“I know you do, and I appreciate it,” she answered softly. “Truly, I do. You shouldn’t worry so much. Everything will turn out for the best. You have your own responsibilities to worry about, and I’m not completely helpless, you know. Losing my parents and Jason, the war—I’m stronger than you think. If, for some reason, this doesn’t work out between Jake and me, I’ll get by. I’m a survivor.”
“My brother can be a bit rough around the edges, but you’re accustomed to dealing with men—the doctors, the soldiers, your patients. He’s a different sort than I, but I can vouch for his character. He’s a hard worker, capable. That much hasn’t changed since we were children. I trust you with him. I can hand you over to him in good conscience.”
The sweetness of his concern took her breath away.
“You have enough to worry about without having me holding on to your coat, and I’m not your responsibility. Nor is my happiness. What’s brought this on? Are you trying to dissuade me now that you and Annie have gone to all this trouble to bring us together?”
“Not at all. It’s just now that your decision is made, I’m—we’re having trouble coming to terms with losing you. We’re being selfish, I know, but we’ve been accustomed to having you near, sharing the good times and bad. You brought my son into the world. Through the years you’ve become a part of us. A very necessary part. I’m going to miss you terribly.”
Suzanna put propriety behind, stepped into his arms, and laid her head on his chest. His arms trembled as he held her. She lifted her gaze, saw the longing written there, and wondered why. It had always been Annie for Nathan, hadn’t it? And for her, it had always been Jason. At least, until now.
“Put your mind at ease, dear friend. Chances are that if Jake and I had met under normal circumstances, we would have been drawn to each other anyway. There’s a dynamic between us that I can’t explain. A connection, feelings I can’t define, but I can’t ignore them. Besides, I’ve given Jake my promise, and I won’t go back on my word, so you and Annie must stop second guessing yourselves.”
He rested his forehead on hers, sighed, then released her. “Very well. I defer to your good judgment and Jake’s good fortune.”
The sadness in his face remained.
“What is this?” she asked as she stepped back. “Are you doubting your brother is a man I could learn to love, or that he could learn to reciprocate?”
“You already do love him, Suzanna. You just don’t realize it yet.” His gruff tone startled her.
“Nathan, please, stop worrying. You should be happy—was this not what you wanted? A husband for me; a wife for Jake? Come now. This opportunity is the answer to my prayers, and the decision is made.” She sought to allay his fears. “Everything will be fine, and I will always be grateful to you and Annie.”
She placed her hands on his shoulders and a kiss on his cheek. “I’ve always loved you. You know that, don’t you?”
Closing his eyes, Nathan swallowed, an expression of intense pain on his face. “Annie and I… The feelings are mutual.”
He inhaled a long, deep breath. “Suzanna, I have to ask… Have you ever thought what it might have been like if you had not fallen in love with Jason, and I had not married Annie?”
“What?” she asked, drawing back, shocked. Her wide eyes bored into his, and what she read in their depths bewildered her.
What was he asking? She and Nathan? Oh. God. If he was saying what she thought he was saying, she would not even honor it with a reply. The clock ticking on her wall echoed in the silence. Dread filled every part of her.
“You and Annie belong together. You always have,” she answered firmly.
He studied her troubled expression for an instant, then pulled her to him for a brief, fierce hug. His mouth curled in a vain attempt at a smile as he let her go.
“Of course we have.” He ran his hands up and down her arms as he put some distance between them. “Jake said to tell you he’d see you this evening. You have plans to discuss. He’ll be here to escort you at seven.”
He released her and was gone before Suzanna had time to react. It was probably a good thing she was leaving this place. The sooner the better. There was nothing here for her anymore.
Suzanna fell into her chair by the fireplace, more sure than ever that she’d made the prudent decision—for everyone.
****
Bang! Bang! Bang! Her door shook from the force of the fist applied to it.
She flung open the door and ran into Jake. Sweat rolled off his face, his chest heaved with exertion, and his face was riddled with fear and urgency.
