by Betsy Haynes
So what if I had stretched the truth about Clarence a little bit? No one would ever know the difference and . . .
"Hey, Taffy. Are you going to kiss me at Curtis's party Friday night?"
My mouth dropped open as Clarence came skidding up and stopped in front of me. I couldn't help wondering for an instant if he had some sort of ESP and knew that I was thinking about him and that was why he had rushed up to me just now.
"Don't be weird," I said in an icy voice. "I've already told you. I wouldn't kiss you if you were the last boy on earth. Now leave me alone."
Clarence laughed and then went bounding off in the direction of a group of girls. He's probably going to bug them about kissing him, too, I thought angrily as I turned my back on him. He was such a jerk.
I was still grumbling to myself about Clarence when I got back to the room after recess, and I was almost to my seat when I noticed that someone had left a note on my desk. Terrific, I thought excitedly. Maybe it's from Mona and she has some news about my diary.
I grabbed the note and practically tore the paper in my excitement to get it open. Then, spreading it out on my desk, I swallowed hard. It wasn't good news from Mona. It wasn't good news from anybody. It was a picture. The skin on the back of my neck began to crawl as I stared at the crude drawing of a book with a strap connecting the front to the back. And stared at the word "Diary" written across the cover. Beneath the drawing was a message scrawled in large capital letters.
FRIDAY NIGHT
Oh, no! I gasped. My worst fears were coming true.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I crumpled the paper in my hand and stuffed it into a pocket, and I tried to figure out what to do. Jana was out to get me, all right. If I ever had any doubts, they were gone now. Friday Night, the note said. Zero hour. Doomsday. The end of Taffy Sinclair.
There had to be something I could do to stop her. But what? It had been a mistake to rely on Mona. She had tried, but there wasn't anything she could do. Besides, Jana hated me too much to miss a golden opportunity such as this.
I had to find the diary, and suddenly as I sat there thinking the situation over, I knew the first place to look. My hand shot into the air.
"Yes, Taffy," said Miss Wiggins.
"May I leave the room, please?"
Miss Wiggins frowned. "But you just came in from recess."
"I know, but . . ." I stammered. I could feel my face turning pink. Why hadn't I waited a few more minutes?
"Well, if you're certain it's an emergency," Miss Wiggins warned.
"Oh, yes, Miss Wiggins. It's an emergency."
As I slid out of my seat I heard Joel Murphy whisper in a singsong voice, "We know where you're going." A bunch of other kids giggled.
I headed for the sixth-grade lockers the instant I got into the hall. Why had it taken me so long to figure it out? Jana wouldn't dare carry my diary into the classroom even if she hid it among her other books. It was a bright shade of blue, and it would be impossible to hide. No, I thought happily, it was probably in her locker where she and her friends could sneak it out to the fence during recess or at noon and read it and have a good laugh. Well, I thought, I'll put a stop to that. I could get inside her locker easily now that all the locks had been turned in to Miss Wiggins, and I would fix her for stealing my property. I would steal it back.
The hinges on her locker door squealed loudly as I pulled it open in the silent corridor. I froze and darted quick glances out of the corner of each eye to see if anyone had heard. They hadn't. I waited a few more seconds just to be sure and then eased the door the rest of the way open without making any more noise. After one more check of the hall in each direction, I looked inside Jana's locker. School books. A mirror hanging on the vent. A few papers. That was it. No diary. Not even anything blue.
My heart sank. What if she was keeping it at home? I would never be able to get it back then. Or else, I thought slyly, or else what if one of her friends has it for safekeeping? Then it could still be in one of the lockers, and I could still get it back.
I closed Jana's locker door very carefully and tiptoed up the hall to Beth's locker. Beth was Jana's best friend and the logical one to keep it for her. I would have bet almost anything that I was about to find it there. But the diary wasn't in Beth's locker, either. Or in Melanie's. Or Katie's. Or Christie's.
It isn't anywhere! I thought desperately. What am I going to do?
I leaned against the bank of lockers and rested my head against the cool metal. I tried not to think about what was going to happen Friday night, but I couldn't help it. I knew what everyone would think of me when they heard the things I had written in that diary. I knew they wouldn't understand.
In fact, nobody had ever understood me. They had always listened to Jana because she was so popular. Still, I had to admit, there were some things I didn't want people to understand. Some of my feelings were just too personal and too private. That's why I had written about them in my diary. Writing them down usually made me feel better. It helped me sort things out, and it was a little like talking things over with a friend, the kind of friend who never laughed and always understood. For instance, there was the time when I was appearing in Interns and Lovers on television and Jana wrote that awful article about me for the Mark Twain Sentinel. In it she said terrible things about me and called me the "queen of the soaps." I was so humiliated that I stayed home from school for days . . . writing in my diary.
Dear Diary:
Today was the most embarrassing day of my life.
Right there, on the front page of the school paper, was an article about me. Jana Morgan wrote it, and it was full of lies. I'll never go back to school. Nobody can make me face those kids again.
Dear Diary:
I didn't go to school again today. How can I when everyone acts so mean? My mother says it's because they're jealous of my looks. Well, I've got news for them. They think I like being pretty, but I don't. Not all the time, anyway.
