by S. E. Rose
“You have excellent taste in music,” he says.
“Why thank you, kind sir,” I reply, batting my eyelashes at him. He grabs my wrist to steady me and looks at me with incredible intensity. “What?”
“I don’t know what you are doing to me,” he murmurs as he stares into my eyes. “It’s like you’re my sun, the center of my solar system, and I’m being sucked towards you. Can you feel the electricity between us?”
“Yes,” I reply barely audibly.
My phone starts to buzz from a call and I glance over to see Nicky’s face pop up. I frown. It’s nearly 9:00 p.m. his time, why is he calling?
“Nicky?” I answer.
“Mom?” he says. I can immediately hear the fear in his voice and my heart stops beating.
“Nicky, what’s wrong?” I say, fearing the answer.
“It’s Lily, Mom. She’s been in an accident.” I almost drop the phone.
“Oh my God, is she OK?” I ask, full-on panic beginning to set in. I am half-aware that Jack is leaning in toward me, his face etched in worry.
“I think she’ll be fine, Mom. They think she has a few bruised ribs, maybe a bruised spleen, a sprained ankle and a broken wrist. And she’s bruised and scratched up, but she’ll pull through. Her car on the other hand…,” he trails off.
“What happened?” I ask, not wanting to know.
“A stupid-ass drunk driver ran a red light. Honestly, she’s lucky to be alive,” he says, wincing slightly at his words.
“Where is she now?” I demand.
“She’s at Shock Trauma, but really, Mom, calm down. She’s going to be OK,” he reiterates.
“I’m coming,” I say. I don’t even think as I begin to pack things in my suitcase. Jack sits on the bed watching me in disbelief, I think. I am all “mom” and all panic.
“Mom!” he yells. “Calm down. There’s nothing you can do. Just sit tight and once she’s settled in a room here I’ll call you and you can talk with her. I just left her for a minute to grab some stuff from home while she gets a cast put on and then I’m going to sleep at the hospital with her. They want to keep her a night or two for observation that’s all. Seriously, stop overreacting.”
“Nicholas,” I start. “I am not overreacting. I am merely being your mother. Now text me details of where she’s at and I will see you in the morning.”
“MOM!!” he yells again. “Please, listen. You’re being unreasonable. Just think about it for a minute and then call me when you calm down, OK?” He hangs up and I slip into complete panic. Tears welling in my eyes, I can barely see through them as I toss things haphazardly into my bag. I don’t even notice when Jack leaves the bed and walks over to me and pulls me against him. I push him away.
“No. Stop.” I’m not proud of it, but by now I have completely gone off the deep end. I’m hysterically sobbing, talking to myself about why did I come over here, and I am trying to zip up bags that can’t possibly be closed.
Jack grabs me by the arms shaking me. I don’t even hear him for a minute through my emotional fog. But then as though he’s a hundred yards from me, I begin to hear him yelling my name over and over, “Laura! Laura! Laura!” I suddenly snap back into the moment and my eyes fix on his, my body completely stills, aside from the sobbing and the shaking.
“Please, baby, please, calm down. What is going on? Please talk to me.” His eyes mirror my terror and he looks beside himself. My legs give out and I sink straight down to the floor. He follows me, still looking into my eyes. I try to speak, but I can’t get the words out between sobs. “Breathe, baby, breathe, whatever it is, it is going to be OK.”
I look up at him through my tears and then I snap out of it, my tears stopping. It’s as though his words have ignited a fire in me. “It. Is. Not. Going. To. Be. OK,” I say, sounding out each word. “My daughter has been in a car accident, and I’m here, three thousand miles away.”
“Is she OK?” he asks, clearly concerned.
My shoulders slump and I look at him again. “I don’t know. Nicky said…” I shake my head.
“I have to go,” I say. I am resolute and I know I have to leave now. If I leave now, then I can get there by midnight our time. I grab Hagrid, putting him in his cat carrier. I look around grabbing a few last items. I have no idea if I’ll be back.
