The waitress appeared with their salads. Haley reached for the bread basket and offered it to him. When he’d taken a roll, she picked one for herself.
“You’re better off without Allan,” he said. “Do you believe that?”
She nodded, then paused and shook her head. “I tell myself that. I want to believe it, and most of the time I do. I just wish I didn’t feel so guilty. It’s complicated.”
“Life often is.”
“Mine wasn’t before.” She took a sip of the wine. “I really like this. You made a great choice.”
He grinned. “Stick with me, kid, and I’ll show you the good life.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wanted to call them back. Haley’s face brightened and she beamed at him. He felt both ten feet tall and as small as the biggest lowlife on the planet. While he knew she was perfectly safe in his company, he also knew how much he wanted her. Liking her was fine—Haley was a likable sort of person. But sex?
He’d reformed his ways, become one of the good guys. He had a bad feeling that giving in to Haley’s particular brand of temptation was a slick, steep road back to hell.
“Let me rephrase that,” he said. “I’m not someone to stick with.”
“Of course you are. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.”
“Not even by half. My mother used to drag me to church every week, but it sure as hell didn’t take. I stopped going as soon as I could.”
“What does church have to do with anything?” She speared several lettuce pieces but didn’t eat. “Allan and I used to argue about that all the time. I’ve always believed that God is so much more than a building. People find Him wherever they need Him. But for Allan, church was everything.
“I’ll agree that belonging to a church provides a sense of community and structure. A good pastor or rabbi or whatever can encourage people and teach them to be their best selves, but God is the point. Do you believe in God?”
He’d been so caught up in her words, in her beliefs, which were a bit of a surprise, that he almost didn’t catch the question.
“Yes,” he answered without thinking.
She shrugged. “So if you believe, then how can you keep from worshiping and giving thanks, in whatever form that takes? Appreciating the beauty of a morning, or being grateful for being alive. Isn’t that praise?”
“I’ve never thought of it like that,” he admitted.
“I think about it a lot. Like I said, Allan didn’t agree with me. For him if someone didn’t belong to the church, they weren’t of value. Sometimes I was afraid that for him it was all about how things looked, not how they were inside.”
He shook his head. “You were wrong before when you said you didn’t have any backbone. You’re pure steel. I admire that.”
Her eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Allan was an idiot for not seeing it.” He tore open his roll. “So did you love him?”
He asked the question for a couple of reasons. First, because he needed to change the subject. His compliments had a way of making her see him as something of a prize. For another, as much as he didn’t want to know the answer, he figured that if she was still in love with the guy, the information would be enough to crank down his desire to escort Haley right into his bed. He might be a bit of a bastard, but he didn’t poach.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I thought I did, but now things are all muddled. Maybe I don’t know what romantic love is. What about you? Have you been in love?”
“Once. A long time ago.”
“Did you marry her?”
“She was already married. I didn’t know. I was looking for forever and she just wanted a good time.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it happens.” He could tell the story now without feeling the pain, but when it had happened…He didn’t want to think about that. “I got over it. Maybe I wasn’t as in love as I thought.”
“I want to be swept away,” she said. “I want love to crash over me like a wave and carry me out into the ocean.”
“Sounds dangerous.”
“It sounds exciting.”
He looked at her and their eyes locked. Kevin felt a rushing sensation deep in his chest. He didn’t know what it was and he didn’t want to know. He could smell the danger all around. But he wouldn’t go there. Not with Haley. She wasn’t for him. He’d known that from the beginning. But that didn’t mean he had to like it.
Kevin knew he was being punished. Or tested. Or maybe both. He probably deserved the former and was going to fail the latter, which was interesting but not particularly helpful in his current situation.
He was in pain. He told himself that over and over again, as if it would make a damn bit of difference. Nothing about the situation was sexy or erotic. He rubbed his hand over his face and figured there was no point in lying to himself. Once Haley was in the room, everything became sexually charged—at least for him. Sitting on the bed in nothing but his shirt and briefs while she changed his bandage was about the most physically interesting thing to happen to him in months. Maybe years.
Damn depressing, he thought, leaning his head back on the pillow he’d propped up against the headboard and tried to concentrate on the game on TV. He’d ended a relationship going nowhere about four months ago. He and Millie had been on-and-off lovers for nearly six months. What did it say about his life when having a bandage changed on his gunshot leg was sexier than having sex with someone else?
He heard a soft sound and opened his eyes. Haley had walked into his bedroom, her hands filled with tubes, bandages and tape. She dropped her supplies next to him and settled on the edge of the bed.
“How does it feel?” she asked.
Hard.
He clenched his teeth and tried to think about carburetor parts, but it didn’t help. Just knowing she was wearing that damn dress without a bra killed him. He didn’t even have to look at her breasts, either. He was hard and getting harder by the heartbeat. “Kevin?”
He stared at her. “I’m fine,” he muttered.
“Are you sure? You look kind of…” Her voice trailed off. “Uncomfortable.”
