"The orange was horrible but I couldn't do anything about it. The hairdresser said I had to wait for my hair to get healthier before I could dye it again."
"Which is why I told you it looked cool. I was trying to be supportive."
"Hmm. I guess I'm okay with that. I would've said the same thing to you. So what else have you lied about?"
"Birdie, come on. It doesn't matter."
"My clothes? Have you said something looks good on me when it doesn't?"
"A few times, but only because you get really mad if I don't like something you're wearing."
"That's not true!"
"The blue shorts with the pelicans all over them?"
"Okay, yes, but I only got mad because you didn't even give them a chance. Pelicans were supposed to be in that year. Maybe they would've looked better if I paired them with a different shirt. I'll never know because after your stupid brother laughed at them I never wore them again."
Birdie has no fear when it comes to fashion. She'll wear something crazy and say she's making a fashion statement. Cal always teases her about it, which seems to bother her more than if I do it.
"And your hat phase," I say, reminding her of the three months back in ninth grade when she wore hats every day. They were big sun hats and she'd wear them with giant sunglasses. She said it was her celebrity look and that all the major actresses wore hats and sunglasses.
"There was nothing wrong with those hats."
"Except that they were so big you kept knocking into people." I laugh. "Remember when your hat hit Mr. Webber and he sent you to the principal's office?"
"Yes. That's why I stopped wearing them." She laughs. "I have worn some pretty bad stuff, haven't I?"
"It's what makes you the Birdie I know and love. Now back to this problem with Luke."
"It doesn't sound like a problem to me. It sounds like you two are going to have a really hot summer. When are you going to have sex with him?"
"Birdie! I'm not having sex with him. I'm not even supposed to be thinking of him that way!"
"But you are. And he's thinking that way about you. I'd be willing to place a bet that you two will hook up before the end of the summer."
"If that happened my dad would not only kick Luke out of the house, he'd kill him! And Cal would help!"
"So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know. That's why I'm calling you. Should I just try to completely avoid Luke and not talk to him?"
"That would definitely seem suspicious, so no. I say just act normal around him. No giggling. No twirling of your hair. Batting of your eyes."
"Yeah, because those are my go-to flirting techniques."
"You know what I mean. Try not to give any indication that you like him when you're around your family."
"I'll try, but what about when we're alone?"
"You should probably make sure that doesn't happen. Based on what happened today, the next time you're alone with him you might end up having sex."
"We won't. We're not ready for that. I barely know him!"
"You had weeks and weeks of deep, soul-baring conversations."
"We talked about stuff, yes, but I wouldn't call it soul baring."
"You're also in love and love leads to sex. Actually the sex usually comes first but—"
"We're not in love. And you're not helping."
"I already told you what to do. You just won't listen."
"Then recap it for me."
"Act normal when you're around your family and avoid being alone with him."
"That's going to be hard to do."
"It's just for the summer, right?"
"Yeah."
"That's only a few months. After that he'll move out and you can date him."
"I'll be back at college by then. I won't be able to see him."
"We'll worry about that later. For now just take it one day at a time."
We talk a few minutes more, then end the call so I can start unpacking all my stuff from college. As I'm tossing clothes into a laundry pile my phone dings.
Checking the message, I see it's from Luke.
I miss you.
I smile. You saw me two hours ago.
Which is too long.
Smiling even more I text back, It's getting late. Why aren't you asleep?
Because my mind can't stop thinking about a girl.
Why can't you stop thinking about her?
Because she's beautiful. Smart. Athletic. Funny. Sweet. And an awesome golfer.
She sounds pretty great. Have you asked her out?
That's the thing. I'm not allowed to.
That's too bad.
His texting stops briefly and then the dots appear as he writes something.
Come over here.
I bite my lip, glancing out the back window at the guest house. It's tempting, but not a good idea.
I can't. We'll get caught.
Then meet me by the pool. We'll just sit and talk.
That might look bad if my parents see us.
We're allowed to talk. Your family knows we're friends. Friends talk.
As I'm trying to decide what to do, my mom knocks on my door.
"Come in," I say.
She opens the door halfway. "I'm going to bed. Your father and Cal are already asleep. They were tired from the trip." She looks at my stuff scattered all over the floor. "Honey, you don't have to unpack everything tonight."
"I wasn't tired so I thought I'd just work on it now."
She comes in my room. "So what did Luke say earlier? When you two were in the guest house?"
"He was just talking about Albert and how much he misses him."
"It's good you were there for him. I don't think he's been talking to Cal. But you know Cal. He isn't comfortable talking about those types of things." She walks to the window. "He seems so alone. Would you mind going out there and talking to him?"
"Luke?" I drop the shirt I was holding.
"He's sitting by the pool. I hate to see him out there by himself."
I join my mom at the window and see Luke sitting on one of the patio chairs, leaning forward and staring at the pool.
"He needs someone," my mom says, "and you seem to be the only one who can get him to talk."
"Okay. I'll go out there."