“Laura. Why don’t you wait a few hours or till the morning?” he says, trying to talk reason into me. “I can drive you to the airport.”
“No, I’m just going to go now. I’ll fly standby, it’ll be fine,” I say. “I have the rental car anyhow. I have to return it.”
“But…” He looks at me with such sincere affection and such longing.
“Us?” I finish. “Jack, let’s be real for one second, OK? How can there be an ‘us’? I live in D.C. You live in Scotland for God’s sake. We’ve known each other for what, two weeks? It’s been fun and all. Really, it’s been great, but let’s just call this what it is, a summer fling. I’m the American you slept with one summer. It’ll make for great stories down at the pub.”
As the verbal diarrhea comes out of my mouth, I can see his face fall. I’m hurting him, and I know it. But there’s no other way. I have to leave, and I may not be coming back, ever. I go to him and put my hands on his beautifully sculpted face and I kiss him. I kiss him with all the passion I can muster in that moment. I kiss him with everything I wish I could give him, forever. And then I pull back and look at him.
“I’m sorry, Jack. I’m so, so sorry. But I have to go,” I say and then I turn kissing his cheek and whisper in his ear, “Please forgive me.”
But I don’t give him the chance to respond. I grab my bags and Hagrid and hurry to my car, leaving Jack sitting on my bed in the cottage. I barrel down the motorways toward Glasgow. I call the airline on the way and luck out, there’s a spot on the next flight if I can make it there in time. I practically throw the car keys at the rental boy and run to the terminal. I make it, just barely.
Chapter 13
Laura’s Playlist: “The Trouble with Love Is” by Kelly Clarkson
The next seven hours are hell. I press my face to the window and let the tears stream down my cheeks. I want nothing more than Jack to hold me and tell me everything will be OK, but that won’t happen, ever. I pray to God my daughter is OK and then, at some point, I fall asleep from pure exhaustion. I wake to the sound of the pilot announcing our descent and I gather my things. Hagrid has finally fallen asleep. I’m sure his incessant crying made all my nearby passengers want to murder me. In my haste to get on board, I completely forgot to drug him, and once on board he was way too worked up to take his meds even in a pill pocket with treats.
Once I land at BWI, I hop in a taxi and go straight to the hospital. I see I have two missed calls from Nick saying that Lily is alright and five missed calls from Jack and then a single text asking if Lily is OK. I reply yes and then shut off my phone. I must look a sight because the guard at the hospital’s front desk does a double take.
“Moving in?” he asks, nodding to my luggage.
“Please, I need to find out where my daughter is,” I say with desperation in my voice. He changes his tune after that and helps me find her.
I am rolling my bags out of the elevator when I hear them, my kids. They are laughing. I shake my head thinking I must be dreaming. I leave my bags in the hall and continue walking, following the sound of their laughter. And then I see them. Nick is on Lily’s bed and they are playing Uno. I haven’t seen them play Uno in years.
“You are so cheating, Nicky-poo, no fair,” Lily scolds.
“Uno!” Nick exclaims and he holds up one card.
“Seriously, that is against the rules, not OK.” Lily starts laughing and then winces. I see Nick put his hand on hers.
“You alright?” he asks.
She nods. “Just a little sore is all. Don’t make me laugh, you jerk.” But she’s smiling as she says this. I give a big sigh of relief and walk toward them.
Nick looks
up and he freezes as though he has seen a ghost. Then Lily turns and makes the exact same face.
“Mom?” he asks before barreling toward me. His arms fly around me and he presses me to him in a giant bear hug. “Mom? What the…what are you…I don’t understand…I told you to…” he trails off but I can’t answer because I can’t breathe since he is squeezing the life out of me.
“Nicky, can you ease up? I can’t breathe,” I manage to whisper. He immediately lets go of me and takes a step back. I breathe and then turn to Lily, walking slowly and wrapping my arms around her gently. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I got here as fast as I could.”
