by April Fire
“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to fly,” I gestured to the door. “Personal stuff, you know? I’ll see you at rehearsals next week.”
“You go get him,” Joy smiled at me, and I realized that they must have overheard pretty much the entirety of our conversation.
“Will you be coming back next week too?” Taylor addressed the question to Nina, who flashed him a flirtatious smile and nodded.
“Oh, hell yes,” she agreed. “But right now I’ve got an adventure to go on.”
“See you guys later!” I called over my shoulder as I made for the door. I was crunching the numbers on my head, trying to figure out how long it was going to take us to get all the way across town and to the warehouse where I’d first met Darius all those weeks ago. I wasn’t sure if this wasn’t a stupid idea yet, but the adrenalin was pulsing in my veins, enough of it to make sure that I didn’t overthink any of this.
I just needed to go see him, to ask him why the hell he was still looking out for me even though we had broken up. To figure out whether or not there was any chance for us now that I had fucked things up.
“I’ll get us a cab,” Nina stepped out on to the street and flagged down a taxi; a few people shot us dirty looks as we slipped into the back seat, but Nina was the kind of woman who got what she wanted whether the people around her liked it or not.
I slipped my bass between my legs as Nina gave the driver the address. He shot us both an odd look, as though he knew where we were going and wondered what two hipster chicks were planning to do there- but he pulled out and on to the street, and we were on our way. Nina was grinning excitedly over at me.
“Do you think you guys are going to get back together?” She sighed.
“I have no idea,” I admitted. “But… I have to find out what he was doing here tonight, you know?”
“So, you’re both coming out in secret to watch each other do the thing you love most,” she pointed out. “That’s pretty couple-y, if you ask me.”
“Yeah, well, maybe,” I muttered, urging the driver to go faster in my mind, thinking Darius might have finished his fight already. Perhaps he was already on his way home. I squinted at the cars as they passed by us, and wondered if he was in one of them. Had he won or lost tonight? Who was he fighting? He never told me much about his boxing when we were sleeping together, and I didn’t ask, as it was easier for me to pretend that that wasn’t part of his life.
But now, I wanted to know everything about it- I wanted to tell him that I was wrong, and that I wanted to be there for him tonight and every night. Yes, it was stupid, and yes, I was probably wrong, but as soon as I’d heard he was there in the crowd that night, my heart swelled with love for him and I knew I needed to find some way to convince him to give me a second chance.
We arrived at the warehouse a few minutes later- the driver seemed to sense our urgency and put his foot down, weaving in and out of the Saturday-night traffic with ease. I wondered how many people he’d taken up here over the years, how many beat-up fighters he’d taken in the other direction. He’d probably seen it all up here.
He let us out a few feet from the entrance to the warehouse, which was already buzzing with activity. I could tell that the place was already packed from wall-to-wall. I could hear the noise of the music through those tinny speakers as Nina paid the driver, and it took me back to that first night in an instant.
Nina and I climbed out of the car and made our way towards the entrance. We paused outside for a moment, and Nina glanced over at me. I clutched my bass protectively and met her gaze.
“You sure about this?” She asked gently, and I nodded.
“Certain.”
I made my way inside, slinging the instrument over my shoulder and looking around. I couldn’t see Darius anywhere- I peered into the ring, but there was no sign of him there, either.
“Maybe backstage?” Nina suggested, following my gaze as it travelled around the room. She grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the stage door. I wasn’t sure how we were meant to blag our way in there, but as soon as we arrived, the bouncer gave us a cursory once-over and stepped aside to let us in. So much for tight security, I couldn’t help but remark sarcastically in my head. But then, at an event like this…was there much call for it?
Darius wasn’t backstage, either, so Nina sashayed up to one of the trainers with a big smile on her face, batted her lashes, and stuck a hand on her hip. The guy turned his attention to her at once- how could he not?
“Do you happen to know where Darius is?” She asked confidently, and I lurked behind her, trying not to look too obvious as I listened in.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” the guy shrugged. “He left as soon as his fight was done.”
“Are you sure?” She sighed.
“Trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you,” he assured her, and she turned away from him as he opened his mouth to flirt some more. The way his face dropped would have been comical if I hadn’t been distracted by the disappointment of Darius already leaving.
“Can you wait till you see him at work?” Nina suggested. I shook my head.
“I’ve got a lot of bridges to rebuild,” I replied. “And I can only do that if I prove to him that I think he’s worth the effort. You know?”
“Whatever you say,” she agreed determinedly. This was Nina we were talking about -- she had my back more than anyone else in the world, and I knew she would turn this city over to find Darius if that’s what I needed. Luckily, she wouldn’t have to.
We made our way back outside, to where the taxi driver had agreed to wait for us, and I spotted a familiar figure leaning over the car, arguing with the man inside. It was him!
I hurried over and put my hand on his shoulder; he turned, and the driver gestured up triumphantly at the two of us.
“I told you they were coming back!” He snapped at Darius. “You’ll have to find your own ride back into town.”
“Emilia?” His jaw hung open in surprise, and for a moment we just stood there, staring at each other without a clue what to say next.
“Are you guys getting in, or what?” The driver demanded. I glanced over at Nina, who waved her hand.
“I am,” she replied, and she gave me a quick hug before she slipped into the back seat, whispering in my ear as she did so. “Good luck!”
I watched as she vanished into the night, and turned my attention back to Darius.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He demanded at last. His tone was hostile, and he was already walking away from me, pulling his phone out of his pocket to call a replacement cab.
