands, trying to reassure her. “I have my reasons. I haven’t given them to Nathan, so I can’t share them with you either. You do understand, don’t you?”
“Laura, I count you as my dearest friend. If ya need to keep a secret, then I guess it must be important. I just think ya need to think real hard about what you’re givin’ up here. Nathan’s a good man.”
“I know he is. That’s why I have to let him go. He’s had enough pain in his life, I don’t want to cause him more. Besides, even if I could stay, if he can’t put behind his hurt from his first wife, there is no future for us.” Laura wiped at the burning tears in her eyes. “Can you support me in this decision?”
“Ya know I will.” Sarah hugged her then helped her finish washing the dishes.
“Damn it, Frank. The woman is the most stubborn female I’ve ever met. That’s all there is to it.” Nathan leaned both arms over the wagon bed, eyeing the back window of the kitchen. “To top it off, I keep feeling there’s something in her past she hasn’t told me about. Why else would she still want to leave at the end of the five years?”
“What you going to do about it?” Frank spit a stream of tobacco juice onto the ground.
“Not much I can do. Give her time I suppose. Pray she tells me what’s got her so spooked before it’s too late.”
“You might try courting her a bit.”
“Court her? I did that once before and you know how well that turned out. Laura’s my wife, dammit. I don’t need to go courting her.” He looked up to see the two women step out onto the porch. “Maybe Sarah can talk some sense into her.”
“You’ll have to ask her yourself. I may be marrying Sarah, but I’ll be danged if I’m gonna be the one to ask her to snoop on a friend. She’d never let me hear the end of it.”
Nathan laughed. “I’d hate to be the cause of your misery. I’ll ask Sarah myself.”
“What are ya gonna ask me?” Sarah asked as she neared the wagon.
Nathan glanced at the house. Laura stood on the porch holding his daughter. “Sarah, has Laura ever mentioned to you why she came out West?”
With Frank’s help, Sarah climbed onto the wagon seat. “Even if Laura did tell me what was on her mind, I wouldn’t be much of a friend if’n I told everyone I knew, would I?”
Nathan stared across the yard at his wife. “You’re right. I shouldn’t ask you to betray a trust. I just wish I knew why she’s building this wall between us.”
Sarah leaned toward him and patted his shoulder. “That woman right there is scared to death about being married, even though she won’t admit it. Seems someone made her think she wasn’t cut out to be a wife. Now who’d give her a danged fool idea like that?”
Nathan inhaled then blew the air out in one big gush. “She got that idea from me. I’m afraid I acted like an ass the day she came home from the measles epidemic.”
“Then I guess you’ll have to figure out how to make her think otherwise.”
“Thanks, Sarah.” He moved away from the wagon feeling like a cur in need of a bullet.
S
arah stopped Frank before he could start the team, then leaned over to whisper to Nathan. “I won’t be breaking any secrets if I tell you this, because Laura didn’t exactly confide it in me, but there’s something else bothering that girl. Says she’s leaving and you agreed to it.”
“That was supposed to be between just Laura and me. Not something the whole town was supposed to know.” He ground the words out between clenched teeth.
“Before you go getting your nose bent out of shape, I think there’s somethin’ else drivin’ her to keep that bargain.”
“What?”
Sarah sat back in her seat and fixed him with a meaningful stare. “Laura’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. You’d best find a way to get her to tell ya what’s bothering her, and get her back in your bed.” She held up a hand when he started to sputter a protest at her indelicacy. “Ya know how this town is, same as I do. Talk spreads quicker than the measles. I know ya don’t want any more gossip and Laura sure don’t deserve it.”
With that she nodded to Frank, who mumbled a “good luck” before flicking the leather reins and putting the team in motion. Nathan watched them go, then looked back at the porch to find Laura studying him. The minute she caught him returning her gaze, she hurried back into the house. For a few minutes he stood under the warm afternoon sun watching the back of the house and mulling over everything that had happened in the past four days.
Sarah was right. Besides his blundering comparison to Kirsten and seeming lack of trust in Laura, something else was driving her to keep the damn promise to leave. He could demand she tell him what it was. And she’d refuse.
A smile played on his lips despite the situation. One thing he’d learned about his wife, compared to her stubbornness, a mule couldn’t hold a candle. He shook his head and strode back to the field, still thinking the problem through.
As he saw it, he didn’t know enough about her or what really brought her to Colorado as his bride. He also needed to get her to trust him enough to tell him what was bothering her.
Respect is a two-way street, son. In order to get it, you have to give it.
His father’s words from his childhood stopped him in his tracks. Trust seemed to work the same way. In order to get Laura to trust him, he’d have to prove to her he trusted her as well. In the meantime, he might just do a few things to convince her a marriage in name only wasn’t an option any longer.
His spirits lightened with his new insight and plans. Stepping behind the plow, he lifted the reins and snapped them smartly. “Giddyap, Buster!”
* * * * *
That evening, Nathan finished his chores early in hopes of catching Laura before she fled to her room for the night. The pleasant moments they’d spent earlier in the day moving furniture played over in his head. Their tenuous relationship ate at his nerves, but this afternoon they’d been more relaxed than they had in days. Even though he still wanted to repeat their night of loving, he also wanted to strengthen that thin attachment they’d formed.
On the porch, he paused and nervously wiped his hands on his pants. Damn, he felt just like a schoolboy going calling for the first time. What did he have to feel nervous about? This was his wife. He’d already buried himself deep inside her once before. His groin tightened at the memories.
