by S J Crabb
I notice many female sailors are here and I whisper to Luke, “How many sailorettes are normally at sea? Do they have their own wing of the ship, or do they have to bunk up with the men?”
Luke laughs loudly and pulls me close, whispering,
“Firstly, they are sailors, not sailorettes. You may want to amend that entry in the Thesaurus. Secondly, it’s against the ship’s law to bunk up together. The women have their own, all-female cabins, and just work alongside the men. They would hate it any other way.”
I grin and allow him to pull me close as a slow song comes on. Once again, we hug dance in the middle of the officer’s mess, not caring who sees us. Jo and Pete are also dancing in a similar way and Jenny and Flynn are doing their usual sex dance to entertain the gaping crowd. Soon others join in and as the ship gently rocks I allow myself to be held by my very own anchor. Luke keeps me from harm as the ship rolls with the waves. I close my eyes and savour the feeling of his hard body pressed against mine. The trouble is, when I open them again, I see the sight I was dreading. Swaying nearby and so close you couldn’t get a finger between them are Rachel and Mark. They are hug dancing with the rest of us and her head is on his shoulder and his hands are rubbing circles on her back. Code red, Defcon three, world war 3 is about to break out, man overboard and what the hell? Rachel is playing a dangerous game and I know the fallout will be huge.
I must stiffen because Luke looks around to see what I can see. I hiss, “What’s she playing at? Has she left all morality back in London? I can’t believe my eyes.”
Luke looks concerned. “Mark should know better. He knows she’s married and should stay away. I’ll have a word if you like.”
Shaking my head, I sigh. “It’s not our place to play parents to Rachel. She’s a grown woman and can make her own mistakes. I know she’s hurting but I can’t condone what she is doing. When you get married in my opinion, it’s for keeps and there should be no room for passengers.”
Luke pulls back and says huskily.
“I’m glad to hear that. I feel the same. What’s the point of marriage if you give yourself the odd hall pass here and there? It should be a lifetime commitment, despite the problems it may throw up. Don’t get me wrong, if it doesn’t work out then I wouldn’t blame anyone for calling it quits and moving on. You should be honest up to then though and stay faithful. It doesn’t include slow dancing with a sailor who obviously has a lot more than that on his mind.”
I look at him in horror.
“You don’t think they would… um… you know…?”
Luke pulls a face. “Who knows? Like you say, it’s a bit of a bubble out here, for them as much as us. These guys are locked up together for months at a time. Mark won’t be thinking about Rachel’s situation at all. He is way past that point. He is just concerned that he has a hot woman in his arms and won’t want to pass up on the opportunity.”
I don’t know why but warning bell starts ringing in my head. I wonder if Luke would feel the same in similar circumstances. Maybe this is what life is like dating a member of the armed forces. Accepting that they may stray when the urge takes them. I’m not sure I could bear that.
I keep it in and just try to enjoy the time we do have. Maybe it won’t be my problem anyway when we return to London. Luke may sail away and never return - to me anyway. Pushing the unwelcome thought away, I just try to relax and enjoy the evening.
Soon the drink takes hold, and the party is in full swing. Marcus and Elvis are out of control and having the time of their life. It appears that one or two of the sailors on board are more than happy to party with them both, making all of Marcus’s dreams come true. I just enjoy spending time with Luke and try to absorb the whole experience to keep me warm when I return home.
I suppose it must be a couple of hours later that I get chatting with a couple of female sailors at the bar. Luke is laughing and joking with a crowd of guys nearby and Rachel and I are grabbing a drink. I smile at the friendly face of one of the girls and she smiles back.
“Hi, I’m Samantha and this is Kate.”
I introduce Rachel and I and look at them with interest.
“It must be exciting working on this ship.”
Kate grins.
“It has its perks.”
Samantha rolls her eyes.
“More like pitfalls. The trouble is, these guys are out of control most of the time. If you let one of them in you live out a whole relationship in a matter of weeks. They never last though.”
I look at them with a worried expression.
“What do you mean, they don’t last?”
Kate snorts.
“There’s nowhere to go on here. It’s hard having a relationship with someone under this microscope. A lot of them do but they rarely work out. As soon as we return home they seem to fizzle out.”
Samantha shakes her head.
“Not all of them. I’ve known many a sailor wedding. The hardest thing is making it work if you get posted on another ship.”
Kate grins.
“Mainly they let the married couples stay together but sometimes it doesn’t work out. No, mark my words, never marry a sailor. In fact, don’t even trust them because the temptation thrown their way at every opportunity doesn’t make them the most loyal partners out there.”
My warning bells are now deafening me and I can see that Rachel is feeling uncomfortable at the turn the conversation is taking.
The girls laugh. “Look at them. They don’t have a care in the world.”
We look over and see the group of guys laughing and joking nearby.
Kate sighs irritably.
“It’s ok for them. They have the life of Riley. The girls fall at their feet dropping their knickers on the way down. When you’re a female sailor, things are very different. Most normal guys don’t want to date a woman doing a man’s job. Especially as she spends most of her life cooped up with the likes of them. It’s no wonder most of us get sucked in by their fellow sailors. There’s no other option.”
