From that first kiss I’d known I’d liked her as more than a friend, that it was more than physical for me. And the more time we spent together the more I knew it. There was no one else in the world like Maya. She was special.
I know how cheesy this sounds but…she was the one.
Yeah. No one was more shocked than I was to discover that the girl of my dreams was the nerdy, uptight, utterly uncool Maya Rivero.
But there was no denying how I felt around her. I couldn’t get enough of her—and not just the kissing and the touching—although I knew without a doubt that I’d never get enough of that.
No, I couldn’t seem to get enough of her. Her bizarre and subtle sense of humor. Her analytical mind. The way she lived for a challenge, just like I did. The way she thought everything through before speaking. The way she seemed so cold and unfeeling on the surface, but was a total softie underneath. She was kind and thoughtful and sensitive—she just hid that side of herself better than anyone I’d ever known.
So yeah. I’d fallen in love with Maya Rivero during one amazing week in Mexico.
But now I was back and we needed to talk in a big way. I knew how I felt but I was far less certain about Maya. I mean, the girl was hard to read on her best day, but yesterday as we’d flown back and left paradise behind?
I had no clue what was going on in that fascinating mind of hers. All I knew was that I didn’t want this connection to end with the holiday. Every minute with her had been better than the last.
All in all, it had been the best vacation of my life. If it hadn’t been for all the family drama, I might even say it was the best Christmas of my life. But even with all the familial upheaval, the holiday had been pretty damned special.
It wasn’t every year that I fell in love over Christmas.
“Hey bro, how was your vacation?”
I slammed my locker shut and found Kyle the overeager lapdog beside me, basically panting for attention. I’d managed to avoid talking to my actual friends all morning and I sure as hell didn’t feel like talking to this kid.
“Fine,” I said, hoping he’d go away.
It wasn’t that I was embarrassed to tell my friends and teammates about my new relationship. Hell, I’d happily shout it out for all the world to hear…if I knew that she felt the same.
But there was no way in hell I was going to tell Kyle or anyone else about the newfound love of my life until I’d had a chance to talk to Maya and reset the parameters.
Oh man. Now I was starting to think like Maya talked. I found myself grinning at that as I headed toward my next class.
Unfortunately Kyle was still beside me. “How was Mexico?”
“Good.”
“I heard you went with Maya Rivero.”
“Yup.”
“How was that?”
“Good.” Despite my monosyllabic answers spoken in a flat tone, this kid wasn’t getting the hint.
“So what, is she like your girlfriend now?”
I stopped to face him. He had that overly eager to please look that made me disgusted. His tone was filled with mockery, aimed at Maya. As if the very idea of us dating was a joke.
And honestly up until this past week I would have used that same tone if I’d used the words me, Maya, and dating in the same sentence. So maybe that was why I had this overwhelming feeling of disgust.
I would have sounded just like this little jackass, openly mocking a girl I didn’t even know. Making fun of the idea of us together as if I was too good for her or something.
God, maybe I had been a douchebag.
Some of that disgust seeped into my voice. “Don’t be an idiot.” And then, because I didn’t want to hear any more questions or jokes, I added, “Of course she’s not my girlfriend. Everyone knows I don’t date.”
Until now. Until Maya.
“I’ve got to get to class.” I walked away from him, leaving him laughing like a hyena at what he apparently thought was a funny interaction rather than a nauseatingly eye-opening encounter.
Much as I was avoiding my friends, it felt like Maya was avoiding me. I hadn’t seen her once during the day. It wasn’t until I was on my way to my last class that I spotted her with her friend Taylor.
Maya didn’t see me and when I said her name she whirled around, her eyes flashing with something…not pleasant. Then they grew shuttered and blank.
Her friend eyed me warily, like I might be there to steal their lunch money or something. I ignored her and focused on my girl.
Or at least, I hoped she was still my girl. I’d felt pretty damn confident that she’d want to continue this relationship right up until I saw that look in her eyes. Dread and sadness…there was no doubt in my mind that she was definitely not happy to see me.
My heart thumped painfully in my chest. But I had to talk to her, maybe she was just confused like I was. Maybe we could sort this out easily enough with a conversation.
“Can I talk to you?” I glanced over at her friend, and her friend looked to Maya as if seeking her guidance.
So her friend was afraid to leave her alone with me? Neat. I was the big bad bully again, apparently. But Maya gave her a little nod and her friend ran off, leaving us alone.
“What can I do for you?” Her tone was polite. Formal. Her clothes were formal too. Gone were the yoga pants and tank tops and she was once again dressed for battle.
That’s what this was, I realized. Her aggressively nerdy clothes, the prudish button-down tops and the unflattering skirts…this was all part of the Maya defense. The one I’d thought I’d gotten through back in Mexico but was so firmly back in place I didn’t know where to begin.
Her eyes were unreadable. Cold. Her back was ramrod straight and her arms crossed in front of her chest. Her gorgeous hair was pulled back in a bun that inexplicably made me angry and happy all at once. Angry that she felt she needed to protect herself, around me or anyone else. But oddly grateful that I was one of the rare few who got to see her with her hair down, literally and figuratively.
