After a moment, she answered, “I’m the one who promised to forgive and go on with our lives, and I want to, but it’s hard.”
She stared at the ceiling, and her voice caught. “I see visions of you with her, and they repeat over and over in my mind. I imagine you touching her like this, and it kills me. I hate that she gave you what I have not been able to. I don’t want your actions to come between us, truly. I meant it when I told you it was over and done. But the thoughts repeat in my head and feel like an anvil on my chest. I try to ignore them, but they keep coming back.”
He pushed up in the bed, leaned against the headboard, pulled her up beside him, and wrapped her in his arms. Her head on his chest, his arm rubbing gently up and down hers, he quietly spoke in soothing tones.
“What I did was wrong. I admit it, and I’m so sorry it hurt you. If I could undo it, I would. Somehow, some way, we have to get beyond this or it will tear us apart, and I’m not going to let that happen. With Little Bird, it was…it was just sex, Suzanna. I was attracted to her; I didn’t love her. It was simply an act, a man and a woman, no commitment, at least as far as I was concerned. But you must believe I would never for the world hurt her or any woman. It was callous. It was wrong. It was foolish. But I was a different man then, and I never expected to have a woman like you in my life. When I see Pete, or even my own brother, with that certain look in their eyes, it scares me. Having you here, like this, I know I couldn’t live without you.”
“You don’t have to be afraid. Don’t you see? If I were interested in Pete, or had cared about Nathan in that way, what we have between us wouldn’t exist. You are my husband…there will never be another more precious to me. Only you. Pete is a friend, a good friend, but nothing more. Nathan was a dear, dear friend. Family.”
Jake heaved a bone-deep sigh. “We can let it make us or break us, sweetheart. But I tell you this, I will never give up. You are my life, Suzanna. I will have you loving me, letting me love you, if it takes a lifetime. I will love you and love you and love you until you forgive me.”
He lowered his lips to hers. No gentle coaxing, no teasing words. The kiss said it all. Forgive me. Love me. Need me as much as I need you. Hold me tight. Never let me go. He demolished her senses. Feasting on her, his tongue rasping, mating with hers, demanding a response. Hot and wet and deep and long, stealing her ability to think and reason, destroying her defenses. He roused her passion as his own grew stronger.
The dam of resistance broke, and she surrendered completely to his masterful seduction. She let him plunder, like that first magical night when he first made her his. Her entire body hummed in response. Only this time he took his time, savoring her and the feel of her silken skin beneath his fingers.
He slid down, taking her with him, his hardness pulsing against the softness of her thigh, his kisses invasive. His raw sensuality drawing her to greater heights. Hard and fast. Soft, slow and enticing.
He waged a battle with her senses, impossible to resist. She reveled in the feel of him, his hands on her writhing body, his taste, the textures and flavors of him. The hot thrusting rod of his arousal tore her soul apart. He wanted her, and she wanted them together again.
Suzanna pulled her mouth from his and smiled slowly against his moist, firm lips.
“What?” he asked.
She shook her head, overwhelmed, and Jake was done talking. He pulled her onto him. His hands were everywhere, grazing calloused fingers up her arms, shoulders, cradling her neck with rough, circling thumbs. He stroked down over her breasts and took one in each palm, savoring their weight, enjoying the enticing sight of her sweet, pebbled aureoles blooming with tender pink buds.
He pulled her fully on top, and as she straddled him, their eyes locked, lips parted. She sucked in air between her teeth as she slid her wet woman’s lips over his burning shaft and lost herself in his eyes glittering with desire. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he moaned her name aloud.
“Jake…please,” she begged.
He rolled her under his body in a swift movement, his fingers digging into the flesh of her hips as he found her opening and filled her in one hard thrust.
She gasped in sweet agony.
They didn’t move, prolonging the exquisite pleasure. Her channel gripped him, and he gloried in her. Pleasure such as he’d never known radiated throughout his body. She was the only woman who could make him feel like this. Could make him burn white hot and turn him to ash.