And what's more, they probably think that I really want to be a model or a television star. Boy, would they be shocked if they knew that I don't want that, either. I'd give anything if I could stop being different and just be like everybody else.
Dear Diary:
I'm home again today. It's lonely, but it's better than being at school. I can't quit thinking about Jana Morgan. I can't stop wondering why she is jealous of me. She has everything! She is popular and has tons of friends. And even more than that, she has Randy Kirwan, the boy of my dreams.
And then there was the time I took the modeling class at Tanninger's Department Store. Jana and her friends took it, too. Melanie was so excited about becoming a model that she actually wanted to be friends with me to find out all my secrets. She knew I was the only other person in the class who stood a chance of getting a modeling job.
Anyway, at first I was friendly with Melanie because I knew it would drive the rest of The Fabulous Five wild to see us together and might even split up their gossipy club. But the more time I spent with Melanie, the more I liked being with her. I wrote about that in my diary, too.
Dear Diary:
I know it sounds crazy, but I'm beginning to think Melanie is a super person and a neat friend. We've started walking to school together and talking about modeling and clothes. It's great to have someone to talk with about those things.
Dear Diary:
I'm getting worried. Jana and her friends are trying to get Melanie back. I'll die if she goes back to being friends with them. I have to do something fast. Something that will convince Melanie that she needs me for a friend. But what?
I sighed. I had thought of something, all right, but it had backfired in my face the same way things had always backfired whenever I had tried to make friends. What's the use, anyway, I thought.
Suddenly I realized that I had been gone from the classroom for an awfully long time. Any minute now Miss Wiggins might come looking for me. As I hurried back up the hall I thought about Jana Morgan and my diary
again. One thing was certain, I had to get it back. I couldn't let her read it out loud to the whole sixth grade. I had written too many things in it that nobody could ever know.
CHAPTER TWELVE
No matter how grim things seemed as far as my diary was concerned, I still had one thing to look forward to. Randy Kirwan was going to walk me home after school. The day seemed endless, even though we spent most of the time cleaning up the sixth-grade room to get it ready for summer vacation.
When the dismissal bell finally rang, I hurried to my locker and then to the front door to wait for Randy. I tried to look cool, even though my heart was racing. Maybe I should have stopped by the girls' bathroom and brushed my hair, I thought.
Mark Peters and Scott Daly walked by. They were Randy's best friends. I was hoping they would ask me whom I was waiting for, but they didn't.
Then Alexis Duvall and Lisa Snow came along next. "You just can't bear to walk out of good old Mark Twain Elementary after six long years, can you, Taffy?" Alexis said with a grin.
"Yeah," said Lisa. "It really gets to you, doesn't it?"
I nodded and smiled, wishing they would stop long enough to ask me what I was really doing waiting by the door, but of course they didn't. I glanced down the hall. If only Randy would hurry up. I was dying for someone to see us leaving the school together—especially Jana Morgan.
Instead, Clarence was lumbering toward the door. When he saw me, he started making smooching sounds and grinning broadly. "Just wait until Friday night!" he called as he went past.
Friday night. It depressed me even to think about it. Suddenly it didn't matter that Randy was walking me home. After Friday night he would probably think I was horrible and never want to speak to me again.
The school had almost emptied out by the time he finally got there. I tried to smile when I saw him coming, but I just didn't feel like it. Instead, I sighed and mumbled, "Hi," barely above a whisper.
"What's the matter? Has Clarence been bothering you again?"
I shook my head. It would be the truth if I told him what Clarence had said and that he had been making smooching noises. But even if Randy believed me now, he probably wouldn't after Jana read my diary out loud.
"Then what's the matter?" Randy repeated.
I thought quickly. "I guess I'm just a little sad about leaving our old school," I lied. "We've gone here all of our lives."
Randy nodded. "I'll miss it, too." Then he flashed a grin and added, "But don't tell anybody I said that. I don't want to get teased."
I said I wouldn't, and we walked along in silence. I knew I should be making fabulous conversation. I should be impressing Randy so that he would forget all about Jana Morgan and decide that he liked me instead. But for some reason I just couldn't. I didn't feel like talking. Not to Randy. Not to anybody.
When we got to my house, I thanked Randy for walking home with me and went inside. My mother was waiting for me.
"Hi, sweetheart. Are you ready to go to the mall and look for a new outfit for your audition Friday night?"
Surprise must have shown on my face because she added, "You didn't forget an important thing like that, did you? Just remember, Cynthia Cameron will do everything she can to get that job away from you."
"Sure, Mother. Let's go."
I followed her out to the car, thinking that usually shopping for new clothes at the mall was one of my favorite things to do. But today was different. And as we went from store to store, I couldn't seem to find anything I liked.
"What's wrong, love?" she asked after I left the fifth store without trying on a single thing. "You aren't coming down with something, are you?"
She stopped, turned me toward her, and studied my face. "You look a little pale. Here, let me feel your forehead for fever. It would be just awful if you got sick and missed the audition."
Dutifully, I let her feel my forehead. I knew I didn't have a fever, but it would make her feel better. Sometimes it seemed as if she cared more about my show business career than she did about me.
