by Tricia Goyer
Hope turned toward Grace and fixed her eyes on her sister. “Would you walk home with me? I don’t want to walk by myself.”
Grace wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Ja. Of course.”
Hope leaned forward and whispered in her sister’s ear. “I—I just want to be alone. Get me out of here.”
Even though Grace was the youngest, she had a boldness the other sisters didn’t have. With Grace by Hope’s side, no one would get to her.
Grace waved her hand in the direction of the crowd. “Please let us by. My sister is shaken up. I’m sure you understand.”
“Hope, we can walk with you too.” Mem’s voice behind them held a note of concern.
Hope paused and looked over her shoulders. “Ne, Mem. Please stay. Please enjoy yourself.”
Mem nodded, but she didn’t seem happy. They continued on, Grace leading the way, motioning people to give them room. Before them the crowd moved to both sides, just like the parting of the Red Sea.
When they were nearly out of the park, a hand touched her arm. Hope paused and glanced over her shoulder to see the young girl.
Emma’s lower lip quivered. “Dat telled me to say that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble.”
Hope leaned down so her face was close to the girl’s. “I know you didn’t mean to, but please be careful from now on. I don’t want to see you hurt.”
Emma nodded, and then gave Hope a quick squeeze, which was gladly accepted.
“Dat also said we can stop by later to see if you are all right.”
Even though she did not look back, Hope could feel Jonas’s presence behind her. “Well, please tell your dat that isn’t necessary. I am fine.”
Emma jutted out her chin. Determination narrowed her gaze. “But I caused trouble. I need to make sure… ”
Hope sighed. How could she make the girl understand? The real trouble was the way Emma’s dat had looked at her—in a way no married man should. That wasn’t anything she wanted to be a part of.
“I’m sure I’ll see you around town. Maybe we’ll run into each other at the pie shop. I can show you the new flowers I planted. Will that work?”
Emma nodded, but her lips curled downward in a frown. She clung to Hope’s arm as if Hope was her mother and she didn’t want to let go. Compassion filled Hope’s heart. Poor thing, she must not get much attention from her parents.
Hope supposed not every young girl had what she had growing up—lots of love, lots of attention. Hope made a mental note to offer the young girl all the attention and affection that she could… just as long as her father wasn’t around. The type of look he’d given her would not get past her mem, Regina, or any of the other women. And then they’d try to solve the problem by finding Hope a suitable husband.
The whole community prying into the matters of her heart was the last thing she wanted. Hope was someone who wanted to be left alone in the quiet of a garden. Someone who would rather be hidden than seen. Someone who felt perfectly happy with her own thoughts, her own plans.
Hope walked home with determined steps, happy to never talk to Jonas Sutter again.
Sunshine Pie
A pound of patience you must find
Mixed well with loving words, so kind
Drop in two pounds of helpful deeds
and thought of other people’s needs
A pack of smiles, to make the crust
then stir and bake it well you must,
And now, I ask you must try,
the recipe of this Sunshine Pie.*
* “Sunshine Pie.” California Cultivator and Livestock and Dairy Journal 20 (January 16, 1903):45.
Chapter Three
There are three kinds of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who have no idea what happened.
AMISH PROVERB
Hope sat down at the small desk in the bedroom that she shared with Lovina. Even though it was after six, the sun had not yet set. It just didn’t seem right, and the day didn’t feel like New Year’s Day. Yes, they’d served sausage and sauerkraut at the park—the traditional New Year’s meal among the Amish—but the day itself was all wrong. If she were in Walnut Creek right now there would be a fire in the woodstove. She and her sisters might be playing Chinese checkers—a favorite game since their childhood. Dat would be done with the chores in the barn, and there’d be the sound of buggy wheels traveling down the road in front of their house—evidence of young men going to call on their sweethearts.
