by Freya Barker
“Time,” Ike says sagely. “I figure it’s one of those things you can’t really force a decision on, one way or another. So you let time settle it for you. Trust your own heart in this, my love.”
“I know ...” I let my voice trail off. I do know—it’s just that trust is so very hard to give. Even to my own heart.
Exhausted, physically and emotionally, I drift off. My body heavy and lethargic on his.
-
My alarm clock says it’s after eleven when I wake up to an empty bed. I have to look again to make sure. Fuck. Whipping my blankets back, I dart into the bathroom to take care of business. Dammit, I had hoped to have some time to do much needed grocery shopping this morning, but now I’d be hard-pressed to make it to the pub in time for noon. I pee, brush my teeth, and am about to hop in the shower when my phone rings from the bedroom. Naked, I hurry to my nightstand and snatch it up without looking at the screen.
“Hello?” I answer breathlessly
“Did you sleep well?” Ike wants to know.
“You turned off my alarm.”
“I did,” he admits casually. “You obviously needed sleep since you didn’t even move when I got up this morning. So I turned off your alarm and gave Syd a heads up. She says she’ll be fine until three, when she has to go pick up the kids from school.”
I have a healthy head of steam building up. It’s not sitting right with me that he makes decisions for me without asking.
“You turned off my alarm,” I repeat.
“I thought we’d gone over that already,” his sardonic answer, only serving to fire me up more.
“You called my work, rearranged my schedule, and you turned off my alarm! Why is it every fucking man in my life wants to manage me? What is it about me that makes you all believe I can’t think for myself?”
My little tirade is met with silence. A very pregnant silence. I’m starting to feel the head of steam dissipating, leaving behind a dull throb, and consider I may have overreacted a bit. Finally I hear Ike.
“I gather you didn’t read my note,” he says, followed by, “I’m not going to make excuses for trying to take care of you, which is what I was intending, but don’t make me out to be like the assholes who purposely controlled and hurt you. I don’t deserve that.”
Before I have a chance to respond, I hear a click as he hangs up.
When I flop back onto the bed, thoroughly disgusted with myself, I hear the crinkling of paper. There, right on Ike’s pillow, is a note I completely missed in my haste. Well, double damn.
Morning, beautiful.
I hope you don’t mind I turned off your alarm. I wish I could’ve stayed in bed with you.
Believe me when I say there’s no place I’d rather be.
I thought about what you said last night, about feeling angry, sad, and sick all at the same time, and I realize there is little I can do to help you work through that but listen. And maybe buy you a few extra hours of much needed sleep.
No need to panic at the time, Syd says she’s going to stay until three.
Love, Ike
My stomach lurches at the realization I completely fucked up. Worse, I really have no valid excuse.
I went totally off the deep end, when all he tried to do was be considerate and sweet. So very, very sweet that a lump of regret gets stuck in my throat. It hasn’t escaped me how he signed off. It’s not the first time he seems to slip that word in, and somehow I don’t think he does so lightly. What do I do now?
Stupid question. I still have the phone in my hand and quickly dial his number. I’m about to hang up after the fourth ring, when I hear his voice.
“Viv,” he says softly. Any trace of anger is gone from his voice. I’m such an idiot.
“I’m sorry. I was ... I feel ... Aw shit, I have no excuse. None. Nada.” My voice cracks and I’m furiously blinking to stave off tears.
“Viv, I get it. I got pissed, thought about it, and was just about to call you back.”
“You were?”
“Look, I never considered how it might come across as controlling, and I should have. With you, I should’ve had more care.”
I wince when I hear him say that. “Please, it makes me feel like you can’t be yourself around me, and I would hate that. Just be you. You’re amazing and I’m an ass.” The low rumble of his laughter sounds good and instantly makes me feel better.
“Hardly.” I hear the smile in his voice. “Although the one you own is one of my favorite parts on your body.”
“Isaac?”
“Love it when you say my name.” His voice hums in appreciation. “I wish I didn’t have a boss waiting in the boardroom for me. I wish I could whip back there and show you how much.”
“Go. Go to your meeting,” I say with a smile. “I’ll see you tonight?”
“Fuck yeah, you’ll see me tonight: it’s Thursday night special,” he jokes.
“I’ll keep some warm. Later, Ike.”
“Later,” he says, pausing for a moment. “Love you, honey.”
I’m still sitting here five minutes after he hangs up, my mouth open, and a flock of butterflies turning loops in my stomach.
Ike
“You coming?”
David sticks his head inside my office, where I’ve been alternately smiling and kicking my own ass for blurting that out. It’s not something that rolls easily off my tongue. Not ever. But it felt right, so I let it roll. Right into a deadly silent phone.
“Ike?”
Right. David.
“On my way,” I say, much more together than I feel.
I get through the meeting, barely managing to keep on topic, David throwing me questioning glances. I’m about to step into my office when he calls out behind me.
“Ike, hold up a sec?”
I pause in the doorway, allowing him to catch up.
“Are you okay? You were notably absent in there,” he points out, luckily not too unfriendly. I step aside and wave him into my office, closing the door behind him. He sits down across from my desk and watches me curiously as I slip behind it.
