I want you to stay with me, Maggie.”
“I want you to trust me, Joe.”
We ended in stalemate.
Joe went back up to the main house after I shook my head, refusing his offer of continued and generous funding. I tossed under the hot sheets for a few hours and finally gave up. I went out to sit on the porch, praying for even the hint of a cooling breeze in the night air. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew Joe was right. Well… at least in part.
I was behaving childishly, especially by refusing his offer to help. And he was right. Every dollar I turned away came directly out of the mouth of a hungry child. I wanted a life with Joe, and a family of our own someday. With babies to care for, I knew I would be just as fiercely protective as he. I could hardly fault him for that…
I walked out to the old swing, my feet bare in the long grass, and sat in the old wooden seat. I stared at the sky as I moved gently, back and forth. So many memories flooded my mind… I couldn’t imagine a life without him. He’d been the most important person in my life for as long as I could remember. And I couldn’t accept the idea that I might have to make a choice. My work was my purpose, but Joe was my life…
I couldn’t begin to imagine a future in which I’d have to turn my back on either one.
42
Joe
By three a.m., I’d given up. I climbed into the car and headed for the offices at TexStar. Bess might have had her suspicions about Maggie and me, but she hadn’t stripped me of my title just yet. I still had my privileges…
I unlocked the dark room adjoining my office. I’d had my private washroom converted when I’d first taken over as executive editor. Developing film was an archaic art, but the hands-on work soothed me somehow.
I took out a handful of undeveloped rolls of film, setting out paper and chemical baths. There were machines out there that could do most of the work on their own, but I liked handling each part of the process myself. There was satisfaction in the feel of the glossy paper in my hands, the mystery of watching the images form like magic… Several hours later, I had dozens of black and white photos hung out on a thin line to dry. There were pictures of Dean and Jackie, working side by side and smiling. Candid shots of Ryan and Henry talking to a concerned-looking mother. But mostly it was Maggie’s face that stared out at me. Crisp and striking… she took my breath away.
Maggie, looking lean and elegant in jeans and a v-neck tee.
Another with her hair tied up, businesslike and confident.
Maggie with a group of children, smiling and tossing her head. Another, as she listened compassionately to a care-worn old woman with tears shining in her eyes…
Soon the tiny room was filled, crisscrossed with drying photographs. Their edges curled, but the images were crystal clear. Maggie filled the room the way she filled my heart. She was everywhere I looked…
I sat staring for a long, long time as the wise words of an old college professor came back to me. He’d taught journalism for decades and I’d looked up to him, perhaps even more than I did my own father…
There’s power in every photograph you take, he’d said. You don’t have the luxury of forgetting that power, not even for a single second…
What you’re capturing is a unique, irreplaceable moment of life, one that will live on for decades, if not centuries to come. The right photograph can help people see the mundane world around them in a whole new light, allow them to understand what they see for the very first time… In a sense,
it’s like giving sight to the blind…
As soon as the photographs were dry, I gathered them up and tucked them flat into my briefcase. One fast glance around the room, and I locked the door behind me and headed out. With any luck, I could get back to the cottage before Maggie was even awake. There was something I had to tell her… something I had to show her… and it damned well wouldn’t wait. I headed out for the car. I pulled out my cell as I walked, and tapped the screen.
“Joseph?” Bess answered. “It’s about time you called.” She began to complain in a long, breathless stretch. “You leave your responsibilities and go off chasing storms, like a junior reporter… I was beginning to wonder if you were still in one piece. There was a big one that hit, up that direction…”
“I’m fine, Grandmother. All of us are,” I cut her off gently. “We have a lot to discuss… and I wondered if you’re free this evening. I have something I need to tell you…”
I ground the engine and the tires squealed, echoing in the dim parking garage. Then I hit the gas hard and headed for the cottage.
I didn’t want an all-out confrontation. But if it was the only way… I was all in.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Jackie said. “I haven’t heard from her today. I know she planned to get together with Ryan at some point. He and Dean went over to the warehouse to pack up donations. But she hasn’t been by here.” She looked at me and smiled, draping her stethoscope around her neck. “She’s not always easy, is she?”
“No… but fuck, neither am I,” I answered. Jackie led me away from the clinic and into a more private corner. People waited patiently in a long line out the door. “I thought I could catch her before she left this morning, but she wasn’t home. And the truck was gone.”
“Blood pressures and vaccines today,” she sighed. “No matter how many people you see, the lines never seem to end… Coffee?” she offered. I shook my head.
“So, spill,” she said. “You have that trouble-in-paradise look all over you. Were you an ass, or did Maggie go mule on you?”
I laughed at her bluntness, in spite of all my concerns. “Some of both, I guess,” I answered. “She’s refusing my donations to the foundation. She’s afraid I don’t trust her to take care of herself, to make her own decisions… like I’m trying to control her.”
“Are you?” Jackie asked quietly, tilting her head perceptively.
“I don’t want her to put herself in danger again,” I said, honestly. “There’s so much work she can do right here, and more than enough just organizing daily operations… But she’s determined to keep working in the field, no matter the cost. I intend to marry her, Jackie. Isn’t it my job to keep her safe?”
