by Freya Barker
“Jesus, sorry man. I obviously woke you. Is Viv with you?”
“What?” Gunnar sounds suddenly wide awake. “What do you mean, is Viv with us? Didn’t you go home with her?”
“I did, but I just woke up to an empty apartment. She’s not here.”
“It’s a fucking mess out there,” he says, the rustle of covers being thrown off in the background.
“Well aware. Where do you think—?”
I’m cut off as Syd’s voice comes over the phone. “Ike? Have you tried the pub? Maybe she’s gone there. I don’t know where else, except maybe ... Pam?”
“I’ll try them both, thanks.” Before she has a chance to answer, I end the call, immediately scrolling for The Skipper’s number.
The voicemail comes on after three rings and I hang up without leaving a message. Pam is the next number I try.
“This better be good, white boy,” she answers. “You’re interrupting the best part of my night.”
Any hopes she might’ve gone there are instantly doused. “Viv left her apartment sometime during the night. I thought she might’ve come to you.”
“Why? What happened?”
I don’t miss the slightly accusatory tone of her voice and hurry to explain.
“I don’t know. Her ex had a box of photos dropped off last night at the pub. Damn, Pam, the pictures were of Viv, lots of them. A fucking virtual history of his abuse on her.” I hear her intake of breath and then silence. “Pam?”
“I’m here. I’m thinking.”
“She seemed a bit ... detached, but managed detailing most of the incidents depicted to the cop that showed up.”
“Did you check with Syd?”
“Just got off the phone with them, they haven’t seen or heard from her. Listen, she was quiet but seemed to handle things better than expected last night. Fell asleep just moments after we got home.” In my mind, I’m going over everything I might’ve missed.
“She’s good at suppressing things. I’m sure you’ve noticed. There is stuff eating at her that I haven’t even really begun to touch. I’m worried this is just the beginning. I’m coming over.” The last is said with a finality that required no response.
“Well, I’m not gonna sit here waiting,” I tell her. “I’m heading down to The Skipper. Syd suggested looking there. I didn’t get an answer when I called, but I’m gonna have a look around anyway. I’ll leave the door unlocked.”
I don’t have a jacket and when I step outside the building, the storm has me shivering against the unexpected cold. The first thought that pops in my head as I tuck my head down against the wind, is that I hope Viv’s dressed warm enough.
It is only a two-minute walk to the back entrance of the pub, but in this weather long enough to have me soaked to the skin and chilled to the bone. I try the back door, only to find it locked. Banging on it nets no results, so I’m about to walk around the front when I spot something under the lights at the very end of the wharf. A slim figure, with legs and arms spread wide against the onslaught of large, angry waves, spraying up and over the concrete pier and my feet start running.
Viv
The sharp sting of the slashing rain wakes me up the instant I clear the protection of my building. Fresh, cleansing rain that washes away the remnants of my dream. The first conscious dream I’ve had since I turned fifteen. My subconscious protecting me even as I couldn’t.
The connection that is growing with Ike has my defenses crumbling one by one, leaving me raw and exposed. I allow the storm to toss the suppressed memories around in my mind. Breathing in deeply, I suck in the fresh air as I make my way across the parking lot and down the alley. Bypassing the pub’s back entrance, I walk out onto the pier, incognizant of my water logged clothing. The thin layer I’m wearing is no protection against the elements, but I don’t care. I’m drawn to the roiling seas on either side of the wharf. I feel a need to howl at the wind.
To purge myself.
Bracing against the onslaught of the storm, I spread my legs to keep my balance and raise my arms, screaming out all my emotions. The sound is immediately swallowed up by the force of the gale and the crash of the waves over my feet.
“Viv!”
The yell penetrates the almost deafening roar of the wind and water, and I turn to look.
Just as I spot a figure running toward me, a large wave crashes into me, catching me off balance. My eyes never leave the approaching man, even as my legs are swept out from under me, and I’m washed into the cruel water.
Ike
“Fuck! Viv!”
