by C. A. Harms
I start to argue with his breakdown, only he held up his hand to stop me.
“Your past is living in the now, meaning this.” He twisted his phone around so that I could see the screen, and I leaned in to get a closer look. The beer I’d drank soured in my stomach almost instantly when I saw a familiar smile. One I’ve dreamed of often, only lately those dreams lessened. Terrance had pulled up her Facebook, something I had forced myself to stop doing after realizing I was forcing myself to see her living a life I thought I would always be a part of.
“She’s moved on man,” Terrance added, only increasing my discomfort as he tapped his finger on one specific photo. Harley sat next to some guy, blond spiky hair and that pretty boy smile that seemed so unlike her type. She was curled in close, her head resting on his shoulder as his lips pressed against that fucking spot I considered my own, her temple.
She used to tell me that when I kissed her there it made her feel cherished and secure.
“I’m not saying you have to fall for a girl and spend forever with her.” He lowered his phone, yet I didn’t look away from his hand. “All I’m saying is that you need to let go of that hope and give yourself a chance to find someone else out there that may be able to fill that void. Seems unfair that you don’t even give anyone a chance.”
I wasn’t one to drink heavily; I was always just more of the casual drinker, but tonight felt like the type of night where I just needed more.
I knew Terrance was right. Hell, my own mom had told me to let go and live my life, only I couldn’t. I knew I was young. I knew that most don’t find the person they are going to love forever when they are twelve years old, but damn it, I felt like I had. How could I ever love someone more than I loved Harley?
It just seemed impossible.
***
“Get up.” The bed shifted beneath me and I immediately grabbed my head, trying my best to alleviate the ache. “Move it,” the same voice barked once more, making me wince in pain.
Opening one eye slowly, I peeked up to find my father, the man who raised me my entire life standing over me. He didn’t look very happy.
“I’ve got a headache.” I started to roll away from him to hide my eyes from the light now beaming through my bedroom. My dad nudged the bed once again, making it shift beneath me even more than the first time, and my stomach rolled from the movement.
“No. Your ass is hungover, and it’s time you realize that shit does not fix your problems. Now move it.”
I groaned, though I knew I was testing his patience. Reed was a good man, a good father. He stepped up and treated me like his own after the loss of my dad. He was my mother’s first love, much like Harley and me. They were best friends grown to lovers before life got in the way. I shivered at the thought, because damn it, they’re my parents, and the idea of what takes place when two love each other was still something I didn’t want to imagine them sharing. The point is they lost their way, my mother went off to school, met my dad, and then I came along.
But something tragic happened and we lost my dad the same day I was born. That day was bittersweet for my mother, I know, because she still gets teared up at the mention of all the things my dad has missed out on over the years. When she returned home, she and Reed reconnected, and we became one big happy family. He’s a great guy and his world revolves around us, his wife and his kids.
But he could also be a hard ass when needed, which brought me back to him waking up hungover me.
“You wanna go out, get drunk, and force me to pick your ass up at three in the morning, the—”
“Wait.” I rolled over and sat up, still squinting, because damn that sun was bright as shit. “Pick me up?”
“Yes, pick you up. What concerns me more is that by the look on your face you were too drunk to remember that part of your night, and that isn’t you, Rhett. What’s going on?”
For a long moment, I just stared up at my stepfather, the man I’d always looked up to. A blankness still lingered in my mind from the point where I saw Harley’s picture on Facebook until now.
“She’s dating someone,” I finally said and watched as the realization slowly took over. “It’s all over her Facebook page—her cuddled up to him, him kissing her, it’s all there. The thing is I think I already knew, but to see it makes it all so real. I can’t pretend now that it doesn’t exist.”
He watched me for a moment, that earlier anger slowly fading as he moved toward the bed and took a seat on the edge. We both sat silently, allowing it all to settle before he finally spoke.
“Do you know that when your mom left for college I went through something similar as you?” I’d heard the story a few times but never all the in-depth details. “I screwed up back then, being a dumbass kid and allowing my emotions and fears to get the best of me. To this day I still don’t forgive myself for the hell I put her through and the mistakes I made. Looking back, I don’t blame her for hating me during those years. But after she left I hit rock bottom, partying and feeling like my life was over.”
Yeah, I knew that feeling.
“It only got worse when I saw a picture of her with a guy, your father, on Maria’s phone. She was happy, Rhett, like real damn happy. I was left here knowing that I led her to him and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to change it. So, you know what I did?”
“No.” I didn’t think there was anything that would make this feel better.
“I got my head out of my ass and started living again. I worked hard, saved money, and bought Lucky’s. I also started my construction work on the side and started building a life for myself. Because even though that shit hurt more than anything else I’d ever experienced, I had to move forward for me. I had to face the life I was dealt, and if that meant letting her go, then that’s what I had to do.”
