I struggled to get the words out. “That you loved me?”
“Yes.” Her smile was watery. “I told you that, with or without purpose, you were a very special girl.”
Oh gods…
“And you told me that, as your mother I was obligated to tell you that.” She laughed and it seemed to catch in her throat. “Even I didn’t know how special you truly were.”
It was her—really her.
Clamoring forward, I threw my arms around her, nearly knocking her backward. With a soft laugh, she enveloped me in a strong hug—the hug I’d been missing and needing for so long. Mom gave the best hugs ever.
She squeezed me tight, and I clung to her while she smoothed my hair back with one hand. Tears burned the back of my throat and welled in my eyes. Emotion poured into my chest until it felt like my heart would explode. I’d been waiting for this moment for what felt like forever, and I never wanted to let her go.
“How is this possible?” My voice was hoarse and muffled. “I don’t understand.”
“Apollo thought it would be good for you after what happened.” She pulled back a little. Tears glistened in her eyes, and I hated that. “He called in a favor with Hades.”
Apollo must have a lot of favors at his disposal.
“I’ve missed you so much.” She placed her hand to my cheek and smiled. “And I wish I could’ve been there for you when you lost Caleb and faced the Council. I wish for that more than anything else.”
A red-hot lump filled my throat. “I know. Mom, I’m… I’m so sorry. I—”
“No, baby, don’t you dare apologize for anything that happened to me. None of it was your fault.”
But it was my fault. Sure, I didn’t turn her into a daimon, but we’d left the safety of Deity Island because of what I would become. She sacrificed everything—her life—for me, and I’d still connected to Seth when I had Awakened, spurring horrific, catastrophic events across the globe as the gods retaliated. How was that not my fault?
“Listen to me,” she said, clasping both sides of my face now and forcing my gaze up. “What happened to me in Miami wasn’t your fault, Lexie. And you did the right thing in Gatlinburg. You gave me peace.”
By killing her—my mother.
She pressed her lips together, and then took a shaky breath. “You can’t hold on to that kind of guilt. It doesn’t belong to you. And what happened after you Awakened wasn’t something you could control. You broke the connection in the end. That is what matters.”
Her words were so sincere that I was almost convinced, but I didn’t want to spend this time with her talking about all the terrible things that had happened. After everything that had happened, I just wanted her to hold me.
Pushing down the guilt was like taking off a pair of too-tight pants. I could breathe now, but the marks were left behind on my skin. “Are you happy?” I asked, scooting closer.
Mom gathered me close again, resting her chin atop my head, and I closed my eyes, almost able to pretend that we were home and that a heart actually beat under my cheek. “I miss you, and there are other things I miss, but I am happy.” Pausing, she tucked my hair back. “There is peace, Lexie. The kind that erases a lot of the negative stuff and makes it easier to deal.”
I was sort of envious of that kind of peace.
“I watch over you when I can,” she said, pressing a kiss on the crown of my head. “It’s not something they suggest for us to do, but when I can, I check in. You want to tell me about this pure-blood?”
My eyes popped open, and heat flooded my face. “Mom”
She laughed softly. “He cares for you so much, Lexie.”
“I know.” My heart squeezed as I lifted my head. “I love him.”
Her eyes lit up. “You have no idea how happy that makes me to know that you’ve found love among all of this…”
Tragedy, I finished silently. Wrapping my hands around her slim wrists, my gaze fell to the window. Thin branches swayed in the breeze. Bright pink flowers were open, their teardrop-shaped petals moist with dew. I stared at them for an obscenely long time before I spoke.
“Sometimes I wonder if it’s right, you know—if I should feel happiness and love when everyone is suffering.”
“But you have suffered, too.” She guided my gaze back to hers. “Everybody, no matter what is happening around them, deserves the kind of love that man feels for you, especially you.”
Flushing again, I wondered just how much Mom had seen. Awkwardville, dead ahead.
