The Heart of a Cowboy

by Charlene Sands

  Sarah tried a rational explanation. She tried to find a reason why Case left every Tuesday night without shar­ing where he was going. She tried to give Case the benefit of the doubt.

  But Sarah couldn't do it. He hadn't earned that right.

  Sarah hated what she was feeling, the mistrust, mis­givings and suspicions. Unwelcome thoughts of past years came barreling forth of the Case Jarrett Sarah had known so well. Forgetting about all the other mean-spirited pranks he'd played, Case had done one unforgiv­able thing in Sarah's mind. He'd abandoned his brother when times were tough and if he hadn't, just maybe, Reid would still be alive today.

  Images of last night flashed in her head. Sarah had made love to him, giving herself freely, openly, granting him her trust. She'd trusted him with her heart, a fragile heart that had been torn apart lately. Was Case that ruth­less, that uncaring, to take from her the one thing that she'd protected with diligence and shatter it so cruelly?

  Had Sarah just been an easy convenience to Case? He was living here with her so why not make love to the lonely widow? She was handy to have around when the mood struck. Case had made no claims of love or com­mitment to her. He hadn't said anything that even came close. Sarah bit back tears of frustration. Had she been a fool once again when it came to Case Jarrett?

  Sarah knew she couldn't sort out any of this here, on the ranch. She couldn't look Case in the eye just now. She needed time and space away from him. Perhaps then, she could see more clearly and look deep into her heart for the answers.

  Once decided what she would do, Sarah made short work of gathering up a few clothes and putting some things together for Christiana. She prayed Case would sleep most of the morning and this time her prayers had been answered. She managed to get out of the room and off the ranch in quick time.

  The note she left for Case should explain everything.

  Not twenty minutes later, Sarah knocked on Bobbi Sue's front door. Relief registered quickly when Bobbi Sue opened her door with a welcome smile. Teary-eyed, Sarah explained, ' 'I need a friend right now and a place to stay."

  The house seemed eerily quiet. Case rose just before noon, amazed that he'd slept so late. He moved with caution about the room as he dressed, and was instantly reminded of sore muscles, stiff joints and aches over half of his body.

  The scent of Sarah's flowery perfume permeating her bedroom reminded him of their encounter last night, one that he'd never forget and one that made him happier than anything he could recall since the birth of little Christiana. Sarah had come to him last night out of de­sire, not need this time, and they'd made incredible love. Sarah was so much a part of him now that he couldn't imagine a life without her. Case smiled, thinking back on their tumultuous history. Who would have thought that after all they shared, all the heartache and losses that they would find their way to each other, on the ranch where he'd first laid eyes on her when she was just a child, some twenty years ago?

  "Sarah," Case called out, but not too loudly to wake up Christie if she were still asleep. When he got no an­swer, he went searching to find neither Sarah nor the baby anywhere upstairs.

  What he did find downstairs on the kitchen table was a note. His gut clenched, a sense of alarm bordering on anger, swept through him when he lifted the paper and read the words.

  "Damn it, Sarah!" He crumpled the note in his fist and tossed it aside. "No way. I'm not letting you go. No way, lady."

  It didn't matter to Case that Sarah said she needed time and space away from him. It didn't matter that Sarah was confused, that last night might have been a mistake. It didn't matter that Sarah had decided to leave the ranch for a while.

  No. What mattered was the truth. And it was about time that Sarah heard it all. Hell, he knew she didn't trust him. He knew she would be wary of his intentions, but he'd hoped to work through that, with her here, on the ranch as they went about their daily lives. Now, Case realized he had no choice, no other option but to confront her and confess everything.

  Case grabbed his hat and truck keys and barreled out of the house. He knew just what he was going to say to Sarah, he'd been rehearsing the lines for months now. But Sarah had a stubborn streak and she might not listen. She might not want to hear the truth.

  A short time later, with hat in hand, Case knocked on Bobbi Sue's front door. She opened up several moments later with a crying Christiana in her arms. ' 'Case?''

  "I've got to see Sarah, Bobbi Sue."

