His free hand rested on top of mine holding his arm. Something akin to a static shock ran up my arm, but he didn’t seem fazed by it. “The two of you are close?”
“Very.” I didn’t know how to elaborate on that. I couldn’t explain my connection to my little brother—it just existed, and it was my most prized possession outside of my brain. Neither would impress a guy, so I kept my mouth shut.
“I think it’s cool. I don’t have any siblings. I’ve always admired how close your family is.”
I pinched my lips with my teeth, biting back the words I wanted to say. He didn’t have any idea how left out I felt, how isolated, how lonely. Just like everyone else, he saw the big picture—the portrait the Chapmans painted. It was a beautiful, Southern family. It was also very one dimensional.
“Do you wish your parents lived closer?” I didn’t know where he was from, but his attachment to my family indicated either he wasn’t close to his own—which I doubted—or that they weren’t close enough to see often. I’d hedge my bets on the latter based on what remained of his northern accent.
“At times. I’ve been gone for several years now. I left right after high school, went to UGA for undergrad, and then I fast-tracked my masters and doctorate program. My family didn’t have the money for me to fly back and forth to Michigan, so I got used to not seeing them much. They sacrificed to help me pay for grad school so I wouldn’t be saddled with student loan debt.”
“How on earth did you finish your doctorate in six years?”
“I went to school year-round and took more credit hours each semester than the average student.” His blasé attitude about his accomplishment was either arrogant or humble, I wasn’t able to discern which. Regardless, it was impressive.
“And still managed to be hailed as one of the University of Georgia’s fastest running backs in the school’s history? Wow. I thought I was an overachiever.” Mumbling didn’t prevent him from hearing my thoughts.
“Is that what you are? An overachiever?” He’d stopped walking to look me in the eyes as I answered. “Or are you a perfectionist?”
I chewed on my lip and gave him a slight shrug. “Neither. Both.”
Dr. Paxton lifted his free hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “There’s something that drives you.” His pupils surged, distracting me from the topic, although not far enough that I didn’t know where this would lead.
“You say that as though being driven is a bad quality for a girl to possess.”
“On the contrary, it’s just unusual at your age.”
“It’s who I am, Dr. Paxton. I don’t know what else to tell you. There’s no big secret I’m hiding or shortfall I’m trying to mask.” Unless my lack of a penis or my disinterest in football counted.
He regarded me with care, searching my features as though he were memorizing them before he blinked several times, and the corners of his mouth alluded to a smile. “Fair enough.” Dr. Paxton didn’t believe a word I’d said, but hell, neither did I.
The two of us fell into a quiet stroll the remainder of the walk. When we reached the country club, there were still a large number of people congregated outside.
“Pax, man, over here,” Caleb called over the crowd to his friend, waving him in his direction.
Dr. Paxton acknowledged my brother before turning his attention to me. “Would you like to join me?” The apprehension in his voice indicated his question was a polite gesture, not a real request. And it shouldn’t be.
“No. Thank you for walking with me.”
He held my eyes but said nothing before gently squeezing my hand in his and then releasing it. It was brief, not more than a second or two, but the moments his fingers had adorned my skin filled my soul. The only other person in my life who ever managed to release the gag that strangled my heart’s ability to beat naturally was Caden. I trusted my little brother implicitly, and for some reason, Dr. Paxton garnered that same internal response. My breath hitched with the realization. Not even Jess had that knack.
I refused to consider the why behind the emotion. It wasn’t rational or appropriate. That man could no more be my friend than I could play football. My face flushed with heat, and I pressed my palms to my cheeks, hoping no one bore witness to my frustration. The racing beat of my heart threatened to bring my confusion out in tears. This was not the time nor the place for me to lose my composure or control. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths to clear my mind. The sting of my nails piercing my skin under the force of a closed fist kept the anxiety at bay. I didn’t know how long I’d stood there trying to find my center before I rejoined the world around me, but when I did, I was alone.
The crowd had gone inside, leaving me to find myself deserted on the sidewalk of our small, Southern town. I chose to take solace in knowing no one had seen me. Until I made eye contact with Dr. Paxton through the window in the club.
There he stood with a drink in his hand amongst a group of his friends, but his gaze was cast on me, concern marring his brow. I released my clenched fingers and stretched them out while attempting to appease him with a forced smile. I wouldn’t swear to having seen him shake his head, and even if he had, it had been just slightly. He lifted his drink and tipped his chin in acknowledgment but made no move to come in my direction. I couldn’t release his gaze. It should have been awkward; instead, I found it more captivating than unnerving.
“Colbie?” The sound of my mother’s voice knocked me out of my daze.
“Yes, ma’am?” I didn’t have to wait for her to answer. I knew what she wanted. I was expected for pictures, although I wasn’t sure why since I wasn’t in the wedding party. My feet carried me as if they had a mind of their own. Obeying my mother’s silent commands was second nature.
Thankfully, the photographer was adept at dealing with large groups and cantankerous brides. The shuffle in and out of shots should have been like herding cats, but somehow, it worked more like a choreographed dance executed to perfection. The men, then the women, the wedding party, then the family. While my presence was required, I was in very few shots and spent most of the time off to the side. Dr. Paxton ended up on the outskirts next to me; how, I was unsure, though his presence calmed the anxiety these types of situations brought me—even without words.
