He finished his breakfast and cleared the dishes away. He smiled at my uneaten eggs, his eyes bright, hopeful.
"You'll call me, if you need me… if there's anything at all…" He held my chin. "And we'll take that test just as soon as I get back." He kissed me easily, his eyes so warm, so trusting. "I can't wait for you to tell me I'm going to be a father."
"I promise," I replied, nodding firmly. "I think I want that almost as much as you do…"
He took my hand, the one with the emerald, and kissed the back of it. Then he turned it over, and kissed the center of my palm… His mouth was so warm, there was something so intimate in the gesture. I fought back the tears that stung the backs of my eyes and forced myself to give him the bright smile he deserved.
He smiled back and kissed my lips, quickly, lightly. Then he reached for the overnight bag waiting by the door. We could hear the helicopter in the distance… he needed to be waiting by the pad.
"Libby… I want you to know, I…"
He stopped, his eyes intense, half a breath paused, the waiting words unspoken.
"I'll be back before you know I'm gone, sweetheart. And if you need anything, I'm a phone call away." He kissed me and put his hand gently on my belly. "Take care of yourselves," he smiled.
I followed him out, waiting at a distance he boarded and the helicopter slowly took off. I watched until it was nothing but a speck in the sky. Only a moment later, it was completely gone, and the tears I'd held back were set free.
33
Jack
I'd damned near told her how I felt. That I loved her. That I wanted us to be a real family together. That I'd seen more than enough, watching how she'd cared for Moki, to know what a wonderful mother she'd be. If she could only believe in herself… And if it was what she really wanted…
Thank god, I'd stopped in time. There was nothing to gain by overwhelming her now. Her body was already going through so many changes… I thought of her uneaten breakfast… how emotional she was becoming. And how passionate and demanding she was in bed…
I felt a wave of hard desire run through me and had to force it aside. It was good I hadn't told her. As much as I hoped that her feelings might change as the pregnancy progressed, I had to accept… at least for now… that she'd made herself perfectly clear. She had no desire to raise a child. And when he was born, she was still planning to leave us both behind. Nothing had changed…
I watched the clouds drift by as the chopper headed for the coast. We'd land in Jacksonville, and from there I'd take the private plane into Asheville. The finished contract Spence had faxed to me was still unsigned. But he was waiting for me at the office, along with Bill Jackson and Ed Wyler of Warner Aluminum. We would wrap up the deal in person today. I had a hundred details to take care of, but my laptop was still in my case. All I could think about was Libby.
Had I gone too far, when I'd had my lawyer look further into Libby's history? I felt a pang of guilt, but what was done, was done. The report was waiting in my desk. I only had to decide whether or not to read it. Then, whether or not to share it with Libby…
I knew what I was hoping for. And I knew the chances were slim to none that the report would hold the power to change anything… but it was a chance I had to take. Whatever it said about Libby's birth mother, I could only pray that it held the power that I did not. The power to open Libby's heart to me.
"What the fuck do you mean, they couldn't be here?
Goddamn it, Spencer." I raked my hands viciously through my hair and turned to face him. "Bad enough you faxed me a fucking contract without the goddamned signatures you promised. Now I left my wife alone on our honeymoon, for a meeting you failed to produce? Christ, Spencer," I threw the papers onto my desk. "What the fuck am I paying you for?"
Spencer stood, his face ashen. "I did my best, Jack. Honest to god. But Ed flew out of the country this morning, until the fifteenth. And Bill's daughter is in labor…" He looked up at me and I saw beads of sweat lining his upper lip. "But I got this copy signed," he pulled a folder out of his briefcase and held it out. "Both of them… this morning… It only needs yours, and it's a done deal."
I flipped it open, taking my time with every page. I put my feet up on the desk and let Spencer stand… The signatures were there, all right. At least he'd managed that.
Forty-five minutes later, I looked up and nodded. Spencer's chest heaved with relief. I didn't fucking like how this had played out, but the contract was perfect. He hadn't missed a single detail. I scratched my signature out, page by page, until it was complete.
"It's good, Spence. Damn good." I reached out to shake his hand. "I'm sorry for doubting you." I clapped a hand on his back and felt him sag, just a little.
"I did what I had to, boss. I fucking promised you, and I did everything I had to… I'd never let you down, if there was any way in hell not to."
I laughed and poured us each a drink. Though I'd have preferred handshakes to seal it, we'd made the deal, and Mason Steel would be moving forward into the future with the strength of Warner Inc. alongside it. We were both powerful as hell before. Now we'd be unstoppable. And stock sales for both companies had been soaring for the last few months. The future of our family, of my family, was safe for generations to come. It was what I'd always wanted.
Spence and I headed for the boardroom together. I'd had Veronica arrange for the catered spread. One by one the rest of the family trickled in, as their schedules allowed. By three, we were all there and the champagne was flowing.