“Mom, really, it’s OK,” she says. But her voice cracks a bit as I hold her and I know the floodgates are about to open. It’s another five seconds and then the sobs start. “Oh, Mom, I was so scared. I thought…”
“Shhhh.” I try to comfort her while stroking her hair. I pull back a smidge and wipe tears from her cheeks with my thumbs. “It’s OK, sweetie. I’m here and we’re going to get you all fixed up.”
“I’ll be OK,” she finally says after collecting herself. “I’ve only got a broken wrist, a twisted ankle, a bruised rib, and some other bruises and cuts, but otherwise, I’m fine, really. They checked out all my organs and I’m really alright.” She pauses and takes a deep breath which causes her to wince again. “But my car…”
“Yeah, Mom, her car is a mess,” says Nick. “The insurance company already called and said they were totaling it. The doctor says they might release Lil tomorrow, so we were going to go look for a new one then. She should get a check by next week, maybe.”
“OK, OK,” I say. “Let’s take this one step at a time. First things first, I want to speak with your doctor. Where’s the nurses’ station?” Nick shows me to the nurses and after thirty minutes a young doctor comes in and talks with me. Lily is pretty spot on about her injuries and he confirms that if she is doing well tonight that they will release her in the morning. I persuade Nick to go home and shower and I stay the night with Lily. I smuggle Hagrid to him and he gives me a look and then laughs asking how I managed to get Hagrid past hospital security. I explain that I think I shocked the guard with all my luggage. Lily and Nick pet Hagrid and play with him for a minute before I stuff him back in the bag and pass him off to Nick who leaves for his apartment asking us to call him in the morning. A nurse takes pity on me and brings me a small cot. I am so tired that I could fall asleep sitting up. I hold Lily’s hand and we sleep for a full eight hours.
The next day the doctor agrees that she can be discharged. Nick picks us up and we head back to my condo. Lily wants to go home, but I tell her that she’s staying with me for a few days until we can get her back on her feet. After some persuading, mostly on Nick’s part, she agrees. We play nurses for the rest of the day, making Lily food, picking up medicines at the pharmacy and then we all settle in to watch a movie. I notice I have more missed calls from Jack, but I decide against talking to him. It’s over, so what’s the point?
“Mom,” Lily asks as the movie ends. “When are you going back to work on your book?”
“I don’t know.” I frown. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Don’t you have the cottage for like almost two more months?” Nicky asks. “I mean, they aren’t going to just give you back your security deposit.”
“It’ll be fine,” I say. “Jack knows I left and he’ll look in on it and if I decide to not go back, I’ll just call the rental guy. It’s no big deal.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and the kids are giving each other a look.
“Who’s Jack?” they ask in unison.
“Just a guy, a property caretaker.” I stumble over the words.
“Just a guy?” asks Lily.
“A caretaker?” Nick says simultaneously with a “really” face.
“Seriously, guys, he’s just some guy who takes care of the cottage.” I continue, “I met him when he came to do some garden work, that’s all.”
“Uh huh,” Lily says, as though she sees right through me.
“Really, don’t worry about the cottage,” I reply. I give them the mom “let it go” look and they back off.
The next day we buy Lily a new car. Well, I buy Lily a new car, deciding that I don’t want her to wait for the insurance check. And two days later she’s well enough to drive and take care of herself. She still has a little swelling in her ankle, but it’s her left ankle so she’s able to press car pedals and she slowly figures out how to walk around. We decide to go out to eat.
“Mom, I think we are good here,” Nick says as he stuffs his face with a giant sandwich. “You should think about getting back to your work.”
“Yeah, Mom,” Lily agrees, “I’m fine now. You should work.”
I look at them both as they give me the same stare and turn their heads to the side in unison. I can’t help chuckling a little. “OK, OK. I’ll look at some flights for the end of the week, alright?” They nod, contented with my decision. I frown a bit, internally not wanting to leave them again for fear of what might happen the next time I’m gone. But I also frown because I know I’ll be seeing Jack again and I’m not sure what to say to him. After lunch, I go online and eventually I find a flight and start repacking my belongings.