With him at my side, the photographer motioned for the group to squeeze in together. I slid uncomfortably toward the perimeter. Everything else blurred the second his arm went causally around my back, and his hand landed on my waist. The heat of his touch singed my skin through the silk of my dress. The instant I glanced up at him with uncertainty, he stared down at me with a tender smile, and the flash of the camera caught that moment for eternity. Even knowing how inappropriate it was, I couldn’t turn away from his gaze. The warmth of his kind eyes, the way his nostrils flared just slightly, and the hint of a squeeze from his fingers captivated me.
Suddenly, the photographer clapped loudly, thanked us, and people started to move…and so did Dr. Paxton. I instantly regretted his absence, but I couldn’t think of a logical reason to call him back to stay by his side. Reminding myself he wasn’t here for me did nothing other than cause a longing in my chest—one I’d never experienced or cared to repeat. When Chasity’s glare caught my attention, I quickly excused myself, hoping she hadn’t witnessed the emotion that crossed my features in Dr. Paxton’s presence. He was dangerous and completely off limits.
“Hey, Colbie.” My best friend was a welcome distraction.
“Jess.”
“Why are your cheeks so flush? Do you feel bad?” She put her hand on my forehead, and I backed away.
“I’m fine. Next thing I know, you’re going to lick your thumb and wipe something off my face.”
“You’re ridiculous. Come dance with me.”
“Seriously?”
Jess handed me one of the two glasses in her hand and then leaned in close to my ear. “Drink that, and then we’ll dance.”
Pulling back, I stared at her, wo
ndering what she had up her sleeve…until I went to sip what I assumed to be Diet Coke. The stench of liquor nearly knocked me off my feet. “Jess,” I hissed, but she just raised her eyebrows and then cocked her head toward Chasity.
She knew how tedious the act of perfection could be where my family was concerned. “Just loosen up a little. Have fun for once. We never do anything reckless.”
“Somehow, I don’t think getting drunk is the answer.” Yet, I still put the glass to my lips and sipped at the concoction.
No one paid the two of us a bit of attention. My parents were busy playing host and hostess while my brothers talked football with Caleb and his friends. It seemed as though everyone here was involved in some secret club Jess and I weren’t members of.
“No one said anything about getting drunk. One drink won’t send you over the edge, but I bet you won’t mind hitting the dance floor, either.”
I considered her offer for a fraction of a second. She was right. There wasn’t a soul here that cared what the two of us did. Her parents had even let her off the leash in favor of working the roomful of social connections. Throwing caution to the wind, I took another sip before I drank the strong mixture in a couple of large gulps.
When I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, I looked up to see Dr. Paxton watching me from across the room. As though I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar, my cheeks warmed, and I averted my gaze.
“Dr. Paxton is staring at you, Colbie.”
He was. And I liked it far more than I should. It should have creeped me out. Instead, it seemed to awaken a piece of me that had been dormant, one I’d chosen to allow to hibernate through high school. I didn’t need distractions—that’s precisely what boys were. But Dr. Paxton wasn’t just a boy—he was all man.
“Come on.” I grabbed her hand, ignoring her comment, fearful of what she might have seen in him and terrified of what she might see in me.
Jess and I shared a bond, not like the one I had with Caden, but we were close. I wouldn’t be able to conceal whatever it was I currently felt, and I wasn’t prepared to dissect it.
Just before we reached the dance floor, I set the empty glass on a table. “What was that?”
“Rum and Diet Coke.” She set hers down next to mine.
In less than five minutes, the alcohol had warmed my insides and relaxed my mind. The two of us danced to songs I couldn’t identify and those I didn’t care for. Nevertheless, I was having the time of my life, laughing with my best friend as the two of us danced without a care in the world. When I got hot, I tried my luck with the bartender, not thinking he’d serve me, but wondering how Jess had secured drinks. To my surprise, not only did he not question me, he dropped a cherry in each glass with a wink.
I’d downed mine before I made it back to the dance floor. If I were legally able to consume alcohol, I would complain to my parents about how cheap they were being with those tiny glasses. As it stood, that probably wasn’t the best idea. It didn’t take Jess long to drink hers, either. She left my side to get rid of the cup just as the song started to change, and the first ballad of the night played through the speakers.
“May I?” Dr. Paxton stood next to me with his hand out ready to take mine.
Jess had returned and waited a step behind him with wide eyes. When she eagerly nodded to accept his invitation, I did.
“Of course.” I placed my hand in his, and he wrapped an arm around my lower back, pulling me in. Dr. Paxton didn’t press me to his chest or squeeze my hand. He held me as though my father would if he were to dance with me. It was the way his pupils grew before quickly shrinking and the slight sweat of his palm that told me something no one else could see.
“You seem to be having a good time.”
“I am.” It was true. I had dreaded this event for months, but Jess made it fun. The liquor helped.
“Have you been drinking?” The accusation came in the form of hushed words. Concerned.