I got what he was saying; I just wasn’t sure I could do it.
“Harley’s a good girl and I know that you love her, but if it’s meant to be…” He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t have to, because I already knew how it ended.
Then we would find our way back to one another someday.
“Now back to this me picking your ass up drunk in the middle of the night thing.”
I allowed my head to rest back against the headboard, making a thump upon impact. Mistake, big mistake. I gripped my head once again, and my dad actually laughed at my obvious agony.
“You better get a move on and do something with the pain, because you and I have a date at the farm with Grandpa.” I opened one eye and peeked through my parted fingers. “And be prepared, ’cause he knows all about your night of drinking down by the lake. He’s prepared to work these lingering effects of alcohol right out of your system. But we all have the same question.”
“What’s that?”
“Why were you only wearing boxers and your socks when I showed up to get you?”
I lowered my hand and gave him a What the fuck? look.
“You don’t remember that part either, huh? Looks like your friends will have some good stories to share with you. That is, after you work off the booze still flowing through your veins by shoveling some horse shit.”
I was legally able to drink, but I got where he was coming from. Getting loaded was not me.
He walked out of my room chuckling, and I was left with a few unanswered questions lingering in my own mind. Oh, and this killer fucking headache that felt like a jackhammer behind my eyes.
Chapter Three
“You were the life of the party, man.” Terrance chuckled, holding his side. “I’m talking swinging from the branches of the tree like a monkey and landing in the lake. You did, however, have a friend that joined you.”
I looked up and questioned him with an arch of one brow.
“Don’t look at me,” he shook his head, “it was AJ.”
This can’t be good.
“She stepped up and babysat you even when you tried to refuse help. That girl kept you in line, and then when you realized she wasn’t there to k
ill your buzz, you let her help. Oh, and you did tell her over and over to stop trying to tame you.”
I hung my head as I listened to my best friend laugh his ass off only a few feet away.
“That girl is a saint I tell you. She took control and didn’t even blink when you started giving her shit.”
“Was I a dick?” The idea of being a jerk to her didn’t sit well with me. Hell, she didn’t deserve that.
“I wouldn’t say you were a dick, though you did ask if anyone wanted to see yours.” My mouth fell open and my stomach began to roll with an uneasy feeling. “I’m joking, man, but after you got out of the water and walked to shore, let’s just say you didn’t have to show anyone. Apparently alcohol also affects your ability to remain calm, so to speak.”
The story just got better and better. Not.
“You may want to consider having someone stitch the flap shut before you ever decide to go swimming in your boxers again.”
“Are you seriously telling me, right now, that my dick was hanging out of my underwear?”
“Well, not the whole thing.” Again, I hung my head, but this time it was to keep myself from shouting out a great big annoyed Fuck! to the entire locker room and our coaches. “AJ helped though.”
“I’m afraid to ask, but how exactly did AJ help me?”
“She tucked it back in.” He shrugged, and I groaned, silently promising myself that I would never get drunk again. “Dude, you look like you’re gonna puke. I’m teasing. She just stood in front of you with her back facing you and quietly directed you over her shoulder.”
“You’re an asshole.” I stood and yanked my shirt over my head before shoving my arms through. Terrance might be my best friend, but the guy could be a dill-weed sometimes too. I grabbed my things and quickly walked toward the exit with him trailing closely behind.
“Come on, man, I was just playing.” I could hear the humor in his voice. “I bet no one even noticed.”
The faster I walked the faster he trailed behind. I reached my truck with every intention of taking off before I had to listen to any more of his shit but froze the moment I rounded the front. There leaning against the side was AJ, her hair all bundled up in a high ponytail or bun, whatever the girls call that shit. Only there were half a dozen tendrils hanging down and around her face. There was this thing about AJ—she was beautiful without even trying.
When she saw me, she stood tall and turned to face me, a blush covering her cheeks. “Hi.” She barely whispered the word, and I could hear the nervousness lacing her voice. “I was just waiting around so that I could return this to you.” She held up the braided bracelet I’d worn for close to three years.
I immediately moved my hand, going to the place the bracelet usually set, feeling for it almost instinctually. How I didn’t notice it was missing until now was puzzling.
I reached out and she handed it to me, our fingers grazing during the exchange.
Harley had given me this bracelet; it was one that matched her own.
“You’re welcome.” Our eyes met once more, and she smiled sweetly. “Well, I’ll see ya around.”
As she stepped away, I suddenly found that I didn’t want her to go yet.
“AJ,” she turned and paused, gripping the strap of her purse tightly, “so after the other night, I feel like I owe you dinner at least.”
I was surprised to find the offer to take her out didn’t make me feel as uneasy as I thought. I was sure it was related to the idea that I didn’t have anyone standing around breathing down my neck. Once Terrance saw AJ waiting for me, he shifted his path and veered off toward his own vehicle, giving us a little alone time.