  Bobbi Sue shook her head. "I'm sorry, Case. She's asked not to see you."

  Little Christie's cries overshadowed their conversation and Bobbi Sue focused on the unhappy baby. "Oh, what's the matter, little one? Are you tired?"

  Christie continued to cry. Case stepped inside the door­way. "Here, give her to me."

  Bobbi Sue hesitated a moment and Case huffed out a sigh. "I know what to do."

  Bobbi Sue relented, handing the baby over. Case cra­dled her head in his hand and held her along his arm so they could make eye contact. He spoke to her softly, calmly. "What's the matter, little beauty? Do you miss your uncle Case?" He rocked her in his arms. "Time to nap, I think." He continued rocking her until her eyes fought a losing battle and finally she closed them. Case rocked her a little longer until he was certain she was out then asked, "Where do you want to lay her down?"

  Bobbi Sue ushered him inside and gestured to a small quilt on her parlor floor. He set her down and kissed the top of Christie's head before lifting up to meet Bobbi Sue's gaze. "She should sleep awhile."

  Bobbi Sue grinned. "Case, you're a natural with her. I'm impressed."

  "Christie knows I love her, Bobbi Sue. She knows she can trust me. Now, I've just got to convince Sarah of that. Will you tell me where she is?"

  Bobbi Sue glanced at Christie's sleeping form. "Look, I'm trying to be a good friend, but...well, I can see that maybe you should speak to Sarah. The three of you de­serve a chance. But Case, you go easy on her, you got that?"

  "I promise. The last thing I want is to hurt Sarah."

  Bobbi Sue took in a deep breath and paused, running a hand down her face. For a moment Case worried that she'd changed her mind. "She's taking a walk down by the creek. She headed down the south path behind the house."

  Case thanked Bobbi Sue, kissed her cheek and strode out the back door. In a few minutes, every truth Case had held deep inside since the night of Sarah's prom would be revealed.

  Sarah leaned heavily against a cottonwood tree, gazing out onto the slow-moving creek, watching a shallow cur­rent of water make its way over rocks and fallen branches. The tree provided shady protection against the bright Arizona sunlight casting the gliding stream with a shiny glow that was almost too brilliant for the eyes. But even the beautiful surroundings didn't calm Sarah. So many thoughts crowded her mind, but the most important realization struck her hard, like a slap to her face. She'd realized it just now, as she blinked back the brightness of the day, and allowed her feelings to surface honestly, without qualm or interference from her brain.

  She'd fallen in love with Case Jarrett.

  And that could very well be her downfall.

  "Sarah?"

  She blinked, but didn't answer. She couldn't. Case stood close, just a few feet away. She heard the rustling of leaves as he'd come forward, but she didn't turn around.

  "Sarah, we have to talk."

  "I guess my wishes weren't important to you."

  "I got your note."

  "But you decided to do what you wanted anyway, regardless of my feelings."

  "Hell, that's all I do care about, is your feelings. Don't condemn me for coming here. I had to. I'm crazy in love with you, Sarah. I couldn't stay away."

  Sarah squeezed her eyes shut. His pronouncement sur­prised her. He claimed he loved her, but how could she believe him? There was so much mistrust between them. Just this morning, she'd had another jolt hearing that woman's voice asking for Case, breaking their date, but promising something better to come. Pride wouldn't al­low Sarah
to ask about her. If Case really loved her, he'd admit that he'd been involved with another woman. But no admissions came forth.

  "I don't know what to say," Sarah admitted.

  "Don't say anything, darlin', just listen. It's time you knew the truth. It's time I told you." Sarah heard Case take a deep breath, then let out a long sigh. "I've been in love with you for years, ever since the night of your senior prom."

  Stunned, Sarah turned around sharply to face him. "What?"