The fear I felt before is nothing compared to the sheer terror as I watch a large wave swipe Viv clean off the end of the pier. My heart stops beating but my legs continue to eat the distance. My eyes are focused on the spot where she disappeared in the water, and without thinking, I jump into the churning sea right after her. The moment I hit the water, I kick my legs to get to the surface, but a strong wave pulls me down before slamming me into the old pilings supporting the wharf, knocking the wind right out of me. I grapple the surge of the water to find a hand hold on the surface of the wood structure when one of my hands encounters fabric. Instinctively I close my fist in the material, pulling it up to the surface with me. Gasping for air, I manage to reach for a large metal ring on the side of the piling and hang on for dear life. When Viv’s head bobs up from the water, coughing and sputtering, the relief I feel is immediate, but short-lived as another wave threatens to knock us loose. With all my strength, I yank on her shirt, pulling her against me.
“Lock your arms around my neck!”
I need both hands on the ring or we’ll both be lost. Viv’s arms immediately grab on and her legs wrap around my waist. I twist my body and reach for the ring, while trying to protect Viv’s body from the surging water.
“Ike ...”
“Hold on, baby,” I manage to get out before a wave slams into my back, and we are pushed against the piling. I’m no match for the force of the water and it’s impossible to move. When the water clears our heads, I’m grateful to hear Viv sputtering right along with me.
With each subsequent wave, it becomes harder to hang on, and Viv stops moving altogether. Memories start flooding my mind of another time I struggled against the devastating pull of the ocean. Another lifeless body I was desperately clinging onto. Time stops existing as that past experience blends into the present, and I feel my hands slipping. I don’t know how long we can hold on before someone finds us.
“There they are. Grab that chain over there!”
My arms are cramping, and it takes all my will not to let the ring slide from my hands when I hear the yelling right above us. I don’t even have the energy to yell back.
A pair of legs drops down in my peripheral vision and when I look, I see Gunnar sitting in a make-shift chain sling, right underneath the ledge.
“Viv! Reach out for me,” he yells against the wind, his arms stretched toward us.
Slowly one of Viv’s arms releases its strong grip on my neck and reaches up. The moment his hand clasps around her wrist, her hold on me is gone. He pulls her up and wraps his legs around her body, leaving his hands free to hoist her up higher under her arms and lift her to waiting hands above.
My relief is so great, I almost let the ring slip from my hands.
“No fucking way, José,” Gunnar swears above me. “Grab hold.”
I kick my legs in the water for some lift and with one hand let go and reach, feeling the vice-like grip of Gunnar’s big hand around my wrist.
In seconds, I’m pulled onto the pier where my eyes immediately look for Viv.
“You okay, buddy?”
The large cook from the pub is leaning over me, after having pulled Gunnar back to solid ground.
“Fine,” I croak. “I wanna see Viv.”
I get my knees under me and with Dino’s help I’m on my feet. Three figures are making their way down the wharf battling the relentless wind, the two on the outside almost carrying t
he third in the middle. Taking a few shaky steps, on legs that feel like rubber, I take off after them.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Viv
“I really think you should get checked out.”
Syd is fussing and I can’t blame her, I’d probably do the same. But I really don’t want to go to the hospital, only to be held for observation. It seems no matter how many times I assure Syd, she’s afraid I tried to kill myself. I didn’t. Pam took one look at me and seemed satisfied with my denial, but Gunnar and Dino stay uneasy.
I was so confused at first when I noticed everyone in the pub’s kitchen. Turns out a tree had come down in Dino’s backyard and after making sure his family was secure, he wanted to check on The Skipper; make sure the boards were still secure and in place. Gunnar, Syd, and Pam had come looking for me after Ike raised the alarm. And Ike ... I look over at him and see concern still on his face.
“I promise, I’ll be fine,” I tell Syd, never taking my eyes of Ike. “I just need a hot shower and some coffee. In that order.”
