She shook her head. “It’s not the town, Jake. You’re running from your father, and your past. You’ve been running for years. You’ve got to stop.”
Jake raked his hand through his hair in agitation. “You don’t know anything, Ali. You don’t know what it was like—” He stopped as if he was going to say too much. “After your grandparents took you in, you and Darcie had all the love you could ever want. I wasn’t so lucky.” He gave her a sad smile. “I remember coming to this house and hanging around, just hoping to absorb some of that love.”
Ali watched as Jake moved restlessly around the bedroom.
“But the end result was that I had to go home sometime. As a kid, I had more of a relationship with the housekeeper than I did with my own parents.” He spun around to face her. “Do you know when I was eight years old, I wished I’d become an orphan just so I could go live somewhere else. Maybe have a real family.”
He pulled Ali into his arms. “I need you and Joanie in my life. I love you both so much. I promise you that I’ll make you a good husband. Just come away with me.”
Ali was weakening to his plea. But her own fears kept her from saying yes, kept her from leaving the only place she’d felt safe. “I can’t, Jake. It wouldn’t solve anything. You’ve got to make peace with your father before we can have a future.”
“How can you take that man’s side? Cliff Hawkins has never been a father to me. The plant was the only family he needed.”
“Jake, I’m on your side,” she said. “But what’s happening is tearing you apart. Every time your father is around, I can feel you tense up. I see the resentment and hate.”
“I won’t play the loving-son routine with my father. We’ve never had a relationship, and we’re not about to start now.”
Ali was shaking, feeling her entire world start to unravel. She knew Jake well enough to know he wasn’t going to relent. As much as she loved the man, she couldn’t marry him. Pulling the ring off her finger, she handed it to him. “I can’t marry you, Jake.”
He looked shocked and hurt. “Why?”
“Because we want different things.”
Jake rushed out the door, slamming it shut behind him. The hurt he felt caused an excruciating pain in his chest. He’d thought that Ali loved him.
For years he’d known she had feelings for him. The first day he’d walked through the Pierces’ front door, he had seen that Ali was attracted to him. Back then he’d only thought of her as the skinny twin sister of the girl he loved—or maybe he should say lusted after. Darcie had been the early developer—head cheerleader and every high-school boy’s sexual fantasy.
No one had looked twice at shy little Ali, except Jake. He’d seen the beauty beneath the freckles and wild hair. Ali had been the quiet one, but she knew how to listen, whether it had been his problems with Darcie or helping him decide on college. Ali had been the only person he could talk to, the one person he could depend on to give him her undivided attention. Never Darcie, not his coaches or teachers, certainly not his dad.
He jumped in the car, started the engine and backed out of the driveway. Now she’d stopped caring about him. He blinked back the moisture in his eyes and headed toward the highway. The night was freezing cold, but he barely felt it—he was numb. He’d lost Ali. His family. No matter what he did, he couldn’t have her back, because there would always be a part of his past he couldn’t share with her. He couldn’t share with anyone.
His thoughts turned to his father as he pressed on the accelerator. Suddenly the car fishtailed, but Jake regained control of the slide and soon made it onto the two-lane road. He shifted into four-wheel drive and picked up speed again.
Ali wanted him to talk with his father. Jake laughed. Right. How many years had he tried to get Cliff Hawkins’s attention? How many years had he struggled to earn his approval? Nothing had worked. Why would he even want to try again?
“Wasn’t taking a job in the damn plant humbling enough for you, old man?” Jake shouted in the quiet interior of the car. “Wasn’t my coming back here and letting you act like you hadn’t done a damn thing enough for you, Cliff?”
The car hit a patch of ice. Jake’s grip on the wheel tightened as he fought to stay on the road. Once he hit dry pavement again, Jake pushed the gas pedal to the floor and the Tahoe shot off.
“Damn you, Cliff. You’re still wrecking my life.”
Suddenly, up ahead in the distance, Jake caught sight of a large dark shape. A deer. He swerved to avoid the animal. His car went off onto the shoulder, meeting with the combination of snow and ice. The vehicle went into a spin, and Jake clutched the wheel. Using all his willpower, he pulled the car under control. Finally the car stopped, facing the wrong direction and half off the road.