The hard ridges of his torso slid over her breasts as he arched into her, the hair on his chest roughing her nipples into swelling peaks. The pounding of her heart against him, the blood coursing like a ravaging fire in his veins, melted away the misunderstandings.
“My God, I love you! If it takes an eternity, I’ll love the anger out of you. Every day, every night, until you forgive me.”
He ached with the need to make her wild with wanting, and he moved faster, deeper, harder within her.
“Jake,” she panted, her voice halting and low, “Jake, I love you so much. I love you, Jake…I love you.”
Jake groaned and arched, spewing hot seed deep within her womb. His strong hands gripped her bottom, and he lost himself in her. She molded herself to her husband and they erupted together over and over and over and over.
Suzanna lay boneless while his lips trailed from her jaw, to her ear, to her neck. He drew out her pleasure, moving slowly through the aftershocks of their lovemaking.
She whispered his name, eyes closed, as he brushed soft kisses over her face, neck, shoulders, and the delicate hollow of her throat.
He was far from done, seeing her perfection, her curves, the delicate pink blush of her body quivering from the stimulation of his caress. The feminine roundness of her buttocks, the length of shapely leg, and enticing shadow of her femininity, all for him.
Her silken skin, moist with passion’s dew, beckoned him again. Suzanna, the ultimate expression of beauty, portrait painted by the hand of a master. She belonged to him—to him and no other. The need to possess her eclipsed rational thought. He would never ever get enough of this woman; he would never ever let her go.
Damn Nathan. Damn Pete. Damn that cussed Black Hawk. She was his. He didn’t care how many men he had to fight to keep her, he’d fight them all if he had to. She was his life.
His mouth seared down her body once more, each kiss followed by the rough caress of hand and mouth. He devoured her. He rubbed his thumb over each spot he explored, sealing in the sensation, waking her desire for him. His gaze was a physical touch. Using his mouth, his lips with sensuous purpose, he persuaded, tempted and aroused his wife.
“You look like you’re ready for battle, husband,” she remarked, breathless, under the assault of his kisses.
“I’ll battle if I must,” Jake replied. “There’s a company of men I’ve confronted thus far, competing for your charms. Nathan, Pete, that damned doctor. What was his name? Oh, yes, Julian. Even Black Hawk. How many more, Suzanna? Must I spend a lifetime keeping you safe from prospective suitors?”
“They’re unimportant. You are my husband, my only lover.” She snuggled in his arms. “There is no one else. After what we’ve shared tonight, are you not certain that I belong only to you?”
“Yes, my beauty. I know it. The question is, do they?” he growled low against her throat, pressing hot kisses over her breastbone, up her cheek, and on the corner of her mouth.
This woman of goodness, purity of purpose, and strength of character captured his very soul. He saw it. He felt it. He absorbed it. He wanted—no, needed—nothing more in his life.
Only her.
She was as necessary to him as breath, and he vowed it would be his mission in life to convince her to make him her world.
As she was his.
Chapter Twenty
Suzanna yearned for her husband. She loved him. She wanted him. Wanted to forgive him.
So she did.
“Ah, Jake. What have you done to me? I need this—
need you—so much,” she whispered.
“And I you, my sweet.”
She lay quietly in their bed, her thoughts roaming the events of the night. Jake had broken through her defenses. His fierce lovemaking and her response to it had cast aside all offenses and defenses. She wasn’t sure what to think or how to feel this morning. She didn’t recognize the woman who’d been mating in the night. She certainly couldn’t accuse Jake of taking advantage of her, when she’d been an active participant—no, more than active—an eager participant in what transpired.
Rolling onto her back, her arm over her eyes, she stared at the white ceiling of their room. She wasn’t sure she could think, or if she wanted to. It hurt too much.
The bed was empty. Jake must be awake and gone. In a way, she was glad. She both wanted to see him and didn’t. She was a bit embarrassed by her behavior last night. Who was that wild, wicked, wanton woman anyway? She certainly hadn’t acted like a refined southern lady. More like a lady of the evening.
