Chapter Eighteen
The trip home was quiet, mostly because Muriel was exhausted after her appointment. Raven hoped her friend wasn’t getting her hopes up too much. Everyone had repeated several times the baby still might not be born with the virus active. They didn’t have enough data on this sort of thing. Muriel wasn’t the first human to try this, but she was the only one who’d received the vaccine.
Raven watched as Jack reached across to touch Muriel’s hand. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little envious of their intimacy. Maybe it was just the longing to be touched. Maybe it was just the sex she missed. Raven hadn’t been with a partner in over a year. She’d had to give up her last sexual partner when he’d developed feelings for another human. She just hadn’t found anyone to replace him after that. It wasn’t easy finding a man who understood her needs.
It had been a huge adjustment for her when she’d started living among humans. They had different ideas about sex, and the men often assumed sex meant she had strong feelings for them. It had taken a long time to learn which were acceptable as partners and which humans would think she wanted more. It wasn’t that she didn’t derive emotional comfort from sex. It was just that it was more of a physical need than a show of emotion for her. She’d met wood nymphs with mates who said it was more than a physical act with their mate, but she didn’t expect to have that in her life. It’s not that she didn’t want a mate. She’d just never met a human she wanted as her mate. She’d never met one who would be willing to take on a spirit of the woods for her.
Watching Jack and Muriel, she wondered what it would be like to have that kind of bond. That’s how it had been for her parents and why her mother had been willing to give up so much for a man who refused to join their world. For years, Raven had hated her father for refusing to join them. That was until she’d learned that in his human life he’d felt a great loyalty to his country, and he’d been responsible for the support and care of his disabled mother. It had been much easier before she’d known how much being away from her mother had hurt him.
“Are you okay?” Connor asked from the seat beside her. He didn’t take his eyes off the road as they neared the vampire settlement. There had been an unexplained increase in attacks by turned vampires, and his unease about these recent attacks was obvious.
“It’s been a strange day,” Raven admitted.
He turned to her just long enough to give her an amused grin but turned back to the road before speaking. “I bet you never expected to be hoping someone would become a vampire.”
She let out a nervous laugh. “No, and especially not an innocent baby. I never really considered the possibility there could be any benefits from contracting the Moon virus. Even after I got here and realized I was wrong about vampires, I still wouldn’t have wanted Muriel to become a vampire.”
“Born vampires,” he corrected her. “You were right about the turned ones.”
She nodded, but since he wasn’t looking at her, she felt a little silly after doing it. “I’ve lost a lot of friends over the years. Most died from human illnesses but a large number died in vampire attacks.”
“It must be hard getting attached to humans,” he mused, sparing her a brief glance. “I never really thought about that until now. In my defense, I’ve never had any human friends. Even if they don’t get killed by turned vampires, they’ll get sick or grow old and die. They’re very fragile.” His insightful words shocked her. She’d been trying to figure out her own feelings, and he’d described them perfectly.
“Exactly,” she agreed. “I think that’s why I can understand Jack’s desire to make Muriel immortal.”
“I never even considered the possibility she might die when we first met,” Jack said softly. “I know how stupid that sounds, but it just never occurred to me. All I knew was I was the luckiest man in the world.”
Raven assumed by Muriel’s lack of response, her friend had dozed off.
“I avoided getting too attached to any of the humans for a very long time. It was actually decades. I mean, I cared and mourned their passing to some extent, but my father was the only human I truly allowed myself to love,” Raven admitted. “It was Layla, one of the girls on my team in the woods, who first got to me. I was considering returning to the woods. My father had been gone for years, and I was lonely. Then I met this frightened little girl wandering around the settlement. She was probably two. Layla’s mother was never very good at taking care of her. I started keeping her with me most of the time, and I practically raised her. Actually, she ended up living with me full-time when she was seven. We’re not sure what happened, but one day her mom just wandered off. Shortly after I started taking care of Layla, I found myself collecting other children who had either lost parents or had parents who didn’t care anymore. My team, the ones I sacrificed my freedom for, are children I raised to some extent. It’s funny I ended up with them. The children were usually sequestered from us. Now, it’s actually worse. I don’t think I’ve seen more than a handful of young children in a decade.”
This time Connor turned and stared at her with an unreadable look. “So you weren’t just saving a small group of humans, those were your children.”
“I suppose so,” she replied. “It’s a strange relationship since some of them look older than me now. That was never a problem with the females, but the males could get a little overprotective at times. I was worried they wouldn’t go along with my surrender.”
“They must have thought you could escape,” Jack added.
“Yes,” Raven agreed with a sad smile. “None of us knew it would be the last time we’d ever see each other.”
Connor quickly looked away. It was a long time before he broke the silence again. “I’m sorry, Raven.”
She swallowed back her own tears, not really sure why she was suddenly feeling so weepy. Maybe it was just the memories of her old life. Maybe it was the memories of the children she’d raised and would never see again. Or maybe Connor’s apology was her undoing. Whatever the reason, she was glad no one spoke the rest of the trip home. She wasn’t sure she could have held it together if they had.
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