by Freya Barker
I glare at him. “Whatever, Dor.” Only serving to make both my brothers start chuckling. Assholes.
In seconds they’ve located the beer, cranked up the stereo, and are popping one open outside on the deck. Looks like Nolan is staying for dinner as well. Fine. Not like there isn’t enough. One of the drawbacks of occasionally cooking at the pub is that you don’t have a good gauge on appropriate quantities anymore. Hence, whenever I do cook at home, it’s generally enough to feed an army. Just in case, I pull another French stick from the freezer to go with the herb butter I made.
I’m about to wrap it in tinfoil to defrost in the oven, when there’s a knock at the door. I hustle to the stereo and turn the volume down. Shit, way to get friendly with the neighbors, Vivian. I’m assuming one of them is here to complain about the loud music, so I pull open the front door, apologizing as I do. “I’m so, so...” my voice sticks in my throat. Because it isn’t an annoyed neighbor on the doorstep, but Lydia and Owen looking very uncomfortable.
“Viv, I’m sorry we’re barging in, but Dorian said—” Lydia starts, but doesn’t need to finish. My youngest brother has been busy, for which I will have to kick his ass.
“No heart-to-heart,” I repeat the conditions I expressed to Nolan not that long ago. I’m pretty sure I see relief flit over Owen’s face at that. Dorian is the only one of my brothers reasonably comfortable with displays of emotion. The others, not so much.
“Okay,” is Lydia’s soft answer, before I step back and let them walk in.
Ike
I’m surprised to find my driveway full of cars, and along with a healthy dose of irritation my homecoming will obviously not be able to play out the way I’d imagined, an uneasy feeling creeps up my neck.
Call me pathetic but three nights away from Viv, after having spent the summer falling asleep and waking up in her arms, was not conducive to good sleep or a good mood. Having to listen to her smoky voice over the phone, sounding even sexier than in person, with only my hand as companion, didn’t help either.
The plan was to pull the Expedition into the garage, leave my shit for later, walk in, catch Viv as she’d jump in my arms, and march her right into the bedroom, where I’d waste no time getting her naked. No, there would be no hard, fast fuck to get rid of bottled-up frustration.
I’ve already battled heavy Friday afternoon traffic from the airport home. Now I was relegated to parking in the street. Fuck me.
With my bag hoisted over my shoulder, I walk in the door to hear the makings of a party. Music, voices, and laughing coming from the backyard can be heard through the open sliding doors. I drop my duffel on the floor by the stairs, walk through the house and outside, where I’m stunned to find Viv, Lydia, and three of her brothers. All toting beers, and all laughing.
Dorian is the first to spot me and smiles like the cat who ate the canary. No doubt he had something to do with this unplanned gathering. Unplanned, I’m sure, because Viv would’ve mentioned something last night otherwise.
Viv is the next to turn her head and squeals when she sees me, jumping up and running to me, still holding on to her beer. I barely get my hands under her ass in time when she jumps in my arms, spraying herself and me in beer. I don’t care. Viv is beautiful any day and in any situation, but when she’s happy and smiling that smile, which makes the lines at the side of her eyes pop out, she is fucking breathtaking. Not particularly needing an audience, I turn back into the house, Viv clinging to me like a monkey.
“You’re home.” She smiles at me big, her eyes shining when I plop her butt on the kitchen island.
“I’m home, and in need of some lovin’,” I point out. Viv doesn’t hesitate for a second before she has her mouth pressed against mine, her tongue seeking entrance, while her fingers tangle in my hair. My beautiful siren and beer—tastes fucking phenomenal. I have a mind to carry her to the bedroom and follow through with my original plan, ignoring the fact her brothers are on my deck, but I have a feeling Viv may take issue with that.
“Babe,” I mumble against her lips, trying to pull back, which she is making very difficult. “Beautiful,” I try more firmly before she loosens her hold on my head. “We’ve got guests,” I point out with my eyebrow raised.
“Right. It’s Dorian’s fault. He invited them all without my knowledge. I was ambushed,” she babbles, not appearing to be in the least riled by her brother’s ministrations. “But don’t worry, I laid down the law.” She looks smug and I smile, because that looks seriously cute on her.