"Thanks, honey." She gives me a hug. "It's so good to have you home. I missed you."
"I missed you too."
After she leaves I go downstairs and out to the back patio. The patio and pool lights are on, giving me enough light to find my way over to Luke.
He's still leaning forward and his head is down, staring at the ground. When I sit beside him he doesn't move. Does he not notice I'm here?
"Luke," I say, trying to get his attention.
He doesn't say anything but I notice his neck move as he swallows.
"Luke, what's going on?" I put my hand on his arm. "Are you okay?"
He shakes his head, then finally looks at me and that's when I notice the tears running down his face.
"No," he says, more tears falling. "I'm not okay."
Chapter Thirteen
Luke
Taylor reaches over and wraps her arms around me. "Luke, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry he's gone."
"It just hit me, you know? That he's gone. That I'll never see him again." My voice falters and tears stream down my face.
I don't normally show emotion and I almost never cry. Growing up I had to be tough to survive living with my dad. But losing Albert? I can't hide how I'm feeling. I thought I could but tonight something happened and all the pain and hurt and loss I was feeling hit me all at once.
"It's okay," Taylor says, hugging me. "It's gonna be okay. Right now it hurts but I promise it'll get better."
My plan to not let myself get closer to her is completely shot. Letting her see me like this? Crying on her shoulder? Being vulnerable? I'm letting her get closer to me than I'd let anyone else, even Cal.
"I didn't even cry at his funeral," I sa
y. "I didn't really feel anything that day. It's like I just shut down."
"I think sometimes it takes time to sink in. When my grandpa died it didn't hit my dad until a week later. He was really close to his dad. They used to do everything together. Then one day my grandpa had a heart attack and was gone. My dad went almost a week without talking about it. He acted like it didn't happen. Even my mom couldn't get through to him. But when he finally accepted his dad wasn't coming back, it hit him hard."
I sit back and wipe my face. "I guess the same thing's happening to me. I thought I was getting past it but then it just hit me and I was overcome by this feeling of loss. I wasn't ready for him to go. We had so many plans. I wanted him to see me play professionally. I wanted him to see me win a tournament."
"You've won tournaments before."
"As an amateur, in minor tournaments. That's not the same. Albert's dream was to see me play in a major tournament. I wanted that too." I look at Taylor. "I wanted to make him proud."
"You did." She takes my hand. "Albert didn't need you to win a major tournament to be proud of you. He already was."
I half-smile, wiping the last few tears away. "You never even met him."
"But Cal did. And he told me Albert loved you like a son. He could tell how much Albert cared about you."
"He did. I just really wanted him to see me play professionally. To see that I made it. He worked so hard and invested so much money to help me get this far, and then he doesn't get to see the end result."
"But he did. He saw you grow into a good person. Someone who works hard. Someone who doesn't give up. He helped you become that person and I bet if he were here right now he'd say that's what he's most proud of. Helping you become the person you are now."
I smile. "Thanks. I needed to hear that."
"Anytime." She smiles back. I love seeing that smile. That alone makes me feel better. So does having her here. There's just something about her that always makes me feel better.
I reach in the pocket of my shorts and take out the yellow golf ball. "This is what did it. This is what made it finally hit me that he's gone." I hold up the yellow ball. "I was unpacking my stuff and found this in one of the boxes. It's the first thing Albert ever gave me. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was five and my parents had just rented the house next door to Albert's. They were moving in and yelling at each other and I wanted to get away. I was tired of hearing them fight, and at that age it scared me. Albert came over and saved me. He introduced himself and offered to watch me while my parents moved in."
"And they let him? A total stranger?"
"They didn't care. They were happy to get rid of me. Anyway, when I got to Albert's house I saw this yellow ball." I hold it in my palm and run my finger over it, remembering that day. "I'd never seen a ball like this. With the dimples all around it? I asked Albert why it had that funny texture and he said because the ball is happy. He said it's smiling, and when it smiles, its dimples show, just like when I smile. My dimples show."
"That's really sweet." She holds her hand out. "Can I see it?"
I hand her the ball, rotating it to the side that has the black marker on it. "Albert did this. He drew a smiley face with a black marker on the ball so I'd remember why the dimples are there. When he said all that I remember being confused. I couldn't figure out why a ball would be happy."
"Did you ask him?"
"Yeah, and he said because the ball doesn't let anything get him down. He said the ball loves being up in the air but it's also happy just sitting on the ground or resting in my hand. Albert said that whenever I'm feeling sad to look at the ball and remember that no matter how bad a day I'm having, there's always something to smile about."
She wipes her eyes. "You're making me cry." She hits my shoulder. "Stop it."
"If I cry, you have to cry. It's a rule."
She hands me back the ball. "I see why finding that ball made you sad. I don't even know Albert and that story made me sad."
"I really miss him." I lean back in my chair. "I wish I would've told him how much he means to me before it was too late."
"He already knows. I'm sure of it."
Tipping my head up to the sky I smile, hoping Albert can see. "You know what I'm happy about right now?"