Even though it didn’t feel like New Years, Hope decided to spend time thinking about the year to come. One of the Englisch ladies she used to work for called her plans for the year her “New Year’s resolutions,” but Hope had decided to do something different. Instead of resolving to make lots of changes, she’d decided to pick one thing to change and then do it. Last year she had decided to read one chapter in her Bible every day, and it was something she’d stuck to. But this year the decision would take more work to see it through. Hope pulled out a new notebook and turned to the first page. Then she wrote her goal at the top.
“Find a job up north and a garden to tend.” Seeing it on the page caused her heartbeat to quicken.
She threw a longing glance at the seed catalog at the top of a pile of mail on her desk, wishing she had a big order to put in. Wishing she had a plot to plan. She picked up her pen and wrote her first step on the next line: Write to cousins and friends and inquire about work as a maud and gardener.
Her eyes welled up at the thought of leaving her family, but it was the right step. She’d been watching Lovina over the last six months. She’d seen Lovina blossom when she was doing the one thing that God had called her to do. Lovina had dared to take a step of faith and put all her eggs in one basket, as her grandma used to say. She’d risked her money, her reputation, and her dreams in opening a pie shop, and because Lovina was willing to take that step of faith, God opened doors that no one could have anticipated.
Hope’s dream of just having a quiet place to garden, and maybe a family in a few years, seemed small in comparison, but the more she prayed about it, the more she decided that God could orchestrate a way for her to see her small dream fulfilled too. She didn’t need a bustling pie shop, just a small plot of land. Her dream was much simpler, but that didn’t make it any less important. Just as God created a variety of plants to grow in a garden, God had a variety of dreams He planted in hearts. She had no doubt a loving God had good plans—a fruitful harvest—for each person, whether big or small.
Hope turned to the next page of the notebook and decided to write her cousin Eleanor first. Eleanor was five years older than Hope, but she lived near their old home. Eleanor had three small children and a large home and garden to tend to. Maybe she could use help?
Dear Eleanor,
Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I pray the Lord is sending sunshine to your hearts even though I heard it is a hard winter in Ohio this time of year. I remember those days when it was below zero and howling around the corners of the house. I’d put on three layers of clothes just to go out in the buggy. Things aren’t this way in Pinecraft. In fact, early today I took a dunk in the creek. I didn’t mean to. A young girl was playing in a canoe and fell in. But I did jump in after her, and I did walk home dripping wet without so much as a shiver. The blanket a kind friend gave me to save me from embarrassment helped, but I still believe that the first day of the year isn’t a good time for a swim!
Even though I enjoy the sun, I’m ready for a move. My dat is doing well, which I am thankful for. I’d love a chance to move back up north. I’m writing to see if you are in need of a maud. I do enjoy caring for children. I was caring for a young boy here for the last year until his family moved away. I also remember that you have a large garden plot. As you know, gardening is one of my favorite things. There is nothing more satisfying than harvesting a plot and then filling a basement with canned goods and winter vegetables: onions, potatoes, squas
h, carrots, and apples. There are other families I can contact, but since I always enjoy time with you I thought of you first. I was thinking of moving in May, just in time to prepare the ground and to plant.
Please write back and let me know if you could use my help. A small salary and room and board would be all I’d require.
Your loving cousin,
Hope
Hope leaned back in her chair. She expected to feel better after writing the letter, but even as she wrote the words something nagged at her heart. Maybe God does have something for me in Pinecraft. Maybe His plans are different from mine. But how could that be? Pinecraft had nothing to offer her—and definitely not a garden.
Even as she tore the letter from the notebook, folded it up, and placed it in an envelope, an unexplained ache touched her heart. It made all the sense in the world to return to Ohio. It just had to work. Even though she racked her mind, she couldn’t think of anything working out better.
I’ll just send the letter and see where it leads, Hope thought. At least it would get her started on her plan.
She sealed and addressed the letter and set it on the desk. She’d mail it Monday, and then she’d wait for Eleanor’s response.
