Her Perfect

by Walls, Stephie

  One word. It could mean so many things. Although, I was certain he referred to the music. I debated responding, but in the end, my need for acknowledgment beat out my need for self-preservation.

  Me: How much did you hear?

  Minutes went by, and I wondered if he’d text back. Staring at the screen was like watching water boil.

  Eli: Would you be mad if I said all of it?

  My heart jumped into my throat and tears filled my eyes. This wasn’t something to be so emotional over, yet I couldn’t stop the light-headed feeling that took over or the warmth that spread through me.

  Me: Depends.

  I had no idea where I was going with this. I didn’t have the first clue how to flirt, but I knew I didn’t want him to stop talking, either.

  Again, the long moments between texts exacerbated my anxiety. I’d never been good at this kind of thing. The only people I ever texted were Jess and my family. Jess sent instant responses, and my family never needed a reply.

  Eli: On what?

  Okay, this definitely wasn’t a very good plan.

  Me: Whether or not you’re going to tell anyone.

  Eli: Haha. It’s safe to say I’m not going to tell a soul that I stood outside your house and peeped through the window for an absurd amount of time.

  My cheeks hurt from the size of my grin.

  Me: An “absurd” amount?

  Giddy. That was the only word to describe what I felt.

  Eli: Sounded like you nailed it. Is that the piece you said you were having a hard time with?

  He ignored my request for verification of just how much time he’d actually spent on the sidewalk.

  Me: It is. It still needs work. The tempo should be considerably faster, but I’ve definitely made progress.

  Eli: I’m confident you’ll get it perfected.

  Perfect. That word stuck in my brain and lingered on my tongue as I said it out loud. And the ache in my face subsided as my lips fell.

  Me: Is that what you expect? Perfection?

  Eli: Not at all. I know it’s what YOU expect.

  Before I could respond, the front door swung open. Collin and Clayton came bounding in the door followed by my parents. Their excitement filled the foyer, and I turned on the bench. It was easy to see that Georgia had won. Each of them talked about plays they’d found particularly spectacular, none of which I understood. Football had its own language, and I’d never learned to speak the vernacular.

  Just as I was about to resume practice, the door opened again. This time, Caden came through…holding Jess’s hand. My jaw went slack, but I managed to keep my mouth closed even if my eyes were wide. I hadn’t heard from her all day, but I just assumed her parents had her on lockdown. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine she was with my family at a football game.

  “Hey, Cole.” Caden closed the door behind his girlfriend.

  I didn’t trust my voice, so I donned the Chapman smile of familiarity and waved in silence. Jess avoided my stare, and I let her. Caden’s greeting caused my father’s recognition. Still talking to the twins about the “big game,” he strolled into the living room and closed the lid on the piano.

  “That’s enough for tonight.” His authority left no room for negotiation. “Your mama’s gonna warm up leftovers for dinner.”

  I wasn’t sure if that was an invitation or just a reason for me not to bother them by “banging on the keys.” They’d told me countless times that it was difficult to carry on a conversation over the instrument. I’d never bothered to point out that the piano was across the house from the dining room and couldn’t possibly be anything more than background noise.

  The others had wandered off, and Jess let go of my brother’s hand when Mama asked her if she wanted to help in the kitchen. I still sat motionless on the bench.

  “You coming?” Caden waited expectantly.

  I shook my head. “You guys go ahead. I didn’t know when you’d be home, so I ate earlier.” Lie. “I need to start working on my homework.” At this rate, my growing nose would knock him over.

  His brow dipped, but he didn’t call me out. Instead, he bit his lip and nodded. Caden glanced over his shoulder. When he didn’t see anything, or maybe he saw exactly what he wanted—no one—his long legs carried him to where I sat. He joined me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

  “You okay with all this?” Caden didn’t have to tell me what “all this” was.

  Jess appeared before I could respond. Her hands were loaded down with silverware and napkins. “Caden, your mom asked us to set the table.” And just like that, she had a seat next to my brother at the table and a place in my mom’s heart. Not that she hadn’t always been welcome in my home; it was just different now. She was part of Caden, which elevated her to a noticeable status. As my friend, she’d been as invisible as I was.

  Caden’s face lit up when she had entered the room. “Okay. I’ll be there in a second.” He waited for her to disappear before speaking to me again. “You know you’re still my favorite, right?” His hand dropped from my shoulder to my side, and he dug his finger into my ribs to get me to laugh.

  I gave him what he wanted, even though I didn’t believe it. “I know.”

  He kissed my temple and popped up off the bench like a jack-in-the-box to join the rest of the family. The conversation and laughter flowed from the kitchen. I sat in silence and listened to the sounds of happiness and togetherness, and then I walked up the stairs to my room.

  * * *

  The light knock on my door didn’t surprise me. The person on the other side did.

  Caden peeked his head through the crack. “Can we talk?”

  I set my novel down and sat up, crossing my legs on my bed. “Sure. What’s on your mind?”

