“I’ll try.” Lizzy had no idea what he might ask but figured it was only fair.
“What do you want for your future?”
“We already discussed that. I don’t have an answer for you.”
“But you have decided you don’t want to stay with the show, so you know at least that much.” He cocked his head slightly. “If you left the show, what would you do?”
“Pick up with my life at the ranch.”
“And you like living on a ranch in the middle of nowhere?”
Lizzy laughed. “Who says it’s in the middle of nowhere?”
“Your father, for one. Your uncle, for another.”
“You knew my father?”
“Of course. He and your uncle visited my parents at their New York house several times. When they did, I was also there.” He chuckled. “Your father said the ranch was perfectly situated in the middle of absolutely nothing.”
Lizzy smiled. “I remember him saying that.”
“Well, given where you grew up, I would think you’d enjoy experiencing some different places before you settle down to one.”
“I’ve experienced a great many places with the show. We’ve been to every corner of the United States and most every state in between.”
“But that’s just in passing. You should try staying for a time—living in one of the larger cities like London or even New York before deciding to lock yourself away on a ranch in Montana.”
“I suppose it could be interesting to try, but my heart is in Montana.”
“Is there someone special there who holds it?”
Lizzy grew uncomfortable at his prying. She got to her feet. “I’m afraid, Mr. Adler, that I’m more worn out than I realized. If you’ll excuse me.”
She left without waiting for his response. He was so refined and well-mannered that she knew he’d never demand she stay.
Many of the performers were starting to arrive for the evening meal, and Lizzy had no desire for company. Mother caught her attention and held up a plate. Whether it was for Lizzy or Ella, she didn’t know, but Lizzy nodded and walked over to her.
“I thought you might want to take this with you back to our car,” Mother said without hesitation. “I knew you would be much too tired to stay here.”
“Thank you. I’m exhausted.”
“Oh, I nearly forgot. One of the local businesses brought us root beers. I put several in the icebox in our car.”
The idea of a cold root beer appealed very much to Lizzy. “Thank you. I think that will make my night complete.” She took the plate and headed to the door that connected to the family car.
Jason stood just outside Uncle Oliver’s office, watching her. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”
Lizzy shook her head and tightened her grip on the plate. “You didn’t. I’m just overly tired. Good night.”
He opened the door for her, but Lizzy didn’t acknowledge the gesture. She had to get away from him. She had to get away from all of them and sort through her thoughts.
She passed between the cars, carefully managing the door to the family’s private refuge. Once she was inside, Lizzy let out her breath. She hadn’t even realized she’d been holding it.
Why had Jason’s questions bothered her so much? The last thing she wanted was to explain herself or the past to him. Perhaps that was all it was. Then again, perhaps it was because his questions were the very ones for which she had no answers. Hearing them aloud only served to drive home the point that she was completely uncertain about her future.
She glanced down at the plate in her hands and thought of Ella. She went to her tiny cabin and knocked before opening the door a crack. “I have some food.”
“Come in.”
Lizzy left the door open to allow the light inside. Ella had to be careful about even lighting a candle for fear someone might see the light glowing under her door or from her shaded window.
“We always have food after a performance, and it’s always delicious. Mother has been cooking up a storm. There’s a tidy little kitchen at one end of the female performers’ sleeping car, and she makes some of the most amazing things.” Lizzy sat on the edge of the berth and set the plate on the mattress between them. “There are all sorts of cookies and melted cheese toasts and little biscuits baked with sausages in them. Oh, and there’s cold root beer in our icebox.”
“Yes, she told me about that and brought me one.” Ella held up the bottle. “I was supposed to tell you in case she forgot.”
“I’m going to have one myself,” Lizzy said, then sighed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, really.” Lizzy shook her head and smiled. “Mr. Adler was just asking me a lot of questions. Personal questions that I had no answers for.”
“I think he likes you very much,” Ella said. “Perhaps he wants to court you.”
“I’m afraid you may be right.”
“Is that such a terrible thing? He seems nice and he’s very pleasant to look at. Falling in love might be a nice change of pace.”
“True enough, but I’m not interested in falling in love.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
The question was asked innocently enough, but it felt as if Ella had punched Lizzy in the stomach. Why did everyone want to know the intimate details of her heart? Why did people she barely knew feel they were entitled to ask such questions, much less receive an answer?
The look on Lizzy’s face must have revealed her feelings. “Please forgive me,” Ella began. “I didn’t mean to pry. It’s far too personal a question, and I meant no disrespect.”
“I know that, but . . .” She let the words trail off as she considered Ella. There was no harm in confiding in her. Ella had, after all, confided in Lizzy. So much so that her very freedom depended on being able to trust Lizzy. Lizzy picked up a piece of toast. “I have been in love. Unfortunately, I think I still am.”
“Why unfortunately?” Ella clapped a hand over her mouth.
“It’s all right. I don’t mind talking to you. There’s this guy back home. He’s the ranch foreman, so you’ll meet him.”
Ella lowered her hand. “And you love him?”
