And it was the news of his new engagement that nearly brought me to tears that morning. I had gotten my morning latte and settled in at my desk, ready to get started on another day of work. As usual, I checked the news in spite of myself, and that was when I saw it. Antonio was engaged once again, to another woman—this one, a European princess.
The newspaper was vague about who she was, refraining from mentioning even her name. I wanted to know her. I wanted to know everything about her. But perhaps the only thing that I really wanted to know was whether Antonio was in love with her. It had only been two months since he’d been at the altar at his last wedding, so I could only imagine what the answer must be.
I knew the truth—Antonio really wanted the throne, and that was it, but I hated to think that he had given up on the one thing that I really wanted him to care about, and that was love. I wanted more than anything for him to fall in love and be happy, to give up on the political power that he was so strongly attached to. But the newspaper in front of me told me the truth—it showed me that there really was only one thing that he was after and that was the throne.
I threw away the paper in disgust, no longer wanting to see anything Prince Antonio said or did. I no longer cared when he took the throne, and I certainly didn’t care about any of the children he was going to have with this new woman. I wanted to go back into my fantasy world and think about the things that made me happy—the life that I might have had with him.
Of course, it was nothing more than the delusions of a girl who wished for a prince’s love, and the only way I could find any real consolidation was in the fact that he really didn’t love any of the women that he wooed. It was clear by the way he was so fast to ask them to marry him, and how he had treated me.
It didn’t matter what had happened, and it certainly didn’t matter what happened now. I knew that we had a connection, and it didn’t matter who he married, got engaged to, or who he took to the Coral—none of that mattered.
All that mattered was that he and I had had a connection. We had felt for each other, and we had both acted on that. Sure, there was a part of me that knew we shouldn’t have done it, but I was glad that we did. Though I felt the pain that was only normal when finding out someone you love is engaged to someone else, I refused to believe I was only a one-night fling for Antonio.
He loved me. I didn’t know how much, and I certainly didn’t plan on ever getting to see him again, but that no longer mattered. All that mattered was that he loved me, even if it was only for that one night.
Chapter 18
Sasha
I felt a sudden twinge of nausea when I rose from the table and I looked accusingly around the coffee shop. I had been smelling the breakfast of the person sitting at another table a few rows away, and I couldn’t believe they were having scrambled eggs at this time in the morning. Of course, the fact that it bothered me so much did strike me as somewhat odd—it wasn’t like me to be so offended by what someone chose to have for their meal, but today, it was overwhelming.
They took another bite of their eggs, and I thought I was going to be sick, so I rushed to the bathroom. I hated vomiting, but with how unsettled my stomach had been the past few mornings, I didn’t think I would be able to help it.
After flushing the toilet, I took a minute to sit down and gather my thoughts. I had never been one to really think much about my cycle. Of course, I took the pill—though I had to admit I wasn’t as on top of it as I should have been. I quickly ran through my mental calendar, trying to remember the last time my period had come.
Suddenly, it struck me—I was more than two weeks late. I had been so wrapped up with what had happened with Antonio, followed by getting back into the groove of my job that I had lost track, and I had a sickening feeling in my stomach because of it.
Grabbing my things, I hurried out of the coffee shop, heading for the nearest store. The longer I thought about it, the more convinced I was there was something amiss. And I was right.
I looked down at the double bars on the stick and sighed before letting my hand fall to my leg. My mother had always told me to test a couple of times to make sure that I was getting the right result, but I didn’t need to. I could test ten more times or even a hundred more times. It didn’t matter how often I tested, the facts were the facts. I was pregnant, and Antonio was the father.
I swore under my breath as I looked around the bathroom stall. Of course I wasn’t going to find the answer written on the walls, but there was little to offer me any real comfort. I couldn’t have a child. Not right now. I had a career, a life that I was living. If I was going to have a child, I was going to have to say goodbye to my job first and foremost. There would simply be no way I could work around daycare and childcare if I were to continue to do this.
I’d have to say goodbye to my house. Though I had thought it a good rule that there were no children in the building when I moved in, now that I was faced with this, I was going to have to find somewhere else to live—somewhere that was a lot more kid-friendly than my current situation.
I was going to have to say goodbye to my selfish schedule and doing what I wanted when I wanted with whom I wanted. I was going to have to say goodbye to the life I was used to living, and say hello to a new life I wasn’t sure I was ready for.
This would be a lot different if I had a husband, or even a boyfriend for that matter! What on earth was I thinking? Now I’m going to have to tell him. I’m going to have to tell him! I can’t do this on my own, and I don’t care what he wants to do about it.
The thoughts were running through my mind at an alarming pace, and I could barely keep up with them. I was doing my best to string things together logically, but it seemed the more I chased down one thought, the less it would make sense and the more other thoughts would tear through my mind at a terrifying speed.