  He could no longer sneak through a tiny crack. He had to open the door full swing. Caden’s shoulders had broadened in the last few months, and he’d put on a solid bit of muscle. He was already tall, but now, he was filling out. I’d caught glimpses of the man he was turning into, but where they had been few and far between, there was less of the boy I loved than the man he was destined to be.

  He launched himself through the air and landed on the mattress next to me in a pike position. I rolled my eyes and giggled. I hoped some things never changed. This had always been our thing, although it had matured a bit over time. He no longer tried to bounce me off the bed by repeatedly jumping on it or tickle me until I peed; however, the amused look faded when he rolled onto his side to face me.

  “Ugh. You’re going to force this, aren’t you?” I had no desire to talk about Jess with Caden. I didn’t care to talk to Jess about him, either.

  He hit me with a stray pillow. “Yup. She told me what happened.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. “Of course she did.” I meant to mutter to myself, but with Caden jammed up next to me, it hadn’t come out all that quietly.

  “We tell each other everything, Colbie.”

  He was right. It was what separated my relationship with him from everyone else in our family. We’d always talked, shared secrets. “It wasn’t my place to tell you.”

  He snickered. “No, silly. I mean Jess and me. We tell each other everything.”

  Well, that wasn’t what I thought he’d meant. “Oh.” They’d been dating for like two minutes, and suddenly, they’re BFFs. I hadn’t gotten the memo, clearly.

  Caden sat up. His face was pale, and all humor had disappeared from his eyes. “I need to tell you something.” This was serious.

  “Okay….” I hated the nervous anticipation I got when I was filled with dread.

  He cracked his knuckles and bent one knee, both signs of his apprehension. My heart raced, wishing he’d just spit it out.

  “If you’re going to be mad, I need you to direct that at me and not Jess. Promise?”

  Jesus. “No. I don’t promise. How can you even ask me that?” I couldn’t assure him of anything when I didn’t have a c
lue what he might divulge.

  Caden’s Adam’s apple slid down his throat and back up when he swallowed. I’d seen this before when he’d fessed up to something we’d done as kids. It was never good. “Jess and I had sex last night.”

  I pulled back like I’d been slapped. “What?”

  He had to be lying. Jess would have told me. She never would have left that to Caden, not to mention, they’d been dating for all of, like, a day.

  I unfolded my legs and got off the bed. Standing next to it, I crossed my arms, ready to tear my little brother apart. He knew better than to lie about girls that way. Caden would destroy Jess’s reputation if that kind of gossip got out. “Caden Chapman! I don’t know what game you’re playing, but you better not tell anyone else that lie. I can’t believe such filth just came out of your mouth.” I hissed the words through my teeth, trying to keep my voice down so my parents wouldn’t hear the conversation.

  His face turned the color of a red Skittle when he got to his feet and stood so close I could smell his breath. “What the hell, Cole? Why would you think I’m lying?”

  I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. He had to be joking.

  “Well?” Caden threw his arms in the air.

  “She’s a virgin, Caden. She’s not just going to have sex with the first guy who pays her a little attention a week after they start dating.” It got increasingly more difficult not to yell, although I wasn’t certain why I vehemently refused to believe what he said.

  “It’s been four months.”

  There was no way. I quickly did the mental math. Jess had only mentioned it a couple weeks ago. I laughed and tossed my head back to emphasize just how funny that was. “You’re so full of it. Two weeks ago was the first time she mentioned you.”

  He stuffed his hands into his pockets, and a smug grin lined his lips. “Where was Jess all summer, Colbie?”

  I gave him a half shrug. “Her parents wouldn’t let her do anything.”

  “Or maybe that was just what she told you so she could do something else.”

  I hadn’t given it a second thought. Her parents had always been strict, so when she told me she couldn’t do anything, it wasn’t unusual. I still saw her, just not as much as I had in previous summers. “What are you saying, Caden?”

  “That I’ve been seeing Jess since the end of last year.”

  It all fell into place. This was why she’d been so forward about giving up the pact the first day of school. She’d already quit; she’d just been lying to me about it.

  “Say something.”

  I straightened my spine and dropped my defensive posture. “What would you like me to say?”

  He pulled on the roots of his hair and turned in a circle. “I want you to tell me you’re okay with it. That nothing has to change. I want you to call your best friend and tell her you’re happy for her and mean it.” Caden stared at me and waited. “Colbie?”

  But I couldn’t give them a free pass. “You want me to lie the way the two of you have?”

  “That’s not fair, Cole.” He must live in an alternate universe.

  I huffed out a sarcastic laugh. “What about that isn’t fair?” I walked toward my door and then wrapped my fingers around the knob. “The two people I’m closest to in life have kept secrets from me and lied to me, not once, but repeatedly…for months. I’m not okay with that, and four months ago, you wouldn’t have been, either. But I guess getting your dick wet was more important than honesty and loyalty. Congrats, Caden, you’re officially another member of the male species and an asshole to boot.” I opened the door and jerked my eyes toward the opening, inviting him to leave.