“You laid down the law,” I repeat for clarification, to which she nods.
“Told them no heart-to-heart and they’ve stuck to it.”
Before I have a chance to react, Dorian sticks his head in the door. “Can I light the BBQ now?”
Wait. Dorian’s going to mess with my BBQ? “Hold on to that thought,” I delay him, quickly lowering Viv back on her feet and opening the drawer for my lighter. It’s not there. “Babe, where’d my lighter go?” I look at her and she in turn points to Dorian, who is waving said lighter in the air before disappearing outside. I take off after him, Viv’s laughter following me outside. Laugh, but no one lights my BBQ but me.
-
I feel a hand on my back and a mug of coffee appears from around me, which I gratefully take. Reaching behind me, I pull Viv to my side with my arm resting at her waist.
“How’s it going?” she asks, with a smile in her voice.
I glare at her brother, who is currently warming up chocolate croissants on my BBQ. I’d almost given him the green light too, seeing as the chicken he cooked earlier—something that to do well, requires a bit of skill—was delicious and moist. Of course he had constant supervision from me. But once the food was eaten and I’d started a pot of coffee, he announced he was gonna “BBQ the pastries” and I almost had a coronary. Visions of melting or worse, burning, chocolate on my grill had me almost snatch the bag of croissants from his hand. But Viv was quicker, and calmly wrapped the croissants in tinfoil before placing them on a baking tray. “There,” she said smugly when handing the tray to Dorian.
“No leakage,” I say, referring to the dreaded melting chocolate, making Viv chuckle.
“Glad to hear it. Now are you coming to sit down?”
With just a nod I follow and sit down beside her around the small fire pit off my deck. Everyone has dragged their chairs onto the grass, and Nolan and Owen are arguing about the best way to stack the wood for a good fire. Lydia is sitting back in her chair, sipping her coffee and observing.
“You should bring your kids next time,” I suggest, surprising even myself. “I think I have a volleyball net somewhere in the garage.”
“We will. They’d love that,” Lydia says with a smile, as Viv snuggles into my side.
With the fire built and the admittedly fucking awesome chocolate croissants eaten, Viv and Lydia are talking in hushed tones beside me, while I listen to the brothers share funny childhood stories. Makes me think about some of the shit my brother and I would get into from time to time. Mostly with me instigating and Ben executing. It makes me sad to think that we’ll never have times like this, where we can relive our history or even share with our kids at some point. Really fucking sad.
“Hey,” Viv says softly, with her hand on my arm and her face tilted up to me. “You okay? Looking a little sad.”
“Just listening to your brothers talk—I miss that. Miss Ben.”
Her face goes soft. “I get that. I was just saying to Lydia that although it’s hard to hear how different their experience growing up was compared to mine, I’m glad they have that.”
“Yeah.” My mouth agrees, but inside I’m cursing myself. I miss Ben, but I love the good memories I have of him, growing up with him. I didn’t consider that Viv doesn’t have those kinds of memories, and I’m once again struck at the strength of heart this woman has. Despite the shit they put on her, she still manages to be happy for her brothers.
All but one, who is glaringly absent.
I’d asked Dorian earlier, if he’d been in touch with Aaron, and he said he’d tried a few times, without success.
“I miss Aaron,” Viv suddenly says, staring in the fire, as if she’d been reading my thoughts. It immediately silences any conversation and all eyes turn to her. She seems to realize she has everyone’s attention and blinks a few times. “I’m sorry, you guys, I know I’m breaking my own rules. I’m just so goddamn sorry for everything,” she finishes on a sob and buries her face in my shoulder.
“Jesus, Viv,” Owen is the first to speak. “Nothing to be sorry for. Not you.”
“Yeah, none of this is on you, Sissy,” Dorian adds.