Jake gulped much-needed air into his lungs and laid his head on the steering wheel, trying to block out thoughts of what could have happened just seconds ago.
All at once, a picture flashed into his mind of him driving another vehicle. That time he hadn’t stopped. The blowing snow was blinding him so he couldn’t even see the highway. Suddenly his truck hit a patch of ice and went airborne and hit a tree. A strangled cry tore from his throat and pain seared through his chest as he remembered being the man trapped in the twisted metal. Tears formed in his eyes. He remembered the day of the accident. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Just then there was a knock on his window.
Jake jumped and glanced out to see a sheriff’s deputy flashing a light at him.
“Mr. Hawkins, are you okay?”
Jake managed a nod and pushed the button to lower the window.
“Sir, I saw you nearly hit the deer, then when you went off the road, I thought you were a goner…again.” The young deputy smiled. “You need me to call someone?”
“No. I’m just a little shaken up.”
The deputy eyed him closely. “Think you can get back on the highway?”
“Yeah, I can make it back.”
“Okay, I’ll wait until you’re back on the road.” The deputy turned and walked through the snow to his Blazer.
Jake took several breaths and carefully put his car into gear. He pushed down on the gas and eased the vehicle off the icy shoulder and onto the cleared pavement again. Once headed in the right direction, Jake waved at the deputy and moved down the road. This time at a slower speed—and this time with a destination.
He was going to see his father. To confront him with the past. Now he knew why he’d been out driving in a blizzard.
Chapter Fourteen
At ten o’clock, the house was silent and Ali made her way downstairs to the kitchen. She boiled some water for tea, but when she sat down to drink it, her hands shook so badly she couldn’t hold the mug. Long hard sobs rocked her body, and Ali buried her face in her hands.
A moment later, Gran June came into the kitchen, tying the belt to her robe. “Oh, what’s wrong, honey? Is it Joanie?”
Ali shook her head, fighting for control. “Jake’s gone, Gran. I told him I couldn’t marry him.”
Gran June pulled some tissues from her robe pocket and handed them to Ali, then sat down at the table. Ali knew from experience that her grandmother was waiting for an explanation. Ali wasn’t sure she had one.
“Jake wants me and Joanie to move away.”
“Isn’t that what usually happens when you get married, Ali? You go live with your husband.”
“I know.” Ali wiped her eyes. “But Jake wants me to move away from Webster. Gran, I can’t leave.”
“Why not? Don’t you love Jake?”
“Of course, but I don’t want to leave you. And Webster is my home. I feel safe here. When Joanie was born, I promised her that she’d always have a home where she felt safe and loved. Just like you promised me and Darcie.”
Gran June reached over and hugged her granddaughter. “Oh, honey. I’m glad you and Darcie felt secure living here with your grandfather and me. But don’t you know it isn’t the place that made you feel secure—it’s the
love you felt inside as a family.”
She gripped Ali’s hands. “It’s the same love you give your daughter that makes her know she’s wanted. You could move anywhere with Joanie and make her feel the same way, because you love her. I’m ashamed to say it, but your mother, for some reason, didn’t want you and Darcie. I blame your father mostly. My son, God rest his soul, could never handle responsibility. At least he married Beth when she got pregnant with you and Darcie, but he never could manage to stay in one place long enough to make a home for his family. Your mother wasn’t much better. She followed after him, then when he was killed…she began looking for another man to love. Your parents were selfish. That wasn’t love, Ali. Not the kind of love you have for Joanie, or that Jake has for you.”
Ali’s chest tightened as her grandmother’s words began to sink in.
“Look at the advantages Jake had growing up, but the house he lived in was never a home. It was never a place for him to feel safe. He’s been neglected, too. He never had a real family until you and Joanie.”
“Oh, God. I just took it all away.”
“Love is a rare gift. Jake stood by you when he found out about Joanie. Even Darcie couldn’t pry him away. I think he’s proved how he feels.”