"Shit, Jack," India refilled my glass and hers. "You know, I was never really convinced it would happen. But we're here. The whole family… all those years of work finally paying off." She lifted her glass. "To Jack. And to his new wife, Libby." Her eyes sparkled and she turned her glass toward Blake and Janet. "And to the newly engaged couple…
To Reid, who held my hand while I learned the company, and Bennett, who's been a rock for us all. And to Mom and Dad, the foundation of our family, who loved each other for the last thirty-four years and still had enough left for the rest of us…" She held her glass higher and we all did the same.
"To a bright and promising future. And to the new generations of the Mason family, soon to come."
The party continued through the afternoon. Ronni had outdone herself. There was a superb lobster frittata and bowls of Wellfleet oysters on ice. The whole family was together. It was all perfect. Except that Libby wasn't beside me.
"Jackson, honey," Mom came over to kiss my cheek. "I can't believe you came all the way back for this. And I can't tell you how proud you've made me." She gave my arm a squeeze. "But you didn't bring your brand-new bride along with you? People are gonna say I didn't raise my son right…" Her eyes were bright, teasing. "How is Libby, honey? And how are the two of you settling down into married life?"
"Libby is beautiful…," I replied. "Every day she shows me a new side of herself… She's the loveliest woman I've ever known…"
Mom reached up, her eyes wise, and smoothed my hair back. "Of course she is," she said softly. "Isn't that exactly why you married her…?"
Maybe it was the relief of having finished the deal. Maybe it was the champagne. Or maybe it was how much I was missing Libby. But I was suddenly tired of having secrets. "Mom, I… There's something I should tell you. Something about Libby and me… something that you don't know…"
She smiled the way mothers do, and touched my cheek. "I don't believe there is…
You're in love with her, aren't you Jackson?" she asked easily.
"But it's not that simple…" I started.
"You love her." Hers was a statement this time, not a question.
"I do, more than anything."
"Then there really isn't anything else that matters… now is there?"
34
Libby
Take care of yourselves, he had said as he left. And the words had haunted me during the long night without him.
He was so sure I was pregnant. And I was t
errified that I wasn't. I hadn't had the nerve to take the test again. It was true, my cycle was a little late, but the whole last month had been such a rollercoaster. That could very easily be the reason…
I'd spent the whole day walking around the island with Moki in my arms, feeling the sand under my feet, looking out over the crystal blue water. I missed Jack so much… My whole life I'd been mostly alone, but I'd never really felt lonely until now. But it was for the best that he was gone. And that I'd had time away from him to think. What had started out as so simple between us had gotten so complicated, so fast. We'd been so foolish, thinking a simple contract could have prevented this.
The truth was, Jack and I were both in too deep. The chemistry between us, sharing a bed, sharing our bodies… I felt heat rising from my core just at the memory. We loved each other's company, but when we touched… we turned into one body, flowing like molten liquid, filling each other until we were both a single whole. It was the kind of thing I'd never really believed in, until I'd felt it for myself.
He had married me, but only for appearances' sake. Then we'd pretended it was real until we had acted like it was real. We'd both given in. And now it would be all too easy… far too easy, not to stop…
But neither of us wanted a relationship. We'd let things get personal, when it should have stayed all business. Now I wanted more, but there wasn't any place for more. Not in his life. Not in mine. I put Moki's squirming little body down, keeping her close and safe on her little leash. She looked up at me, cocking an ear.
I had to tell him, and the sooner, the better. If I really wasn't pregnant, it wasn't right to keep it to myself any longer. And if he wanted to find a different surrogate, it would be easier to end our agreement now. He'd get his baby all the sooner. And neither of us would get any more attached than we already were…
It was painful to admit, even to myself, but I had already started to love my Little Speck… at least when I'd believed in her. I'd even imagined being her real mother… baking cookies… kissing her hurts. And maybe that's what scared me most. Because it was then, that I always remembered the sort of childhood I'd had. She deserved so much more…
And to go on for even a few more months like this with Jack…? It already felt damned near impossible to imagine living without him. He was all the things I'd never had… He was loyal and loving, kind and dependable. He was also the best friend I'd ever had. The only person I'd ever allowed so close. I felt sick at the thought of losing him…
If I stayed, maybe I could eventually gave him the child he wanted. But how would I ever be able to leave him? How would I ever be able to leave them… as I had promised to do?
And if I tried to keep him, without giving him a baby, I would have taken from him the one thing he wanted most…
The light was starting to fade, but I couldn't face going inside alone. Not just yet. I sank down onto the white sand and put my aching head in my hands. Moki curled up in my lap, whining softly for me to stroke her.
No matter how I looked at it, the answer always was the same. And there was no point in putting it off. No point in making it any harder than it already was. The puppy fell asleep as I caressed her little ear. Her breathing was soft and steady. One sure thing in a world that suddenly felt so frightening.
I stayed until the sun was long gone and the stars had started to sparkle in the darkness. Then I carried her slowly up to the house, careful not to wake her. I would tuck her into her little bed and make sure she was settled for the night. Then I had to do find a way to do the hardest thing I'd ever done.
I just kept telling myself that it was right.
And that in the end, what mattered to me most was that Jack would have his dream.