“And that kind of love is more important than anything right now, Lexie. It’s going to keep you sane. It’s always going to remind you of who you really are.”
I took a deep breath, but it got caught. “So many people have died, Mom.”
“And people will, baby, and there’ll be nothing you can do it about it.” She pressed her lips to my forehead. “You can’t save everyone. You’re not meant to.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Was being the Apollyon all about death and destruction instead of saving lives?
“Can you stand?” she asked.
Nodding, I pushed to my feet and winced as pain splintered down my legs. Concern pinched my mom’s features, but I waved it off. “I’m fine.”
She stood, keeping a hand on my arm. “You should sit. Apollo said that it would take a little while for… you to feel normal.”
Feeling normal wasn’t possible, probably never again, but I sat on the edge of the bed and watched my mom glide toward the raised dais and the table. She didn’t walk—never had. My mom had this innate grace I always wished I’d been born with. Instead, I stomped around like a cow most of the time.
She picked up the pitcher and a glass that had been behind it. “He wants you to drink this.”
My brows rose in suspicion. If I’d learned anything over the last eighteen years, drinking or eating something from the gods warranted a hefty amount of misgiving. “What is it?”
Mom poured the contents into an ancient-looking glass cup and headed back to the bed. Sitting down, she handed it over. “It’s a healing nectar that Apollo’s son concocted to aid what he had done. You can’t stay here the amount of time that it will take you to heal completely, but this will help. Even for you, there’s too much aether in the air. It will suffocate you.”
Suffocation sounded sucktastic, but I stared at the chalice warily.
“It’s okay, Lexie. I understand your hesitation, but this isn’t to trick you.”
With a great deal of trepidation, I took the glass and sniffed it. The aroma was a mix of honey and something weedy. Because I knew this was my mom, and I could feel that truth deep inside me, I drank from the glass. I was relieved when I discovered it tasted sweet and not like butt.
“Drink it slowly,” Mom cautioned. “It’s going to make you sleepy.”
“It is?” I frowned down at the chalice.
“When you wake up, you’ll be back in the mortal world.”
A cold wind filled my chest. “This isn’t a dream, is it?”
“No.” Mom smiled as she reached out, catching that piece of hair that always fell forward and tucking it back. “This isn’t a dream.”
Letting out a stuttered breath, I took another sip. There was so much I wanted to say. Many times since she’d died, I’d fantasized about seeing her again and had created this massive list of things I wanted to say to her, starting off with a whole slew of apologies for sneaking out, cussing, fighting, and being a general round-the-clock nuisance. And then I’d move on to how great of a mom she’d been. Now, it was funny and strange. When I opened my mouth, emotion choked out that list, erasing it completely. The words I spoke were, “I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too, but I am with you as much as I can be.” She watched me drink the healing nectar. “I want you to promise me something.”
“Anything,” I said, and I meant it.
A small smile appeared. “No matter what happens, and no matter what you have to do, I want
you to absolve yourself of guilt.”
I stared at her. “I—”
“No, Lexie. You need to let the guilt go, and you need to let what Ares did go.”
Lowering the glass, I looked away and gave a little shake of my head. Let go of how badly Ares had broken me, how I had begged for death? Impossible. “Did you… did you see it?”
“No.” She placed her hand on mine and squeezed. “But Apollo told me.”
The laugh that came out of me sounded incredibly bitter. “Of course he did. And where was Apollo when I was getting my ass handed to me, by the way?”
A pained look crossed her face, and I immediately regretted saying that. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “He was probably off doing important god stuff.” Or chasing nymphs.
“It’s okay.” Her hand swept across my cheek, and I was surprised to find that my face no longer ached. “Apollo is very concerned about you. So am I.”
“I’m okay.” The lie rang false in my own ears.
She tilted her head to the side and sighed. “I didn’t want this life for you. I wanted to spare you this darkness.”