Finally we found an outfit that she felt sure would be just right. "It's perfect," she said as she handed it to the clerk at the cash register. "Cynthia Cameron can't possibly show up in anything that gorgeous. Oh, Taffy. Isn't it exciting? The job is yours. I can just feel it."
I tried to smile as I watched the clerk put the clothes into a bag. Mother was right about one thing. The outfit was pretty. It was a sundress with tiny straps and a full skirt that was a blaze of bright colors.
She was right about another thing, too, I thought. I would look great Friday night—when I met my doom.
Mona came over after supper. She was so shy about trying on my clothes that I had to talk her into it.
"But Taffy, they're all so beautiful," she said over and over.
"Here," I said, handing her my favorite blue knee pants and ruffled top. It was the same outfit my mother had suggested I wear to the audition before she agreed to buy me something new. "Try on this one. I think you'll look great in it."
Mona's eyes got big when she saw herself in the mirror. She really did look nice. Blue was a super color for her, and the pants and top couldn't have fit her any better.
"Wow!" she said. "Do you really mean that I can borrow this?"
"Of course. Not only that, because you look so nice in it, I think you ought to keep it."
Mona thanked me a million times before she left. She thanked me so much that it got embarrassing. "I'm really sorry I couldn't help you find your diary," she said as she headed out the door.
"That's okay," I said. "You tried."
And she really had, too. After she left, I felt like a bigger jerk than ever for using my great wardrobe to bribe her into trying to get my diary back. Even giving her the blue pants and top won't make up for what I wrote about her, I told myself. After Friday night, she'll hate me just like everybody else.
The trouble was, I had said things in that diary that no one would understand. I had meant them at the moment I wrote them because I was hurt or angry, but they weren't really the truth. Not the truth about the kids I wrote about, and now that I had stopped to think about it, not the truth about how I really felt.
Later, when I climbed into bed, I could almost hear the time bomb ticking. Wednesday. Thursday. Friday. Friday night. I was a goner. Blown away by my own diary. It was just a matter of time.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
By morning I knew what I had to do.
I had tossed and turned all night thinking of my choices. The first choice was to skip the party and go to the audition the way I was supposed to. That would make my mother happy, and I might even get the job doing the commercial. But that wouldn't solve my problem. It was the second choice that made the most sense.
Skipping breakfast, I left for school a few minutes early. I wanted to get there in time to be the first one at the spot by the fence where The Fabulous Five always congregated in the morning. I planned to be there, waiting for them, when they arrived.
Jana and Melanie were the first to get to school. They came sauntering onto the playground as if they didn't have a care in the world. They didn't, I thought. Nobody had their diaries and was planning to expose their innermost secrets to the whole world.
They gave me a questioning look as they approached.
"Hi," I said nonchalantly, acting as if it were perfectly natural for me to be standing there.
"Hi," they said in unison. I knew that they were trying to figure out what to say next, but just then the other three girls came walking up.
"Hi, Taffy," said Christie. "Is something wrong?"
For an instant I lost my nerve as I looked at the five of them lined up like an army against me. If this didn't work, I was doomed worse than ever. Maybe I shouldn't even try it. Jana might see this as the perfect chance to get me for once and for all.
"Yeah," said Jana. "What's the matter?"
I hesitated, still trying to decide if I should take the chance. And yet, I couldn't help remembe
ring when Jana and I had found baby Ashley. We had shared something so special that for a moment it felt as if we were friends. It had been confusing, and I had tried to explain it to my diary.
Dear Diary:
How can you hate someone and really like her at the same time? How can you suddenly feel like trusting someone who has been your enemy forever? That's what I'd like to know because it happened to me today.
First, Jana Morgan got me into trouble by saying that I stuck out my foot and tripped her—which I didn't do!!!!! Then, Miss Wiggins got mad at both of us for yelling at each other and sent us to the detention room in the office. Boy, was I mad. Then it happened. While we were walking in the hall, Jana thought she heard a kitten crying. We couldn't find it, and then I looked out the glass front doors and saw a baby in a basket. Her name was Ashley, and she had been abandoned right there on the steps of Mark Twain Elementary. Nobody else was around when we brought her into the hall. We talked to her and took care of her for a little while as if we were her mothers. We loved her so much! You could tell that she loved us, too, by the way she smiled.
When Jana and I looked at each other, it was as if we had the most wonderful secret in the world. It's hard to explain, but I wish that moment could have lasted forever.
Jana was still looking at me, waiting for me to answer. "I need to talk to you about my diary." I said the words quickly before I could chicken out again. "I know you have it and that you've read it. Even though you probably won't believe this, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for all the mean things I wrote about you."
All five of them were staring at me as if I had just announced that school wouldn't be out for another six months. Jana started to say something, but I began talking again before she could get the words out.
"I don't know which one of you put the note on my desk with the drawing of the diary and the words 'Friday night' written on it, but I know what you're planning to do. You're going to read my diary out loud at the party and humiliate me in front of everybody. I promise, if you'll give it back to me now, I'll be your friend." I paused for an instant and looked at Jana, hoping that she would remember what it was like when we found baby Ashley.
