enthusiasm about one of the shows. A few minutes later, she returned with her hands full of papers, a poster and glue.
“You want to finish it all today? Trying to get rid of me?”
Emily’s cheeks turned scarlet as she set everything down on the table. “I don’t like waiting until the last minute,” she said quietly.
“Why are you quiet now? You don’t talk like that with Drake. You look him in the eye too,” I asked, hoping I wasn’t overstepping some unseen boundary.
She bit her lip and I wondered if she knew she did that. She plopped into her seat and said, “It’s easier.” She left it at that while I gathered my papers from my bag. “Why do you keep asking me questions?”
I looked up and asked myself the same question: Why did I keep asking her questions? Why did I want to know the answer? “Curious, I guess.”
“Curiosity killed the cat.”
What? Was she trying to say that I didn’t want to know the answers? Was she saying that it was bad enough to kill? What was she trying to say? Before I could ask, she changed the subject over to our project.
We had been working for about an hour when Mike came in. He kissed the top of Emily’s head and said hello. Emily got up abruptly and went to check on Drake. Did her behavior have something to do with her dad? Had he done something to her? He seemed too nice and down to earth. I didn’t think that was it.
“How’s the project goin’?”
“Pretty good. Making a lot of progress. I think Emily is ready to get rid of me and Drake.”
Mike chuckled. “She probably wants to get rid of you more than Drake.”
I had a feeling that he was right. I wanted to ask why but I didn’t think he would tell me. I looked into the living room and saw Emily sitting with Drake, watching TV. The question that had been on my mind since being paired up with Emily was what happened to her. The possibilities that came to mind were not ones that would sit well with anyone.
I watched her laugh at something Drake said. “We should probably get back to work,” I stated, not knowing what else to say.
I had a crazy urge to see her as I saw her in the pictures, like I saw her with Drake. However, would it ever happen? What would bring her out of her shell?
I stood and made my way into the living room. I rested my arms on the back of the couch in-between Emily and Drake. “I thought we were working?” Emily jumped and I immediately regretted sneaking up on them. Drake glared at me and patted Emily’s hand.
She smiled at him and said, “You can hang out with my dad while we work.” Mike walked in and sat in the recliner. Emily got up and walked into the kitchen while Mike started talking to Drake who jumped into his story about the alligator and lizards.
I followed Emily and sat down. “Sorry about scaring you.”
She shrugged and went to fix herself another glass of Dr. Pepper. “Want anything?” she asked over her shoulder.
“I’m fine.”
She sat down and we went back to work.
An hour later, we had finished our project. I leaned back tired of working and said, “I think this is the first time I’ve done a project before the due date. I’m a last minute kind of guy.” I saw her smile faintly and I leaned forward. I wanted her to look at me. “Is that a smile I see?”
The smile faded and she peeked up at me before looking away from me into the living room. “I’m going to miss hanging out with Drake,” she whispered.
“I usually take him with me to practice. You could watch him, if you’d like,” I offered. Deep down, a voice told me that this would give me an excuse to see her.
She smiled, “I would like that. I could pick him up from school too.”
“That will be fine. Drake will be ecstatic. You can leave after school and go straight to his school. If something holds you back a few minutes, it’ll be fine too. There’s always a line.” I glanced down at my watch. We would need to get home soon. We exchanged numbers in case I needed to get up with her or vice versa. Drake rushed into the kitchen and asked for more cookies. “You haven’t eaten dinner yet. You don’t need any more cookies,” I responded.
Mike followed Drake inside. He asked if we would like to stay for dinner and, as I declined, I saw Emily sneak Drake a cookie. I couldn’t help but smile. I made small talk with Mike until Drake finished his cookie.
“Alright, Drake, we need to get home.”
We said our goodbyes and headed home.
Dad was in the recliner, as always, watching TV and drinking. I went to the kitchen and microwaved left over pizza for dinner before going upstairs and checking on Drake who had gone straight to his room. I handed him his plate and we ate on his bed in silence. Once finished, I took our plates and told him to go brush his teeth. I went downstairs and washed our plates.
I found Drake in bed. I tucked him in and went to kiss his forehead, but he stopped me. “I’m a man, remember? I don’t need a kiss goodnight.”