“I think I fucked up,” I blurt out, needing an unbiased opinion.
“How so?”
“Viv. We had a ... misunderstanding,” I search for the right word. “Over the phone. I hung up angry. She called back and I told her I love her.” I wait for his reaction, but only see a look of confusion on his face.
“Sorry? That’s it? I’m still waiting to hear how you fucked up,” he says shaking his head.
“It’s too soon. She’s been through hell. Fuck, she’s still going through hell, and I just dumped that on her. Probably the last thing she needs.” I drop my head in my hands, pulling on my hair.
David’s laugh isn’t subtle. It’s insistent, obnoxious, and irritating the crap out of me. When I lift my head to glare at him, willing him to shut up, he doesn’t seem impressed. Finally it reduces to a more tolerable chuckle, and he leans forward, planting his elbows on my desk.
“First of all, you’re an idiot,” he says.
Goddammit, I knew it.
“Secondly, women generally enjoy declarations of love. Especially coming from the man they’ve been spending a shitload of time with. She may not have been ready to hear it, but you can bet your bike she likes it.”
“She didn’t say a damn thing. Mind you, I didn’t give her much of a chance before I hung up, but it came as a bit of a shock to me too,” I admit grudgingly. I’m turning into such a fucking chick.
“I bet,” he chuckles. “You haven’t fallen, you’ve plummeted. Probably a shock to your system, and I bet she’ll be over the shock much sooner than you.”
I hate to admit it, but he’s possibly right. I am shocked and slightly disturbed at what came out of my mouth. And still—I meant it. I don’t want to take it back. I know she’s still dealing with a lot, and the last thing I want is to put extra pressure on her. But I also just told her the other day that I wasn’t going to hide anything from her.
> “Is it too soon?” The question slips out before I can catch it. I sit back, folding my arms over my chest and brace for David’s mockery. He doesn’t leave me waiting very long.
“And that brings me to my final point.” David leans back in his chair, mimicking my movements exactly. “You. Are. An. Idiot.” He clearly emphasizes every word, setting my teeth on edge.
I’m about to object when my phone, which I’d left on my desk during the meeting earlier, alerts me to a text. I reach out for it, but David beats me to it, breaking out in a big smile when he looks at the screen and stands up.
“Case in point,” he says, as he hands me my phone and walks out of the office.
On the screen is a message from Viv: a smile emoticon and a little heart.
-
Don’t ask me why I pull into the Ford dealership on my way home. I’ve been managing fine with just my bike since the old truck died. Granted, I haven’t gone through the winter on two wheels yet, given that I was traveling most of the time. If I couldn’t take the bike, the company would cover a rental car wherever I was sent.
It’s an impulse. One that I don’t really care to examine too closely but am sure has something to do with the fact that for the first time in many years, I’m looking ahead further than my next project. Fuck, I got the house done, might as well have something to put in the garage too. Still plenty of room for the bike, even with a second car in there. The moment I walk into the showroom, a slick middle-aged salesman tags me, walking up with his hand out in greeting.
An hour later, I’ve parked my bike in the garage and wait for the complimentary shuttle to fetch me and take me back to the dealership, where I’ve just bought last year’s model Expedition off the lot. Pretty good deal too, decked out with all the added options, but since it had been a floor model, I managed to negotiate a decent price. The fact that I don’t need any financing and plan to pay on the spot, doesn’t hurt either. My whole life I’ve had little cause to spend the money I earned, and I earn a decent living. First major expense had been the renovation to the house, and although it put a substantial dent in my bank account, it still leaves a solid enough cushion.
From the dealership I head straight to The Skipper, where I slip it into a parking spot as far away from other cars as I can find. Call me anal, but it would really fucking suck if some dumb idiot, half drunk from a night at the bar, would put a dent in it.
Ten minutes later, I have Viv by the hand and am dragging her through the alley.
“Ike! I’m working, I can’t just take off like this,” she complains halfheartedly. The other half is trying to hold her giggles in check. I found her in the kitchen and with my arms around her, I lift two hands—ten fingers—to Dino. Smart guy that he is, he clues in immediately and waves me out of there.
“I told you, I’ve gotta show you something. It’ll only take a minute.”
We cross the parking lot, and I stop beside the flawless, dark green SUV, with the kick-ass shiny rims, Viv looks at me oddly.
“What am I looking at?” she asks in a mock-whisper, only to continue in her normal voice. “I mean I know it’s a car. By the looks of it pretty new, but why are we looking at it?”
“It’s a Ford Expedition and I bought it.” I’m fucking excited, like a kid on Christmas morning, and I sound like an idiot. Last time I felt anything close to this was when I bought my bike. That was the start of a new life for me. Shit. I guess this is too. When I turn to face Viv, she’s not looking at the truck, she’s looking at me. And she’s wearing a funny little grin.
“You bought a car—”
“An Expedition,” I correct her. She drives a car; I ride a bike or drive a man-sized vehicle.
“Okay,” she says slowly, obviously indulging me. “You bought an Expedition. Just now?” I nod in response.
“Drove straight here from the lot.”
Viv’s face softens and her eyes turn liquid. “Because you wanted to show me?”