There was no point in lying, and I didn’t care to justify myself to my teacher or my brother’s best friend. “Yes.” Short and sweet.
“Colbie, you’re underage.”
I couldn’t stop the grin that tugged on the corners of my lips when his brows dipped and creased a line between them. It was cute…endearing.
“I am.”
“You need to be careful.” His whispered warning heated my ear before he pulled back to meet my eyes.
“I’m always careful, Dr. Paxton.” I talked to his shoulder and then took in the other people in the room before directing my attention back to the man who held me in his embrace. “Just once, I’m letting go.” I wasn’t sure if I was still talking about drinking or the thoughts running through my mind about all the things I wanted this man to do to me.
He didn’t say anything else as he expertly moved me around the dance floor. Then, just before the song ended, he leaned down and pressed his cheek to mine. His thick fingers curled more firmly around my own, and my heart swelled with his proximity. “Please be careful, Colbie.” No one would have heard what he said regardless, but there was something in the way he issued his plea that tugged at my heart. As though it were a secret we shared.
My naiveté and the two mixed drinks I’d had were the only things that could possibly lead me to believe there was anything more between us, but I’d managed to blur the lines…even if it were only in my mind. Jess seemed unaffected by his presence or his desire to dance with me. She resumed her spot on the dance floor as quickly as he exited.
Two drinks turned into four, and when dinner was served, Jess sat with her parents while I took my fifth adult beverage to the patio of the country club. Alone with my thoughts and the lake surrounded by endless stretches of golf greens. The ice clinked as I dangled the glass between my fingers and stared at the waning sun. It was surprisingly quiet for the mass of people just beyond the doors behind me, but not even the wind seemed to stir. It was as if Mother Nature herself was paying her respects to Caleb Chapman, recognizing his greatness. I rolled my eyes at the thought of the world conspiring to offer a Chapman praise.
In the silence, I suddenly became hyper-aware of my own actions. I wondered if the universe considered my intoxication an abomination or if it overlooked my indiscretion the way my family did me. The final sip of rum left my lips wet and my throat warm. As though I were seducing myself, my tongue snaked out to grab every last drop that might have lingered, and then my teeth caught my bottom lip, tugging briefly before releasing it.
With nothing left to drink, I turned to go back inside. Caden stared at me with an edge to his expression I hadn’t seen directed at me before. “Cole?”
“What are you doing out here, Caden?” I proceeded toward him, knowing my isolation issued the invitation, and the only way to get him to relax was to return to the reception. Two steps forward and I stumbled on my heel and landed in his arms.
“Are you drunk?”
“No. My heel twisted. I’m fine.” I made certain not to meet his eyes and directed my mouth away from him. My only hope was that he didn’t smell the alcohol. If he told my parents, I couldn’t imagine what they’d do.
“I’m not stupid. Can you even stand up straight?”
“Of course, I can. Don’t be a brat.” The instant the word came out of my mouth, I regretted it. He was the only member of my family who’d tried to pay any attention to me tonight. He didn’t deserve my sassy disposition. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“Why don’t you go in and get something to eat?” His suggestion was meant to sober me, not because he worried about my being hungry.
Only, I wasn’t hungry, and I didn’t want to sober up. I wanted this night to end. Jess had abandoned me and would be stuck with her parents for the rest of the evening. The moment we stepped inside, Caden would get sucked into the gang of men surrounding Caleb and my brothers, and I’d be alone. There wasn’t a soul here I didn’t know. There was no possibility of meeting new people. I’d grown up with or w
as related to everyone beyond those doors. And the only person who didn’t fall into either of those qualifiers was also the one person I needed to stay far away from.
Instead of arguing with my little brother, I nodded and let him help me over the threshold and back into the party. After kissing his cheek, I assured him I would be fine on my own and that I would get a bite to eat. He knew I wasn’t driving, so it wasn’t like I was a physical danger to anyone. If my parents caught wind, it might get ugly, but that certainly wouldn’t take place here.
Most of the guests had danced along with the bride and groom and the wedding party. The music was upbeat and lively. Only a wedding in the South would lend itself to people clogging at a reception, yet sure enough, there were several people on the floor putting on quite the show. Caden watched me, making sure I went toward food. He even made eye contact with me as I picked up a plate. Satisfied, he turned away and joined his friends. I promptly set down the plate and went back to the bar.
I had alternated between the bars around the room, so no one got suspicious. The bartenders didn’t care. I guess they all assumed if I were asking for alcohol, I was old enough to drink. With my rum and Diet Coke in hand, I stepped into a shadow the dimmed lights left against a wall where I continued to sip the night away. It was probably a good thing I didn’t have easy access to liquor. Even I recognized how much easier things were with a little liquid courage. My troubles faded into the distance, the stress eased from my shoulders, the isolation seemed unimportant, and I was just Colbie.
Lost in peaceful serenity, I missed the person standing next to me—until he took my glass. “I’m not sure what number you’re on, but it’s safe to say, you’ve had too many, Colbie.”
My eyes fluttered in annoyed frustration. Trying to roll them drunk and irritated was far more difficult than it was sober, and I couldn’t imagine how mortified my mother would have been to see that sight. “Dr. Douche returns.”
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