Lizzy toyed with the toast. “I do. I’ve loved him since I was just a girl and he was a young cowboy working for my grandfather. He’s always just seen me as his little sister, though.”
“Well, what have you done to help him see you otherwise?”
Lizzy considered that for a moment. “I told him I loved him, but he married another woman.”
“Oh, how awful. Especially since you still love him.”
Lizzy shook her head. “When he married, I was determined to never think of him again. I did pretty well at it. I focused on the show and avoided him as best I could. I thought I was getting over him, but then his wife died a couple years back, and I realized I’d never stopped loving him. I know that sounds awful. I would never have done anything to interfere in his marriage. And I swear I didn’t covet him while he was wed to another.”
“I believe you,” Ella replied.
“I begged God to take away my feelings for him.”
“But now he’s single again, and you still love him.” Ella looked at Lizzy. “What are you going to do about it?”
Lizzy got to her feet and shrugged. “Nothing. I have no desire to marry him or anyone else.”
Ella tossed and turned in her sleep. She dreamed she was running through a thick forest of trees. It was dark and cold, and she couldn’t see. She didn’t know what she was running to or from, but the sense of dread and overwhelming danger hung all around her.
She thought she saw a light just ahead and rushed from the trees toward what would hopefully be sanctuary. An old but pleasant-looking house appeared, and from it spilled welcoming light. Her legs felt like lead as she moved toward the refuge. But when she was within a few feet of safety, Jefferson appeared from the shadows.
“Where are you going, my dear?”
Ella sto
pped and backed away. Her legs were just as heavy in retreat as they had been in her desperation to reach the house. “Stay away from me.”
Jefferson laughed. “You’re my wife, Ella. You should know better than to try to leave me.”
“You killed the wrangler,” she accused.
He laughed all the more. “He saw too much.”
“What? What did he see?” She glanced over her shoulder and found herself on the edge of a cliff. Below was nothing but blackness. In front of her, Jefferson continued his advance.
“It doesn’t matter what he saw. He’s dead. You don’t want to join him, do you?”
She looked once again at the abyss. “If it means you can never touch me or hurt me, then yes.”
She turned and stepped off the edge, feeling herself falling and falling. Jefferson’s laughter echoed all around her.
Ella awoke with a start. Darkness engulfed the room, and for a moment she couldn’t remember where she was. Then she felt the rocking movement. The Brookstone train car. She was running away, with no idea where she would end up.
She really had stepped into the abyss.
nine
Things in Kansas City were bad from the beginning. The show was well attended, as it was a side entertainment to the large American Royal show given each year. Lizzy generally enjoyed getting to be around other horse and cattle people, but the large show tent had issues with their electricity, and several surges caused bulbs to explode, startling the horses and performers. Not only that, but tent performances always required altering the tricks in order to avoid ropes and stakes and tent poles.
Uncle Oliver was also not himself. Lizzy smelled alcohol on his breath prior to the first act. Mother had mentioned that he’d taken to drinking quite heavily at night before bed. After Father’s death, he’d moved out of the family car and set up with the other men in the men’s sleeping car. Mother felt certain he had not done it out of propriety, as he stated, but rather so that he might be able to drink without being observed by the womenfolk. They both figured it was his way of dealing with his grief over the loss of his brother. However, he’d never before compromised the show in such a way.
Thankfully, the performances were awe-inspiring enough that the people didn’t seem to mind the emcee slurring his words and weaving a bit on his feet. But Lizzy was gravely concerned, and that took her focus away from the act, and she banged her face against her saddle during one of her maneuvers. She had momentarily seen stars and wasn’t sure that it hadn’t loosened a molar or two. But the show had to go on, and she pushed through the pain and finished her trick.
Thoreau seemed annoyed by the problems and people. It was as if he sensed Lizzy’s anxiety, and their timing and responses to each other were just not what they needed to be. To add further frustration to an already trying evening, a fall thunderstorm came up during the last quarter of the show, setting everyone’s nerves on edge. Thankfully it was short-lived and not much more than a brief rainstorm with sporadic lightning and thunder. Nevertheless, it made the horses fretful.
“I’m so glad this night is done. And glad this tour is done,” Lizzy said, handing Thoreau over to Thomas. She stroked Throeau’s head. He was still pretty worked up. “You did a good job, boy. It wasn’t your fault that I was out of step.” She hugged the animal’s neck, then turned to Thomas. “You might need to walk him extra, Thomas.”
“I’ll take the long way down to the big pen. It’s quieter there, and he’ll calm down soon enough.”
“Looks like it rained enough to make things muddy,” Lizzy commented as she caught sight of some water puddles.
“Yeah, we had a gulley washer there for a few minutes, but the storm moved through so fast, there wasn’t much time to worry about it. Even though it’s muddy, I think the animals have been glad for the freedom of the pen rather than bein’ cooped up in their stalls.”
“I’m sure you’re right.” She gave Thoreau one more stroke. “I’ll be down later with their treats.”
It had been arranged to corral the animals in a large pen well away from the performance tent. The entire area was surrounded by stockyards, and a multitude of pens and people were everywhere. The stockyards in Kansas City moved millions of animals through the city each year, rivaled only by those in Chicago. This, coupled with the annual horse show, gave everything the feel of a three-ringed circus.