“But what about his hatred for his father? He can’t get past it. It colors his whole life.”
“I doubt it’s hate. Jake has to work through a lot of things. Isn’t there a little resentment you still feel for your mother? Well, Jake’s mother was drunk most of his childhood. Cliff used to work at the plant to avoid facing the problem. That left a small boy to deal with things he never should have had to face alone. He’s had a lifetime of turmoil. If he and Cliff are to work things out, he needs time. Time, and you standing by him, letting him know that you love him.”
Ali felt her throat tighten. She didn’t want to think about the lonely little boy left all by himself. Worse, she didn’t want to think about the man she turned away from when he needed her. She jumped up from the table. “I’ve got to go find Jake.”
Gran smiled. “That’s a good start.”
“Will you watch Joanie?” She kissed her grandmother as the phone rang. Hoping it was Jake calling, Ali raced to answer it. “Hello.”
“Ali, it’s Ray.”
Her heart sank. “Oh, God, Ray. Is something wrong?”
“No. But Deputy Hank Peters just called in. He saw Jake skid out on Highway 26 just south of town.”
She raised her trembling hand to her lips. “Is he okay?”
“Jake’s okay, but he nearly hit a deer. His car went off the road. Hank thought for sure he was going to crash again, but Jake managed to get the car under control at the last minute.”
“Is he still out there?”
“No. He drove off right away. Ali, what’s going on? Hank said Jake seemed upset.”
Ali closed her eyes. Jake was upset and she’d caused it. “We had a fight.” She didn’t wait for Ray to say any more. “Did Hank know where Jake was headed?”
“Hank stayed behind him until he turned off at Hillcrest Road.”
Jake had gone to see Cliff. “Thanks, Ray. I’ve got to go.”
“If you need anything, call me.”
“I will. Goodbye, Ray.” She hung up the phone and ran upstairs to get dressed, fearing father and son were finally going to come to blows.
Jake pulled into the circular driveway of his father’s house. He jerked open the car door, stepped out onto the concrete driveway and looked toward the imposing two-story brick structure. The house was dark, but the white shutters glistened in the cold night as Jake made his way up the walk, limping heavily. By the time he reached the porch, his ankle ached. He’d forgotten his damn cane.
He pressed the bell, and when no one answered, he began to pound on the door. Finally Harry appeared and let him inside.
“I need to talk to my…Cliff.”
“I believe Mr. Hawkins has retired for the night.”
“Well, get him up.” Jake pushed past the man. “Tell him that his son needs to see him. Oh wait, that doesn’t work with my father. You see, Harry, Cliff has never come when I needed him. He always promised, but then he never shows. Never.”
“That’s enough, Jake,” his father’s voice rang out.
Jake walked around the eighteenth-century table in the middle of the huge entry, and went to the spiral staircase, watching as his father descended.
“Sorry. I forgot,” Jake snapped. “I shouldn’t be airing the family secret.”
Cliff glanced over Jake’s head to Harry. “You may leave us alone, Harry. I can handle this.”
The middle-aged man nodded and left the room, but not before giving Jake a threatening look.
Cliff was now face-to-face with his son. “Come into the den,” he ordered as he walked past. Jake followed.
Once inside the paneled room, Cliff strode across the slate gray carpeting to the desk, then sat on the edge, motioning his son to a chair.
Jake shook his head and began to pace. He could feel his hands trembling, and he didn’t want his father to know how upset he was. “I remembered the day of the accident.”
Cliff didn’t even blink. “I knew you would. It was only a matter of time. What triggered it?”
Jake made a snorting sound. “I nearly had another wreck.”
“My God, Jake.” Cliff stood and came to his son.
For the first time since he’d woken from the coma, Jake saw terror in the man’s eyes.
“Were you hurt?” Cliff asked.
Jake shook his head. “No. But like I said, I remember that we were together on the day of my accident.” He studied his father closely. How the hell did Cliff Hawkins pull off looking so cool and collected? “We argued. We argued about Mother, and the fact that she and I caught you with another woman.”