35
Jack
I decided not to wait any longer. Fuck going back in the morning. I was flying back tonight. I'd already talked to Davis and he said he could get me there before dawn. My whole body anticipated climbing into bed with Libby as she slept. Waking her with my hands on her body, my mouth on her sweet pussy…
I'd said my goodbyes to the others, then India had followed me up to the rooftop garden, to wait with me for the helicopter. I hadn't taken the time to read the report on Libby's birth mother. I'd just shoved it into my bag unopened. It had been a hell of a day. A hell of a month, really. So many of my priorities were shifting. And my mind was clearer than it had ever been.
"So…?" I asked.
India looked at me over her mineral water. Her eyes were so much like our mother's. And they were full of questions…
"So we've got Warner. Just like you wanted. It's a hell of a coup…" She shook her head. "I ran into your ex the other day… she was talking with Spencer. And even she seemed pleased for us…
But Christ, Jack. This's me… remember?" She leaned in. "I want to know what's happened between you and Libby. There's something… something that's different…"
For a second, I considered trying to bluff my way through. And then she laughed at me. "I know that look, Jackie," she said. "You're either in love, or the sex is really, really great." She looked a little closer. "Maybe both…?"
I leaned back and released the breath I was holding. What the hell was the point in denying it?
"I fucking love her more than I knew was even possible. She's all I think about… Even a day away from her is more than I can bear… When it was all supposed to be just another fucking deal." It felt so good to let it pour out. "A way to get what I wanted.... Or at least what I'd always thought that I wanted… The wedding was just for convention's sake, and for the baby's… It wasn't meant to be real. And then, somehow it just was…"
"The magic of the island?" she asked, watching me, then looking up at the stars.
"I thought so, at first. There we were… creating a new life together. Living like a couple. It seemed natural enough… there'd been such an enormous attraction from the start." I ran a hand through my hair and scratched the stubble on my jaw. "I knew better than to cross the line. Hell, we both did.
I need her, India. And I'm not used to needing anything. I want her… I want it all…"
"It's not so easy to keep things simple, is it Jack?" India's voice was gentle. "I know it's not so easy to accept, but life is messy. Love even more so." She sighed. "It's messy and complicated… and sometimes it hurts like hell. But what's any of it for, if there isn't someone there to share it with." She leaned forward, still looking off into night sky. "Every woman deserves to be loved… simply for herself…
Libby's strong, Jack. Stronger than any woman I know. She's more than good enough for you, for any man… just the way she is. But she can still be hurt."
She turned and eyed me hard, though her voice stayed gentle. "The big question is… Can you be the man who's truly good enough for her?"
For most of the flight, I couldn't get India's words out of my head. I knew exactly what she meant. And knowing her, all this might have been her intention from the very beginning… when she'd first brought Libby to me at the lake house… My sister was unconventional in her way, but also wise beyond her years…
The report on Libby's mother was still in my bag. I'd intended to read it during the flight, but not now. It felt wrong even to open it. Whatever it said, it no longer mattered. Not to me.
"How much longer?" I asked over the noise of the blades.
"Fifteen, maybe twenty," Davis replied. "Sun'll be up in an hour. We're making good time." He turned to me and grinned. "Top right pocket, my phone" he said, beaming. "Check out the pictures. My new baby girl. Eight pounds, two ounces, born right after I left you and your wife on your honeymoon."
He leaned toward me so I could reach under the flap of his shirt pocket. I pulled out his phone and flipped through the dozens of shots. In every picture, he was next to his wife, his arm wrapped protectively around her.
"This was our third… little Emma… And Anna was in labor for twenty-six hours," Davis shook his head and let out a big breath. "Every time, it's just as
wonderful… and scary as hell. And Anna is just so strong and amazing." He pointed with his chin at a shot of the two older boys holding their new sister. "She never even wanted a big family. Neither did I." He laughed. "But when you fall in love, really in love… somehow you just find a way through. And it all turns out better than you ever imagined…" He tipped the helicopter toward the landing pad as it came into view.
"Life just always seems to have plans of its own, you know?"
"Libby, sweetheart…?" I'd planned to slide into bed alongside her, to tell her how I felt, what I wanted for us… and then to show her… for hour after fucking delicious hour…
But my bed was empty. I checked her room, then the bathroom. "Libby? Are you here?" Libby… Mokita…?"
I headed out the front of the house to scan the beach. It was early, way too early for her to be out here… My heart started to pound. What if she'd gone out for a swim in the dark… all alone? I'd been there at the lake that day, but I'd been too far away to protect her this time… Why the fuck hadn't I stayed, or at least insisted she'd come with me…?
"Libby! Libby…" My mind was racing with possibilities I couldn't even begin to accept. That's when I turned, to look back up at the house. There, in the darkness, was a single bright light. The attic studio.
I ran up, taking the stairs two and three at a time. "Libby, sweetheart. I'm back, baby." I was breathless by the time I reached the top. The door was open. "Oh, god…, Sweetheart."
Moki flew to me, tail wagging, yipping excitedly until I picked her up. She licked my face, wriggling in my arms. Libby sat at her work table, clay drying to a grey powder on her hands and arms. Her face was smudged, her eyes tired. She looked from the sculpture to me.
Little Sister Next Door Page 28
