by Renee Ryan
Had her sister explained her actions to Reese? Callie’s gaze sought his. He wasn’t looking at her. He was too busy smiling at something Miss Evans said.
Sniffing in irritation, she swung her gaze back to her partner.
Another gleam of sympathy sparked in Mr. Bennett’s eyes. “Do not despair, my dear. My son can be slow on the uptake, but he’s a very smart man. He will come around, given time.”
Did she want Reese to come around?
No, she wanted him to love her without reservation. She wanted him to give her his heart freely. She wanted him to ask her to marry him without having to “come around” to the idea after the elimination of other potential brides.
If Reese continued to hold on to his determination not to love again, they could never be happy together. One, or both of them, would grow to resent the other.
Hopelessness filled her very bones, but Callie refused to allow her misery to show on her face.
“Have faith, Miss Mitchell.” Mr. Bennett gave her another kind smile. “The Lord has the particulars of your future already worked out. When the time is right, you and Reese will find your way to happiness.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“I have prayed on the matter.”
“You...have prayed for Reese and me?”
“I have, and I’m fully confident all will turn out well.” The waltz ended. Mr. Bennett stepped back and dropped his hands to his sides. “Smile, Miss Mitchell. Here comes my son to claim the next dance.”
The moment after she thanked him for his kindness, she was swept into strong arms and spun in time to the strains of yet another waltz. It was a glorious moment, one she never wanted to end.
Callie let the music pour over her as Reese skillfully guided her across the floor. Clutching breathlessly at his broad shoulders, she gazed into his eyes and simply allowed herself to enjoy this time with him.
He smiled down at her with a look of admiration, affection and something else. Something she didn’t dare name.
Dimly, she heard someone mention how wonderful they looked together. Was the comment directed at her and Reese?
“You look happy.” His deep voice was like a soft, warm caress across her cheek.
“I am. Oh, Reese.” She opened her eyes and smiled up at him. “At this moment, here in your arms, I am very, very happy.”
“You’re beautiful, Callie. You take my breath away.” He spoke the words reverently, with a look in his eyes that denoted deep emotion, the kind that would endure a lifetime. But was it love he felt for her? Or something closer to affection?
He pulled her close. “Before the night is over,” he said near her ear, “I wish to speak with you alone.”
Oh, my. She experienced a small flutter of anticipation. “What’s stopping us from finding a private spot now?”
“What, indeed?” He spun her to the edge of the dance floor and released his hold. His eyes were filled with a question, and just the barest hint of nerves.
He’d never been more attractive to her than in that moment.
He took her hand.
She let him lead her out of the ballroom, through the attached drawing room and, eventually, into the main corridor. “Where are you taking me?”
“To the place where my bride search officially began and where I hope—” he smiled over at her “—it shall end.”
The sweet pain of hope filled her heart. And she knew in that moment that not only did she adore this man, but she would also love him with all her heart for the rest of her life.
He stopped outside the blue parlor and peered inside. “Excellent. No one here but us.” He pulled her into the room with him and shut the door behind them. “At last, I have you all to myself.”
This was it, Callie realized. He was going to propose.
But would she say yes?
* * *
Now that he had Callie alone, Reese felt a roll of apprehension slide along the base of his spine. He’d planned for this moment. Had carefully considered the exact words he would use.
He wanted Callie for his wife—no one else would do—but he was no longer sure how to introduce the subject of marriage. His proposal would be something he and Callie would retell over and over again, sharing the particulars with their family and friends, their children and grandchildren.
The list.
He should start with the bride list he’d tucked in his jacket before leaving his house earlier this evening.
He reached his hand inside the pocket. At the same moment, Callie turned to face him fully, and he balked at the look of vulnerability he saw in her gaze. “Will you tell me what you and Fanny discussed during your dance?”
Of course she would want to know. Moreover, she deserved to know.
He thought back over his conversation with her sister—it seemed a lifetime ago—and chose to give Callie a brief summary rather than a word-for-word retelling. “She explained why she showed up here tonight without warning.”
“I think I can hazard a guess.”
He lifted a brow.
“She decided it would be best to confront as many people as possible rather than suffer endless individual meetings over the coming weeks.”
“You know your sister well.”
She continued staring up at him. “Was that all you discussed?”
“Mostly that. We also both agreed we should have never become engaged.”
“But, Reese, you were engaged.” She sat on a nearby settee, her posture still and erect. “We both know you would have married Fanny had she not begged off.”
Refusing to begin their life together with a lie, he made no attempt to disagree. “I won’t deny that I once thought your sister and I would suit. We were well-matched in many ways.”
Callie lowered her head. “Yes, you were.”
He came to stand next to her. She didn’t look at him, but kept gazing down at her slippered toes. “That’s not to say I would have been happily married to her.”