I smiled and agreed. I left his room and went to shower. Hopefully, I could unwind. Every time I closed my eyes, Emily’s smile popped up.
5
Emily
I woke up Saturday morning with the urge to move. I changed into some running clothes and took off. These runs happened every so often. I didn’t have a route. I just ran wherever. If I felt the desire to turn, I would. Otherwise, I ran straight.
I slowed to a stop. I was starting to get out of breath and my leg felt like it was going to cramp.
“Emily?” I looked across the street to see Jake sitting on the steps of a porch. I waved and looked back down at my shoes, still taking deep breaths, which were becoming more even.
I could hear a creak as Jake stood and then the soft steps of his feet on the grass. He crossed the street at a jog and stood in front of me. He was wearing a white tank top and basketball shorts. I looked up to see his collarbone. How had I forgotten how tall he was? “Hey, Jake,” I mumbled, deciding to take a glance. His gaze bore down on me. I redirected my gaze to his lips. Big mistake. I decided to return my gaze to his collarbone.
“What are you doing out and about so early?”
“Running.”
“Quite a ways to run. Are you sure you weren’t stalking me?”
Heat rushed to my cheeks as I heard the smile in his voice. “N-No. I-I wasn’t.”
He laughed his hearty laugh, “I was just messing, Emily. Lighten up.”
“I should go,” I said, trying to step around him. His hand caught my arm.
“Wait.”
I bit my lip and took another leap. I glanced up. “What?”
He smiled. “I have to do some things today. Could you watch Drake for me?”
The mention of the little boy brought a smile to my face. “Of course.”
“Thanks!” Jake leaned down and kissed my cheek. “I’ll bring him over around lunch. Later, Emily.”
He jogged back across the street, leaving me in a state of shock. I closed my mouth upon realizing it was open. I shook my head and continued my jog.
Two hours later, I returned home. I took a quick shower and went back into the kitchen where my dad was waiting. “I do wish you would leave a note when you go off on your runs.”
“Sorry.” I took out a bowl and started to fix cereal. My dad was reading the paper and eating cereal as well. I liked Cinnamon Toast Crunch, while he was a lover of Cheerios. I ate my breakfast quietly. The only sounds in the house were the occasional turning of a page, the clinking of a spoon against a glass bowl, and the crunch of cereal. Did he really kiss me?
“Something wrong with your cheek, honey?” I glanced up and he nodded to my fingers that were trailing down my cheek. I shook my head. “Okay, well I’ll get the dishes today, honey.” I nodded and handed him my bowl.
Oh! “Dad, I ran into Jake on my run.”
“Oh really?”
I nodded. “He asked me to watch Drake today.” I smiled and continued, “He should be over around lunch time. Are you doing anything today
?”
“Actually, I was going to go make one last fishing trip with Dan.” Dan was Dad’s best friend. They went fishing all the time.
“Have fun.”
“Thanks, hon.”
I stood up and went to the living room. I was excited about today. I actually had plans. Me, with plans. Sure, they were with a seven year old, but they were plans. Dad had to think that was progress, right? Two hours until Drake would be here.
What would I do for two hours? I turned on the TV and found a re-showing of one of the games played that week. Detroit was playing the New York Rangers. Soon, I was captured in hockey and my dad had left already. Detroit was up by two and it was the final period with less than five minutes to go.
A knock on the door called my attention. Drake! I had almost forgotten about him. I got up and opened the door to see Drake who looked like he was full of excitement. “Hey, Drake! Ready to have some fun today?”
“Absolutely! What are we going to do?”
“Emily will tell you all about that. Go find something on TV so I can talk to Emily real quick,” Jake cut in. I stepped aside as Drake ran into the living room and Jake stepped in behind him. “I won’t be here long. I just wanted to tell you that he’s hyper today. I shouldn’t be gone too long.”
“It’s fine. Take your time.”
Jake nodded. “Thanks again, Emily,” he said, turning to open the door.
He was halfway out when I surprised myself again. “Hey Jake?”
He turned. “Yeah?”
“After you do whatever it is you have to do, go do something for yourself. I can handle Drake and you look like you could use a break.” I took a deep breath and saw him smile.
