by Amy Brent
“Again, we both lost our child. I want to get through it together but that’s not going to happen right now.” Declan said sadly before he sipped his coffee.
“Did she end it with you?” Rory asked and Declan frowned.
“Not in so many words. She’s just gone right now.” Declan explained as Rory shook his head. “I’ll wait for her. I have nothing else that I could do right now.”
“You guys had it all. She’ll be back.” Declan shrugged and glanced up as their waitress brought their food to the table. The guys ate and moved on to other topics such as rugby and school but Declan was clearly still focused on Mallory as he tried to move forward.
Rory dropped Declan off to get his car and they went to the gym to work out. Hangover or not, Declan had to work out his feelings right now or else he felt like he was going to break in half. He worked hard on his arms and legs for over an hour and thought about the game since he was now playing again as opposed to coaching. They’d replaced their lost coach with a man that had the experience and the skills to do the job but it hurt all of them to see a new face there. Declan took over again as a strong lead player though right now he sipped his water and wondered if he could even do this.
He dreamed of coach every night after the baby died, mixing the tragedies together in one horrifying sequence that woke him up in a cold sweat.
CHAPTER 4
Declan glanced over the field as he trampled with his team to start the game the weekend after everything had happened. He’d been practicing hard and on the outside, he looked like he was in top shape and ready. He faked enthusiasm for everyone all of the time and was into the sport again. On the inside, he was broken and alone but he used that in the game and played rougher than he ever had before. Coach Mike and Coach Ken pushed him as they watched him closely since Mike knew what he was going through. He hated to see something else happening like this but Declan had assured him that he was fine to play. He told him that he needed to. They went with that and Declan tried to accept Ken as best he could through the pain of what had happened to the former man in his shoes and the emotions that he struggled with.
The team kept their victories going and Declan tried to keep his mind on school as the weeks passed. He’d tried to talk to Mallory a few times since she’d left the hospital but it was always awkward and hard. She wasn’t ready to move on but Mallory wouldn’t let her grief set in with him yet. She was trying to be strong and he begged at the end of the last conversation to just feel something about this. They ended up in an argument and Declan had thrown his phone across the room before he took off to the bar for a few drinks.
He didn’t see Mallory at school and the rumor was that she was taking a break for a while. Though her injuries weren’t nearly as serious as they could have been, Mallory had some healing to still do inside and out. He spoke with Rayna when he saw her and also kept in touch with Mary to know what was going on.
Mallory was healing as she should be physically after a couple of months, but he had been told that she wasn’t sleeping well at night and still traumatized from the stillbirth. Mary was doing her best to get Mallory to see someone to talk to but was meeting a lot of resistance along the way. It sounded like she just slept through the day, though restlessly and claimed that she was recovering when Mary tried to force her up to do anything. The pained look on Rayna’s face whenever they ran into each other at school ripped him apart and Declan found himself needing to escape the pain that he wasn’t allowing himself to give into. He knew that his grandparents were there to support him but he’d never showed weakness to them before and he wouldn’t now.
The bar became a regular routine for him when he wasn’t studying or playing and Declan found solace in the alcohol. He had been a regular there before and it was easy to slip back into the old routine with those friends. They were separate from school and even Mallory since she hadn’t really been there a lot. Bars weren’t her scene and Declan had traded it for restaurants and dates happily as he settled into the relationship.
Now he was alone and the whiskey was flowing as the music played loudly over the speakers. Declan laughed as he bent over to shoot a pool ball into the corner pocket, careful not to fall on the ground. “Fuck, I’m wasted.” Nights were long and lonely and he filled the time there so he wouldn’t think too much about things. Merry moved beside him as he shot and missed and he stumbled against her. “Sorry.”
“It’s nice to see you back around.” He looked into her pretty face and squinted his eyes to see her better, but she’d never be Mallory. Even still, they’d had a good enough little fling well before he’d met Mallory and his mind started to wander slowly as he took in her deep blue eyes and long brown hair.