But right now she was as stiff as I’d ever seen her, and that hard shell she wore like armor was up with a vengeance. She was also waiting patiently for me to answer.
I took a step forward, needing to be close to her. It was stupid, though, because the distance between us wasn’t physical. “I want to talk.”
She gave a short nod. “Yes, I gathered as much when you asked to talk.”
There was nothing in her eyes but idle curiosity. She was an objective observer. Crap, what the hell had happened since Mexico? Where was the girl I’d thought was my girlfriend?
“We need to talk about us,” I said. “We’ve got to figure out what’s going on between us now that—”
“I agree.” She shifted the books in her arms so now they were an additional shield.
“I don’t want what we had over Christmas to end.” There. I’d said it. And I guess I’d been hoping for some sort of reaction. Not gratitude or anything—but maybe a little flicker of happiness? Maybe some sign that she was on the same page. That she’d developed feelings for me too and that maybe, just maybe, she too was desperate to hang on to us.
What I got was a nod. “Agreed.”
I blinked at her. “Agreed?”
She shifted the books again. “Yes. Agreed. What we were doing in Mexico was quite enjoyable. I see no reason it shouldn’t continue.”
I swallowed, hating the ache in my chest. Hating the way her voice had gone robotic and flat. Hating the way I was staring straight into her eyes but I couldn’t see her. “So,” I said, desperate to define this new relationship in a way that would have made me laugh just last week. “The two of us, we’ll be a—”
“We’ll be friends with benefits.”
She cut me off before I could utter the word couple. Only her hastiness in speaking alerted me to the fact that she might not be as calm and collected as she seemed.
I stared in disbelief. My heart slammed against my chest as I tried to take in her bla
nd expression, her shuttered eyes. She couldn’t mean that. “You want to be friends with benefits?”
She reached up to smooth back her hair, though not a single tendril had escaped that tight topknot. “That’s the term, I believe, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, that’s the term.” Even I could hear the disappointment in my voice but she didn’t blink.
She held my gaze as the voice of an android spoke to me. “I’ve been giving your methods much thought this past week and I can see the benefits.”
“You can.” Repeating her was the most I could manage. There were so many things I wanted to say—to scream, if it meant they might get through to her. But we were in a crowded hallway and this wasn’t the time or place.
She nodded. “Yes, we clearly have chemistry and there is no reason to confuse things with emotions and—”
I kissed her. Right there in front of the crowded hallway full of people I kissed her hard and fierce. I kissed her to make her stop talking about how there were no emotions between us. I kissed her to break through that freakin’ shell. I kissed her because…ah hell, I kissed her because I couldn’t not kiss her.
The girl I loved was standing there in front of me but she wasn’t there, and that scared the crap out of me.
She was rigid beneath me…at first. But then her hands came up to my chest and she kissed me back.
The sweet relief that swept through me when she responded to the kiss nearly knocked me off my feet. She was still in there—the passionate, emotional, sweetheart of a woman.
My girl.
When I pulled back I tried to tune out the stares from the people around us. I barely noticed the whispers. All I could see were the tears that shimmered in Maya’s eyes and the heartache I saw there that so totally matched my own.
She blinked rapidly and I could all but see the wall coming back up.
“We need to talk, Maya,” I said. “Really talk.”
She gave a quick nod. “Okay.”
“Okay.” The warning bell rang and students burst into action around us. But their haste didn’t drown out the questioning looks and the words that could be heard floating in the air around us. I caught one particularly loud voice ask what Luke Perona was doing kissing Maya Rivero and it held all the judgment in the world.
I ignored them but I caught Maya’s flinch. Rage rippled through me and it took everything I had not to spin around and beat the crap out of the next person who said Maya’s name with that mocking tone.
But my anger would have to wait because there was no way I was going to leave Maya alone in this sea of vipers to face the stares and the whispers on her own. So we stood there, staring at one another as the tide of students going to and from classes ebbed into nothing.
The last bell rang and we were officially tardy—probably a first for Maya—but at least we were alone.
I might as well have been completely alone. Maya’s gaze was guarded as she continued to clutch her books. The shock of the kiss had ended and Maya’s wits had returned. I could see it there in her eyes. She was guarded again, ready for an intellectual battle, but it wasn’t her mind I wanted to win over.
I let out a sigh as I stepped away from her. This hadn’t gone according to plan. At all. I’d hoped she’d be on the same page. That we could continue what we’d started. That we could have a real relationship.
Yes, I knew it would be a shock for my friends and hers. Hell, the whole of Briarwood would be surprised, I knew that. But I hadn’t thought it would matter, not to her.
But maybe it did. Maybe she didn’t want to deal with the kind of scrutiny and mockery that I’d just made her face thanks to that kiss. Maybe in her mind, I wasn’t worth it.
That thought was enough to steal the breath right out of my lungs. It hurt to breathe.
“I have to get to class.” Sure enough, her voice was flat, the tears I’d seen in her eyes gone. If I didn’t know her so well, I would almost believe she wasn’t affected at all—by the kiss, by me, by us.
But I did know her and there was no way I was going to let this thing between us end or become just some meaningless fling—not without a fight.