  She met his gaze and saw the truth in the dark depths of his eyes, the slow nod of his head. The truth not only astonished her but also frightened and confused her as well. "I fell head-over-heels, Sarah. When we kissed. You remember what it was like between us. God, I'd never felt anything like it in my life. It knocked me out completely and I realized that I was crazy about you. It was a hard road for me after that, realizing you'd thought I'd played a trick on you. I couldn't tell you the truth— that I hadn't been playing at anything. That what I felt was real and I'd fallen in love with you that night. Be­lieve me, I didn't want to love you. You were Reid's girl and I did my best to hide my feelings, letting you think the worst of me. I knew you two would end up married. And when you did marry my brother, I faced a real tough decision. I could stay at the ranch and let it tear me up inside watching you two together, or I could leave."

  Sarah's heart ached painfully. If she could believe Case then it explained so many things. "So you left."

  "It was the only way for me, Sarah. I couldn't abide wanting my brother's wife. I left you two to your life. I managed, but I hated leaving Reid when he needed me. That part was the hardest. The guilt ate at me."

  "He understood, Case. He never blamed you for that."

  "I know. He told me when he was in the hospital. Sarah, there's something else you have to know. When I saw him, right before he died, he asked me to come home and watch out for you and the baby. I promised him I would."

  Sarah's mind went numb learning that Reid had tried to provide for her and Christie even from his deathbed. She'd known he'd loved her very much, and this went a long way in proving it. Tears rained down her face. "He was such a good man."

  Case agreed. ‘‘The best, Sarah. But you have to know I would have come back to the ranch even if he didn't ask me. I would have come back for you and the baby. I've loved you for a long time, Sarah. And I think you love me, too."

  Overwhelmed by emotion, Sarah had trouble sorting through everything Case had said. She had trouble sep­arating her love for Reid, and all they'd meant to each other, especially now, upon learning how much he'd wor­ried about her, and her feelings for Case. It was all too fresh, too new. She needed time to let it all sink in.

  "Sarah," Case pushed on, "there was always some­thing between us."

  "No, that's not true."

  "Isn't it? What about the night of the prom? Hell, Sarah, if you recall, it went way beyond kissing that night. You called my name and that shocked me because of what we'd almost done. When we kissed, when did you know it was me and not Reid? It's a question I've asked myself a hundred times. But only you know the truth. I think you owe us, you, me and Christie the answer to that question."

  Sarah wiped her tearstained face, anger boiling up. Case had no right asking that of her, making her recall that awful night. He had no right making her doubt her love for Reid. She'd loved Reid with all of her heart. She wouldn't allow Case to make her remember the emotions of a seventeen-year-old girl. She'd felt tremendous guilt that night, and for a long time afterward. Reid deserved more than that from her. And Sarah had a few questions of her own for Case. He was the one who couldn't be trusted, not her.

  She raised her chin and met his gaze point blank. "I've got a question for you, Case. Why do you leave the ranch every Tuesday night? You never tell me where you're going or why? But there's a woman with a seductive voice who certainly knows."

  Case stepped back as though he'd been struck. His expression grim, he searched her eyes. They stared at each other a long time, neither one speaking, each seem­ing to weigh heavily the decisions to be made. It was clear to Sarah that he wouldn't grant her an answer to that question.

  Finally Case pursed his lips and spoke with quiet de­termination. "I think we both want the same thing, but until you're willing to see the truth, that's not going to happen. You can find me at the ranch, when you make your decision."

  Sarah watched as he turned and strode away. He didn't stop, or pause or turn around. Sarah stood, motionless, watching him walk away and realizing that she had her own demons to face. Case wanted her trust, her faith as well as her love. She had to look into her heart and come up with the truth Case had spoken about so vehemently.

  The decision wouldn't come easy.

  The next day, Sarah stood just inside the barn at the Triple R, facing facts and the man she'd fallen in love with. She'd searched her heart through the night count­less times and each time, she had come away with only one answer. She had to tell Case the truth.

  Dark eyes penetrated hers, his frame solid and stable as he stood by his workbench, watching her, patiently waiting.

  Don't be a coward, Sarah. Tell him.

  "The minute our lips met, I knew," Sarah admitted, finally. "I knew it was you the night of the prom, Case."