Even so, Lizzy knew it would do their animals good to have a couple of days out of the confines of their train stalls. Especially given that they would be headed to Montana afterward, and the trip would take several days, possibly longer if there were problems on the line. And it seemed there always were problems of some sort. Lizzy never liked to have the horses on the train for long hours, and when they planned the tour, they always scheduled stops along the way, like Fleming Farm, where they could take a day or two for the horses to rest and feed off natural pasture. Of course, here they would only have hay, but at least they wouldn’t be tightly confined.
“Miss Brookstone, I must say you performed exceptionally well,” Jason Adler said, coming to join her.
Lizzy rubbed her cheek. It was starting to throb. “Thank you.”
“Your uncle has called a meeting in the entertainment car. I told him I would make sure you knew about it and escort you there.”
A sigh escaped her lips. “Very well. I need some ice first.”
“Ice? Are you hurt?” He stood back, and his gaze traveled the full length of her body before coming back to rest on her face.
Lizzy placed a hand over her right cheek. “I hit it kind of hard, and it’s starting to hurt. I’m sure it’s just bruised, but I want some ice to stave off swelling.”
“I’ll arrange for it after I get you to the car. Are you certain you aren’t injured anywhere else?”
“No, I’m fine. I just—”
“Miss Brookstone!” A man with a derby hat and three-piece suit jumped in front of Lizzy. “I’ve never seen anyone like you. I was completely overwhelmed by your beauty and your talent. I’ve written you a poem.” He waved a piece of paper. “I’m dying of love for you!” Lizzy forgot about all about her cheek as the man fell to one knee, hat in hand. “Please say you’ll marry me. I can provide well for you. I have my own home—it’s small, but we’ll sell it and buy another. We’ll buy however big a house you want.”
“My good man, you will contain your enthusiasm and refrain from further embarrassment to yourself. Miss Brookstone is soon to be my wife,” Jason declared.
The man looked as though Jason had punched him in the face. For a moment, Lizzy wasn’t even sure he could breathe. He looked at her with a forlorn expression, then slowly got to his feet and put on his hat.
“I should have known someone as wonderful as you would already be promised.” He looked at Jason. “In another time, I might have called you out for a duel.” He shook his head and let his gaze travel back to Lizzy. “I shall live the rest of my life in the memory of this night and what might have been.” He folded the piece of paper and put it in his pocket. Lizzy wondered if he might use it on another ladylove at another time.
“Be off with you, sir, or I shall dispose of you myself.” Jason possessively took hold of Lizzy’s arm, and the man gave her one last look, then turned and walked away. By the slump of his shoulders, she felt certain he was completely heartbroken. She knew very well how that felt.
Jason led her toward their train cars. The stockyards in Kansas City had multiple rail lines, and their cars had been positioned at one of the farthest points. Lizzy was actually glad for Jason’s help navigating the yards, especially given there were a great many people—mostly men—milling about.
“Thank you for your help back there,” she murmured. She didn’t want to encourage him and intended to set him straight. “Although I can’t advocate lying.”
Jason chuckled. “Lying? Whatever are you talking about?”
“You know very well what I’m talking about. That part about me soon being your wif
e.” Lizzy stopped, forcing Jason to stop as well. “I’m not trying to play games with you, Mr. Adler. I’m not looking to marry anyone, and I don’t want you to have the wrong impression of me. I just lost my father, and my mother needs me at this time. I want to return to the ranch and heal from my loss. I hope you understand.”
She saw a look of regret cross his face. He nodded. “I apologize, Miss Brookstone. I was thoughtless and hope you will forgive me.”
Lizzy nodded. “Of course.”
“Friends?” he asked.
“Yes. I’m happy to be your friend.” She paused a moment, then looked up at him. “I wonder if you might be willing to do me a service?”
“Anything.” He smiled. “And I assure you there will be no strings attached to my response.”
“Thank you. It’s just that I’m worried about my uncle. He’s drinking—that much was obvious tonight. Mother says it’s due to his grief over Father. Since you’re working with him closely and in the same car with him at night, I wonder if you might try to keep him . . . from the alcohol.”
“It won’t be easy. Despite his own rules about the workers drinking, your uncle seems to have no trouble sneaking alcohol aboard. I will do whatever I can.”
“I know it’s not my business to tell my uncle what he can and can’t do, but I’m very worried about him. Mother is too. When he was younger, Uncle Oliver drank a lot. My father encouraged him to give it up, and he did. But now, with Father’s . . . well, it’s apparently more than he can stand.”
“I’ll try to be available to him, but I can hardly dictate rules to him.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it and know it will add comfort to his days.”
“Your father’s loss is no doubt deeply felt by all of you.” His words were sincere and his expression sympathetic. “I know it has to be very hard for you.”
Lizzy stiffened. “I get by. I have fond memories of my time with him, and I must go on for the sake of my mother. She needs me, and I want to be a comfort to her.”
When You Are Near Page 9