Nolan gets up, walks over and hunches down in front of her. “Vivian.” He draws her attention in a firm voice. “The responsibility for this lies with one person and he’s in a hospital bed. The only other people who should arguably share some of that responsibility is everyone else in the family ... except you. Not your burden to carry, and not your problem to solve. Been a shock to the system, that’s for damn sure. Finding out that what all of us had chosen to believe was a great family to grow up in was actually a farce, was a harsh awakening. And the way each of us responded to that is on each of us. Including Aaron, and including Mom.” He leans in and cups her wet face between his hands, tipping his forehead to hers. “There is no way you can take this on, sweetheart. You tried to carry this family singlehandedly on your shoulders for years, when all this time it was us failing you. That ends now.”
I reluctantly let Viv’s body slide from under my arm as she leans forward into her brother’s arms. There is some clearing of throats all round and a sniffle from Lydia.
“I need a fucking beer,” I try to break the emotionally loaded atmosphere, as I stand up.
“Thought you’d never fucking ask,” is Owen’s response and Lydia giggles.
“I’ll take one,” she says, and Dorian nods when I look at him.
“Just bring two,” Nolan grumbles, as he sets his sister back in her chair, ruffling her hair before he retreats back to the other side of the fire.
“Honey?” I look at Viv whose watery smile reaches in and squeezes my heart. “Just bring out the whole damn crate.”
-
It’s past midnight and the last of the wood was tossed on the fire a good half hour ago. Aside from the few minutes of high drama, the evening has been really good. So good in fact, I’ve lost any lingering resentment over the thwarting of my plans for a very different welcome home a while ago.
But it’s past midnight, and Viv is yawning loudly beside me, while Dorian is nodding off in his chair. We’ve all had plenty to drink, and I don’t feel good about letting anyone drive home.
“I have a spare bedroom and a couch that sleeps two, in a pinch. You may wanna consider crashing here for the night.”
Dorian and Nolan readily agree. Dorian mainly because it means he can stumble inside and simply go back to sleep. Since Nolan was planning to stay at Viv’s apartment with Dorian, his is an easy decision as well. Owen objects, at first, until Lydia points out that with the kids at her mother’s until tomorrow anyway, it would be safer and more convenient if they stay. Seeing as, even with her soft manner, Lydia obviously is in charge, Owen eventually gives in.
I grab extra sheets and blankets, while Viv scrambles to dig up extra toiletries and sorts out a sleep shirt for Lydia. By the time one o’clock rolls around, everyone is tucked away. I’ve just had a quick shower to wash off the residual travel and beer stench when I walk into the bedroom to find Viv curled up on her side, already fast asleep. Without wasting time I slip under the covers behind her, curl my body around hers, and with my nose in her hair, feel sleep taking me too.
-
The insistent ringing of a phone wakes me a few hours later. I reach for my cell, which I left on the nightstand, but the blank screen tells me it’s not mine, must be Viv’s. By the time I get around to her side of the bed, Viv’s phone stops ringing, but another phone starts up, somewhere else in the house.
“What’s going on?” Viv’s sleepy voice comes from the bed, as I’m already pulling up my jeans.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Viv
The ride to the hospital is chaotic with Nolan and Dorian piled in the back of Ike’s Expedition. Lydia and Owen, who had their car at the end of the driveway, are just ahead of us.
Nolan ended up answering his phone, and was zipping up his pants when Ike and I came down the stairs. “Be there soon,” is all he said before he hung up. He spotted us and looked over at Dorian, who was by now awake as well. “Get dressed. The hospital called; Dad’s bad. Aaron is taking Mom to the hospital. We’re meeting them there.”
I was frozen, until a warm hand on my neck and Owen’s warm voice got me moving. “Get dressed, Viv,” he said. I hadn’t noticed them coming down behind us. I rushed into the bedroom and started pulling on the first piece of clothing my hands encountered. Ike was already waiting by the bedroom door for me by the time I was dressed. Grabbing my hand, he pulled me down the stairs. Luckily he had the presence of mind to grab my purse, something that hadn’t even occurred to me.
Now we’re on our way and I am just letting myself get swept along. Because honestly? I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. Where I’m supposed to be. But for once I’m going to trust my brothers, who gave me back a whole lot last night, and I will let them lead the way.
A warm hand slips over mine in my lap. Ike. The small squeeze around my fingers reminds me, I don’t stand alone. If I want it, he’ll give it all to me. In that moment, regardless of what is heading our way, I decide I’m giving him everything too. “I love you, Isaac,” is what I say. “I love you and I’m moving in with you.”