“I did,” I admit a tad defensively, waiting for her to point out my uncharacteristically weird behavior. She would be right. Can’t say that anything I’ve done today would fall under my normal behavior. The welcome slide of her arms around my waist drags me out of my self-examination, and mine immediately wrap around her back, pulling her close. Her head tilts back and her smile lights up the dark parking lot.
“You bought a ca—an Expedition,” she says with a snort before she turns serious, her eyes like two big question marks in her face. “And you said you loved me.”
“Love,” I point out softly.
“Sorry?”
“Present tense. As in, I love you, Vivian Lestar.”
Her eyes go liquid again, but it’s the little smile stealing over her face that settles in my chest. David knows his shit.
“I—” Viv barely gets a word out before she’s interrupted.
“Viv! Phone!” Dino’s voice rolls over the parking lot, just as he appears at the top of the alley. When he spots us, he adds at a slightly lower volume, “Emergency.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Viv
The moment we walk into the hospital waiting room, the tension hits me like a concrete wall, and I have trouble getting the first word out. Luckily, Ike insisted on coming with me, and with his arm around my waist, tucking me close, he faces off with my family.
“How is he?” Getting straight to the point, his eyes focus on Nolan, the one person not glaring daggers at us.
“Semi-conscious, confused, and combative, so they’ve had to sedate him to examine him. It’s likely he’ll be staying here, he broke his hip,” Nolan replies. “Once the orthopedic surgeon has had a chance to look at him, they’ll decide what needs to be done.”
I finally manage to speak, focusing only on him. “What happened?”
“Like you care.” The deriding comment comes from my mother, her face twisted in pain and anger. I barely recognize her.
“Mom,” Nolan softly admonishes her before turning to me. “They couldn’t find him in his room when they came to give him his medication for the night. Took them fifteen minutes to find him at the bottom of the stairs, tangled up in his walker, in the stairwell. He was confused and said he was looking for someone when he got lost.”
Both Owen and Aaron are uncharacteristically quiet. They sit on either side of Mom, like quiet sentries. I don’t know what’s going through their minds; where my mother is openly hostile, the two of them now seem to avoid looking at me at all.
I don’t want to be here. I don’t really know why I came to begin with. When Nolan called the pub, after he couldn’t reach me on my cell, he’d been on his way to the hospital and didn’t know much. Only that my father had a bad fall and was taken by ambulance. I guess it was conditioning, or maybe obligation, that had me grab my bag and follow Ike to his new truck. Maybe I harbored hope that somehow this would be an opportunity to bridge the divide in my family. But the animosity that hit me the moment I walked into the waiting room with Ike, brought me back down to earth. Brutally so.
I’m not sure how I feel about my father. I try not to think about him, but that’s kind of hard under the circumstances. It’s just so confusing to love and hate at the same time. I tried picking one and sticking with it, but it didn’t last long. The thin line separating them was easily blurred. So sitting here beside Ike, who gently guided me to a chair and sat down beside me, feels like a lie. Yet leaving is not even an option.
“Okay, baby?” Ike’s soft voice sounds close to my ear. I have my eyes closed, it seems the only protection I have from the resentment hanging thick in the room, but I can feel Ike. He’s wrapped himself around me like some protective cloak.
“Yeah,” I whisper back, lifting my eyes to him. There it is, clear as day in his warm gray eyes: the love he has for me. Despite the current circumstances, I feel very blessed.
I was about to tell him I felt the same way, when Dino showed. Even now, I want to tell him, let him know what he’s come to mean in suc
h a relative short period of time. But I don’t want to tell him here, not with my angry family as witnesses. It would take away from the beauty of such a statement.
I try to show him with my eyes, and in the kiss I press to his lips in thanks. I take the gentle smile he gives me as understanding.
Our little moment is interrupted when two men in scrubs walk in.
“Lestar family?” one of them asks.
“All of us. Yes,” Nolan answers before anyone else.
“X-rays show that Mr. Lestar has what we call a femoral neck fracture,” the same doctor continues. “A break in the narrow part just below the ball of the hip joint. We will need to do a partial hip-replacement.”
“When?” Owen asks and the second man turns to him.
“They’re prepping the OR for him now, and we’re on our way up. If you’ll come with me, you can briefly see him. But only two at a time.”
My mother and Owen follow the doctors out, and Aaron trails along. Nolan turns to me. “Are you coming?”
I don’t want to. I don’t want to mostly because I’m afraid it would invoke my mother’s anger, and I really don’t want her more upset than she already is. Not like she’s a spring chicken herself. So I shake my head.
“I better not,” I tell him with a reassuring smile. “It might not go over well.”
“Fuck that,” Nolan immediately throws back. “This is about what you want.”
Ike goes rigid beside me at Nolan’s intensity, but I put a gentling hand on his leg.
“Just go, Nolan. You go in with Aaron. I’ll see him after.”
“This is so fucked up,” he mumbles as he turns and walks out the door.
“He’s got that right,” Ike contributes, before standing up and pulling me up with him. “Come, let’s see if we can find something to eat or drink.”
I allow him to lead me down the hall in search of nourishment.