He willed himself back into some sort of control. Tonight wasn’t about fulfilling his baser needs. What he had in mind was more important. It was about forming some bond with his wife, letting her know he trusted her so she’d allow him through the fences she’d erected between them, and convincing her to put aside her plans to leave.
One step at a time—that’s how he planned to begin his campaign.
With a deep breath he opened the door. The domestic scene inside made him smile. Laura sat before the fire, rocking Rachel in her lap while she sewed the new dress she’d been making for her. This was what he’d always hoped for—a family to come home to each night.
Laura looked up as he closed the door, her eyes wide with surprise. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” He removed his coat and hat, hung them by the back door, then sat in the oak chair he’d carried downstairs earlier in the day. “Just finished early tonight. Thought I’d join you two ladies.” He leaned back and studied her a moment. “You look like you’ve got your hands full. How long has she been letting you rock her?”
“Since the day I brought the rocker down from the attic.” She set aside her sewing. “Would you like to rock her?”
“I wouldn’t want to stop you.” He couldn’t hide the yearning in his voice. He envied her the chance to hold his daughter in such a comforting way.
“Nonsense. You’ll be doing me a favor. I haven’t quite got the hang of sewing while rocking and holding Rachel.” She stood and handed him Rachel once he’d seated himself in the rocker. Then she retrieved a book from the mantel and handed it to him. “These are some rhymes from a collection by Mother Goose. Rachel likes the way they sound.”
“How can you tell?” He adjusted Rachel so she leaned back against his chest and arm, then opened the book.
Laura settled into the other chair with her sewing and began working once more. “The rhymes have a rhythm, like songs. She taps her hand on your arm with the words.”
Nathan began reading. “Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With cockle shells and silver bells, and pretty maids all in a row.”
As he read, Rachel sucked her left thumb and tapped her right hand on his arm. Laura was right. Rachel did keep the beat of the rhyme just like it was a song. He turned the page and read another. After a while, the gentle tapping stopped and when he looked down, he found his daughter had fallen asleep in his arms. Closing the book, he continued to rock them both as he watched his wife sew.
Laura finished putting the last few stitches in the hem. She held it up to the lamp to check her work. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s beautiful.” Nathan watched her face as she admired her creation. Firelight cast a glow over her features, reminding him how she’d glowed in the lamplight the other night. He swallowed hard, then lifted the sleeping Rachel in his arms. “She’ll look lovely in it.”
“I think I’ll have her wear it to Sarah and Frank’s wedding Sunday. Isn’t it nice they decided to get married?”
“They’ve been sniffing around each other for several years,” he commented from the doorway. He watched her put her needles and pins safely into her sewing box, then waited for her to look at him again. He didn’t try to mask his own desire. “I guess sometimes it takes a crisis to show people how good they can be together.”
A light blush crept over Laura’s cheeks as she understood he wasn’t simply talking about Sarah and Frank. Before he could press the issue and ruin the tentative truce, Nathan turned and carried Rachel up the stairs.
After he put her to bed and banked the fire in both the stove and fireplace for the night, he went in search of his wife. He found her standing in her room, brushing her thick mahogany mane, her back to the door. The lamplight on the room’s far side showed her shadowed figure through the thin cotton of her gown.
His decision made, he strode across the room and lifted her in his arms,
“Nathan! Put me down.” She started to wiggle in his arms.
Without a word, he clamped one hand firmly on her thigh, squeezing slightly to still her efforts, blowing out the lamp before he carried her from the room and continued down the hall to his room. He deposited her in the center of his bed. She scrambled to the far side, jumped off and stood with her hands planted on her hips. The green fire that aroused him so much radiated from her eyes. He was in for a fight, which suited him just fine.
“What do you think you’re doing? I told you the other night was a mistake and I wasn’t going to bed with you anymore. My mind is made up.”
“I’ve decided a few things myself, darlin’,” he drawled, looking his fill at her body, barely concealed by the flimsy gown. “I’ve decided I’
m not going to be laughed at by my friends and neighbors because we sleep apart. Now get your bottom back in that bed.”
“I will not.” She turned to walk out of the room.
Nathan reached the door first, lifted her and deposited her in the center of the bed once more, only this time he pinned her down. He held her firmly but without hurting her. He didn’t want to frighten her. “Darlin, there’s one thing you need to learn real quick out here in this small town. Secrets are harder to keep than snow in summer. If we sleep apart, sooner or later the entire town’s going to know. So for the duration of this marriage, you and I are sharing the same room and the same bed.”
Chapter Eleven
“You can’t force me to share your bed.” Laura ceased her struggle, staring up at him and liking the feel of his body, chest and arms pressed against her way too much.
Her words had some of the effect she desired. He loosened the grip he had on her wrists but didn’t move off her body. “If you want me to be able to hold my head up in this town, you’ll agree to this.” His gentle words stroked her mind the same way his thumbs rubbed her wrists.
“I wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“Sarah already knows.”
“She guessed.”
“Will you make me beg?” The soft tones didn’t hide the pain he felt at even asking her the question.
How many times had he begged his first wife? How many times had she humiliated him in order to make him so wary of gossip? It was a simple request—help him save his pride.
“I wouldn’t want to shame you in front of your friends.”
He cocked a brow as he studied her. “Then you’ll stay? You’ll move your things in here tomorrow?”
“You don’t seem to be giving me much choice in the matter.”
Something passed over his features, regret or defeat? Then he exhaled and moved off the bed. “I can’t do this. I won’t force you. It’s really up to you, Laura.”
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