“You’ve got to come. There’s been an accident at the mill. One of the sloss furnaces spilled out, and Nathan’s been hurt!” his voice loud and panicked.
“Oh, dear God! How badly?” From somewhere inside, the premonition of danger turned her blood to ice and shook her very bones.
“He’s alive, but barely. One of the supervisors has gone for Annie, and the man’s wife is meeting him there to take care of the baby. You’ve got to come—he needs you, and there’s no one else to help.”
Grabbing her arms in his hands, his fierce, gray eyes bored into hers. They were wild with fear for his brother. He slowed for the barest second and struggled for control.
“Suzanna, it’s bad. Nathan is severely burned and fighting for his life. I…I’m not sure he’ll make it.”
“Then hurry! Has anyone called for Doc Hilliard?” she asked as she ran to her closet and pulled out the bag of medicines and instruments she kept for emergencies.
“He’s out at some farm. A man got trampled by a mule, and Hilliard is attending to him.” Not waiting for an answer, he pulled her out the door and into the street.
Legs pumping, they ran toward the edge of town, toward the mill just beyond.
There was no time to waste.
“Can you do this?” Jake shouted over his shoulder.
“I have no choice! The things I’ve seen—far more than you can ever imagine. I can’t promise anything, but you know I’ll do everything I can for him. You’ll take care of Annie?”
He was frantic, but holding himself together. “I’ll do whatever you tell me, just save Nathan’s life.”
“My God! Nathan!” she cried as they ran. “I’ll do my best.”
They made it to the furnace in record time and found a circle of men surrounding Nathan. They’d moved him from the floor of the building, and he lay on a blanket in the back of a wagon. His pale face contorted with pain and agony as he struggled with every breath. Even the faint moans escaping his mouth seemed to cause excruciating torture.
Suzanna climbed up beside him. God in heaven. She’d never seen anything like this. Biting back tears, she examined her friend’s wounds.
“Nathan, Nathan, I’m here. Can you open your eyes?”
He valiantly tried to comply as she stroked his forehead. “Good, that’s good. Jake’s gone for Annie. She’ll be here soon. We’ll get you comfortable.”
Nathan’s head rolled from side to side, back and forth. On the edge of consciousness, he must be enduring terrible pain. Fevered eyes searched hers. “St. John,” he murmured with great effort. “Jake…contact St. John.”
“Shh. Don’t talk. You must try to rest.” Who was this St. John person, and why would Nathan insist on Jake speaking with him? “Nathan, you are burned. I am going to remove the covering and see what must be done. I’m sorry, but it’s going to hurt. Try not to move, all right?”
Nathan nodded as best he could.
Gently, carefully, she peeled back the blanket someone had laid over his chest. He cried out in distress. The contents of her stomach rose in her throat, and she swallowed a gag.
Jake was right. It was bad.
One of Nathan’s men came to stand by the wagon. “He stood too close to the pouring vat, ma’am, and molten iron ore splashed from the bucket and landed on his chest. By the time we could get there, it had burned through his coat and begun to harden.
It had to be removed, but with the dangers of bleeding and infection, a wound of this magnitude could very well be fatal. She forced back tears, and stilled her shaking fingers.
She turned to one of the men standing by the wagon. “Get Doc Hilliard here as soon as you can,” she said with rough urgency. “Someone grab the reins and walk this horse to the doctor’s office. Be careful; try not to jostle him. I can’t risk treating him out here in the open. I’ll clean the wound and make him comfortable while we wait for the doctor.”
Nathan cried out as the team began to move. Every inch of ground they covered was an inch of agony. Suzanna braced him as best she could, her heart breaking with every sound he made. Over and over he repeated the name of St. John.
Jake and Annie came running up. “Dear Jesus! What can I do?” Annie screamed as she desperately climbed the wagon to be near her husband.