She giggled and rolled to his side of the bed. His depression still showed in the down mattress, his scent on the pillow and the scent of all they’d shared tickled her nose.
Last night had been delicious! He’d been delicious. They’d loved all night and into the morning, and still her body burned for him. She relived every caress, every kiss, every sweet word and apology. If nothing else, she knew he loved her, wanted her—would never let her go.
Her body stiff and sore, thoroughly exhausted and replete, Suzanna inhaled a deep breath. Jake’s loving… There were simply no words in the English language. Did other women experience such soul-shattering ecstasy in the arms of their husbands? She thought not. No, she was most fortunate.
A light knock on the door. Jake poked his head into the room, a wicked grin teasing his face.
“Am I allowed in, or am I in trouble?” he asked. “Martha has the baby, and I have hot water. Would you like to freshen up?”
Suzanna felt heat travel from head to toe, but returned his mischievous smile. “You may enter, especially if you’re bearing gifts.”
Jake held four buckets of steaming water, two in each large hand. Kicking the door shut behind him with one boot, he poured them sloppily into the tub. Then, having rubbed both hands together in anticipation, he ignored her giggles and squeals and lifted her in his arms. He stepped to the tub and held her over it, teasing, threatening to drop her into the water. She laughed and held tighter to his neck.
“Oh, no, you don’t, Mr. Cantrell!” she warned.
“Do you dare me, wife?”
“You should have learned by now not to incur my wrath. If you drop me, I shall take you with me.”
“And you should have learned I don’t take kindly to threats, madam. It’s no wonder I let you have your way with me last night.”
“Me? That was you, sir. Howling at the moon and rutting like a wild stallion after a mare in heat,” she teased.
Jake’s wide eyes darkened with passion, and he pressed a soft kiss on her lips. “Ah, my sweet, it was some night.”
Lowering her into the water, Jake squatted beside the tub. His eyes held her gaze as he toyed with a damp strand of hair, then pushed it behind her ear.
“Was I too rough with you, Suzanna? Did I hurt you in any way?”
She turned her face into his hand, and pressed a kiss into his palm.
“No. You didn’t hurt me. Last night was…well…it was wonderful. I never knew loving could be like that—that I could feel the things you made me feel. I’m afraid I embarrassed myself a little bit.”
“Don’t say that. You never have to be embarrassed with me. I’m your husband. What happens between us in the marriage bed is ours alone to enjoy and treasure.” He paused, searching her flushed face with a solemn expression.
“I’ve never told a woman that I loved her. I don’t think I ever experienced love before I met you. I had no idea it was so powerful. But I meant those words, Suzanna. Never doubt it. You are the love of my life, and I don’t ever want to be without you.”
They kissed, short, sweet, and tender. Jake rose and flicked her nose. “Take all the time you need. Pete wants to show me the preliminary cattle counts in the office. Rest today. I’ll see you at supper.”
He paused part way out the door, one end of his mouth quirking in a leering grin over his shoulder. “You might want a nap later.”
Suzanna laughed, and splashed him. “Get out, you rogue. I intend to be a lady of leisure this afternoon while you work. I’ll see you tonight. And Jake? Promise not to hit Pete?”
He snorted. “That depends on Pete. He’d better keep his hands off you. But I promise not to start anything. Good enough?”
Suzanna dismissed him with a nod and a smile.
****
The days passed, one after the other, filled with laughter and love. A time of healing. The distance and tension was gone between them, their family happy, their relationship on the mend. Pete was careful to keep away from Suzanna, and Martha shared the duties of caring for little Charlie and kept a keen eye on them all.
The baby saved his smiles for Suzanna, Martha, and Pete. Suzanna hated to see Jake missing out on all the joy Charlie brought to the household, but she felt she should let things develop naturally. Busy with the ranch and upcoming cattle drive, he left Charlie and her on their own.
To his credit, Jake tried. He no doubt cared for the baby and tried to do what was expected. Tired and busy, he shied from Charlie, and there was no denying an awkwardness existed between father and son. Perhaps because the child was so young Jake felt a father’s natural temerity in dealing with an infant. Or perhaps it was something deeper. His existence caused a ripple of resentment in Jake’s world.