Instead of braving the storm outside, I head upstairs to the old apartment that sits empty most of the time these days, after I’d bunked there for a few months after leaving Florence House. Syd had spent a few weeks there as well, at some point, and these days it is used mostly for Gunnar’s kids to hang out when he and Syd are working later than expected. Before I head into the bathroom, I grab some of my old clothes I left behind.
I’m about to shut the bathroom door behind me when it’s pulled from my hands.
“Not ready to have you out of my sight,” Ike’s gruff voice has me turning around.
“I promise you I wasn’t trying anything,” I try to reassure him.
He drops his head and with his hands now tucked in his pockets and his shoulders slumped, he looks so sad. “I know,” he says softly. “I just lost twenty years off my life, Viv. Help me understand?” His eyes peek up from under his eyebrows. “What just happened?”
I don’t answer immediately, but simply start taking off my sodden clothes until I’m naked in front of him. His eyes have followed my every movement, and I can tell his hands are clenched in fists in his pockets. I turn away from him and turn on the tap, putting the plug in the tub, before facing him. “Will you take a bath with me?”
He’s quiet for a minute before giving me a slight nod in response. I reach out and tug his shirt over his head, his arms coming up willingly. When Ike is as naked as I am, I step into the tub, gesturing for him to sit behind me. I can’t face him, but want his arms around me when I try and explain. Once he’s settled in behind me, his knees bracketing mine, he pulls me into his chest, leaning his chin on my shoulder.
“Like this, babe?” he wants to know. Despite being a little cramped in the standard tub, it is exactly what I want. I feel anchored and secure, and am slowly warming up.
“I had a dream.” I give him a second to clue in and he does, his arms tightening around me, letting me know he remembers me telling him I haven’t dreamt in years.
“What do you think brought it on?” he asks quietly, immediately getting to the point.
“I’ve been thinking about that and I don’t think it was one thing in particular, but a combination of a lot of things. The last drop being the little trip down memory lane I was sent on with those photos.” I swallow hard, not sure where to take this next.
“Take your time,” he mumbles, his lips against the skin of my shoulder.
“It brought a lot to the surface, seeing myself battered and used like that. I think at the time, I minimized everything. Found excuses for a lot of the shit he put me through. I don’t think I valued myself right, if I did at all. Frank ... Frank was the first one to make me feel, even when I turned into his punching bag, at least I could feel, you know?” Ike is quiet behind me, but his body is still wrapped around me tight, so I continue.
“That first night we met? I’d done something like that only once before, and it hadn’t been a good idea then. But you ... you made me feel something too, before you’d even touched me. It was both exciting and scary, nothing at all like the one other time I stepped out of my comfort zone. From that night on, it’s like my life slid from solid ground onto quicksand.” This is when I feel him stiffen behind me and hurry to explain. “Not because of you, well, not directly ... but because of me. And I’m starting to think it’s a good thing.”
“How is that good?” His voice is deep and even soothing. I tilt my head to the side and twist to look at his face. Handsome, strong, with the scruff he’d been sporting slowly growing into a real beard, and his eyes as beautiful as ever. Gray silvery orbs that shimmer with intensity and warmth. Windows to the soul they say, and Ike’s are clear and open.
“Because you woke me up, Ike. And it makes me want more than the limited life I’ve been living. I have coped for many years by focusing on others, to avoid looking inside myself. It’s not been a particularly pretty place, the inside of me. I worked through a lot of my own guilt around what happened with Pam, and she’s been crucial in getting me back on my feet. But I really just slipped my life in another groove. Frank was like that, a groove I was stuck in. Not the first one either, but none of that is living. Not real living. I was scared. Up to last night I was scared. And then I woke up in the middle of the night—I hadn’t dreamt in years.”
“Since you turned fifteen,” Ike mutters over my shoulder, surprising me.
