by Joanne Rock
Her continued distance stung more than it should have. More even than her walking out on him last week. Clearly, she needed space, something he understood well, since he was the kind of man who needed plenty of space of his own. Yet he’d assumed she would speak to him again. Explain why she’d felt compelled to sprint out the door after the most powerful physical encounter of his life. He knew he hadn’t been alone in feeling that way. She’d been right there with him.
Until she wasn’t.
He didn’t know what he’d done wrong, but after the blood test, he would speak to her. Clear the air and, he hoped, convince her that she didn’t need to rush out of town the moment the results came back. How could she ignore the attraction that pulled at him day and night, on his mind even when Jillian was nowhere in sight?
He’d almost reached the truck when he heard the rumble of a four-wheeler coming from the west pasture. Turning, he saw the familiar figure of his father riding toward him.
Cody pocketed his keys and checked the time on his phone. He had a few minutes to spare before he needed to leave. Lifting a hand in greeting, he started toward his dad. A tractor hummed in the distance, haying one of the north fields.
Donovan McNeill had tried his best the last few years to let his sons take over the ranching operations, but Cody knew it wasn’t easy for the older man to give up the reins completely. And truth be told, he appreciated his father’s input. Whereas his twin butted heads with Donovan often, Cody’s opinions usually aligned with his dad’s.
Donovan straightened in the seat as he pulled to a halt and switched off the machine, a cloud of dust spinning around them both. At six feet, he was shorter than his sons, but he shared similar features, including the straight nose and strong jaw. The heavy eyebrows and blue eyes. Even the girls took after him, except for Scarlett, who’d inherited the softer features of her mother.
“You know about this production company that wants to film on our land?” his father began without preamble, as if they’d been in the middle of a conversation.
He didn’t look happy. Still, he reached out to pet Morticia when the border collie bounded over to greet him.
“I’m aware. I refused them permission.” Cody understood his father would be resistant—he’d never appreciated strangers on McNeill property.
“Then you’re also aware that your brother is allowing the whole thing to happen at the Creek Spill?”
“The rest of the family backs him.” No surprise there. Carson had been born with a knack for rallying others around him. He’d been the crowd favorite every time he saddled up in their rodeo days.
“Not me. And not Paige.” The older man’s jaw flexed as he stared out toward the north field, where the haying operation produced a steady mechanical hum. “Your siblings are already flocking around my father like he’s the second coming, even though I told them that he’s oily as a snake. Now this?” He shook his head. “I’m still a part of this family, damn it.”
Cody had known Donovan wouldn’t approve of outsiders tromping around the property, but it surprised him that his wife was against the idea, too.
“Paige doesn’t want the film crew here?” His stepmother was a quiet woman. She taught yoga classes in town and spent long hours baking, sending healthy, homemade treats to soup kitchens, family and friends. She’d been a good mother to him after his own had died.
Still, she’d never been “Mom.” Not to him and not to his brothers. She’d been their babysitter first. Even after she married their father, she’d always been Paige.
“She’s adamantly opposed.” His father frowned, the lines in his face settling in a natural scowl, as if the unhappiness had long been carved there. “I think she’s worried about Scarlett.” He shook his head as if that didn’t quite add up. “Maybe she’s afraid once our baby girl gets a taste of the movie business, she’ll leave here for good.”
“Scarlett’s a grown woman,” Cody replied, wondering why Paige would be so upset. She’d never been opposed to much of anything before—let alone adamantly. Her oft-repeated mantra was live and let live.
“You know she left town last week for a trip to the West Coast? She might already be making plans for a move.”
Cody hadn’t been pleased that she would just drop her responsibilities at the ranch and take off, but she’d hired a temp worker to fill in for her.
“Just because she’s a grown woman doesn’t mean she’s going to make a good decision,” Donovan grumbled. “Either way, I know it would mean a lot to your stepmother if we can shut this thing down. I woke up last night and found her doing internet searches for airfare to New Zealand.”
“She wants to take a trip?” Cody had never known her to leave Wyoming, let alone the continental United States.
“I’m not sure.” His father crossed his arms and knitted his brows. He was troubled, no doubt about it. “She said she’s been considering an anniversary trip for us, since we never took a honeymoon.”
“Sounds reasonable for a landmark twenty-fifth celebration.” The answer seemed clear enough to Cody. Paige was long overdue for a vacation.
“She’s never been one for traveling outside the state, let alone across the globe,” Donovan growled. “Something doesn’t sit right and I don’t know what to believe. Just...” He waved at the air, a frustrated gesture, before leaning forward to switch on the ignition of the four-wheeler. “See what you can do.” Then he roared off in a new cloud of dust.
Cody pulled his keys from his pocket and stalked to his truck; he didn’t want to be late meeting Jillian at the doctor’s office. He couldn’t puzzle out what was going on in his family. Especially Scarlett’s hunger to leave Cheyenne behind and his twin’s insistence on opening up the ranch to Hollywood and all the inconveniences and possible dangers sure to come with it.