  It took him three steps to reach me, and one more to push the door closed. “Maybe if you weren’t so damn hard to get through to, then people wouldn’t feel like they had to lie to you in order to protect you.” He waved a hand in front of my face. “Earth to Colbie, the world doesn’t care about your overly sensitive heart.”

  “No, but my brother should.” I couldn’t do this, and I wouldn’t.

  If he refused to leave, then I would. I locked myself in the bathroom and waited. It didn’t take long for Caden to stop cussing and slam my bedroom door.

  By the time I emerged, my hands shook, and I fought every urge to cry. I glanced at the clock, and I knew it was too late to eat my feelings or go running. Stuck, I did the only thing I could think of.

  Me: You busy?

  8

  Eli

  I was half asleep on the couch when my phone dinged on the coffee table. Even groggy, seeing a text from her put a smile on my face. It was nearly eleven, but I refused to admit I was an old man who couldn’t stay awake long enough to get through the news…or that I even watched the news.

  Me: Just lying on the couch, watching TV. You?

  It wasn’t an outright lie, just a tiny stretch of the truth.

  The bubbles appeared and stopped. Then appeared again and stopped. But no text came through. The longer it went on the more worried I became that she wasn’t just wanting to chitchat, and there was indeed something wrong.

  Me: Talk to me. Is everything okay?

  Job and I would not be competing for any patience awards. If Colbie needed something, I had no idea how I’d provide her with it, which only made me anxious.

  Beautiful: I had a bad night.

  It hadn’t been that long since I’d seen her. Granted, through the window didn’t really count, but she had seemed okay when I texted her.

  Me: What happened?

  At this rate, I’d have another birthday by the time I knew what was going on. My heart was in my throat, and this girl had me tied in unreasonable knots.

  Me: Colbie, I need to know you’re okay.

  Beautiful: I guess that’s relative.

  This is where age became an issue. Problems to an eighteen-year-old weren’t the same as those to a twenty-four-year-old. Not that they were any less significant in our respective worlds, but a bad hair day in high school was detrimental. It was expected as an adult.

  Me: You’ve got to give me more to go on.

  Preferably before I went bald and got a senior citizen discount. No teenager texted this slowly, which meant she was considering every word before she typed it and then reconsidering it before she hit send.

  Me: Stop overthinking this, and tell me what happened.

  Maybe taking off the gloves was the best approached. She fought hard when anyone bucked up to her. Treating her like a delicate flower probably wouldn’t get me anywhere.

  Beautiful: Caden and Jess had sex.

  Beautiful: And they’ve lied about how long they’ve been dating.

  Beautiful: Clearly, I’m naïve.

  Beautiful: And the only virgin left at Brogdon High.

  I snickered at the last text, but at least she was talking, even if I still didn’t know what actually happened.

  Me: First of all, being a virgin is not like having the plague. It’s a gift. Keep that shit as long as you want to, and don’t give it to a man who’s not deserving.

  Please don’t give it to anyone. Not yet.

  Me: Second, how did you find all this out about Caden and Jess? Did they tell you?

  Beautiful: You have to say that. You’re a teacher.

  That was a reminder I didn’t need right now.

  Beautiful: Caden wanted to “talk” to me tonight. He wanted me to call Jess and tell her I was fine with all of it and be happy for them.

  Beautiful: You really should encourage Caleb to drug test the football players. Caden has to be smoking something.

  There were so many sides to this girl. I was quite fond of the snarky one and definitely enjoyed the intelligent one, but the vulnerable, innocent one was by far my favorite because no one else ever got to see it.

  Me: How long have they been dating?

  Beautiful: Since the end of last school year.

  I didn’t know the details of how they’d pulled that off without Colbie finding out, but I could imagin
e how badly it would hurt to learn the truth. And with what little I knew about Colbie, I’d bet my savings account that she felt deserted.

  Texting wasn’t my favorite way to communicate, although I recognized the limitations I had to deal with. I’d told her if she ever needed to talk, I’d be there. Colbie had reached out, and I wasn’t going back on that. I also couldn’t risk getting caught with her on the phone, so calling was out of the question. Never in my life had I felt so helpless. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it was the end of Colbie’s world. And that gutted me. Almost as much as the realization that I wouldn’t see her until Monday.

  And when she finally succumbed to exhaustion, or maybe just got tired of texting, she said goodnight. But I couldn’t leave it at that.

  Me: I have a thing tomorrow night, so I’m going running in the morning. Maybe I’ll see you.

  I prayed she got the reference.

  Beautiful: Oh.

  Oh? That wasn’t the response I’d expected or wanted.

  Me: Oh?

  Beautiful: You have a date.

  I was lost. I scrolled up and read through the text messages—there were hundreds after two hours of talking. Nothing indicated anything of the sort.