Hope heard the front door open and voices filled the living room. Her parents and sisters were finally returning from the New Year’s fund-raiser at the park. Her stomach growled, and she realized she hadn’t eaten much all day. After arriving home she’d changed and then taken a quick nap.
Hope stood and attempted to freshen up her hair and kapp, but her arms felt as if they were made of lead. The events at the creek had drained her. She couldn’t get the image of Emma’s wide eyes or the memory of her soft whimpering out of her mind.
Now, as she hurried to the kitchen, she hoped that no one would make a big deal out of what she’d done. Each of them would have done the same if they were in the same situation. Yet she didn’t have to worry. As Hope paused at the threshold to the kitchen, her sisters barely even gave her a glance. Instead they continued, deep in conversation.
“It’s just the saddest thing, don’t you think?” Mem sat down at the kitchen table. A network of wrinkles crisscrossed her forehead and a heaviness seemed to weigh on her heart.
“I heard that no one guessed anything was wrong with her,” Grace chimed in.
Grace was a fair-skinned beauty with a sprinkling of freckles over the rim of her nose. Hope always envied Grace’s ease with people and the effortless way she connected with others. “They say she was just lovely, with a sweet spirit. She loved to sew, just like Joy, and she doted on her little girl.”
Lovina pulled a cherry pie from the refrigerator and began slicing it. Her mournful look nearly brought Hope to tears. Hope wasn’t sure who her sisters were talking about, but of course Lovina thought pie would solve everything.
Lovina sighed as she slid a piece of pie onto a plate. “I can’t imagine the guilt. Regina said that he was away. He’d taken his little girl to an ice cream social. She lay on the ground nearly eight hours before he found her. I don’t think finding her sooner would have changed anything, but still… ”
Hope entered the room and walked to the table. She placed her hand on Grace’s shoulder. “Who are you talking about? What happened?”
Grace’s cheeks were pink from the walk in the heat. “Oh Hope, it’s the most horrible story. Regina told us. She’s friends with the Sutters, and she didn’t realize that Jonas had come to Pinecraft. He’s just been here two days.”
Hope’s brow furrowed. “Jonas Sutter?” She sat down in the chair in front of the window next to Mem. The sun poured through the glass, touching her neck, her shoulders. Anger warmed inside her, too, yet she shivered to consider how he’d looked at her.
“Ja, it was his little girl you saved from the creek today.” Mem clicked her tongue. “Oh, I don’t want to think what could have happened if you hadn’t been there. Could you imagine the guilt if he’d lost her too?”
Lovina placed a piece of pie in front of each of them. Only Dat held up his hand, indicating that he didn’t want one.
Hope picked up the fork and poked at the crust. “Oh, I know who Jonas is, but who was this woman you’re talking about?”
Mem picked up her fork and put it down again. She reached over and took Hope’s hand, squeezing, as if she had horrible news she needed to share. “It is Jonas’s wife. Or rather it was Jonas’s wife. Sarah Sutter passed away two years ago, but it was three years before that when she had her stroke.”
“Stroke?” Hope’s mouth dropped open, and her mind tried to wrap around what she was hearing. The room was quiet except for the scraping of forks on plates.
“Ja, they have no idea why,” Lovina said. “She seemed so healthy before. It’s just one of those things… I suppose we just have to learn to trust God in matters like this.”
Hope placed her fork back on the plate, unsure of what to say. She’d been so judgmental with her thoughts earlier, wondering where the girl’s mother was and why she wasn’t being tended to.
“So—so Emma’s father… ”
“He’s a widower.” The words shot out of Mem’s mouth. “And that little girl. She hasn’t had a mother for the last two years. No wonder she was wandering the park today. Where would any of us be without our mothers keeping us on the straight and narrow?”
“She’s actually been without a mother longer than that.” Grace’s chin dropped to her chest as if the story overwhelmed her. “Sarah was paralyzed on one side and unable to speak for three years. Jonas hired in help for both his wife and his daughter, but can you imagine the weight that must have put on a man while also tending his farm and being part of the community? No wonder he left Kentucky. I’m sure he needed a break.”