And now his father and stepmother seemed to be having problems. Problems rooted in that damn movie. The McNeills had been struggling with the reentry of their grandfather in their lives even before Paige started acting funny. But now, with all the stress the film added to the mix, he feared his family was fracturing at the seams.
He had Jillian to thank for that. Not that he would have minded so much if she’d been willing to stick around for the aftermath. To see the project through while his family contended with all the changes it wrought. Instead, she seemed content to turn her back on all of them and proceed onto her next adventure.
Forgetting about him and the incredible time they’d spent together.
* * *
Jillian was awaiting her test results at the doctor’s office when Cody arrived. He crossed the reception area in no time, his long strides eating up the small space between them.
He dropped his black Stetson on a nearby chair and sat down on the seat beside her. As if they were lovers on good terms instead of...whatever they were.
She hadn’t seen him in days. Five and a half, to be exact. Not that she’d expected him to chase after her when she’d left the bungalow at the White Canyon Ranch. But maybe she’d expected more from him after their time together at the rodeo. Their time together afterward. He’d said he wanted to share adventures with her. The rodeo date had been his idea.
They hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other. But then after their lovemaking, his primary concern had been obtaining a blood test to assure himself she couldn’t possibly be carrying his child. That cold realization had been upsetting to her. It had killed the passion of the moment.
“They’ve already drawn my blood,” she informed him, hoping she sounded detached and indifferent. She would not let him see that he’d hurt her. “The nurse said she could have the results for us in one hour, so I assumed you would want to wait.”
“I do.” He wore dark jeans and a black button-down shirt that stretched taut across his shoulders when he leaned forward to flip idly through the magazines on the coffee table. Every
one of the publications featured a baby or a pregnant woman. He sat back in the seat again, empty-handed. “And I’m sorry I’m late. My father paid me a visit just as I was ready to get in my truck. He rarely needs to talk about anything, so I found it tough to cut things short.”
Some of her irritation eased as she imagined a man even quieter than the brooding cowboy next to her. Donovan McNeill must surely be the strong, silent type. Jillian would rather think about the McNeill men right now than stare at those magazines full of babies she might never have—even with her frozen eggs. And she felt that aching emptiness each time a wriggling baby or pregnant mother passed through the obstetrician’s waiting area.
“It’s fine.” Jillian had planned to use their time before they got the results to gauge where she stood with Cody. She thought it was only fair to tell him when the film would start shooting, since her boss had agreed to her plan B for location shots on Winning the West. Now, she only needed to file applications for a few more permits and she could start looking at weather forecasts to ensure the crew arrived on-site at the best time.
What would that mean for her and Cody? Once her job here was over, should she avoid returning to Cheyenne? Was this blood test his way of cutting ties with her?
She glanced at him cautiously. There was a furrow of concern between his brows, and he seemed distracted. At the moment, the waiting area was empty except for the two of them, the big clock on the wall ticking audibly over a children’s play area.
“Is everything okay with your family? I hope your father didn’t have bad news.”
“He’s worried about Scarlett. And my stepmother, apparently.” Cody turned his gaze to Jillian. She noticed his hand clenching on his knee. “The film shoot has Paige upset and he’s not sure why.”
Jillian fidgeted with the denim strap of her purse. “I remember the night before the rodeo, when I met Paige, she did seem worried about it. And she definitely didn’t want Scarlett to go to LA.”
“That’s what my dad said.” Cody appeared to mull it over. “But I think there’s something else going on. Possibly some problems between him and Paige.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Jillian hadn’t intended to stir up trouble for the McNeills. “But your siblings are excited for this opportunity, and my company has committed to shooting here. It’s happening.”
That got his full attention. “Just like that?”
“I spent two days showing my boss around the Creek Spill.” She’d been forthright with Cody about this from the start, so she didn’t intend to feel guilty now. “She convinced the director that this is the right spot.”
The muscle in his jaw flexed. Because he was angry with her? Or with his brother for not siding with him?
She didn’t have time to ask as a nurse called her name. “Jillian? The doctor will see you now.”
In a flash, her train of thought did a one-eighty. She knew what the doctor would say, and that this visit was a simple formality. It was the last thread tying her and Cody together, one he was all too glad to break. Memories of their last night together—the way it had pulled at her heart and, by contrast, the way he had been able to enjoy the physical release simply for its own sake—forced her to be a realist.
After today, she would have no reason to stay in Cheyenne. The location manager would take over, releasing Jillian from any more work on the site.
Oddly numb, she braced herself for the expected news as she entered the office. Dr. Simmons, a woman of about sixty with long, graying braids, stood to shake hands with both of them before flipping open the file folder on her small oak desk. While she reviewed the papers, Jillian’s eye went to the front of the desk, which was completely covered with children’s artwork—everything from finger-paint hearts to scribbled coloring book pages.
“It appears I have good news for you.” The doctor smiled as she lifted the first sheet out of the file and passed it to Jillian. “Congratulations to you both. You’re pregnant, Ms. Ross.”
Jillian couldn’t take the paper. Couldn’t process what she was hearing. Vaguely, she noticed Cody sit forward in his chair beside her.
“Excuse me?” she asked, her voice scratchy and hoarse.