“Thanks, Emily.”
Then he was gone. I went into the living room and sat down beside Drake who was watching Phineas and Ferb. “This is one of my favorite shows,” I confided.
Drake grinned and asked, “Where is Mr. Mike?”
“He went fishing. It’s just you and me today. What do you want to do?”
Drake seemed to be in deep thought. Then it was like a light had gone off in his head and he broke out in a stunning smile. “Well, there is a new movie out that I really want to go see and Jake won’t take me.”
“He won’t? What movie?”
“Cars 2. Please Emily, can we go? Please!”
I laughed. “Of course we can. I loved Cars, especially Mater. Let me run and get my wallet and we’ll go.” I ran down the hall to my room, bounced across the bed and retrieved my wallet along with my keys from my nightstand drawer. “Alright, Drake, let’s go.”
6
Jake
My errands weren’t really errands. I needed to clean the house and it was always harder when Drake was there. I returned home and dad was already drunk. When I started cleaning, of course I made noise. That just pissed dad off.
“I wish you would quit making so much damn noise! Your mother never made any noise when she cleaned.” The mumbling continued while I worked my way around the house ignoring him.
Two hours later, the house was clean from top to bottom. I was exhausted, but I dragged myself upstairs to shower. I would need to run by the grocery store sometime today too. Somewhat refreshed, I headed out after taking the card from my dad’s wallet on the kitchen counter.
Maybe I would take Emily’s suggestion and do something for myself. She didn’t seem to mind watching Drake. She actually seemed happier to see him than me. I sighed. I wanted so much to feel her touch again or see her looking at me. I practically drowned in her brown eyes this morning. What was it about her anyway?
I shook my head as I made my way down the aisles, picking up things here and there. Once I had a bunch of frozen foods that would easily go into the microwave and some meat for us to have a real dinner a few nights of the week, I went to check out.
After dropping the groceries off at home, I did as Emily suggested. I was going to take some time for me. I did it in the only way I knew how. I grabbed my skates and took off for the rink.
As expected, it was empty. Coach always left the doors unlocked in case any of us wanted to come in. I slipped on my skates and began running up and down the ice, occasionally doing a few suicides. I loved the cool sting of the air and the sound of the ice as my blades cut in it. For me, there was nothing like skating around as fast as I could. Once I was exhausted, I went to the locker room and took a quick shower. Then I changed into some clean clothes that I had in my locker.
Outside I was met with darkness. How long was I in there? I had better get over to Emily’s. Drake could be worried. I was supposed to go back and get him after a few hours. A few minutes later, I parked on the curb and went up to the door, knocking three times.
Inside the lights were off. Where were they? I took out my cell just as someone pulled up and parked in the garage. I made my way over to see Emily and a laughing Drake getting out of her car. Drake ran over and I picked him up. “What’s up, man?”
“Today has been the best day ever! We went to see Cars 2 and then we went to McDonald’s. No one was in the play room and I wanted to play and guess what?”
“What?”
“Emily went into the play house with me! We played for an hour.” Drake leaned in and whispered in my ear, “I’ve never seen someone laugh so much.”
I smiled and followed Emily into the side door that opened into the kitchen. “I’m glad you guys had fun.”
“I’m not finished, Jake!”
“Well finish. I’m listening.” We settled down on the couch and Drake continued his story. I noticed a big bag sitting in front of Emily.
“Then we went to Cold Stone and got ice cream. It was so good, Jake! After that, we went to Toys-R-Us! And guess what? Emily let me get some toys!”
Drake hopped off the couch and started taking out various toys, exclaiming over each one. I looked over at Emily who was smiling at Drake’s excitement. “You shouldn’t have.”
Drake lost his smile and looked at me with sad eyes. Three words and he was upset. “I can keep them, right Jake?”
“Of course you can,” Emily said. Just like that, Drake’s smile was back and he began to take the toys out of their boxes. There was a remote control car, two or three action figures and a video game in there too. It made me uneasy to see the money she spent on Drake today.
“Emily, can I have some Pepsi?” Drake asked.
“Of course,” Emily went to stand up.