Cliff’s mask of reserve finally fell as he rubbed his temples, then he raised his eyes to met his son’s. “Would it make any difference if I told you it didn’t mean anything to me?”
“What didn’t mean anything? Mom and me?” Jake yelled. “I already knew that. But I believe your wife lived in an alcohol fog of hope.”
“No. The affair.”
“Which affair?”
“I know you won’t believe this, Jake, but I was unfaithful just that once. It only lasted a few weeks.”
Jake tossed out a few expletives. “Next thing you’ll try to tell me is that work kept you busy all those nights at the plant.”
Cliff paused, then finally shook his head. “No, not always. But when your mother’s drinking had gotten so bad that she was incoherent, I did use the plant as an excuse to stay away.”
Anger welled inside Jake, and he felt his gut twist. “What about me, Dad? I was home. Waiting. But you never showed up. Instead, you abandoned me to deal with a drunken mother.” Jake pointed at his chest. “I was the child, yet I’m the one who put her to bed, cleaned up her messes, reassured her that you loved us. Not you. No, you didn’t give a damn about us. Just your precious plant. And you wonder why I hate it so much.”
Jake walked up to his father. He saw the remorse and sadness in his old man’s eyes, but he didn’t care. “That night at the plant, when Mom and I found you with your secretary, we hid behind the door and I had to watch you fondle that woman. For God’s sake, I was eight years old. When I needed a father at home, you were out screwing another woman.”
Cliff flinched. “Jake, I know what I did was wrong. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for the times I left you to handle everything. Your mother was sick. I tried several times to get her into a rehab program, but she refused to go. At the time, there was no way to force her to get help.” He sighed. “Her family was pretty influential, and they threatened to close down the plant if I ruined their good name in this town.”
“So you left me to deal with her? Why didn’t you just get a divorce if you didn’t love her?”
Cliff tensed. “Because I couldn’t.”
“Why, because you�
��d lose your precious Hawk Industries?”
“No, because I would lose you.”
Jake stepped back as if he’d been struck.
Cliff’s eyes narrowed. “Your grandparents threatened to take you away if I divorced your mother.”
Jake didn’t want to believe him. Cliff Hawkins had never shown any interest in being a father. “The courts wouldn’t give an alcoholic custody of a child.”
“Carol tried very hard to hide her problem. You were the one who suffered the most. I know I handled things wrong, son. I ran away from the problems your mother and I had. It was easier. After she died, I wanted to rebuild our relationship, but whenever I tried to get close, you pulled away.”
“Because everything had to be your way. You never took the time to listen to me or to ask what I wanted. All you wanted was for your son to follow in your footsteps at Hawk Industries. You never got to know me at all.”
“I’ve always been proud of you, Jake. And everything you’ve accomplished in your life.”
“You hated me going into ROTC, and my army career.”
“I hated that we couldn’t be close, but I was so proud when you made captain.”
Jake felt a rush go through him. “I never knew.”
Cliff looked embarrassed and he walked back to the desk. “I know I should have told you, but where I came from, Jake, men never showed affection.” He turned around, and there were tears in his eyes. “I’ve watched you with Joanie and I envy what you two share. I’m sorry that things weren’t the same between us. I know I can’t be the father you want, but I hope, in time, maybe we can be friends.”
Jake combed his hand through his hair, trying to hold his own emotions in check. So many things had happened in the past few months. He’d been given a second chance at life, he’d discovered he had a daughter…and he’d found love.
“Sometimes we need a second chance.” He saw his father relax. “Maybe I didn’t reach out for you, either, Dad.”
“Son, I wish I could turn back the clock—”
“No, Dad,” Jake interrupted. “We’ve both made mistakes. We need to start here and now.” He looked at his father, and saw the pain leave his face and a smile appeared. It felt good to have a father again. “But before we do, you need to know that I’m never going to feel about the plant like you do. I’ll help start up the new electronics operation, but I have other ideas about a new career. Ray Benson isn’t running for reelection next fall.”
Baby, Our Baby! Page 21