"What?"
"You." I keep my eyes on the stars. "Having you next to me. Telling you that story. Being here with you." I look at her. "It makes me happy."
She punches my arm. "Dammit, Luke!"
"What? Why'd you hit me?"
"You're making me cry again!" She wipes the tears off her face with her palm and sniffles. "Do it again and I'm going inside."
"Please don't." I take her hand in mine.
"I wasn't going to." She looks down. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said it." She lets out a laugh. "I just don't like crying. It's girly."
I chuckle. "You're a girl, aren't you?"
"Well, yeah, I just meant that I feel weak when I cry. Like a little girl. I feel like I should be stronger than that."
"Me too. Other than tonight I can't remember the last time I cried."
"And you did it in front of me," she says as her eyes slowly move up to mine.
"I know. And the thing is, I don't think I would've let anyone else see me like this."
She pauses, then asks, "Why me?"
"Because..." I don't know how to explain it to her. I don't really get it myself. "Because you're the one I want to tell things to."
She lets go of my hand and sits back in her chair, tipping her head back to stare up at the sky.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
She sighs. "What's going on here, Luke?"
"What do you mean?"
"What's going on between us? Why do I feel this way? I only met you a few times last year and then we kissed in March and talked for a few weeks. I shouldn't feel this way."
"What way?" I ask, anxiously awaiting her answer. I know she likes me but I don't know how much.
"Like..." She keeps her head tilted up to the sky. "Like...why are you the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning? And why am I still thinking about you when I go to bed? When I see some funny video on the internet why do I want to send it to you before anyone else? Why are you always in my head? Why can't I stop thinking about you?"
My heart's thumping hard and a smile takes over my face because I'm so damn happy that she feels just like I do.
"Well?" she says, sounding annoyed. "Aren't you going to say anything?" She closes her eyes. "Or are you over there thinking I'm crazy?"
"If you're crazy then so am I because I feel the same way."
Her eyes blink open and she looks at me. "You do?"
"I have for a long time. Longer than just last year."
"I don't understand. We just met."
I pause, second-guessing if I should tell her this but feeling like I should.
"Okay, this is gonna sound strange but just go with me here."
"What is it?"
"When I was a kid and Albert got me interested in golf, we'd sit at his house and watch all the tournaments. My dad would get mad if I watched them at home so I'd go to Albert's house. One day, when I was around ten, Albert and I were watching a tournament and after it ended the sportscaster was interviewing your dad. He wasn't in the tournament. He was just commenting on it. You and Cal were standing behind him. When I saw you I couldn't take my eyes off you. I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen."
"Wait. So you're saying you've liked me since I was nine?"
I smile. "Not really. I thought you were pretty but at that age I had no interest in girls. My focus was on golf, and only golf. That's why I couldn't understand why my mind kept going back to you. I'd lie awake at night, imagining my golf ball sinking in the hole, dreaming of going pro someday, and then all of a sudden, my thoughts would be interrupted by a picture of this girl with blond braids and bright blue eyes standing behind her dad as he talked on TV. It was annoying but part of me also liked it, be
cause for some reason, the girl made me smile."
"Are you sure it was me?"
"Yes. Albert confirmed it."
"You asked Albert about me?"
"I asked him who you were."
"And what did he say?"
"He said you're Tuckerman's daughter. He said your name and I said, 'like the golf clubs' and Albert laughed."
"But then later, you must've forgot about me, right?"
"No. Never. In fact, whenever Albert and I would watch a tournament I'd search the crowd to see if you were there."
"Did you ever see me?"
"Not on TV but I was hoping to see you at golf camp when I was 15."
"Golf camp? But I didn't go to a co-ed camp. I—" She stops, like she suddenly realized what I meant. "The one Cal went to. That's when he met you. When he got home he talked about you but I tuned him out. So did we see each other?"
"No. I got there late. Cal said you guys had just left."
She bursts upright in her chair. "That was you!"
"Me? What are you talking about?
"There was this guy, a really cute guy. Birdie and I were talking in the parking lot when this car drove past. There was this really hot guy in the passenger seat. Birdie was talking but I didn't even hear what she said. I was too busy staring at the guy."
"It couldn't have been me. Cal said you guys had already left."
"But when did he tell you that?"
"When I was checking in."
"That was later, after we left. When you first got to camp we were still there."
"And you're sure it was me?"
"Positive. I just never put it together. I can't believe you were that guy! You have no idea how much I thought about you after we left that day. I even had dreams about you. And this whole time you were Cal's friend! Why didn't I realize that when I met you last year?"
"I look a lot different now than I did when I was fifteen." I grin. "So you really had dreams about me?"
"Okay, that was embarrassing. I shouldn't have told you that."
"What about now? Do you ever have dreams about me?"
"Maybe." She smiles.
"I've had dreams about you too."
If she only knew how many dreams I've had about her. I've been dreaming about her for years.
Anyone But Her Page 12