“You once told me companionship in marriage was more important than happiness.”
“I was wrong. Callie, because of you, because of our time together, I can no longer settle for a comfortable marriage with a suitable bride.”
She lifted her head, hope shining in her gaze. “Truly?”
“I want more.”
He wanted the dream he’d only glimpsed in his youth. A dream lost to him in a split-second riding accident.
Now that he’d put the past behind him, and the grief, Reese wanted something different for his future, something new and real and lasting. A deep, abiding relationship. With Callie, only her, no one else would do.
“The woman who meets these requirements is the one I hope to marry.”
He retrieved his most recent bride list and thrust it toward her with a surprisingly shaky hand.
She drew back from the paper as if it was a poisonous viper.
“Go on, take it.” When she continued to recoil, he placed the list gently in her hand. “Once you read what I’ve written, I believe you’ll understand everything.”
He hoped.
For the first time in years, he lifted up a prayer to the Lord. Please, Lord, let her see the contents of my heart in the list I’ve created.
“Oh, Reese, I can’t go through this with you anymore.” She spoke in a quiet, even voice that sent a chill up his spine. “I just can’t.”
She attempted to return the paper to him, unread. He clasped his hands behind his back. “Read the list, Callie.”
She blew out a breath.
“Please.”
Some of his desperation must have sounded in his voice, because she lowered her head and began to scan the paper in silence.
He waited as she perused the front of
the page. Over half of the thirty-seven items were written there. The rest were on the back.
Some of his requirements were intentionally vague. She should sing hymns in church with a clear, bold voice. Others were incredibly specific. She must have blond hair, green eyes and have worked as Beatrix Singletary’s companion for at least two months.
For levity, he’d even included a few items that bordered on the silly, yet would hopefully mean something to Callie. Items such as her name must begin with the letter C. And...she must be prepared to battle with toy soldiers on a weekly basis.
Eyebrows scrunched in concentration, she flipped over the page.
When her lips pressed into a grim line, Reese felt the first stirrings of concern. Callie should be smiling by now. Surely, she recognized that he’d made the list with her in mind.
He held his breath, fighting an urge to rush her.
Finally, she set the paper on her lap and lifted her head.
What he saw in her eyes made his throat burn. Her gaze was completely closed off. She looked numb, hurt.
Somehow he’d injured her.
“Did you read item number thirty-seven?” That had been the most specific of the bunch. She must be Callie Anne Mitchell, no other woman will do for me.
“I did.” Her voice was hollow and distant and so full of pain he felt a similar sensation strike at his own heart.
Panic tightened in his chest. “Have you nothing else to say?”
She looked down again, read the last line aloud in a flat, pained tone that spoke of heartbreak. He felt something rip inside him.
Sighing, she lifted her head. “Tell me why you want to marry me, Reese.”
Her question confused him. “It’s right there, on the paper, all thirty-seven reasons. What more do you want me to say?”
She flinched as if he’d slapped her. “I need you to tell me why I should marry you, in your own words.”
“Those are my own words.”
When she didn’t respond, he realized he’d made a mistake. Somehow he’d botched this and yet he couldn’t pinpoint exactly how.
The silence between them grew. His heart lurched as he watched her eyes fill with tears.
He dropped in front of her and placed his palms flat on her knees.
“Don’t cry, Callie.” He took her hands and drew them to his lips. “Please, don’t cry. I want you for my bride. Only you. There is no other woman for me. I will never want anyone but you.”
Her wet, spiky lashes blinked at him. The sadness was still there in her gaze. Why was she still sad?
He rose, dragged her into his arms and kissed her on the mouth. After a moment, he pulled slightly away, looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Callie Anne Mitchell, will you marry me?”
“Oh, Reese. I’ve been waiting to hear those words for a very long time.” She laid her head on his shoulder and whispered into his coat, “I love you.”
His heart soared.
Then dipped. Something was wrong. Callie wasn’t saying yes to his proposal. She was crying again. He could feel the tension thrumming through her.
She stepped out of his arms, lifted her chin and, after snuffling a little, placed steel in her spine. “Do you love me, too, Reese?”
For a moment he stood staring at her, speechless. Most of him wanted to answer yes. Of course I love you, his heart whispered.
He loved her more than he thought himself capable. But one small, stubborn part of him couldn’t push out the words.
For an alarming moment, he was frozen between past and present, his very future at stake. And still, he couldn’t seem to make his mouth work properly.
Callie’s lower lip trembled. “Your hesitation is answer enough.”
He reached for her, but she spun away from him and hurried out of the room.