“May I?” Cody reached for the page of test results, since Jillian still couldn’t make her hand move.
“The blood test confirms that you’re expecting,” Dr. Simmons explained, her small brown eyes staying focused on Jillian even as she passed the paper to Cody. “The test is very definitive. Your pregnancy hormone levels are well above normal.”
Stunned, Jillian couldn’t wrap her brain around the words. Or maybe she was too terrified to do so.
“But I’ve had cancer.” She shook her head, remembering all the things they’d done to her body. All the poisons they’d flooded her with to kill the tumor. She couldn’t possibly be pregnant now. “Radiation. Chemo.”
She felt Cody’s hand on her back. Rubbing. Comforting. He was scanning the results even as he tugged her closer. She couldn’t get a full breath of air, her chest constricting.
Dr. Simmons glanced back at her file. The next paper was a brightly colored flyer with an image of a smiling infant. She shuffled through a few more similar pages. “I don’t see your medical history, Ms. Ross.”
“I was treated in Los Angeles. I’ve only just cleared the two-year mark since I ended breast cancer treatments.” Hot tears leaked out of her eyes. “I’m sure the test is a false positive. I can’t possibly be...”
She couldn’t even dare to hope for a healthy pregnancy after everything she’d been through. How could her depleted body possibly nurture a tiny life?
Beside her, Cody laid the paper on the doctor’s desk, his other hand still stroking Jillian’s back. “Is there any risk to the child from those treatments? After two years?”
“That isn’t my area of expertise.” The doctor was writing a note on a new sheet of paper. “I’m giving you a referral to an obstetrician who specializes in pregnancy and cancer survivors.” She passed it to Jillian. “But I can tell you that chemotherapy drugs leave the body within days or weeks. I’m not worried about the health of the baby. But you’ll want to speak to your oncologist about any risks of recurrence in your disease, Ms. Ross.”
Cody squeezed her shoulder protectively.
Jillian nodded, drinking in the reassurance that her pregnancy could be healthy despite the treatments. She stared into the doctor’s eyes, certain the woman was being forthright.
“I remember reading that doctors recommend waiting two years before trying to become pregnant.” How many times had she read all the brochures in her oncologist’s office while waiting to see him? “But I thought that didn’t apply to me, because I was under the impression I would lose my fertility.”
Cody’s fingers stilled on her arm. “Is the risk of miscarriage higher?”
The question punctured the small bubble of hope growing inside her, deflating it.
“That’s a question for my colleague, Mr. McNeill.” Dr. Simmons turned kindly eyes back to Jillian. “But a great deal depends on your medical history. If you sign release forms at the front desk, I’ll request your chart, so we can start monitoring the progress of this pregnancy and do everything we can to make sure mother and baby are both healthy.”
A baby.
Only then did the idea sink in as a real possibility. She was pregnant. Jillian had never expected her body to return to normal after her treatments, and she thought she’d been prepared to give her fertilized eggs to someone else to carry, down the road in a distant future. But now, just two years after her treatments had ended, a tiny life grew inside her.
Her child. And Cody’s.
Only now, while the doctor discussed the more ordinary concerns about pregnancy, did Jillian let herself consider how different her life was going to be if she successfully carried this man’s baby to term.
His hand was still splayed along her upper back, filling the space between her shoulder blades. Warm. Reassuring.
Yet with one look at the set of his jaw, the hollow stare of his blue eyes as he studied the literature before him, Jillian could tell that Cody was reeling from the news. He’d been ready to cut ties with her today. Say goodbye forever.
In an instant, their worlds had changed immeasurably. Because no matter how much this independent Wyoming cowboy wanted to remain unfettered and free, Cody’s life was now bound to hers through this child they shared.
Nine
A baby.
Cody listened carefully to the doctor’s answers to all his questions, knowing he’d think of more once they left. He needed all the information he could get to do everything in his power to make sure Jillian remained healthy.
She looked even more shell-shocked than he felt at the baby news, so he knew that how he handled things going forward was important. He didn’t want to upset her. And he needed to stay close to her. As they left Dr. Simmons’s office that afternoon, he treaded carefully. Her appointment with the obstetrician specializing in cancer patients in Denver wasn’t until tomorrow afternoon, but he wanted to see if they could consult with any other local doctors who might tell them more.
He didn’t want to overwhelm her, though.
“Are you all right?” He studied her face in the sunlight, searching for clues to how she was feeling.
Worried? Full of regret? Ready to run? He truly had no idea how she was handling this.
“I’m just so stunned.” She hesitated beside the car he recognized as hers, then rested a hand on the fender and closed her eyes for a long moment.
“Would you let me drive you home? Or to my office behind Wrangler’s? We could head over there, maybe get something to eat from the bar and bring it in back with us where it’s quiet.” He liked the plan. They wouldn’t see any of his family there. And he didn’t think either of them was ready to face outsiders. “I’d like to make a few phone calls to see if we can learn more today. My father is friends with the chief of staff at Cheyenne Regional. I could give him a call and see if there’s anyone in oncology who could answer questions for us.”
