by Lara Swann
“No, Seth. I can’t do this again. You…left and I’m…fucking…done…”
She was hiccuping now, upset and struggling to get the words out. I tried to cup her cheek again, but she pushed me away, and that seemed to give her a spurt of anger enough to finish the sentence.
“Done with waiting for the crumbs of your life you decide to share with me. With crying over this ever-changing idea of what I mean to you.”
I put my arms around her as she burst into tears, scrabbling at me a little before she finally went still in my arms and gave into the comfort. Her words, her pain, were tearing at me and I stood there for a long moment, rubbing her back and murmuring softly. When the sobs calmed and she turned to glare at me again, I took a deep breath.
“Listen, Bella. Just listen to me for a moment, okay? And then, if you want, I’ll leave and you’ll never have to see me again.”
She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t stop me as I moved us over to sit on the bed, one hand resting on her shoulder and playing with the ponytail of her hair.
“You’re right, okay? I shut you out. This…this whole thing might be new for you - having your father introduce Cora and change everything about your life, but it’s not for me. My mother’s brought more guys come into my life than I can remember - some of them would stick around for weeks, or months, a couple even for years. Some would barely have an impact, but others would change everything. Where we lived, how we lived, what we did - everything. Most I didn’t give a shit about. At the beginning, some of them, I did. Didn’t matter either way - every fucking guy left.”
She was looking at me with those big eyes of hers, and for some reason that was what came out. I was telling her things I never thought I’d tell anyone. Things I never thought about. Had never wanted to think about, and definitely not talk about.
But it was the truth and, hell, she deserved that I guess.
“That doesn’t matter now, none of it does. I’ve got my own life - and it’s stable no matter what my mother does. She can live however she wants, but at the end of the day, I’ve always got that, and it matters a hell of a lot more than the families she ever built. I’ve never let her, or any of her guys, touch it. It’s mine. And I didn’t want to get it mixed up with anything temporary. I’ve made my own home, and I didn’t want to bring anything into it that was never going to be permanent - that could never go anywhere.”
The anger had slowly slipped away from her face, but her eyes were still too bright. At least the sympathy I’d dreaded seeing wasn’t there, and she didn’t seem so inclined to push me out of her room. Instead, she leaned against me and sighed, shaking her head.
“Maybe you were right. I wouldn’t have wanted to do that to you.”
Something squeezed in my heart as I shook my head at her simple compassion. All the hurt and anger it had caused…that she was willing to accept it was more than I’d expected.
She was a better person than I’d ever been.
When she looked up at me again, the anger and upset was gone, but her soft face was written with sadness.
“It still can’t go anywhere, Seth. Our parents—”
“Fuck our parents.”
The harsh words shocked her - shocked me a little - but I couldn’t help it. I was done using that as an excuse. If this was destined to fail, so be it, but I wanted to damn well find out for myself.
And with the way she was looking at me, the way her soft words made me feel, I wasn’t going to give up that easily.
“Do you want this, Bella? I want to let you in - I want to show you my life. Make you part of it. If you still want to be.”
I held her gaze as I saw the hesitation there, watched as she tried to decide whether to make the leap with me. It was crazy, and we were stupid to continue pursuing this, but I wasn’t ready to stop - and from the way she looked at me, I didn’t think she was either.
“But what about…everything?”
That’s a good way to sum up what was stopping us. Everything.
“We deal with that when we come to it. Hell, might be getting to know me drives you away anyway. I’m a Navy SEAL, and there are more than enough challenges with that, even forgetting everything else. If we get that far…we can worry about it then.”
“The wedding is three weeks away, Seth.”
“So we have three weeks to decide if this is worth letting loose all hell.”
Of course, I was pretty sure I’d already made up my mind.
But then again, hell had never bothered me.
“And if it is? You really think we can make it work?”
Fuck it, the girl never stopped with the questions.
“Stop thinking, Bella. I’m a Navy SEAL - I can do damn well anything.”
I pulled her into me, my mouth closing on hers with all the intensity and passion I’d held at bay before, giving her a fucking good reason to stop thinking. She moaned, melting into me again in the way I’d missed so badly, and it only took a moment before she shifted around to sit on top of me, resting on my suddenly interested cock.
“Okay. Okay, we’ll try it Seth. But god-damn you’d better make it up to me.”
I grinned up at her, something easing inside me that I hadn’t even realized was tight and hard.
“Mm, I can do that. I have some great ideas for how to do that.”
I started by nuzzling along her mouth, down her neck, but she pulled me up with a light laugh that was a perfect contrast to the tear tracks still streaking her face.
“Not like that. I want more, Seth.”
Her eyes were hard beyond the laughter and I nodded, another idea taking me.
“Come with me to Becky’s in a couple of days then. I promised I’d head over there to do a few odds-and-ends anyway - you can come meet her, the kids. See what being a military wife means.”
Okay. That last part was so not intended that way.
She caught on it anyway, raising a brow immediately.
“Wife?”