“Actually, Drake, we probably need to head home,” I cut in. Emily sat back down looking deflated.
“Aw. Not yet, Jake. Please! Emily said we could play,” Drake pleaded.
Emily’s soft, reserved voice was back. “We can always play Monday after school, Drake. If your brother says it’s time to go, then you had better listen to him.” Drake glared at me and got up to hug Emily goodbye. “How about you leave the remote car here until Monday so I can make sure everything is ready?” Emily suggested. He nodded and started putting everything back but the car. Seeing the sad look on Emily’s face and the same expression on Drake’s, I felt horrible.
“Honey! I’m back,” Mike’s voice boomed into the house. He walked into the living room. “Hey, guys, what’s up?”
“Just picking Drake up,” I said once it was apparent that Emily and Drake wouldn’t say anything. I did not know if that was expected with Emily or not. I knew that if Drake was mad, he wasn’t going to talk to me.
Seeing that the toys were up, I stood. “C’mon, Drake. See you later, Mike. Thanks again, Emily.” She nodded and Mike waved. Drake sullenly followed me and we headed home. I tried repeatedly to talk to Drake, but I received the cold shoulder each time.
Once home, I found dad already asleep. Thank goodness. Drake ran up the stairs to his room and shut the door. I sighed and went to fix myself something to eat. A ham and cheese sandwich with some chips would have to do for tonight. I didn’t feel like fixing anything requiring more effort.
I
took in the silence of the house and ate quickly. Upstairs, I checked on Drake. He ignored me, of course. I went to my room, flopped on my bed, and tried to watch TV. I couldn’t focus and I was exhausted. Soon, I was sleeping.
“Jake!”
I rolled over, but Drake kept yelling. “What?” I asked.
“Can we go to Emily’s today?”
I groaned. “Drake, you spent all day with her yesterday,” I pointed out. It was no use. He had made up his mind as to what he wanted to do.
“Please! I want to play with my car! Please, please, PLEASE!”
I rolled over to face him. He already looked as excited as if I said yes. “Drake, she probably doesn’t want to spend her Sunday with a little kid hanging around.”
His face fell. “She likes to hang out with me more than she likes to hang out with you,” he yelled, running out of the room. What was it with him and her? Maybe I just didn’t like that she would rather hang out with Drake than me. I tried to ignore that thought.
My phone buzzed on my nightstand and I grabbed it. “Hello,” I answered, without looking at who was calling. I immediately regretted it.
“Hey, Jake. It’s Claire.”
“Hey, Claire.”
“Anna, Josh, and I are going to the movies today. I was wondering if you wanted to come with.”
Immediately I thought of Drake. I couldn’t leave him here with my dad. I didn’t want to leave him with Emily either. I really didn’t want to go with Claire. I would probably hear it from Josh if I didn’t go.
“What are you guys seeing?” She named some horror movie. “I don’t know, Claire. I’ve got Drake.”
“Can’t he go to a friend’s?”
Emily’s face popped up again. I shook my head. I would have to give in to someone. It was either Drake or Claire, or both. I could spend the day with Drake and Emily…or with Claire.
“Sorry, Claire. I just remembered I promised to spend the day with Drake. You know, just us brothers.” She sighed and quickly said goodbye. I took a deep breath and called Emily, flopping back onto my pillow.
Her quiet voice answered on the second ring. “Hey, Jake.”
“Hey, Emily, what are you up today?”
“Nothing much.”
“I hate to ask you this, but Drake has been giving me the cold shoulder since I picked him up. Do you want to hang out with us today?” She was silent on the other end. I checked my phone to make sure I was still connected. Yep, I was.
Finally, her sweet voice replied. “Sure. That’s fine, but Jake…I know I’m not the most fun person you could hang out with. You can just drop Drake off and do something you want to do. I don’t want you to just hang around because of Drake.”
“So basically, if I don’t want to hang out with you, then I shouldn’t?” Once again, she was quiet for a minute before she answered.
“Yes.”
Without knowing how she would react, I decided to say, “Look, Emily, if I didn’t want to be there, trust me I wouldn’t be. What makes you think that I wouldn’t want to hang out with you? Drake obviously loves you and I don’t see anything wrong with you. So, tell me, why do you think I wouldn’t want to hang out with you?”