“Fine,” I said. I had to get to class too. This wasn’t the time or place to convince Maya that she cared about me or to tell her how I felt about her. I started to back away. “But we’ll talk later.”
She shrugged and I took that to be her assent. I was already scrambling to think of the next opportunity I’d have to see her. Somewhere we could be alone. “Meet me at the pool,” I said. “After swim practice.”
She hesitated and that hesitation actually gave me hope. If she was nervous to talk to me or be alone with me then that was added proof that she wasn’t as cool with this idea of being friends with benefits as she’d have me believe.
Finally she nodded and I was able to breathe again.
Because I was definitely not cool with it. I guess it goes without saying that I was so not okay with the idea of being close to her physically but not having the kind of connection we’d forged over the holidays.
It was crazy, because what she was describing, it was my typical approach to girls and dating. It was my way of having fun without taking a leap. It was getting close without getting close.
Really, it sounded like the kind of thing Maya would gravitate toward. From the little I’d heard about her relationship with her ex, that described them to a tee. Oh, maybe they’d technically dated, but she clearly hadn’t fallen in love with him. And I knew without a doubt that she hadn’t let him in—not the way she’d let me in.
How did I know? I knew because everything about her was innocent in that sense. And I don’t just mean she was a virgin. I mean, she was just as new to opening up to someone as I was. Being vulnerable didn’t come easily to her, and I knew I was one of very few who’d seen that side of her.
That was the Maya I wanted to see now. It was who I wanted to talk to, who I needed to get through to if we stood any chance of moving forward together. And I didn’t just want to see her because she was a challenge. I loved that she challenged me but she was more than that. She pushed me. She saw through me. She understood me in a way I’d never experienced before.
And I’d like to think I did the same for her. I saw her, the real Maya. The soft underbelly of the cold, hard intellect.
But right now, staring into those shuttered eyes, I knew I had to draw her out again or risk losing her for good.
She ducked her head, avoiding my gaze, and that made my heart skip in fear. She was pulling away. Maya never looked away from a challenge. Not if it was one she thought was worth fighting. Maybe she’d already given up on me. On us. Maybe she didn’t want the distraction, like she’d said about her ex, or maybe she didn’t feel as strongly as I feared.
I swallowed down the pain that thought brought up. I’d never been one to admit defeat, not unless the race was well and done, and sometimes not even then. If I didn’t win the first round, I came back fighting harder than ever.
What I had with Maya? It deserved the best fight of my life.
I backed away, hating to take my eyes off her. Hating to let her go even now without a fight. But I’d see her later, and when I did, I’d find a way to get through to her.
“I’ll see you at the pool,” I said.
She kept her head down, her eyes averted—but I saw her nod. I also saw the way she hunched in on herself and the way her hands shook as she turned to close her locker.
I’d only seen her visibly shaken once before, and the memory brought with it an idea—a desperate last ditch effort to reach through those thick defenses so she was forced to admit what she felt for me.
If it was anything like I felt for her, it was terrifying in the extreme. Love, I now knew, was overwhelming, humbling, and freakin’ scary as hell.
But I’d never run from my fears, and I wouldn’t let Maya.
“I’ll see you at the pool,” I said again. “And bring your swimsuit.”
Chapter Eleven
Maya
Bring your swimsuit.
Bring your swimsuit?
I couldn’t stop thinking about Luke’s parting words. It played on a loop in my brain as I finished my last classes of the day, as I drove home, as I greeted my mom. I couldn’t stop thinking about it even as I slipped on a swimsuit under my clothes and headed back to school.
I’m no therapist, but I think it was safe to say that I was doing more than my fair share of avoidance. Maybe even denial. After all, it was easier to focus on his odd request that I bring a swimsuit than it was to face the hurt and pain I’d felt when overhearing him talk to his sycophantic friend in the hall earlier in the day.
I’d spotted him from behind and had sped up to join him, but I overheard their conversation before I reached his side. I couldn’t remember what his friend had said exactly. I’d heard my name and the rest of his words had been drowned out by the blood rushing to my head as I realized they were talking about me.
Don’t be an idiot. Of course she’s not my girlfriend, I heard Luke loudly and clearly though. I don’t date.
Those words had been a physical blow. They were brutal in their honesty, but the worst part was, they were what I’d expected. I mean, I knew he didn’t date. Hadn’t he told me that during one of our first conversations? What we’d had in Mexico had been an anomaly. A fling, or a tryst, maybe. I’d fully expected that the terms of our arrangement would change when we returned to Briarwood, so it was ridiculous to be so hurt by those words.
But the pain of hearing them still stung like a fresh wound as I drove to meet Luke. I gripped the steering wheel tighter. Briarwood High came into view and I had the urge to keep driving. Run away!
But no. Luke would never allow that. If I ran he’d follow. That’s the way he was. He was a predator, the big bad alpha male who thrived on a challenge. And it was clear now that that’s all I’d been to him.
He’d gotten what he’d wanted and now he had no use for me.
So then why are you going to meet him?
The Holiday Kiss (Briarwood High Book 4) Page 12