“For reference. Nothing else. Just so you know. You wanted to know.”
So why the hell was my heart pounding so damned fast?!
She just grinned at my discomfort, leaning forward for another distracting kiss.
“Alright, yeah, I’d like that.”
“Good, that’s settled then. Now can I make it up to you in those other ways?”
Her hands roamed across my chest, down and around my back, and there was amusement in her eyes as she shifted teasingly on my cock.
“Almost. There’s a fairly exclusive party next week - I don’t think anyone we know will be there. Come with me.”
The idea of taking Bella out in public and giving this a chance to be real sent a strange mix of excitement and anxiety through me. I didn’t want this getting back to her father - if we went for it, he needed to find out from us - but I couldn’t deny the attraction.
“Okay, done.”
I turned my attention to her lips again, hands running over her soft body to hold her hips as they settled against me, but she was still murmuring into my lips.
“It’s fancy dress.”
At the dubious rise of my brow, she shrugged.
“Okay, okay, too far. I know better than to think you’d dress up. Good thing it’s optional.”
“Good.”
My voice was a low rumble in my chest and I was done with talking. Bella had agreed to continue with this crazy thing, and it had been too long since I’d felt her warm, bare skin against mine.
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into my mouth with a ferocity I could barely control, hearing her gasp and wriggle under me while I devoured her mouth with mine. It felt so damn good, and my hands explored every part of the soft body I’d missed. From the way she mimicked my actions, it seemed I wasn’t the only one who felt that pressing urgency. I only broke the kiss for a moment to rip her t-shirt off, and then my fingers had her bra unclasped, opening her pert breasts for my attention. She moaned as my fingers closed a
round them, rocking and squirming against me in a way that was driving me crazy.
At least she’s wearing a skirt this time…
One arm lifted her and the other had her panties stretched around her knees within moments and she gasped with the quick actions, wriggling around until they were off completely. Then her hands attacked my belt, my mouth trailing kisses down across her chest until I got to the hard tits I could never resist. A few flicks of my tongue as I sucked them into my mouth had her distracted until her hands weakened in their efforts. I grunted and finished the job for her, pulling the jeans down until my cock sprang up, more than eager for the waiting heat that had been perched above it.
She settled back down onto me without any encouragement, my cock slipping into her with an ease that felt like it had been made for her hot pussy. Maybe it had. The way I felt inside her, I wouldn’t be surprised.
She moaned hard as she started riding me in time with the short thrusts of my hips, sinking herself further and further onto my thick hardness.
“God, Seth…”
That breathless voice told me just how much she’d missed me and I would have grinned if I hadn’t been too wrapped up in her perfect body, in the way her arms clutched at me while I drove her crazy with mouth, fingers and cock.
We were too needy, to desperate for this to make it more than a hard, fast passionate explosion as I started speeding up my movements, holding her hips to help her balance as I pistoned into and out of her, grunting every time I felt her hit the base of my cock. Our mouths latched greedily onto one another, tongues fucking in parallel to our bodies until I felt my release coming roaring up at me, balls tightening up as I groaned into her tempting, teasing mouth.
Her breath hitched as she started nearing her own climax, and that was all it took to have me exploding within her, feeling my seed shoot out into her as that threw her over the edge as well, crying out into my mouth while her hands gripped my shoulders tight.
I’d missed those scratch marks.
That was the only sensible thought I found myself forming as she pushed me down against the bed, curling up in my arms as I slipped out of her and we took deep, gasping breaths, recovering slowly together.
My body eased with more than just the blissful climax as I lay there like that, and the feeling that snuck up on me snatched at the breath I was only just getting back.
I’d come home.
Chapter Eighteen
Bella
“Are you sure you’re ready? I mean, this one looks pretty good.”
Seth’s fingers trailed over a nearly-transparent pink blouse and I scowled at the amusement in his expression as he looked over the clothes laid in disarray on my bed. I’d finally put together the casual shorts and t-shirt outfit after changing it a dozen times, and apparently he found it hilarious to make me question it all over again.
“Try that, and we’ll be here for another hour.”
He turned to grin at me, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the door.
“Okay, warning taken. Seriously babe, Becky is not going to care at all.”
He ushered me out of the door and I couldn’t help the quick glance to check no one was around. I was pretty sure it was going to start getting suspicious how much time we were spending together, but our parents were too wrapped up in wedding details to have noticed so far.
I was pretty sure Becky wouldn’t care what I was wearing - not if anything I’d guessed about the people in Seth’s life was true - but damn it, I cared.
It might be silly that this was important to me, but out of all the silly things I was feeling and doing at the moment, it didn’t come anywhere near the top ten, so why not indulge it?
We made it into the truck and out of the long driveway without a hitch and I smiled, glad to be back with my handsome Navy SEAL even if I’d only just seen him yesterday. And even more glad to be doing this.
So far, not too much had changed between us after the explosion of emotions a few days ago, but something in me felt lighter, easier. We were taking this seriously, and I no longer had to ignore the constant questioning of what this meant to him. It was obvious from everything he said and did, and it had only become more intense between us.