  Sarah had fought off her own demons last night. She knew Case deserved the truth. He deserved so much more than that. Since coming back to the Triple R, he'd been there for her at every turn, helping put the ranch back together financially, delivering her beloved child, risking his life to protect her, time and again. Her grandmother's ring, so precious to Sarah, sat in a blue velvet ring box on her dresser, because of Case and the sacrifices he'd been willing to make.

  Sarah had uncovered the truth about Case Jarrett. She'd discovered who he really was and found him to be a man worthy of her love. She'd been hard on him, re­calling past hurts rather than regarding his unselfish deeds of late with any credence or gratitude. Sarah hadn't been fair to him and she wondered if he'd even want her any­more.

  He studied her a moment, setting aside his tools at the workbench. Heart pounding, Sarah approached Case slowly. "I knew, Case. And it scared me. I put all the blame on you that night. Unfairly. But what I felt that night had been so intense," she stated, releasing the guilt and pain she'd harbored, "that I couldn't face the truth. I loved Reid."

  Hard eyes, softened on her as he came closer. "I know you did."

  "And what happened that night made me doubt myself and everything I'd always believed. I couldn't doubt my love for Reid, ever, so I blamed it all on you."

  "And now?" Case's entire expression changed, alight­ing his face with hope, giving Sarah the courage to con­fess all. She stood boot to boot with him, gazing up into his wonderfully dark eyes, seeing perhaps, a second chance for them both and a new future.

  "And now?" Sarah repeated on a soft whisper, "I realize that I was wrong about you and...and I'm pretty much head-over-heels in love with you, too."

  Case's grin splintered his beautiful face and widened bruises that were still healing. "Sarah," he said swoop­ing her into his arms and crushing her with a soul-searing kiss. He held her tight, squeezing with gentleness, mak­ing her feel cherished, treasured, fully and completely loved. Sarah surrendered to him granting him her trust, giving him her heart, no longer afraid to place her faith in him.

  When they broke apart, Case was smiling, joy washing over his face. Sarah, too, couldn't help her silly grin. She peered over his shoulder to his workbench and something caught her eye.

  Taking his hand, she walked over to the work area and lifted up a newly framed certificate. "What's this?"

  "I was going to surprise you with it, darlin'," Case confessed, standing behind her and brushing a soft kiss along her throat. Sarah fought the urge to turn in his arms and kiss him again. Her curiosity had gotten the best of her.

  Instead Sarah read the words imprinted on the certifi­cate. "It says Boot Camp. You went to Boot Camp, Case?" />
  A crooked knowing smile curled his lips up. ' 'Uh-huh. Tuesday nights. Boot Camp for New Daddies. And I passed with flying colors."

  Boot Camp for New Daddies?

  Awed by his admission and new dawning knowledge, everything suddenly became perfectly clear. Case had been going to classes on Tuesday nights, for her, for the baby. He hadn't been involved in anything illicit. No, the hot steamy dates she'd imagined hadn't been that at all. Heavens, the man had been learning how to burp and diaper the baby. The backs of Sarah's eyes burned with fresh tears. "You did that...for us?"

  On a deep breath, Case nodded. "I didn't know a darn thing about babies and I wanted to be a good father for little Christie."

  "Oh, Case." Sarah's heart stirred and she realized she'd been right in placing her faith in him. "You're a wonderful father, already."

  Case took her into his arms once again, lowering them down onto an untied bale of hay. ‘‘I am?''

  Sarah lay beside him, embraced by his protective arms. "Uh-huh," she breathed out, fingering the scar on his face, a symbol reflecting the differences in the two men she'd loved, each one being good, solid and sure, but so very different. Sarah said a prayer of thanks for the gift of a second chance, for a man she would love forever. "Yes, you're pretty wonderful."

  He kissed her lips gently. "How'd you think I'd be in the husband department?"

  "Husband?" Hope surged through her body, filling her with immense joy.

  "I need you for my wife, Sarah. Marry me. Be my family."

  Sarah wanted nothing more. A sense of peace settled around her and she knew without a doubt that this was the right decision. She needed Case in her life. She'd found the true heart of this cowboy and he was all she could ever ask for in a man. "Yes. I'll marry you. We'll be your family, Case."