If Suzanna pushed Charlie on his father, it might have a negative effect. No, better to let time work its magic on the pair. Surely no one could resist such a charming child for long, least of all a parent.
Fall came to Wyoming with a riot of colors and the golden brilliance of aspens. Suzanna delighted in its beauty. As expected, it proved to be an extremely busy time on the ranch. The fields of grain and hay had to be harvested before the first blast of winter ruined them. Cattle had to be brought down from the higher elevations to the protection of the low range. The horses that had been broken—or trained, as Suzanna preferred to call it, must be driven to the outpost at Fort Laramie along with cattle, to fill the Army contracts Jake had negotiated.
The entire bunkhouse of cowboys prepared to drive the beef to the fort and the balance of the herd to the train depot for shipment. Pete supervised the cowhands searching the property for stray cattle. Once they were herded, counted, and inspected, he organized the drive over to the fort. Only Jake and a straggle of hands remained behind. The other men were gone only a short time.
The days were growing shorter, and it was early and dark when Jake heard a loud pounding on the door. Pete and two hands stood there with concerned looks shadowing their faces.
“The Indian is back. Black Hawk is just down the road. He’s riding alone, but I’d bet money others are back there in the trees. Don’t know what he wants this time, but you’d better come.”
Jake nodded and grabbed the rifle he kept above the door.
Suzanna was just coming to get him for breakfast and followed him to the door with Charlie in her arms.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
Jake motioned her back into the room and stepped out onto the porch.
Black Hawk rode his snowy white stallion through the dry cold of the morning and stopped about four feet from Jake and the men. He waited until Jake acknowledged him, then spoke. “I need to speak with Su-za-na. There is illness with the People. She is needed.”
Jake shifted uneasily. The Indian seemed worried. It must be bad. It was common knowledge that disease had decimated the native Indian populations. Black Hawk would naturally be concerned for his people.
“Suzanna is with the baby. What can I do for you, Black Hawk?”
The warrior didn’t answer for a while but continued to appraise the three men before he urged his horse closer to the edge of the steps. He looked over Jake’s shoulder, a stoic expression on his face.
“I need to speak with Su-za-na. She is a healer, and my people are in great need. Some have died. I must have the white man’s medicine if I am to save those who remain.”
Jake searched the Indian’s face. Could this be a trick? He was mindful of Black Hawk’s veiled threat to steal Suzanna from him.
“What is the sickness, my friend, and why do you think my wife can help you?”
“The People have much heat in their bodies, and after two or three suns small spots appear all over them. The children suffer. And the old ones. If we cannot stop the sickness, all will be lost.”
“She cannot help you—I don’t want my wife exposed to this sickness. There is a doctor on the reservation. Ask him to come.”
“No. There is no time. My people die. Su-za-na can heal them. She must come with me.”
“Impossible. She has the child to care for, and all the people who live on the ranch. I’m not inclined to let her go with you. It’s colder up in the North Country, and soon we’ll see snow in the mountains. Look for a healer elsewhere. I will send ten head of cattle to feed your tribe, along with medicines and supplies. More if you wish, but my wife stays here.”
Jake hadn’t noticed Suzanna was near until she placed a gentle hand on his sleeve. He frowned down at her. Damn. She had no idea the dangers of such a trip—not to mention going into an Indian encampment. There it was—the look. He could almost see the wheels turning in her head, and he shook his head.
“No, Suzanna. It’s too dangerous. It could be the pox. There’s no way you’re going with him. You probably couldn’t do anything but watch them die anyway. You’re needed here, and I don’t want you to go. I forbid it.”
He should have kept his mouth shut—it was the wrong thing to say. Immediately, he wished he could take the words back. The chin went up, the shoulders back, the brow disappearing almost into her hairline. Stubborn woman. Why couldn’t she see reason? In most things she was an obedient wife, but if in her judgment she was needed and could help, she would go. No question. Damn.
A Necessary Woman Page 20