“What the fuck were you doing at my show tonight?” I chased after him, raising my voice to make sure he could hear me. He finished the call and hung up before he answered, and for a second I wondered if my words had missed him. Then, he turned around, his expression unreadable.
“Who told you I was there?” He asked carefully.
“Nina,” I explained. “She saw you at the bar, and she heard that you had a fight on tonight. That’s why I knew to come here.”
“Jesus,” he glanced away, as though he’d been found out. He ran his hand over his head. “I didn’t mean for you to see me. I was just in the area, and I thought I’d--“
“What, on the other side of town from your apartment or your job?” I raised my eyebrows at him. He lowered his head.
“Fair point.”
“Why were you there?” I demanded. I clenched my fistsI had no idea how I was meant to turn this around from what I’d said the other day, but I needed to convince him that I’d changed my mind. That I knew he was different.
“I had to see you again,” he tossed his hands in the air. “I had to…fuck, I needed closure. I needed to find some way to convince myself that we were actually done and that I didn’t want you anymore.”
“Did you find it?” I asked quietly, so quietly that it took him a second to realize what I was saying. He shook his head at once.
“No,” he admitted. T
hat word was all I wanted to hear.
“So, what the fuck are you doing here? I thought you weren’t about this life,” he threw his hand across the parking lot, at the people trailing in and out, some of them covered in bruises from the fights they’d just endured.
“I’m not, but…” I trailed off. “Darius, I was just trying to convince myself that. I’ve known so many guys like you before, and every single one of them has hurt me, or fucked up, or just been an asshole…”
“And you just assumed I was going to do the same thing?” He threw his hand in the air. “You’re not making a good case.”
“But you’re still listening!” I countered quickly. He let his hands drop and gestured for me to continue.
“I was wrong,” I admitted. “I…I told myself I had control of all of this, that I knew where we were going, and when I started falling for you…I lost control.”
His eyes met mine, and I could see the flicker of a waver there, the promise that I might just be getting through to him.
“And I broke it off because then hey, at least I was the one to call the shots,” I continued, the words tumbling out of my mouth unrestrained. I had never been this honest with anyone before, and it both terrified and invigorated me in the same breath.
“But I don’t care about control anymore,” I promised, and I meant it. “I just want…I want you. We have something here, and I want to try it out. Even if I have to take my hands off the wheel to do it.”
“You know, you crash when you take your hands off the wheel,” he remarked cautiously, but took a step towards me.
“Then I’ll crash,” I replied. I found I was already leaning into him, closing the distance between us. He reached for my hand, and I let him take it.
“Are you sure about this?” He asked gently. “Because…this is always going to be a part of my life. And I know it’s not…it’s not regular, it’s not stable--“
“I’m a musician,” I reminded him. “I know irregular and unstable pretty well.”
“You were great tonight,” he remarked, putting an arm around my waist. With every word that came out of his mouth, the barriers between us seemed to break down a little further. My breath came quickly, my chest heaving against his, and before I had a chance to thank him for his compliment, his lips met mine once more.
Only a few hundred feet from where we’d first met, I reconciled with Darius for good. The kiss was almost cathartic, a release of everything I’d built up over the last few days since our separation. And I knew it was right. It wasn’t going to be easy -- no, that wasn’t true. Things between Darius and I were always going to be easy. It was just life that got in the way. And I wouldn’t let it get away with that ever again.
We pulled away from the kiss, and found that the taxi was waiting for us. I blinked for a moment, still staring up at him, and he rubbed his nose against mine.
Epilogue
Darius
“Come on, wifey,” he teased. “Let’s go home.”
“Happily,” I sighed. It had been a long night- I’d played a gig with the Roses before I’d come out to see him fight. I was well-known around the boxing scene now, and I was usually ushered right to the front of the crowd so I could watch my man win. He hadn’t lost a match that I’d attended, and now he practically insisted that I turn out every time.
It was sweet, I had to admit. And I was getting used to the adrenalin, the sticky floors and the cheap beers. Hell, he put up with the same from my side whenever he came out to a gig so I could hardly complain.
“Your place or mine?” He joked as we climbed into the back of the cab; the driver shot us a hard look, and I rolled my eyes at Darius and gave the driver our address.
Our address- it still felt so odd saying that. We’d only moved in a month ago, once we’d both managed to pack up all our boxes and sort out moving vans. I loved our place- it was tiny, yeah, but it was ours. We’d been able to quit our work at Dino’s as the music stuff picked up my end and I was able to cover my half of the rent,
The Roses had released a new album and, while I didn’t have much input on the music, I still got to play on the recordings. I had a copy tucked into my bedside drawer, and I took it out just to look at once in a while, to convince myself it was all real.
Darius, on the other hand, had been picked up by a new coach and he was fighting better than he ever had in his life. He was rising through the ranks, and it looked like soon he might be able to break into the mainstream boxing world. We were both teetering on the brink of notoriety, and it felt incredible. Dizzying.
Darius reached over and tucked his hand between my legs- I turned to him and raised my eyebrows, and he shot me a filthy look back. I knew exactly what he was promising, and, if it hadn’t been for the driver, I wouldn’t have waited till we were home to enjoy it. I turned to look out the window, and pressed my face to the glass. The coolness against my forehead contrasted with the heat of his hand on my thigh, and I smiled.
Six months ago, I wouldn’t have thought any of this was possible. I would have told anyone who promised me that I would have an awesome live-in boyfriend, a job I loved, and success in a career I had all but given up on to fuck themselves for getting my hopes up.
But here I was. I had made it. I still had a long way to go- didn’t we all -- but I was finally on a road that seemed to lead to happiness. And it felt better than I ever could have dreamed.
The End