“I don’t want to be home.” That was all he ever said about things and everyone had learned to not ask or talk about the rumors that had been all over the bar. He watched as she covered the rough skin of his hand with her own pale soft one and looked down.
“I am so sorry for what happened.” She seemed sincere as far as her low voice but the way she was caressing his arm made him pull away uncomfortably. He hadn’t slept with anyone since Mallory but his body was craving sex much more than his heart. Jacking off alone wasn’t satisfying him and he only ended up feeling a lot lonelier at the end of the day.
“Thanks.” Declan told her shortly as he turned to walk towards the bar. He knew Merry’s body well and she could make him feel good, if only for a night. She’d fuck and leave without a problem since he couldn’t stand the idea of someone sleeping in what he considered Mallory’s spot in his bed. He was so torn as he checked his phone and ordered another drink. There was just a text from Rory to see what he was up to and he slipped it back into the pocket of his worn jeans. Declan knew that his friend was worried about him but he was fine.
At least on the outside, he was fine. He missed Mallory more than he ever thought was possible apart from the feelings he’d had for his parents when they’d been so distant with him. That had ripped him apart as a child and Declan had vowed to never let anyone in again after that, until Mallory. She had gotten to every part of him and his body physically ached for her as his heart broke all over again.
He headed home alone that night after he’d summoned a cab with his phone despite Merry’s heavy eyes across the bar. Keagan had given up telling her to leave Declan alone since it had been a few months and he was a grown man. He’d do what he wanted to do but Keagan had seen their fallout and it was rough. Meredith could get jealous and bitchy once she had a man in her grips. Declan unlocked his door and walked inside to just look around the empty rooms as he missed Mallory’s laughter and her warmth in the house. It was so empty now and he just grabbed some water from the kitchen and headed right to his room to go to bed for a few hours. Declan stripped before he slipped under the messy covers and loosened his growing hair from the band.
There was a faint scent of her still in the room and he rolled to that side to inhale deeply as he pushed away the voice telling him to wash the damn sheets. He didn’t want to. It was all that he had of her in his life and Declan wrapped his arms around Mallory’s old pillow and started to cry. God, he missed her.
The next day was rough and Rory eyed him as he took a seat in their shared English class. “Late night?”
“Yeah, I had a few drinks at the bar.” Declan replied while he grabbed the coffee cup he’d brought with him. He took a long sip and appreciated the liquid heat down his throat. Coffee had become a necessity more than ever now along with a new energy drink that he’d found that was lower calorie and full of healthy vitamins. “How about you?”
“I was studying with Deb,” Rory replied as Declan frowned slowly at the tone in his voice. “Are you ready for the test today?”
“Yeah, mostly. It should be easy enough.” Declan shot a look at his best friend with a small smile. “School and rugby are two things that I am serious about.” That was it now. He just kept up with Mallory through updates from Mary and Rayna
and lived with that, relieved that she was finally seeing a therapist and dealing with her grief.
He was noticing how the girls were looking at him more and more at school and his willpower was fading. He’d been on his own for several months now with no contact and Declan was used to regular sex before he’d gotten in a relationship. There were no signs of Mallory coming back so would it be so wrong? Maybe she was doing the same though the idea of her with another man after all that they had shared killed him. No. She was just getting better for herself and they’d be together again soon.
Until then, he knew that he was getting weaker.
Declan decided to hang out with Rory and Deb one weekend and they met at the restaurant where he’d taken Mallory on their first date. Brittany took them to the table and offered him a seductive look when she realized that he was alone and it only reminded him of Mallory. He made it through the meal since this was Deb’s favorite place and it happened to be close to the bar they were going to afterward. There was a band playing and Declan thought that might be a nice change of pace from whiskey filled nights at his own personal haunt. He ordered a beer with dinner and leaned back as he forced the memories of Mallory out of his mind as they ordered appetizers.