His hand convulses around mine before he lifts it and brings it to his mouth, peeling my fingers back and pressing his lips in my palm. “I love you back, and I’m glad, baby. It’s where you belong.” I can feel his words soak into the skin of my hand and carefully fold my fingers over top, keeping them close.
Surprisingly there is nothing but silence from the backseat where, as I’m a bit late in realizing, my brothers just got a front row seat. When I throw a quick look over my shoulder, both of them are silently grinning. Whatever.
-
It’s Owen’s idea to first find out exactly what happened from the night nurse, before walking into my father’s room and have emotion take over. It’s a good idea, and the nurse is very forthcoming.
What I didn’t know, because everyone had been avoiding the topic of my father, was that he had developed pneumonia over the past week and as it turns out, antibiotics have done little.
“He’s deteriorated quite dramatically over the past few hours, and we felt it prudent to warn the family. I’m afraid it will be a shock.” The kind nurse looks at each of us as she warns us. “We tried to make him as comfortable as possible, but the reality is that the build up of fluid in his lungs was very fast and is substantial, so breathing has become very difficult. I encourage you to use the suction clipped to his headboard, to give him a bit of temporary relief.”
Ike’s hand squeezes my shoulder as he leans in. “Breathe, beautiful,” he mumbles. I’ve been holding my breath and I didn’t even notice. The nurse smiles at me sympathetically. If only she knew how very conflicted I feel about being here. Then I look at my brothers and remind myself that being here for them outweighs anything else I might or might not be feeling.
“There won’t be any restriction on numbers, since your father has a private room and, well, because of the circumstances. There is also the waiting room next door, which is free for your use. One last thing,” she says, a wistful smile on her face. “Your father is surprisingly lucid. He is aware and seems cognizant of everything and everyone around him.”
“Thank you,” Owen says, and with his arm around his wife’s shoulder, leads the way.
I can hear his labored breathing from well outside the room, and it has me hesitate on the doo
rstep. I listen to the gurgling of the suction wand, as I watch Aaron clear our father’s mouth. One by one, the boys walk up to the bed, acknowledge Aaron and kiss my mother on the cheek, before leaning over my father to let him know they’re here. Neither my mother or Aaron look at me. I feel completely out of place. Yet I can’t take my eyes off the figure in the hospital bed. I know in my bones I’m supposed to be here.
“Viv,” Aaron’s voice, hoarse and unexpected, drags me from my thoughts. I see him flick his eyes at our mother, who sits stoically on the other side of my father, then back at me. “He’s asking for you.” The hair on my neck stands on end, as I glance at my father’s mouth and watch his lips move. I inadvertently take a step back, bumping into the hard, solid, secure wall of Ike’s chest. I can feel the panic rising up from the tips of my toes, taking control over every muscle in my body, making me shake violently. It’s only the safe hold Ike’s arms have around my middle that holds me back from slipping into that dark place, where panic rules me.
I don’t want to come any closer. Don’t want to hear what he has to say.
“Babe,” Ike’s voice sounds concerned.
“Come here,” Owen suddenly speaks up as he walks up to me. “I’ll take you.” I’m pretty sure he’s not aware the minefield he’s walking into, yet when his arm comes around my shoulders, I’m surprised to find it grounds me. I let my eyes travel through the room, locking in on each of my brothers, before making the decision I can do this for them. Give them a sense of closure as I don’t expect to receive any. I didn’t realize my feet were already moving, and I find myself by my father’s bed, Owen by my side and Ike at my back, my father’s eyes clear on me.
“I’m so ... sorry,” his voice comes out on a rattle, but the words are clear. Clear enough for everyone in the room to have heard. A slow building keen comes from the other side of the bed where my mother has her hands clasped to her mouth. Oddly detached, as if everything is moving in slow-motion, I watch Lydia and Nolan fuss over her. Ike’s arms band tighter around my waist as Aaron’s, “Jesus” hits my ears. When I look back at my father his eyes have closed, but still his breath rattles.