“Yes,” I simply confirm. “The dream had to do with that, with things ... things I’ve willed to the furthest recesses of my mind. Stuff that I’ve never really been able to deal with properly. When I woke up and heard the storm raging outside, it felt symbolic. Hiding inside from exposure to the force, the rage, the cruelty of the storm, much like I was hiding inside myself, avoiding and not living. Not dealing.” I turn my body so I’m laying stomach to stomach with Ike, lifting my hands to cup his jaw. “That’s why I went out. I had this urge to rage against the storm, face the whipping winds and cruel waters. You had my back. I’m so grateful for that. I swear I wasn’t looking to die.”
His eyes close and he inhales deeply, as his hands cup the back of my head and his lips kiss me hard. “Scared me shitless,” he mumbles, his lips still pressed against mine.
“I’m sorry. I promise I won’t do that again. But Ike, having you show up like that, and the others, pulling us out—I believe I can brave the fall-out I’m facing when I start living for real. When I confront things that I won’t be able to put off much longer, or I might not have an opportunity at all.”
“It started when you turned fifteen,” Ike says matter-of-factly. “I actually, physically hurt when I think ...” He violently shakes his head before pressing my head in the crook of his neck and hiding his face in my hair. “Whatever you need, my siren. I’ve got your back.”
Ike
I had a suspicion before, but now I know.
The abuse at the hands of her ex was not the first pair of hands that touched her uninvited. Whatever happened when she was fifteen is becoming a clearer picture in my mind, and I wish I could shove it back in the shadows.
We’ve been soaking in the water for a bit, wrapped around one another, just taking comfort from each other when there’s a soft knock at the door. Viv lifts her head from my shoulder and answers, “Yeah?”
“It’s Syd, honey, you doing okay in there?”
“Yes, Ike’s with me. We’ll be right out.”
“Okay. Gunnar and I are gonna head out to get the kids off to school. We’ll be back in a bit, but Pam and Dino are in the kitchen with coffee.”
“Thank you,” both of us reply, and we hear her footsteps retreating.
Viv pushes off me to sit back on her knees in the cooling water. “Are you all right?” she wants to know. I’m not sure if I am, but I nod anyway. My eyes take in the sight before me, her pretty oval face with large, clear blue eyes fringed with long darker lashes, her short blonde hair curling up at the bottom where it’s gotten wet. Full plump
lips and a slightly up-tilted nose dusted with light freckles. My eyes track the trickle of water running from the dip between her collarbones down between her pink-tipped breasts. When she pushes up from the water, I lean back and move my eyes back to her face. “You’re beautiful,” escapes my lips without thinking. She blushes softly at my words, a little smile teasing her lips.
Viv rustles up an old pair of sweats with paint stains belonging to Gunnar and a brand new shirt with The Skipper printed on the front for me to wear. Dressed in a similar outfit, Viv leads the way down to the kitchen where someone is cooking, judging from the smells emanating. I didn’t think I was hungry until that smell hit me and suddenly my stomach is growling.
Dino turns at the stove when he hears us coming in. Pam is sitting at the large kitchen table, sipping from a mug, looking at us with assessing eyes.
“Smells good,” I say, walking up to Dino, putting my hand on his shoulder. The man is massive. I’ve barely had any interaction with him before, but I figure he’s got to be a good egg, working with these people. He briefly stiffens under my touch before studiously flipping bacon in the pan. “Wanna thank you,” I say in a low voice. “If it weren’t for you guys showing up, I ...” I drop my head, emotion choking me as I consider how close I came to letting go of that damn ring.
“Brother,” Dino’s baritone rumbles over my head. “You jumped in after our girl. Wasn’t gonna let your ass drown—s’all good.”
“Still—” I try but he won’t let me.
“That girl? She needs a taste of good. Figure you’re the one that can give her that. Figure she can give you what you need too. I can see she’s opening up to you, giving you that gift. Might think about giving it back; trusting her with that pain you carry around like a heavy cloak.”
I’m dumbfounded. The man doesn’t know me and yet he seems to have me pegged. Fucking eerie.
“Dino freaking you out?” Pam’s voice comes from behind. I turn to see both her and Viv regarding me with amused expressions on their faces.