“He’s barely conscious, Annie. Brace his other shoulder. I’ve got him on this side. Just hold his hand, let him know you’re here. I need to get these clothes off him and see what we’re dealing with. He may have more injuries.” She glanced at the white face of her friend. “Are you up for this? I need all the help I can get.”
Annie looked at her husband, her lips mumbling a desperate plea for God to save him. “I’ll do what I have to. I’ll do whatever you tell me to do. Just don’t let him die. Don’t let him die!” she answered, her voice thick and trembling.
They got Nathan to the doctor’s office, and several of the men carefully helped Jake lay him on an examination table. Annie and Jake removed his clothing while Suzanna thoroughly washed her hands and put a kettle of water on to boil. She wanted every surface clean.
As Jake held a sheet over Nathan’s chest, the smell of burned flesh permeated the room. Annie almost lost control, but at a stern glance from Suzanna, she bit her lip and steadied her shaking hands.
There were a few less serious wounds down his chest and side, and she tended to those first. But the worst area was directly over his heart. His sweet, loving heart. The heart that loved her; that she loved back.
No time for this. Get hold of yourself. He needs you. Annie needs you.
She gathered her strength, knowing she had to do what was necessary. Always what was necessary, regardless of the outcome, regardless the cost.
Once Suzanna had him clean and modestly covered, she nodded to Annie and Jake and gently lifted one end of the metal adhesion. It was just as she’d thought. They would have to surgically remove the thin, solid plate, and clean and cover the resulting wound. His entire chest was involved, and would be open and exposed until a scab formed. She’d never seen so large an area affected, and it scared her to think of not only what Nathan would suffer but how they could keep infection at bay.
She cried out in fear and frustration, “Where the blazes is Julian? I need him.”
Jake laid a steadying hand on her shoulder. “Suzanna, if we wait for the doctor, it may be too late. God help us, it may be too late already. You have to try and do what you can.”
“Jake, you don’t understand. He needs surgery. I’m not qualified to do this. I could kill him.”
“He will die if you don’t try.” His voice graveled with anguish, he pleaded with her to do what she must.
Annie left Nathan’s side and came to stand by Suzanna. She took a deep breath. “Suzanna, I agree with Jake. You have to try. You must. You can’t let him die. His breathing is already labored, and fever has set in. Please—don’t delay.”
Suzanna didn’t move. She stared down at Nathan, knowing she must do something but afraid of making him worse. Annie grabbed Suzanna’s shoulders and shook her. “You’ve got to try and save my husband. I need him, do you understand? I need him!”
She closed her eyes, capitulating, and when she spoke, her voice quivered. “I know, Annie. I know. I’ll try my best, but I want you both to look at me and listen to everything I say. I want to make sure you understand what I’m telling you. Nathan is in bad shape. It’s entirely possible that whatever I do, it will not be enough. I want you to prepare yourselves for the worst, and pray for the best. I need you to help me through this. Do you understand?”
Annie’s hands fell to her side, fists clenched, tiny bones pinched white with strain. Her little body tense and rigid, she clearly grasped the gravity of the situation. “I understand that you will do the best you can for my husband. You don’t have to worry. If God sees fit to take him from me, I will not lay the blame at your door. Now, please…do what you need to do!”
Jake cleared the room, and Annie draped clean sheets over her husband’s body. Suzanna, Annie, and Jake washed their hands with lye soap and water until Suzanna was satisfied they were clean enough to proceed. In the medicine cabinet, she found a bottle of ether. Grabbing it and a roll of cheesecloth, she handed it to Jake. He held a metal cone draped with cloth over Nathan’s nose and sprinkled a few drops of Dr. Hilliard’s ether onto the fabric until Suzanna was satisfied Nathan was unconscious and could feel nothing of what she was about to do.