“Is it, Joe?” she asked. “It’s none of my business, telling people how to live their lives. Me, least of anyone. But let me ask you this…
Is it the woman Maggie is, right now, that you fell in love with… or the woman you want her to be…?” She looked at me kindly. “Can you be sure you’ll still love her, if you try to change the very essence of who she is?”
“Sorry,” Ryan said. “She said she’d be by at some point, but we haven’t heard from her yet.” I listened as my call went to her voicemail again, and shoved the phone into my pocket.
Dean looked up over a stack of boxes at the back of the warehouse. “Who?... Hey, Joe… Please tell me you’re here to lend a hand…”
“I’m trying to find Maggie,” I said. “She’s not answering her cell.”
“Is she with Jackie? They’re supposed to be over at the auditorium today…”
“I tried the clinic. They haven’t heard from her either.” I paced impatiently. “We had a disagreement last night…”
“You mean you had a fight,” Dean said with an understanding smile. “Nobody has just a disagreement with my sister.”
“What happened?” Ryan asked, his brow furrowed.
“It was over the funding,” I admitted. “And my own goddamned failure to recognize what it was she really needed from me all along.” I looked at my brother pleadingly.
“I remember she used to disappear sometimes when she was little,” I said. “When her dad was drunk and she was afraid…” I stared hard into Ryan’s face. “You were her closest friend… if you have any idea, I’m begging you… I have to talk to her.”
“I haven’t been there for years… It’s not far from the cottage,” he answered gently. “We both went there sometimes when we were kids, when it felt l
ike no one really understood… I can take you…” Henry came around the corner and stood next to Ryan.
“We’ll all go,” Dean said. “There are several miles of woods behind the house. We can spread out and cover more ground. We’ll find her, Joe. It’ll be all right. You two are gonna be all right.”
He clapped me on the back and nodded.
I gripped his hand, and smiled back gratefully.
43
Joe
It was already late in the day by the time we made it back to the cottage. One fast phone call and Jackie had met us there, too.
“She’s gonna be pissed as hell, with an entire search party coming after her,” she said, taking the flashlight I handed her. “We’d better pray she really needs finding, because if she doesn’t… we’re all fucked.”
Dean laughed, and leaned in to brush her shoulder with his. “You’re right there,” he said. “But it’s not like her to be out of touch for this long. I don’t see that we have any choice.”
Ryan and I headed off straight down the sloping hill into the thickest part of woods. Dean and Jackie went left and Henry would come around from the right.
“There’s a shallow rock cave near a cluster of old oaks, down at the bottom, about a mile or so in.” Ryan pointed in the fading light. “By the time we reach it, someone should have found her.”
We separated as the last of the light fled.
“Maggie!” I called out again. “Maggie…”
“If she’s inside the cave, she probably won’t hear you,” Ryan said. “We used to hide there when Maggie’s dad was drunk and in one of his tempers. He never found us… but we never heard him coming either. We’d both jump out of our skins when we saw him heading right on past us.”
“I can’t believe I was lucky enough to find her again, and thick-skulled enough to risk losing her. I couldn’t let go of feeling responsible… Hell, I still can’t. I just hope she’ll give me the chance to make it right…
If anything’s happened to her…,” I crashed noisily through the fallen leaves with Ryan at my side. “I was such a damned fool. I love her with my whole heart, but I just didn’t get it. Not until this morning. I didn’t understand… but I do now…”
“What?” he asked, catching at my arm for support. He’d stumbled over a fallen branch in the darkness.
“That she doesn’t need rescuing… and that she never did,” I answered. “What she needs from me is my support. For what she does, for what she wants… But most of all, for who she is.”
She sat, blinking up at us… as if there was nothing at all unusual about the circumstances.
“Maggie… for God’s sake…?” Dean came scrambling over to us. “What the hell were you thinking? You had us all scared half to death.”
‘I left a note on the kitchen counter,” she said, looking only at me. “The truck wouldn’t start, so I had it towed.”
“You didn’t answer your calls,” Dean pressed.
“She needed some time to herself,” I said softly. She nodded up at me and smiled.
Henry caught up with the rest of us, just as Jackie took Dean’s arm. “She’s fine,” she said soothingly, pulling at him gently. “How ‘bout we give them a little privacy…”
“If you don’t mind,” I said, without breaking our locked gaze, “Go on up to the main house. Bess and I have some things to discuss… things that involve all of you. I’ll be up shortly… But I need to talk to Maggie first.”
Dean lingered a moment longer as Jackie leaned up to speak in his ear. They looked at each other and he nodded finally. The four of them began to make their way back up the hill, the beams from their flashlights sweeping and crossing the ground as they went. I sat down next to Maggie and took her hand in mine.
“I love you, Joe,” she began. “I always have… I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.” I lifted her hand up to my lips and held it there. She was warm, and her skin smelled green and fresh… like the earth. “But we’ve been apart for a long time. I can’t imagine a future without you… but I can’t give up who I am…”
I inhaled deeply, savoring her scent, and the comfort of her presence beside me. I turned off my flashlight and let the damp night air surround us. I turned to face her and curved my arms and legs around her, sheltering her… our faces close.