Following hard on her heels, he called after her. “Callie, don’t go. I love you. I—”
She couldn’t hear him. She was already halfway down the corridor, slipping around the corner. He followed after her, but he was too far behind. She’d disappeared into the crowd before he could call to her again.
His heart turned to ice. His mind reeled. He knew this feeling. This is what grief feels like. This is the agony that comes with loss.
No different than a death.
He’d vowed never to experience this type of pain a second time in his life, only to have it become his reality once again.
Throat thick, Reese stared at the sea of bobbing heads, wondering how he would convince Callie he loved her with all his soul.
It wasn’t going to be easy, but convince her he would. He couldn’t lose Callie. He’d do whatever it took to keep her in his life forever. But he would not give her another list. No. More. Lists. He would win her over with words spoken from the deepest depths of his heart.
He prayed it would be enough. It had to be enough.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Still dressed in her ball gown, Callie lay on her bed, blinking up at the ornate, perfectly square ceiling tiles overhead. Tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes. She let them come, let them spill freely.
Let them blur her vision.
She was so tired. So scared and confused. Reese loved her. He had to love her. All the signs were in the list she held clutched against her heart. She had no doubt he’d put considerable thought into each and every item. She even understood what he’d been trying to tell her. The dear, sweet, wonderful man.
His marriage proposal had been simple, the exact words she’d dreamed of hearing from him. But there was still no guarantee he would give her his heart completely.
Without his full commitment to her, their life together would be nothing more than an empty shell of unrealized possibilities.
Why couldn’t Reese embrace the gift they’d been given, a deep, abiding love that was meant to last forever?
Rolling onto her side, Callie crumpled the list tightly in her hand and continued to cry. Dawn’s gray light cast its gloomy hue over the room. The quiet was unearthly, especially after the crushing din of the party that had only just concluded an hour ago.
Callie was going to lose Reese. The prospect was so awful that she squeezed her eyes tightly shut and begged the Lord for relief from the pain in her heart. All she wanted was for Reese to admit he loved her. Why couldn’t he say three simple words? I love you.
Perhaps she was asking too much of him. Perhaps he’d expressed his feelings in the only way he knew how, in a list of thirty-seven requirements that only she could meet.
“Callie?” A light scratching came from the other side of her door. “Are you in there?”
She pressed her face into her pillow.
The knocking increased, growing louder with each blow of fist to wood.
“Go away, Fanny.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that.” The door creaked on its hinges. Light footsteps sounded on the wood floor. And then, her sister stood next to the bed.
Callie rolled to her other side. “I don’t wish to speak with you right now.”
“But you’re crying.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’ve never lied to me before, Cal, don’t start now.”
At the disapproval she heard in her sister’s voice, something inside Callie snapped. “Go. Away. Fanny.” She swiped at her eyes. “It’s an easy enough request for you to follow. You’re good at leaving.”
As soon as she said the words, she regretted them. But before she could offer an apology, Fanny laughed softly. “A valiant effort, but you won’t run me off that easily.”
Callie swiveled her head to meet her sister’s gaze. “I didn’t mean to criticize you for leaving town.”
“Yes, you did.” Fanny smiled affectionately down at her. “I can’t say I blame yo
u.”
“You did what you thought was best at the time.”
“Very true.” Fanny came around to the other side of the bed and sat down beside Callie. “But that doesn’t take away the fact that I was impossible to live with during those initial days following my broken engagement.”
“You weren’t that bad.”
“Oh, I was. I was surly, short-tempered, about as inflexible as a wood plank. I only thought of myself. When I made my plans to leave Denver, escape was all I cared about. I know that’s no excuse for my behavior, but I couldn’t stand the gossip another day, or—” she gave Callie a meaningful gaze “—the censure.”
“You mean the censure from me.”
“I mean from everyone. You. Garrett. Even our parents.” Fanny twisted around and stretched out on the bed beside her. “I knew I was letting everyone down, but there was nothing I could say, no explanation I could express that seemed to satisfy any of you.”
Callie squeezed her sister’s hand. “I’m sorry I was so hard on you.”
“I understand why you were.” Fanny turned her head. “You thought I was making a mistake, the biggest of my life.”
Callie frowned at the memory of that difficult time. She’d said a lot of things to her sister, all of them true, none of them tactful. Looking back, she wished she would have spoken with more grace, less disapproval.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I could have chosen my words better.”
“Apology accepted.”
They fell silent, each staring up at the ceiling.
“Callie, do you still believe all the things you said about Reese?”
“I—” She cut off the rest of her words and considered the question seriously, trying to remember exactly what she’d said about Reese back then. The same she would say about him now. “Yes, I believe he’s a good man, decent and loyal, the best I’ve ever known.”
“You’re in love with him.”
She kept her gaze focused on the ceiling. “I am.”