Very gently, inch by torturous inch, she lifted the solidified metal and burned flesh from Nathan’s chest. She cleaned the area with alcohol and dribbled a concoction of willow bark and sulfur over the wound to soothe the skin and promote healing. Once the area was treated and clean, a medicated salve was smoothed over the entire area, but even so his chest was raw and weeping. She hated to touch the wound but was afraid to leave it exposed, so she carefully laid clean cloths over the raw flesh. The dressings would have to be changed several times a day, and the agony Nathan would feel left a cold knot in the pit of her stomach. There was little else to be done for burns other than to keep the area clean and pray infection did not set in.
“Jake, find something to put under the mattress at his head. I don’t want him lying flat. I’ve seen too many surgery cases where the lungs fill with fluid and pneumonia sets in. I don’t want that to happen to your brother. Annie, your job is to keep him as comfortable as possible. Make him want to fight through the pain; give him the will to live through this. I’ve administered laudanum, but I don’t want to give him too much after the anesthetic and the shock to his body.”
About that time, Julian Hilliard rushed into the room. After he examined Nathan, he took Annie, Suzanna, and Jake into the outer room.
“You did an excellent job, Suzanna. Truly. I wouldn’t have done better myself. Whatever the outcome, I want you to remember that. Nathan’s condition is very grave. We’ll keep him here until it’s safe to move him; I don’t want to put undue stress on the injury. We must keep him still as much as possible.
“You have the best possible nurse. I’ve seen her work miracles. The next forty-eight hours will be critical. If he regains consciousness, let him talk. I believe people in his condition have the right to the truth, and to say their piece. Listen to what he has to say and don’t argue with him. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
All three nodded, clearly understanding that if Nathan wanted to say his goodbyes, they should listen and ease his way. Suzanna could see in the doctor’s face they might be sharing Nathan’s last hours with him.
He lingered through the night. In the wee hours of the morning, he opened his eyes, and they were partially clear of the effects of the laudanum.
“Jake?” Nathan’s voice was weak. “Jake, is everyone here?”
“We’re all here, Nathan.”
“Annie…I need you to listen very closely…I don’t know how long I have.”
Annie wiped the tears from her reddened face and whispered to him, pleading. “Nathan, don’t leave me. I love you. I need you,” she begged.
Nathan grimaced with pain and reac
hed for her hand. “I love you, too, sweetheart… You have to do something for me, and you must swear…swear, Annie…you will follow my instructions.”
Annie frowned and nodded as his eyes searched for his brother. “Jake? Are you here?”
Jake stepped into Nathan’s line of sight. “I’m right here,” he answered quietly and took Nathan’s hand.
Nathan nodded, closing his eyes, trying to form his words through the obvious agony he was experiencing. Suzanna leaned over to see if he was still conscious. He was only resting, gathering his strength.
“Jake? Annie? I haven’t much time… Swear to me now. Both of you. You must do as I ask. No questions. No arguments.”
Annie crouched by his side and lifted his fingers, kissed them, and held them to her cheek. “Don’t. You can’t leave me. I won’t let you.” Silent sobs wracked her body.
Nathan attempted a smile. “It will be as God wills, my love. Please…swear.”
“I swear I will do whatever you ask,” she brokenly whispered through her tears.
“Suzanna?” he asked as she gently stroked his clammy forehead with a cool cloth, futilely trying to bring him some measure of relief.
“I swear, Nathan. I—”
“Don’t interrupt. I don’t…have long…don’t have strength. Suzanna and Jake must marry… It is settled?”
Jake answered Nathan in a choked voice, “Rest easy, brother, it is settled.”
“Annie…Jake…this next part…hard. But you must…do everything I say.” He panted, his breathing labored as he sought the face of his wife. “I can’t leave this earth…without knowing you are…taken care of.”
Jake interrupted. “Nathan, you know Suzanna and I will take care of Annie and your son. You don’t have to worry.”
“No…not good enough, not…what…I…want.” Nathan wheezed and struggled to breathe through his words. Suzanna gave him a drink of water, and he coughed. Just as she’d feared, his lungs were filling.
“You and Suzanna go to Wyoming…make a life, be happy. Annie, are you there?”
A Necessary Woman Page 7