It was intoxicating and scary, and I had no idea how we were going to sort it all out, but I believed him when he said we’d work it out. I had that stupid giddy feeling that nothing was impossible, if we were together. It might be ridiculous, but I did have a Navy SEAL on my side, and he’d proven himself very capable of handling the impossible.
“So, tell me about Becky.”
He grinned at me and shook his head.
“Well, she’s quite a…character. You’ll both get on splendidly, I’m sure.”
I caught the amusement in his tone and poked him.
“Hey!”
His hand trailed down my leg, playing with the bare skin just under the bottom of the shorts, and heat immediately bloomed in my stomach. I’d forgotten the last time I’d been in this truck with him had had very much no touching rules. This could be dangerous.
But then, since I’d met him, I’d started appreciating danger a little more…
“She’s the wife of a guy I’ve served with, Ryan. We all stick together, look out for each other’s families when some of us are away. Makes things easier.”
It was a warm sentiment, and I smiled. It was nice to think the indomitable men I’d met at the charity gala had a slightly softer side too.
“You know I’m probably going to be busy most of the day, right? I offered to help out in the garden, get it in a decent state before fall starts and we have a million leaves on our hands. Of course, Ryan should be back to take care of that.”
The idea of him gardening also made my heart skip a little, and I softly clamped down on the girlish nonsense. I liked the thought of my badass SEAL in everyday life a little too much.
“What’s Ryan like?”
“He’s a great guy - got me through my first deployment, really. And then after, started work on the truck with me, too.”
Since that night when we’d agreed to make a proper go of this, and Seth had explained some of his childhood to me, he’d been much more open in talking about everything else too, which had just reinforced his intentions. He might have been impossibly guarded before that, but the guy meant what he said. He wanted to try this with me.
“The truck?”
“Yeah, I fixed it up from scratch. It was pretty much scrap-metal when I bought it.”
“Impressive - I didn’t know you had a mechanical bent in you.”
Made sense though - guys and their toys. Military types were the worst for it.
He just shrugged though, glancing briefly at me before centering his eyes on the road again.
“Ryan got me into it, actually. After deployment, it was hard being back home. Adjusting. Not thinking every damned civilian might have a bomb strapped to their chest. And also…stepping back from that killing edge. It’s hard to accept what you do in the depths of hell, when you get back and see it in the light of day. He always said we should do something constructive - create, to balance the destruction. He always talks that way. Thinks too much, if you ask me, but he was right on that one. Fixing things helps - eases those feelings. I don’t know the meanings or the whys of it, but I took the advice.”
I listened in fascination. I’d never really thought about it at any length - what it must do to a guy, to live as Seth did - and the more I heard, the more I wanted to help - to provide shelter and safety from that landscape. It was a silly, sentimental feeling, but I was starting to enjoy those, especially as I listened to Seth talk. I was liking the sound of Ryan, too.
“So Ryan repairs things too?”
“Nah - his fix is carving. Tried to get me into that at first - my fingers weren’t made for that shit.”
I laughed, then glanced up at the wooden eagle hanging from his windscreen mirror. It was reminiscent of the one on his chest and I’d always wo
ndered about it. He turned off the highway and started down smaller roads as I caught it, looking at him speculatively. He got the meaning straightaway.
“Yeah, that’s his - gave it to me as a good luck charm, after we were done with the truck. He’s a good guy, Ryan.”
The tone of his voice when he spoke about these guys told me a lot about what they meant to him. There was more to the SEALs than met the eye, and I smiled as we pulled to a stop in front of a cheery looking house in the suburbs, happy to finally have the chance to understand more.
* * *
“You been together long?”
I glanced back at Becky, my gaze distracted by the sight of Seth ‘gardening’ with three little boys that seemed to dog his every footstep. It was something I could never have pictured an hour ago, and I couldn’t kill my fascination. I was getting used to Becky’s directness, and Seth had been right - once I’d adjusted to her no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point attitude, we’d hit it off together. I’d always preferred people who told it like it was and didn’t make you have to second-guess everything they said and did. It was part of the reason Kaylee had always been such a blessing to me - even if I could’ve done without half of her blunt, honest comments.
I’d offered to help with the gardening, but she’d given it a dismissive wave, telling me that watching would be much more fun. I had no doubt about that, and having met her in person, I couldn’t begrudge the way her eyes danced as she looked at my SEAL. It was obvious she didn’t really have eyes for anyone but her own.
I smiled and looked back towards Seth, amused at just how little time it had taken for these insane feelings to develop.
“Not long, but…”
“But it’s intense, right?”
I nodded, blowing on the refill of tea she’d just poured.
“Always is with these guys. Doesn’t quit, either - I don’t think they do a damned thing without that controlled ferocity.”
That made me smile. It was nice having someone who could put into words all the unconscious things I picked up from Seth - to know that others had experienced this before me. And survived.