The conversation was upbeat over dinner since Rory’s girlfriend was such a happy girl. She brightened any room. Declan knew that she was insanely worried about him but he always made sure to assure her that he was doing fine. He just needed time.
Rory noticed Brittany lingering around the table at the end of the meal as she chatted with them and Declan felt his eyes on him as she stared at him with heavy eyes. They both realized that she knew their plans for the night and Declan finished his beer before he stood up to leave. He told Brittany goodbye and his eyes slipped down her body as she turned with the money as pain flooded him.
“Are you moving on?” Rory asked him in a low voice as they followed Deb through the noisy restaurant.
“I don’t know. It’s been four months, Rory. I need to do…something.” That was forever to a guy like Declan and Rory whistled as he shook his head.
“You’ve held out and done the right thing. I can see that.” Rory agreed as the guys shared a look. “It’s not replacing her, Deck. Nothing ever will.” His eyes moved to his own girlfriend as he spoke and De clan felt envy spike through his heart. He’d had that at one time with so much promise.
The bar was filling up when they walked in and Declan took a look around as they went to get some drinks. There was a good mix of men and women and some of the girls were pretty hot. He’d heard enough gushing about his hair lately to know that it attracted women all of the time and he slid his hands through it tonight painfully as he tried to keep his hands from shaking. He could do this.
They drank a few beers before the band came on and Declan slipped in a few shots of his favorite whiskey to numb his pain when he could. He wasn’t driving home since Deb was their driver and wanted the guys to have some fun. She was happily sipping a soda as she talked to a few friends around the bar while Rory and Declan looked on with wide grins. The crowd screamed as the popular local band took the stage and Declan sipped a fresh beer as he took in the heavy beat of the drums and the guitar that kicked in after. He was feeling no pain and he moved a little with the crowd around him while Rory joined Deb and wrapped his arms around her.
He didn’t pay too much attention to the bodies pressed against him at first but soon a familiar scent was flooding his nostrils as Declan blinked. “Hey, stranger.” Brittany was beside him with her hair loose around her shoulders and a sleek camisole covering what Declan knew were pert little breasts.
“Hi.” She was sipping a drink as she glanced from the band to him and he felt heat flood his groin at the look she was giving him. “I heard you were going to be here. I was meeting friends anyway, so…here we are.” She smiled and he moved his hand down to adjust himself.
They stayed near each other through the second set and drank some more and he didn’t resist her kiss at the end of the night in his state of mind. Brittany had pulled him to a dark corner just as the set was ending and made her move and he allowed her tongue to slide inside of his mouth as he pulled her closer. It wasn’t the taste that he craved so badly but Brittany knew what he liked and she used those skills to draw him in.
She was slipping her hands all over his body as they kissed hard and fast and Declan slid his hands down to cup her curvy ass as emotions flooded him heavily. Lust overruled all them as his body pulsed and Declan moaned as Brittany gripped his hair and sucked on his lower lip. “Your place.” He rasped as he looked around for a door. She lived within walking distance and he knew that he could be inside of her within twenty minutes if they hurried.
“Yes,” Brittany moaned as she kissed him one more time before she pulled him to the door. Declan clutched her hand as they left but he did manage to catch Rory’s frown before they left the bar. It was too unsettling to think about and he dragged her down the road towards her apartment as she struggled to keep up. “In a hurry?” Her voice was seductive and he pinched his nose for a long second before he answered.
“I need to fuck you.” His voice sounded raw and he swallowed dryly as he heard her giggle. They made their way down the street and reached her door as he slammed her against it and kissed her hard. Brittany wrapped her arms around him and returned his aggression with a deep thrust of her tongue. Somehow, De clan managed to get hold of her keys and open the door before they fell inside the living room. He didn’t need to look around as he’d seen it before. He was familiar with this place but not sure about the way that he flipped her onto her back to push her shirt off. She was bare as usual and Brittany tossed the shirt to the couch as he kicked her door closed.