“I always cared about you when we were kids, Maggie, but I fell in love with the woman you’ve become… For a while I couldn’t see… that you didn’t need me to look out for you anymore. But I see it now. You’ve shaken up my whole world, sweetheart… and I don’t want it any other way. I don’t want you any other way. You push me, and you challenge me… I’ve never felt this kind of passion in my entire life… I’ve never seen things so clearly before…”
She kissed me, savagely… hungrily, and pushed my hands underneath her and lifted her onto my lap. She gripped my waist with her legs and pushed her breasts hard against my chest.
“I love you so much, Maggie,” I groaned between kisses. “I’d follow you to the ends of the earth if I had to… so long as you’re mine…”
“I belong to you, Joe… I always have…” She pulled back and looked in my face. Her eyes were so big, so loving. “I always will.”
I laid her back in the soft grass, cool and damp with the night air. I traced the long line of her body, gently with my hands, taking my time, drinking in her skin. I knew the others were waiting… and there were obstacles yet to face…
Let them wait…, my heart said. And I covered Maggie’s strong and lovely body with my own.
44
Maggie
We climbed back up the hill slowly, hand in hand, stopping at the cottage so I could brush my hair out and change into fresh clothes.
“She won’t welcome me there, Joe. I can only imagine how uncomfortable Dean is right now. I don’t see why you want us all there…”
He laid back on the bed, watching me change, smiling at the view. “The Blake’s and the Decker’s are going to be family. Bess may not like it, but she’s going to have to accept it. There are things she’s refused to acknowledge for years, Maggie, preferring to blind herself to the truth. Whether she likes it or not, it’s time she faced it, and that truth involves all of us… You… and Dean.”
“She’ll take TexStar away from you.” I buttoned my shirt and reached for my hairbrush.
“Will she?” he asked, taking it from hand and sweeping it through my hair. He stood behind me and I felt my skin begin to tingle all over again.
“She’s always tried to keep our families apart,” I replied. “From the day your father allowed us to move into the cottage. She only agreed to allow it because she loved him so much. She was so proud of how he’d saved my dad’s life during the war… So she accepted it, when he wanted to keep on being the hero. I think she enjoyed that part. ” I turned to face him again. “Her son saved us. And now all the Blake’s are beholden to her, whether we like it or not. But Bess has no obligation to like us… or to ever approve of me as your wife… She’s going to fight this, Joe.
Any way she can.”
“Wait here,” he said, kissing me lightly and leaving me standing at the top of the stairs. “I just need a second.”
He disappeared behind one of the tall, carved wooden doors. I could hear voices below us, coming from the enormous living room. I looked around, feeling nervous and out of place. I’d only been inside the house a dozen or so times in my life. I’d always found it frighteningly large, its opulence intimidating…
“What is it?” I asked, as he came from the room with a small, worn box under his arm.
“Letters my father gave me a long time ago,” he answered simply. He took my arm and we headed downstairs. The voices grew louder as we approached…
“Ryan, if you please… I’m tired and I don’t intend to wait any longer. Whatever Joseph has to say can wait until morning. Now if you’d kindly see these people out…”
“I’m here, Grandmother,” Joe s
aid, striding into the immense room. Bess sat, swallowed by the size of her chair like a queen on a throne. “And this won’t wait any longer. It’s already been far too long.”
“I’ll speak with you in private, Joseph,” she said, lifting her chin proudly. “But I see no reason for the Blake children to be present… Nor the others…” She cast a disparaging glance toward Jackie and Henry. They stood close together, holding their drinks and the ice tinkled nervously.
“These are my friends, Bess. And what I have to say involves them as well as you.” The room fell silent, all eyes trained on Joe expectantly. “I’m in love with Maggie,” he said, turning to look at me. His eyes sparkled, blue and bright. “I’ve asked her to marry me, and she’s accepted.”
He turned to look at Dean, who straightened and squared his shoulders. “You’re her family,” Joe said simply. “I’m not asking for your permission, but I’d be grateful for your blessing. You and I have been like family, too… for a damned lot of years, Dean. I don’t want that to change. I want to make it official.”
Jackie took a breath, paused and stepped up beside Dean. She looked up, drawing his eyes down to hers. She lifted her brows with an unspoken question.
He put his arm around her and pulled her close. I drew a quick breath at the look in their eyes, understanding dawning slowly. I’d never noticed it before, maybe because of the difference in their ages… It was an even greater difference than the one between me and Joe. Or maybe it was because what might be obvious, isn’t always necessarily clear… But I could feel the strength of the love between them. And Dean put his hand out to clasp Joe’s.
“I simply won’t have it,” Bess cried out, her usual composure shattered. “I’ve endured a lifetime of that family taking advantage of the Decker family’s generosity. And I suffered it willingly, in honor of my Davis’s memory. I made good on his efforts at charity, and accepted a drunkard and a coward living on my grounds. I endured it because your father felt a misguided sense of responsibility toward the man. But I will not have that man’s blood running through my great-grandchildren’s veins.” She stood, holding onto the arm of her chair, breathless from her effort… but fury driving her on…
Little Sister Next Door Page 14