“I know.” Looking at her, I soaked in her features. Gods, my mom was beautiful. It was more than good godly DNA. It was what was inside that bled through—her goodness, love, and everything I aspired to be. In my eyes, she shone. And her life had ended way too early. She deserved so much more, and I wished I could give that to her. But I couldn’t, so I gave her the only thing that I could.
“I promise,” I told her. “I promise to let it go.”
Her lips curved up at the corners. “I want to kill Ares for what he did to you.”
I choked on my drink. I don’t think I’d ever heard my mom say she wanted to kill anyone, except after she’d turned into a daimon. Then, she’d wanted to kill everyone. A different kind of ache filled my chest. Not wanting to think about that, I swatted those thoughts away.
Smothering a yawn that came out of nowhere, I finished what was left of the sweet drink. Mom took the cup from me and stood, replacing it on the table. By the time she’d turned around, I was lying flat on my back.
“Damn,” I murmured. “That stuff… it’s strong.”
Hurrying to the bedside, she sat beside me. “It is. I wish we had more time, baby.”
“Can’t we?” I tried to lift my arm, but it felt cemented down. Panic clawed at my chest. I wasn’t ready to let her go. It wasn’t fair. I needed her now more than I’d ever needed her. There was something inside me and it scared me. “There’s so… many things I still have to tell you, that I want to ask.”
With a smile that wrenched at my chest, she cupped my cheek. “There’ll be time later.”
“But I’m not ready. I don’t want to leave you. Please…” Strange. I forgot what I was saying. Apparently I’d drunk the ADD nectar.
As my lids became too heavy to keep open, I heard her say, “I’m so proud of you, Lexie. Always remember that I’m proud of you and that I love you.” There was a pause and then her sweet voice said, seconds before I slipped away, “Don’t give up hope, baby. Paradise is waiting for you in the end.”
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
It takes a village to write a book—thank you to the awesome team at Spencer Hill Press: Kate Kaynak, Rich Storrs, Marie Romero, Traci Inzitari, Anna Masrud, and Rebecca Mancini. Without you guys, Alex would just be a sparkle in my eyes. Thank you to Kevan Lyon for being the best agent.
A big thank you to my friends and family for putting up with my crazy writing deadlines, which means I pretty much don’t do anything other than write. Thank you to Cindy Husher and Stacey Morgan for talking me off the writing ledge many times over. To Molly McAdams for giving me an awesome sauce blurb and a huge thanks to my beta/crit team for telling me it sucks… when it sucks.
None of this would be possible without the readers. Thank you for reading and enjoying the Covenant Series. I know a lot of authors say this, but I have the best readers ever. You guys rock.
Photo by Vania Stoyanova
Jennifer L. Armentrout lives in West Virginia. All the rumors you’ve heard about her state aren’t true. Well, mostly. When she’s not hard at work writing, she spends her time reading, working out, watching zombie movies, and pretending to write. She shares her home with her husband, his K-9 partner named Diesel, and her hyper Jack Russell Loki. Her dreams of becoming an author started in algebra class, where she spent her time writing short stories… therefore explaining her dismal grades in math. Jennifer writes Adult and Young Adult Urban Fantasy and Romance.
Come find out more at: www.jenniferarmentrout.com
Praise for The Covenant Books
“Whereas Deity unleashed a pivotal point in this saga, Apollyon sets up the scene for what I’m sure will be one hell of an epic conclusion. This series has yet to disappoint me. Why do we have to wait until the end of the year to see how it all ends?! I would seriously sell my left kidney to read Sentinel RIGHT NOW!” —Deity Island
“My TOP BOOK OF 2012. This is the best Covenant book so far.” (Deity)
—The Book Goddess
“5 stars: a must read. I’ve never had a book I felt more like giving more than 5 stars to than this book!… The ending will absolutely shake you to your core!”
—Valerie, Stuck in Books
“Deity will leave you breathless, aching for a clue about what is next for Alex, for Aiden, for Seth—and for the fragile world that rests upon their shoulders.”