I am starting to feel a little green around the edges in every way. I wish they would stop but they carry on, their words shattering my happiness by the second.
Samantha laughs. “Yes, they certainly talk the talk. I’ve known them promise a girl the world to have their moment of fun and then as soon as they head back to sea she is forgotten. If they haven’t found a better alternative by the time they return, she may get another shot out of him but it probably won’t be for long.”
She shakes her head sadly. “I pity any poor girl who loses her heart to a sailor.”
Rachel is quiet and if anything good has come out of this conversation, it’s that I hope it brings her to her senses. Me on the other hand, well, I’m devastated. The euphoria of my relationship is being battered by the grim realisation that they are probably right. I suppose I have known it all along. Of course, this won’t last. I was a fool for thinking it would. I have known Luke for a few days and dropped my knickers, as they so kindly put it, quicker than a respectable girl has every right doing. I feel ashamed of myself for thinking that I was different. Luke is just passing the time with a willing partner before he heads off again. I was so gullible in believing that it was more than it is. It’s taken the words of those who know to bring me to my senses.
~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 29
The rest of the evening passes in a blur. I try not to let their words affect me but I’m only human. I give myself a stern talking to and decide that if it is the case, then so what. Now I know what to expect it will make the inevitable easier. Like Luke, I will just enjoy the ride for the few short days we have left. When we part we will part as friends and I won’t expect any more of him. Yes, that’s my plan of action. Use Luke for sex and then head home to Malcolm an empowered, modern day woman.
Then why do I feel crushed, bruised and battered and as though someone has died?
It must be the early hours of the morning when we leave the ship. We have arranged t
o meet up with a group of the sailors tomorrow - or should I say today, to go to a nearby beach they know of. Apparently, it has hammocks strung up in front of the ocean and hardly anybody goes there. Once again, I worry about Rachel as I watch Mark kiss her goodbye. It’s only a brief kiss, more like a friend than a lover, but I don’t miss the lingering of his lips on her cheek or the sparkle in her eyes.
I’m quiet on the way back to the hotel and Luke whispers, “Are you ok, Becca? You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet this evening.”
I smile as brightly as I can when my heart is broken. “Just tired I think. It’s been quite full on these last few days.”
He puts his arm around me and pulls me close, whispering,
“Let’s get you to bed then. Maybe we should have a lie in and try to recharge our batteries. I agree it’s been exhausting.”
Trying to fight back the tears, I hate the fact that I love his arm around me. I know it won’t be for much longer and I am very close to crying uncontrollably for what I’m about to lose. It would appear those girls were right. I have lived out a relationship in just a few short days. Now I am coping with the inevitable break up and planning on leaving the love of my life before we’ve even got started. Just my luck to fall in love with the unattainable.
I wake up the next morning with a heavy heart. I slept fitfully as everything I heard rattled around my brain. This is the sweetest torture. I have it all and yet I have nothing. Part of me wishes I had never met Luke. Surely, it’s better not to have loved at all than feel this huge loss heading my way.
I can tell that Luke is confused by my mood. He keeps on throwing me worried glances as we dive into the honeymoon breakfast. After about five minutes of stilted conversation, he fixes me with those sexy eyes that glitter with questions.
“Is everything ok, Becca? You haven’t been yourself since we returned from the ship. Did something happen to upset you?”
Shaking my head, I try to smile brightly.
“No, of course not. Like I said, I was just tired. It’s been a busy few days and I suppose I’m not used to it. Maybe a morning in a hammock on the beach will perk me up again.”
Luke looks unconvinced but smiles softly.
“I hope they can fit two people in them because I want to be with you every minute we have left.”
I nod emphatically. “Me too. Anyway, let’s not dwell on the inevitable. We still have two more days to enjoy ourselves. Let’s make the most of them.”
Grinning, he pulls me up. “Come on then. Your wish is my command.”
After a very harrowing taxi ride, we pull up at the lonely beach. However, it’s not so lonely anymore as about five taxis deposit their load and roar off leaving us all stranded.
We follow the others to the beach and I gasp in amazement as Rachel squeals with excitement.
“Oh my goodness. This is amazing. Come on Becca, I’ll race you to a hammock.”
As I set off after her I share her joy. Lonely beach, unlike dirty beach, is set up for a day of fun in the sand. Various hammocks swing gently from a covered wooden gazebo type thing and the white sand stretches for miles. The sea sparkles in the sunlight, and the whole place reeks of Robinson Crusoe. There is a little beachfront bar a short walking distance away and like its name suggests, we appear to be the only inhabitants.
As well as some of our crew, there are also various sailors milling around. A few of them have set up a volleyball net and are hard at it on the sand. Some raced off into the sea and a few are at the bar already.
Jo and Pete catch us up and she smiles happily.
“Look at this place, it’s amazing.”
I nod in agreement.
“It certainly is. We are in for a good day.”
Looking around, I don’t see Jenny anywhere and turn to Jo.
“Is Jenny not coming?”