I took a deep breath in and let it out again slowly. If I was going to make sense of this, I was going to have to think about it rationally, which meant I was going to have to forget my plans in life and think about how I was going to take care of a child. Sure, I knew Antonio would very likely have little interest in being a part of the child’s life, or even knowing if the child was a boy or girl for that matter, but I wasn’t going to be the only one financially responsible for this baby.
He was right there with me that night, and he had the money. I told myself that he would be happy to pay for at least some of the expenses that went with having a child, if he only knew that he was going to be a father. I rolled up the test in a section of toilet paper and slipped it into my purse. Stepping out of the bathroom stall, I glanced around at the other women who were checking their makeup in the mirrors and washing their hands.
I did my best to appear casual and nonchalant as I also washed my hands, but it was difficult. I had so many thoughts running through my mind, and all I really wanted was the assurance that it was going to be okay. Facing the future now seemed ominous and overbearing. If I was going to make it, I would have to have some sort of support and that was going to have to come from the man who was partly responsible for this situation.
I had to get a hold of Antonio.
I feverishly looked through my phone’s contacts for his number. I had nearly deleted it so many times, but a small part of me clung onto the last remaining connection I had to him, and I was relieved that I still had a means of getting in touch with him.
I selected his number and pressed the phone to my ear, breathing a sigh of relief as the phone began to ring. I could feel my heart beating in my chest as I listened, and I carefully formulated in my mind what I was going to say. I didn’t want to sound too upset, for fear he was going to think it was some sort of trick.
On the other hand, I didn’t want to sound nonchalant about the situation, either. This was a big deal, and no matter how much he was going to be involved with the child, I would be facing an entirely new life now.
When the call suddenly disconnected, I looked at it in surprise
. Breathing a sigh of frustration, I dialed again, only to have the same thing happen once more. I swore as I threw my phone across the room, not caring that it hit the wall and fell to the floor with a thud. I buried my face in my hands and took a deep breath in before letting it out again slowly.
His number was disconnected. Try as I might, I wasn’t going to be able to give him the news over the phone. I was going to have to do it through another way—I was going to have to go back to San Peluzzi.
I slid into a chair and thought about the prospect. I had the money, and I certainly could take the time off work if I was so inclined. But there was a catch. It was going to cost a lot, and it was going to require that I put my life on hold once more in order to make it happen. It wasn’t something that I could do on a whim, it was going to be something I would have to commit to.
I looked down at my belly and sighed. The changes that were going to happen were going to happen whether I wanted them to or not, and now I was left dealing with the consequences. If I was going to get the help that I knew I was going to need with this child, I was going to have to go to the one person who could help me, and that was Antonio.
The familiar feelings of anger and not wishing to see him again rose up in my chest, but I was quick to dismiss them. There was something more important on the table now—something I couldn’t ignore.
Like it or not, Antonio and I were going to have one thing in common forever.
We were going to be parents.
Chapter 19
Antonio
“Very good. That should do it, then. I don’t much care for what kind of flowers we choose—I just need something that will work for the ceremony!”
I hung up the phone before the clerk had a chance to say anything else, and in frustration I slammed it down on the table. I hadn’t spent any time at all helping with the planning of the previous wedding, and I now saw how much work it really was.
I hadn’t spoken with Sophia since she had stood me up at the altar, and I didn’t want to. The last thing I needed to hear from her was an apology. If she was really sorry, she could have at least said or done something that showed she was. Instead, she left me standing up there like a fool in front of everyone, including my parents.
I was frustrated planning this second wedding as well. The last thing that I wanted right now was to get married, and these feelings were heightened after what had happened the last time I tried. There was nothing appealing about the concept of finding a woman to spend my life with, especially since it was because of Mother and Father that I was in this situation in the first place.
I had gone to them immediately following the wedding, begging them to reconsider and give me a chance at the throne without having a queen. But my father was adamant that if I was going to be fit for leadership, I was going to have to have that support behind me, no matter how little I wanted it to be there. The fact of the matter was that I didn’t want it to be there at all, not in the least, but I did want the throne more than anything, and I was willing to do a lot to ensure that I got it.
Arabella, my new fiancée, had been largely responsible for the wedding planning, and I had been happy to let her do it. She was a beautiful Dutch girl whom my parents begrudgingly approved of, and I had taken her as a replacement for Sophia. It didn’t matter to me whether it was Sophia or Arabella—neither one of them made me feel a thing.
I spent much of my life numb. I didn’t think, and I did as little feeling as possible. The only thing that mattered to me was that I was going to be king of this country. That would be my lot in life, and that would be what mattered.
“Excuse me, sir?” A voice came from behind, and I whirled around, visibly irritated that anyone would dare to disturb me. Moretti stood in the doorway looking concerned, and I took a quick breath in and let it out slowly.