—YA Sisterhood
“A great blend of action, drama, and romance… Deity was just simply amazing from beginning to end.”
—The Reading Geek
“Deity ramps up the action, suspense, and romance without ever losing a step, and it makes me crave the sequel like I need it to breathe.”
—Sydnee Thompson, Dreams in Tandem
“5 out of 5 stars: This book was all sorts of amazing and I am still in shock… Deity is a perfect addition to this series that had me on the edge of my seat from the first to the very last page.”
—Sharon, Obsession with Books
“It’s no secret that Jennifer L. Armentrout is one of my very favorite authors but seriously, if you haven’t picked up this series yet, go out and get it! You will be caught up in the story and you will not regret it!”
—Book Loving Mommy
“I just can’t express how much I love this book… addictive prose, lovable characters, and jaw-dropping twists in the insane plot. I am positively dying for Apollyon.”
—Sophia, The Book Basement
“Oh. My. Gods. There are no words to explain just how phenomenal this book is.” —Kayleigh, K-Books
‘Without a doubt the best book I have read in 2012. That is saying something since Pure was released earlier this year.”
—Cassandra’s Reviews
“I want more! Need more! CRAVE MORE! The series demands it! I thought Pure was the epitome of AWESOME! Yes that indeed it was, but this book! This book goes right up there with it!”
—BookLove 101
“Deity… has all the romance anyone could ask for, plus a whole lot of action and suspenseful drama as well.”
—Laura, The Revolving Bookcase
“5 of 5 stars: I’ve never read a book that screwed with my emotions as much… Deity made me want to throw my book across the room numerous times, and to me, that just shows how great Armentrout is at her craft. Because when a reader is that invested in characters from a book, the author has clearly done something right.”
—Nicole Sobon
“Aiden has stepped up his GAME this time around! I LOVE HIM! I WANT TO MARRY HIM! HAVE SENTINEL BABIES WITH HIM!”
—Alice Belikov
“Overall Awesomeness? Freaking 10/10! Deity has got to be Jennifer’s best book so far and that’s saying a lot, since pretty much everything written by Jen is amazing.”
—Kindle and Me
“Every time I read a Jennifer L. Armentrout novel, I always become so absorbed and invested in t
he story. I feel like with each new book her stories keep getting more and more awesome and exciting!”
—Collections
“Deity is action-packed and full of romance. This emotional roller coaster will have fans begging for the next installment!”
—Amber, Fall Into Books
“If you’re a crier you will cry! I bawled in a few places but the crying is so worth it! This story absolutely rocks and the ending?!?!? …you will be dying to get your hands on Elixir like I am!”
—Jaime, Two Chicks On Books
“Deity is an AMAZING book. It has a lot of twists in it that you will love. I read in one day and still can’t get over it. I loved it from the beginning to the end.” —Savanna, Sucked into Books
“I read this book in one sitting. I wanted to take it slow and enjoy it like a fine wine, but Jennifer just dragged me in and I ended up slamming this book back like a lush!”
—AwesomeSauce Book Club
USA Books News BEST BOOKS 2011 Finalist ( Half-Blood )
“The Covenant series just keeps getting better and better! Deity is my favorite so far! —The Readers Den
“Deity ramps up the action, suspense, and romance without ever losing a step, and it makes me crave the sequel like I need it to breathe.”
—Quill Café
“5/5: Deity was an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G read from beginning to start.”
—Amanda, Stuck In YA Books
“Deity…Oh my god….It’s officially my favourite read of 2012!”
—Book Passion for Life
“Deity was insanely thrilling right to the core. The twists hit me like a hurricane when I wasn’t expecting it.”
—Coffee, Books, and Me
“5/5: Deity was one of the most intense books I’ve read! A real rollercoaster of emotions… I gave 5 stars to books 1 and 2 but if I could I would give Deity a 10 + stars!”
—Steffy, Book Reader Addicts
“Every page leaves me feeling the WOW factor!… This is one of my most favorite series!”
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