This time she was quiet for a full three minutes before she replied. She took a deep breath and in a shaky voice, barely a whisper, she said, “No one else wants to.”
If I were standing right beside her, I probably would have heard her heart breaking. It would have sounded like the cracking of a wooden bat connecting with a baseball. No, that was too clean of a break. It would have sounded like rain from a powerful thunderstorm pounding on a tin roof. Millions of drops relentlessly pounding away on the surface until it shattered into billions of tiny pieces. Pieces Emily couldn’t put back together by herself.
Right then, hearing the tears that had to be falling from her beautiful brown eyes, I wanted nothing more than to take each piece and put it back together again until she was whole. I had to do it. I had to for her and for me. Maybe if Emily can be restored and healed, then maybe, just maybe, so could I.
Even though I tried my hardest not to think of the way my dad felt about me, sometimes I just couldn’t help myself. Yes, he was angry that my mom died. I was angry too. I knew my dad blamed me because I didn’t come home in time to save her. I didn’t come home in time to call 911 and get her to the hospital and there was a chance she could’ve lived a little longer. Nevertheless, I wanted to hang out after practice with the guys and my mom died because of it.
“Jake?” Emily’s sweet, timid voice brought me back to the conversation.
“I’m here, Emily.”
“When will Drake be here?”
“We will be there in an hour. He really wants to play with his car. I thought that we could go to the park and he could play with it there before it gets too cold to go.”
“Ok.”
“Ok. I’ll pick you up.”
With that, I hauled myself out of bed and across the hall to Drake’s room and told him to get ready. I showered, dressed, and was finishing the final touches when Drake stuck his head into my room. I walked out of the adjoining bathroom and he rushed over to hug me tightly.
“Thanks.”
“For what,” I asked, returning the hug.
“For taking me to Emily’s,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which I guess it was. One point for Drake.
I picked him up and saw that he was beaming. “You really like her, huh?”
He nodded enthusiastically. “She’s really fun, Jake. More fun than you even.”
With a skeptical face, I asked, “Oh, really?”
Another nod. He leaned in close, as if he were sharing a secret, and whispered, “Plus she’s really pretty, don’t you think?”
He was looking at me as if the survival of humankind depended on my answer. “That she is, Drake. That she is.”
He grinned. “Well, let’s go!”
7
Emily
On the way to the park, my mother’s voice was pounding in my head.
“You will never be good enough for anyone.”
“You are a disgrace to this family.”
“Your father left me, me a wonderful woman, because you are nothing but an attention seeking brat.”
“I don’t know how your friends can even stand to be around you! You want all the attention for yourself. You aren’t the brightest crayon in the box and you aren’t even close to being pretty. I don’t know how your father and I could even produce such an ugly girl.”
“Let’s not forget about that voice. I bet it is just music to your ears, isn’t it? Well, to me and to everyone else, it sounds like a nail running down a chalkboard. I can’t even stand the sound of your voice anymore.”
“You disgust me!”
“You are the lowest of the low. You are worse than the feared Untouchables in some country out east. You aren’t even worth my breath because you are so pathetic.”
“And so worthless! You couldn’t do a damn thing if your life depended on it.”
My mother whom I loved so much, my mother whom I practically worshipped, my mother whom I still missed. Maybe it’s best my father came that day and took me away. Now I wouldn’t be such a leech in her presence. Now she couldn’t pimp me out to her “boyfriends”.
But what about my father? What about Jake and Drake? What about everyone? Surely, if my mother, the person who loved me unconditionally, saw me this way and would treat me this way, then so would everyone else. My mother wouldn’t lie to me. What she had said had to be true. Otherwise, why was I friendless? Why wasn’t I living with her, if I wasn’t such a horrible daughter and person? Why would she sell my body for drugs and booze?
Which leads me to this: why am I sitting in a car with Jake Benson? Does he have some secret motive? Does he think I’m not capable of watching Drake? He can’t actually like me, can he? I mean, if my own mother doesn’t like me, how can he?
My inn
er conversation came to a halt when Jake’s black Mustang pulled to a stop at the empty park. We
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