“You don’t owe me anything, Rhett,” she started to back away, “I was just being a friend.”
I wasn’t sure if I had just been friend-zoned, but it sure as shit felt like it. So, what did I do when she started walking away again?
I did nothing.
***
My cousin Mikey came home that day. We are family, not by blood but by the decision of our mothers alone; they were crazy like that. Two best friends who referred to one another as sisters had bonded us all together for life.
Today was a big celebration, considering he enlisted in the Army shortly after completing a couple of years of college. He said he wanted to see the world. After completing two tours, he’d decided not to reenlist but to come back home to Brooklet to work with his father, Gavin. That was until he finished his medical degree and became a doctor.
Mikey was a great guy who had one hell of a kick start to life. He lost both his biological parents, much like I lost my father. One horrific accident and you wake up with an entirely different life. The difference was I never knew my father, and he lived with both of his parents for twelve years prior to their deaths. After that, he spent some time in a boys’ home until Gavin and Maria ran across him and decided they couldn’t let him stay there. Not that it was a bad place or anything, but they wanted to give him a real home, give him the life he’d been robbed of.
We’d stayed in touch during his time away, and I was excited to have him return. I remember growing up with him around was like having an older brother. He’d taught me things I was sure I shouldn’t know long before I should’ve known them. He was the guy I turned to whenever I had a question I was too scared to ask my father.
My big crazy family had gathered at my grandparents’ farm because that always seemed to be the place we organized any type of family function. We were all waiting for his arrival, constantly checking our watches and staring off toward the end of the driveway, looking for his car to turn off the main road.
Gavin and his other son, Garrett, who was less than a year younger than my sister, Grace, had gone to pick him up from the airport, and the time seemed to drag by so slowly.
It was like Thanksgiving with all the food the ladies had made, but in Maria’s words, her son had gone long enough without a home-cooked meal. So, you name it, we had it; I was sure there would be enough to feed us for a couple of days to follow.
The guys—Grandpa, Reed, Colton, and Ben were all hovered over near the barn, steering clear of the women. Can’t say I blame them; they were running around like rabid animals, each barking orders and rearranging things with every new dish they added.
Grace, Maddison, and Chloe were off under the tree talking about whatever it is teenage girls talk about. Most likely boys, which for the moment I ignored. Last time I stuck my nose in Grace’s personal life, I took her bedroom door off the hinges and got hit in the head with a flying boot. Then when Mom got home she refused to give me back my phone until I put the door back on.
I’ll admit it—I was a twenty-one-year-old guy who was still terrified of his mother. That woman could get pretty vicious when needed, especially when I was upsetting Grace. My sister had both my parents believing she was this sweet little delicate gem. I believed, though, that my sister possessed that same kick-ass gene my mother had; she just hadn’t been forced to use it yet.
The popping of tires against the gravel gained my full attention as Gavin’s truck came up the drive. It slowed to a stop and I remained at a distance, allowing Maria, Colton, and Mikey’s grandmother to move forward. One by one they each greeted the man who had left here a boy.
Damn, he’d changed.
No longer was he that lanky kid with big dreams, but he was a man with broad shoulders and thick arms. His hair was buzzed in a short cut and a shadow graced his face, remnants of a goatee that I imagined if he’d let it, it would grow thick and full.
After he hugged each and every one of the ladies, including the three that were hidden beneath the trees, the men stepped forward for their turns to greet him.
I was the last to offer my hand, but instead he moved in for a hug that I’ll admit I wasn’t prepared for.
“Damn, look at you,” he said with a deep chuckle. “Where’d that little guy I left behind go?”
“Me?” I replied, pulling back from our hug. “
What about you?”
He shrugged. “When I wasn’t studying or scoping out bad guys, I worked out. It kept me busy.”
“I’d say so.” There was no longer much difference between him and Gavin, or my dad for that matter. He was a man, one who had visited parts of the world I’d only seen in history books. He’d fought for our country and lived through times that would terrify even the bravest of men.
He was a hero in my eyes and someone I still looked up to.
The rest of the guys agreed Mikey had changed and passed around a few comments about his new enhanced size. He took it in stride and tossed a few of his own playful comments in return.
We moved toward the food and everyone dug in. It almost felt like he’d never been gone; the conversation flowed with ease and we picked up where we’d left off, jumping right back into old habits, cutting up and enjoying one another’s banter.
Looking around the group gathered in my grandparents’ yard, a warm feeling fell over me. This was my family, each and every one of them. On most occasions they were crazy and wild, but they were all mine.
It was time I started looking ahead like Terrance preached and stopped living in the past. Because he was right—my past was no longer living with me in mind. She was living her life like I no longer existed.
Chapter Four