Chapter 14
Laura’s Playlist: “White Flag” by Dido
After another long night of travel, I’m back. I pull up to the cottage and grab a key from under a pot that Nigel has left for me. I was able to call him once I got home and he feigned worry about my child and assured me it was no problem to keep up the cottage while I was away.
I grab Hagrid and tote him inside, opening his cat carrier. He stretches a big cat stretch and goes to a sunny spot by the French doors, curling up into a ball. I bring in my things and put them away again. I’m more prepared this time and the packing went more smoothly than last time as does the unpacking.
I look around and check the fridge knowing I left a few things in it in my haste to leave. It stands empty and I decide I should just bite the bullet and go to the store. Clearly, Nigel had the fridge cleaned out when I was away. I grab my purse and keys and head to my rental car. As I’m about to get in I hear a car coming up the drive and my heart stops in my chest. Jack? I watch as an older Renault pulls up. Not Jack. A young man about the same age as my kids gets out and greets me.
“I’m Reggie, ma’am, I’m here to tend the garden,” he says, nodding toward the front of the cottage. I must look confused, so he reiterates the garden part. I snap out of my fog. “Where’s Jack?”
“O…oh, he’s off on a sort of holiday, I guess,” he stammers. “I fill in for him when he’s away.”
“I see,” I say, pulling myself together and wondering where the hell Jack went to. “Well, pleasure meeting you, Reggie.” And he nods politely at me before starting to work. I get in my car and head towards town.
I do the usual run and stop in Mal’s shop. She’s clearly surprised to see me and I explain what had happened and she expresses her well wishes for my daughter. We chitchat for a few minutes and decide we should try to get some drinks this week. After picking a new cheese selection, I head back to the car. I look over at the pub and think, what the fuck, to myself. I need a Snakebite damn it; I’ve earned a Snakebite.
I walk in, and to my surprise, I see Oliver at the bar. I walk over to him and take the seat on his right. He turns to me, a look of worry on his face, but it immediately melts away when he sees me.
“Laura!” he exclaims. “You’re back. It’s so good to see you.” He gives me a peck on my cheek. “I heard your daughter was in an accident or something. I hope everything is OK.”
“Yes, it’s fine,” I say. “I hear Jack is off on a holiday?” I look at him and see a look of concern flash over his face.
“Uh, yes,” he murmurs into his drink, taking another sip.
“Do you know when he’ll be back? I sort of left in a rush. I got busy with dealing with my dau
ghter and never got in touch with him after that. Anyhow, I think I should probably explain it to him,” I say.
“Not sure. Sometimes when he disappears like this it’s a few days or it can be a few weeks. He often turns his mobile off, so I really don’t know.” He shrugs.
“Oh…,” I say and then try to cover my deepest thoughts because they are troubling. If I’m being honest with myself, I must admit that Jack has always been a bit of an enigma. Jack is a puzzle that’s missing a piece, a crucial piece. And now, a small part of me fears I won’t get the chance to look for it. What has he been hiding from me? Clearly, Oliver knows, but he’s not talking. “Just wondering, he was so kind to keep me company. It can be a bit lonely out at the cottage.”
“Well, you should pop by the house sometime,” he says. “I’m just a bit farther down the lane. When I don’t have my daughter, it gets a bit lonely out there too.” I nod politely and we talk about things around Stonehaven. He’s very knowledgeable and shares his thoughts on the political system in Scotland and his time at the University of Aberdeen. He’s traveled also, although not as extensively as Jack. He’s been to D.C. and we talk about things in the city. He’s easy to talk to and in many ways reminds me of his brother.
I’m about to head out when I see Mal open the door. I wave to her and she waves back starting toward me and then her eyes meet Oliver’s and she starts to slow down. I look at Oliver and see a somewhat strange expression on his face; I can’t quite figure out what is wrong.