Declan covered her with his body as he kissed her lips and neck. His hands wandered all over, cupping here and squeezing there as Brittany urged him on. He moved down to suck her nipple deep into his mouth as she cried out loudly and pulled on his hair. Her hands were tugging at the button of his jeans and Brittany managed to slip her hand down to cup his hard cock with her hand as he jerked with a groan.
He looked down to see her short skirt pushed up past her thighs and spread them harder as he thrust into her grip. De clan ran his hands up her thighs before he stroked her with one firm move of his hand. Brittany moaned and jerked against him as he found her slick entrance with his fingers and thrust deeply. She rocked against him as she gripped him harder and he waited until she was crying out his name before he withdrew his hand. Declan managed to strip clumsily as she stood to guide him to her bedroom and he followed her blindly as he felt his need rising even higher. “Do you have a condom?” He hadn’t even thought about carrying them for a while and ice flooded his veins as he remembered why in his drunken haze.
“We’re all set,” Brittany assured him as he pushed open her bedroom door and watched her walk over to the mattress. She crawled over to her nightstand as he stared at her in the light from the hallway and stepped forward as she tossed something his way. Declan grabbed the packet and ripped it open as he moved onto the bed and slid it over himself. He didn’t know how he wanted her but he just needed to be inside of her and forget his pain.
“Stay on your knees.” Declan told Brittany as he spread her legs and positioned himself behind her. He drove into her with one hard thrust and his ears rang as she wrapped tightly around him, unable to hear her screaming his name as he took her harder and harder. Nothing seemed enough and suddenly he was coming inside of the condom and she was shaking before him as she released for the second time. “Fuck.” Declan groaned as he shot forward with his orgasm before his body collapsed to the side.
“You’ve never been like that. It felt so good, Deck.” Brittany murmured as he pinched his eyes closed tightly. He was too drunk and the voice wasn’t the one that he needed as he ran his hands through his hair.
CHAPTER 5
They dozed off after the sex and he woke up with a jolt as he felt skin against
his. “Mal?” Declan whispered as he looked around the room. It wasn’t his house and it wasn’t her scent. He sat up slowly as he saw the dark hair against the pink sheets and frowned. Brittany. She looked spent and he could feel that he’d gone at her pretty hard. He stood up weakly as he glanced down to see the condom half on him and pulled it off as he walked quietly to the bathroom.
Declan didn’t want to wake her up. He needed time to process all of this. He tied off the latex and dropped it into the trash like he had in the old days before Mallory with a pained look in his eyes. Deep down, he knew that he had done nothing wrong but he felt torn inside. He made his way to the living room so he could make sense of his clothes and pull them back on. Declan looked around slowly before he made sure he had everything and left the apartment alone. He locked the door from the inside and made sure that it was secure before he walked down to the street and pulled up his Uber app for a ride home.
Declan slept for a few hours before he went to practice tired and a bit hungover. Rory met him on the field and looked his best friend over closely. “So how was it?”
“I banged her so hard and it scratched the itch, but it wasn’t Mallory. I don’t know.” Declan spoke low, not proud of what he did and willing to brag about it. He never was that type but rumors go around and he felt like some guys looked up to him in some odd way. He glanced around to see if anyone had heard as he pulled his hair back with a sigh.
“What if she wants a repeat performance?” Rory asked as Declan frowned.
“I can’t wait forever…can I? Maybe it will help me move on once I adjust again. I didn’t want to be single like this, Rory.” Declan told him as his best friend nodded. They heard the coach call out to start and headed over with the team.
Declan went home and took a nap before he just settled in to watch TV for the night. He wasn’t in the best of moods and when his phone chimed with a text, he glanced over to see Brittany’s name. Declan sighed. She’d stopped calling when they ended before but now he had really piqued her interest all over again. Would it be so wrong to see her again? He would always want Mallory and miss her but he couldn’t force her to be back with him. He decided to text Brittany back and see what happened with it.