“What is it?” I asked coldly, and he held up a piece of paper in his hand. My heart sank as I suspected it to be something from one of my parents, but at the same time, there was a feeling of hope that they might have come to their senses and were going to release me from this ultimatum. I would have been happy to break it off with Arabella and tell her that I wished her all the best in life.
Perhaps my heart was meant to be alone in life. Perhaps it was one of those situations in which I had found love and let it pass, too scared to make anything of it, and too much of a wuss to act upon it.
Moretti cleared his throat and stepped inside the room.
“I hate to interrupt, Your Highness, but you should know that there is an American woman who has been trying to get a hold of you. I have been informed she has called looking for you nearly thirty times in the past ten days, and they are getting rather tired of dealing with her down in your office.” Moretti spoke as though he, too, were tired of what he had been hearing, but once he’d shared the news, he rose and waited for me to give him his orders.
Immediately, I knew it had to be Sasha. I didn’t know what she could possibly want, but I could only imagine she must have seen that I was engaged once more, and she was going to sink her claws into my life again. She was, no doubt, angry that I had become engaged again so quickly, but this time I didn’t care. All I cared about was that I was going to get the throne, and I didn’t want to have her or anyone else’s opinion standing in my way.
“Tell them that she is the very reason I changed my number in the first place! I don’t want to have anything to do with her, not now, and certainly not in the future! I don’t care what you tell them to do down in the office, but make sure they know that I’m not going to be taking any of her messages, nor am I going to care to see her should she decide to come back,” I ranted as I walked back and forth.
I could sense Moretti’s eyes on me as I paced, but I wasn’t concerned with his thoughts. I had already gone through one failed wedding. The last thing I wanted was to have to deal with another. Not now, not when I was so close to achieving my dreams.
Moretti stood for a moment, as though he were trying to decide the best answer. At last, he gave a curt nod and turned on his heel, and it was clear he didn’t agree with what I had to say. I wondered if he happened to know more about the situation than he was letting on, but I quickly dismissed the thought.
As soon as the door closed behind him, I felt my mind begin to wander. I couldn’t help but remember the night I had stolen with Sasha before she had gone. It was the last real time I had gotten to spend with her, and I regretted that things had taken a turn. Sure, she had told me what she thought of me before she left, but I had never gotten the chance to tell her how I really felt about things—about her.
About us.
There was a pain in my chest as I turned and walked toward the window on the other side of the room. I had looked out that window so many times, watching the sea lap against the beach and get swirled back into the waves of the ocean. Often in the past when I’d done this, I’d thought about what it would be like to live life wild and unpredictably. I’d thought about how I would do what I wanted to do and not worry about what would happen.
At the time, I had always thought that meant that I could party my life away—sleeping with who I wanted to sleep with and going where I wanted to go. Drinking what I wanted to drink and smoking what I wanted to smoke. I had lived the life of a lazy party boy, and I had thought that I was enjoying every second of it. But, if there was one thing the past few months had shown me, it was that life was fleeting, and it was bound to take a new turn at any moment.
I clasped my hands behind my back as I looked out the window, drawing in a deep breath. I looked around the room. This was where Sasha had come that night. She had walked through that very door, looking almost like an angel in that little dress she flaunted.
She had looked incredible as she walked up to me, and the moment that our lips met was still one of my most incredible moments in life. All I could think about was the way she had smelled so fresh and clean, the way she had held me when I had her pressed up against me, and the
way it had felt when I had put myself inside her.
It was as though I was home—there was nothing that I felt I couldn’t accomplish, nothing that held me back. I felt as though I were on top of the world, and there was nothing that could stand in my way. When I had looked down into her eyes as I made love to her, the way she moved beneath my body, the way she locked eyes with mine, completely unafraid of what we were doing or what was coming next.
At that moment, I had felt that I could take on the world. If I had her, I would be able to accomplish anything—anything. I felt a tug in the back of my mind, and I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. Why had I told her that I was going to go through with my marriage to Sophia? Why had I thought that I was going to?
Why had I believed that Sophia was a better option than Sasha? It didn’t seem to matter how I spun the situation around in my mind—the more I thought about it, the less sense it made, even to me.
For a fleeting moment, I wondered what would happen if I acted on the impulse. If I were to suddenly toss aside my life and contact this girl from across the ocean and tell her just what I thought about her. I wondered what she wanted, why she was trying to contact me, and I wondered—what if I was actually willing to give up on the life I thought I’d always wanted to be with her?
It was true, never before had I felt the connection with anyone that I had felt with her, and for the brief time that I had known her, I had known what it was like to be happy.
I shook my head. I wasn’t going to think about this any longer, and I certainly wasn’t going to trouble my mind with the what-ifs that kept coming forth. If I was going to be king, I was going to have to marry someone who my parents would be happy with me marrying. In order for that to happen, I was going to have to select someone from royal blood.
Protect Me - A Steamy Bodyguard Romance (You Can't Resist a Bad Boy Book 5) Page 85