Good a word as any, he thought with a laugh. “I’m okay. Just change the bandage.”
He stared at the ceiling as she messed with her supplies and reached for the scissors, then knew the exact moment she’d caught sight of his “problem.” Her breath caught and he felt her gaze shift to his face.
“Ignore it,” he said, still looking upward and wondering what he’d done to deserve this in his life.
She didn’t speak, didn’t move. As far as he could tell, she wasn’t even breathing. Finally he looked at her.
Her eyes were the size of baseballs, her mouth was parted and color stained her cheeks.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” he told her. “I’m a man, you’re a woman. I find you attractive and we’re alone in a bedroom. It happens.”
She swallowed. “I’ve never seen a man before—you know. That.”
The “that” in question pulsed slightly.
“C-can I ask you some questions?”
He would rather she hacked off his arm. He sighed. “Sure. What do you want to know?”
More color flooded her face. “So you’re, um, aroused?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
She turned away. “Not to me.”
Damn. He’d inadvertently sucker punched her, which only proved he was the wrong guy for the job. Knowing he was courting twenty-seven kinds of trouble, he touched her arm.
“Sorry, Haley. I’m not handling this well. I’m a little uncomfortable with the situation. At thirty-one I should be able to control myself better. Go ahead and ask your questions.”
He was talking about his erection, but he didn’t know if she would understand that. Either way, she seemed to accept his apology. She turned her attention back to his face.
She bit her lower lip. He watched as curiosity battled with modesty. Curiosity
won.
“I’ve heard that blood fills, um, it and it gets bigger. Does that hurt? I’m asking because I broke my arm once and it really swelled up and it hurt more than anything.”
Despite the strange situation, he couldn’t help laughing. “No, it doesn’t feel like a broken arm. There’s tension and an aching when I get hard, but no physical pain. Blood flows in and eventually flows out.”
She glanced down at his lap, then back at his face. “I thought it would stick out more.”
He held in a grin. “It does. If I were to take off my underwear, it would stick straight out.”
Her expression turned intrigued.
“No way,” he said before she could ask. “That’s not going to happen. Looking would lead to other things and I’m not into defiling virgins.”
“You’d probably be very good at it.”
“We’re not going to find out.”
She sighed heavily. “And you say you’re not a good guy. Someone bad would have already taken advantage of me.”
A good guy wouldn’t want her so much, he thought, but didn’t share that with her. Instead, he shifted his leg.
“Go ahead and torture me,” he said. “I’ll watch the Braves kick butt.”
He focused on the third inning, then groaned when the team left two men on. Haley worked efficiently, peeling off the old bandage, applying the ointment and putting on the new dressing. He’d only had one pain pill that morning and wouldn’t take another until bedtime. He was already improving, which was a good thing. He had a feeling he was going to need all his strength to resist Haley.
When she finished, she stood and carried her supplies back into her room. He relaxed. At least that hurdle had been passed. Maybe tomorrow he should change his own bandage. It would be a whole lot easier if he—
She reappeared in the doorway. “Would you want me if I wasn’t a virgin?”
Had he been standing the question would have knocked him on his ass. There were a thousand safe ways to answer that question. A thousand games he could play with her. Instead, he stared into her eyes and knew he could only tell her the truth. After the hell that bastard Allan had put her through, she deserved that.
“I want you now. The difference is, if you weren’t a virgin, I’d act on it.”
He’d hoped that would send her running, but Haley being Haley crossed to the bed and sat next to him. Before he could gather his defenses, she leaned forward and kissed him.
In seconds he was drowning in her softness, in the taste of her and the quick, eager strokes of her hot tongue. She was innocent, tempting and a damn fine kisser all in one package. Was it his fault that his arms came around her and he pulled her close? He was a man, not a statue.
He was used to lush women with curves to spare. Haley was slight in his arms, but still appealing. He angled his head so he could kiss her more deeply, following her back into her mouth, tracing the sweetness of the inside of her lower lip, then circling her tongue with his. He tasted her, teased her, stroked her. They established a dance that sent fire to points south. Hard became harder and the ache made the pain in his leg feel like a mosquito bite.
He cupped her face, his fingers stroking her soft skin. She smelled like flowers and candy. She tasted like heaven. When her hands settled on his shoulders, he wanted to pull free and rip off his shirt. He wanted her hands on his chest, his back, his groin. He wanted her to rub him until he exploded. No, he wanted to bury himself inside her and then explode.
Haley nearly lost her breath when Kevin bit down on her lower lip. He nibbled her there, then soothed the sensitive skin with a quick lick. From there he moved to her jaw, biting, kissing, making her feel things she’d never felt before. The world was spinning and she was caught up in the vortex, tossed first one way, then the other. She couldn’t think. She didn’t want it ever to stop.
But while her brain wasn’t working, her body seemed to be doing just great. Every touch, every point of contact, was exquisite pleasure. Yes, of course Allan had kissed her, but it hadn’t been with this fire or passion. She’d never felt a trembling in her chest before. Her breasts had never seemed too tight and uncomfortable for her clothes. She wasn’t even wearing a bra and yet she felt confined. Between her legs little jolts of heavy, throbbing electricity made her press her knees together as if to hold in something she couldn’t really contain.