She shrugs. “No, they have a lot of customers today and couldn’t spare the time.”
I feel disappointed. I’m glad that Jenny met Flynn, I really am, but I also feel as if I haven’t seen half of much of her as I would have liked. She should be resting, not swapping one job for another.
Rachel sees my expression and whispers.
“Don’t worry about Jenny. Flynn is all she wants and if he is making her happy then we should be too. Of all of us, she deserves bucket loads of it after the last two years of sadness and pain.”
I nod, feeling selfish.
“You’re right, Rachel. I just wanted us to be all together. We don’t have much longer and if Jenny does leave, then we won’t be seeing her for a long time.”
Suddenly, I hear,
“Rachel, over here.”
We look in the direction of the voice and my heart sinks as I see Mark waving her over. He appears to have acquired a double hammock and I watch in horror as she races over and jumps in with him. Luke leans down and whispers,
“She’ll be fine. We’ll keep an eye on them. I’m sure she won’t do anything she’ll regret later on. Anyway, we had better grab one of those ourselves if we don’t want to lie on the sand like the last beach we went to.”
Trying to shake off my sinking feeling, I follow him to the hammock hut.
After the third attempt I look at the hammock as if it’s my worst enemy. Putting my hands on my hips, I glare at Luke who is laughing uncontrollably as he watches me.
“It’s not funny. These things are death traps.”
I rub my knee as I say it. Three times I have fallen out of it and now I feel like a child in the playground with a scraped knee. The others are laughing as they swing in their hammocks while looking at us with smug expressions.
Then, Luke grabs me in one superhero move and places me carefully in the swinging death trap.
I look at him in surprise. “Why didn’t you do that in the first place?”
He laughs. “Because it was much more fun watching you trying to get in. I haven’t seen such a sight since ... actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a sight.”
He strips off his t-shirt, and it was worth the trouble because I could look at that body all day. He is super fit and now tanned and toned. I wonder if it’s rude to openly stare at his body like I’m doing. I can’t help myself, it’s just too perfect.
He jumps in to join me and the hammock swings dangerously. Shrieking, I try to reach out and steady us but only manage to pull on Rachel and Mark’s one.
Rachel shouts, “Hey, get off, Becca. Just because you fell out, it doesn’t mean that you can try to do the same to us.”
I grin at them. “Sorry. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it soon.”
Once Luke has settled in we all lie swinging in the breeze surrounded by paradise. How on earth did I deserve this?
I look around at the spectacle before my eyes. Hot sailors frolicking in the sand, all bare-chested and oozing sex appeal. A glorious beach paradise set up for our pleasure and the hottest sunny day to relax our mind and bodies. I am flanked by my best friends and sitting opposite me rubbing my feet is the sexiest man alive.
Luke smiles at me happily.
“It doesn’t get much better than this, does it, Becca?”
My heart lifts as I see the look in his eyes. “Surely he isn’t just spinning me a well-used line. Maybe those girls were wrong. Luke is my future, I’m sure of it.”
I’m conscious of Rachel and Mark getting on well beside us. For the first time this trip she is laughing as if she hasn’t a care in the world. He is obviously charming the pants off her and once again I worry about my friend. Jo and Pete are talking about the wedding and I listen in with interest as I close my eyes and swing in the breeze. Jo sounds very excited.
“You know, I’ve always wanted a big wedding, Pete. All of my family and friends watching us pledge our life together in an amazing stately home. I actually can’t wait to get home and get started with the planning.”
Pete appears to be sleeping but grunts in all the right places. Jo carries on. “We must go and see the vica
r of that lovely little church we saw in Brockham. You know, the one in Four Weddings and a Funeral. Either that or the one in Shere. It’s so pretty and I would love to get married somewhere famous. I mean, I know Westminster Abbey is out, so surely it’s the next best thing.”
Pete just grunts and Luke nudges me. I stifle a grin as Jo turns to Rachel and me.
“You know, girls, we must all arrange to go dress shopping as soon as possible. I was thinking cornflower blue silk for your dresses and of course I will wear white. I’ll set up an appointment with Dream Days as soon as we get home.”
I look at her in surprise.
“What’s Dream Days when it’s at home?”
Jo looks excited.
“It’s a wedding planning service. They arrange everything you want and leave nothing to chance. They have discounts at various bridal shops and know all the best florists and party organisers. I am so getting me a wedding planner like they do in the movies. I only intend on doing this once so it has to be utterly amazing. Isn’t that right, Pete?”
Pete just grunts and I wonder if he has registered anything she has said. He appears to be dozing and probably thinks he’s dreaming. Well, he’s in for a rude awakening when he has to get his wallet out. By the sounds of it, Jo is fast turning into Bridezilla and I pity him the rough time ahead.
After an hour of relaxation, Luke nods towards the bar.
“Do you fancy grabbing a drink with me, Becca?”
Looking at the ground with trepidation, I grimace.
“Only if you lift me out of this contraption. I’m not sure it’s safe if I’m left to my own devices.”
Actually, I think I could get out quite easily, but am using it as an excuse to be secured in Luke’s arms for a few more minutes.