Lovina cocked an eyebrow. “Are you calling teaching school a break? How would you like to be in the room with fifteen children? I’d rather be behind a pie display with a hundred hungry customers.” She shook her head. “Everything about this breaks my heart.”
Her mother and sisters’ voices continued, and the words spun around the room. Hope resisted the urge to close her eyes and cover her ears to block out their voices. It had been like this since she was a small girl. All these conversations. All these opinions. It wasn’t as if they were saying anything bad or wrong, it was just that they didn’t stop talking. She wished they could slow their words and just give her time to think. She put her elbows to the table and pressed her fingertips into her temples, blocking out their words.
Jonas Sutter is a bachelor.
Little Emma doesn’t have a mother.
Sadness crept over her like ivy vines, wrapping around her heart.
Then came curiosity.
He was looking at me today. With interest.
Why hadn’t Jonas already remarried?
Growing up she’d seen how things typically worked. It was common for Amish men and women to marry quickly after losing a spouse, often before a year had passed. Amish couples had big families, and a second marriage often became a necessity. Women needed providers for themselves and their children. Men needed help with their home, and especially raising their little ones. Perhaps with just one daughter—instead of a houseful of children—Jonas’s need hadn’t been so urgent. Or maybe love for his first wife made the idea of marriage a second time difficult.
Or maybe he’s trying to find another person he could love that way again.
A memory filtered through her mind from earlier today. Jonas Sutter had thought ahead to her need, and he’d gotten a blanket for her to cover herself with. Then he’d looked at her with… with such admiration. Heat rose to her cheeks even now as she remembered his eyes upon her. No man had really looked at her before like that—like she was beautiful. Or if they had, she hadn’t paid attention. Yet the way Jonas had looked at her had been shocking. She’d been shocked because she’d believed him to be a married man. It only made sense with his beard. But now… her stomach flipped and flapped like laundry on a clothesli
ne on a windy day. Knowing he was a widower changed everything.
Hope placed a hand over her stomach, telling herself that she was simply hungry, but deep down she knew that was a lie. Her stomach flipped around as she tried to make sense of all her emotions. In one day’s time she’d been angry at Jonas for his bold look, and she’d been thankful for his thoughtfulness at finding her that quilt. Now sadness for the loss of his wife overshadowed both of those, and an interest in the handsome widower stirred her even more.
Her mem and sisters’ voices continued to swirl around the room, and she blocked them out as she moved to the pantry. She pulled out a loaf of bread, put it on the bread board, and then moved to the closest drawer for a knife. Then, through the fog of voices, she heard his name again.
“Jonas Sutter,” Mem was saying, yet her voice was lower this time, as if she wore a soft smile.
Without turning to discover the reason, Hope reached into the pantry and pulled a jar of peanut butter from the shelf. Let them talk about Jonas Sutter all they wanted. It didn’t really concern her, although part of her felt it did. After all, what if she hadn’t been there to pull Emma from the water? Should she feel responsible now to check in on Emma and her father?
“Hope!” At her mother’s raised voice, Hope realized that the room had fallen silent. Then her mother’s voice continued. “She must be lost in her thoughts. It’s been an eventful day,” Mem said.
A sinking feeling came over Hope, and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. Without turning, she sensed who stood behind her. Hope’s heart pounded against the walls of her chest and tremors danced through her stomach.
“It has been an eventful day,” a man’s voice broke through. “And that’s why Emma and I came to see her, to thank her.”
“I helped Aenti Ruth Ann make Peanut Better cookies. They’re my favorite,” Emma’s small voice rang out.
Hope turned slowly, wondering how she’d missed the front door opening and their guests being welcomed in. In the midst of her tuning them out, her mem and sisters had gone from talking about Jonas and Emma Sutter to talking to them.