Kevin kissed his way down her neck. He shifted and reached for the strap on her dress, then pushed it off her shoulder. When his mouth settled just over her collarbone, she caught her breath. How could that be such a sensitive place on her body? Was he as sensitive?
Caught up in the feel of his mouth and lips and tongue, she had trouble forcing herself to move but eventually she slid her hands down to the front of his chest. His muscles moved, tightening and released as she slid over them. His body was so different from hers. Angled, strong, unyielding.
He licked the hollow of her throat and her head fell back. Yield. Yes, that was what she wanted to do. She still kept her knees tightly pressed together but now she did it because part of her wanted to let them fall open.
“Haley,” he breathed, the word hot against her skin.
The sound of his voice made her shiver. He lifted his head and found her mouth. She wrapped her arms around him and clung as their passionate kiss swept her away.
She couldn’t breathe, but then what did breath matter? She couldn’t think, she could only feel the deep kisses. One of his hands settled on her waist. She felt the pressure, the heat, and when it began to move upward, she understood the destination.
Anticipation flooded her. Anticipation and need. Higher and higher he moved until finally he cupped her breast in his hand.
Time stood still. Haley didn’t have the words or even the images to describe that feeling. His warm fingers, his palm holding her so delicately yet firmly. Then he brushed against her nipple. The sensation was so incredible, so unexpected, that she gasped a sound. Not a word but an unintelligible expression of her satisfaction.
He brushed her nipple again. She had to stop kissing so she could concentrate on the delight that coiled through her. She ached. She wanted more. She wanted everything.
Over and over he stroked, then he pinched the tight peak and she thought she might die from the wonder of it all. Again and again until the rhythm became the universe.
His other hand joined the first. They moved together. It was too much. It was wonderful. Unable to stop herself, she took his face in her hands and kissed him. She wanted all of him and when he entered her mouth, she sucked on his tongue, matching the movements of his fingers on her breasts.
Tension spiraled through her. It began in the center of her body and moved lower to settle between her legs. She felt full, yet oddly empty.
Kevin broke the kiss. With his hands still on her breasts, he rested his forehead against hers.
“Okay, now it hurts,” he said.
She opened her eyes and glanced down at his lap. His…maleness…seemed even larger than before. He looked very, very ready.
She raised her gaze to his face.
“Don’t even think about it,” he said, straightening and dropping his hands to his sides.
She hadn’t decided if this was what she wanted or not, but having him tell her no before she could make up her own mind was a little annoying.
“Why do you get to decide?”
“Because both of us have to be willing.”
“But you are willing.”
“Physically, yes. But otherwise, no.” He touched her cheek. “Not like this, Haley. Not in a motel on the highway with a guy you’ve only known a couple of days. The first time should be with someone you care about.”
He spoke tenderly and his words brought tears to her eyes. He was right about all of it. Everyone had thought that Allan was a prince among men, but they’d been wrong. The injured man in front of her had turned out to be the most honorable person she’d ever met.
“I thought I loved All
an and I was wrong,” she said. “How will I know when it’s right?”
“You’re asking the wrong guy. My track record stinks.” He traced her lower lip with his thumb. “My mom always said I’d just know. Not very helpful, huh?”
Before she could respond, there was a loud beeping from the television. She turned and saw a red band at the bottom of the screen. The picture had switched from the ball game to a man standing in front of a weather chart. Kevin grabbed the remote and turned up the sound.
“Tornados have been seen in several counties,” the man was saying, then he began listing them.
“I have no idea what county we’re in,” she said.
“Me, either.” Kevin frowned at the map on the screen. “Isn’t that the town we drove through earlier?”
“I think so.” She glanced toward the window. “Are we going to be okay? Should we go to a shelter?”
Kevin wrapped his arm around her. “We’ll be fine.”
“I’ve never been in a tornado.” And she wasn’t much interested in experiencing one now.
Kevin sighed heavily. “Go put on your pj’s, then come back here. You can stay with me. We’ll leave the TV on and monitor things.”
“You won’t mind?” She knew she would feel much better being in the same room with him.
“I’ll take care of you,” he promised.
She liked the sound of that because she wanted to take care of him, too. They could take care of each other. With Kevin that felt exactly right.
Chapter Nine
The next morning Haley found herself singing along with the car radio. She felt happy, light and in her best mood in days. The tornados had decided not to pay them a visit in the night, so she hadn’t had to wrestle a mattress into the bathroom and fling herself and Kevin into the tub for safety. But she had spent the night in his arms.
Yes, it was true. Two nights out of the past four she’d slept with a man. And while he had made her drag in a sheet from her own bed so they didn’t actually touch skin-to-skin, they’d been close enough for her to feel the heat of his body and to wake up with his arms around her and her head on his chest. It had been the absolute best morning ever.
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