“I never thought you were. But I’m not married. Courtney has been gone for a long time. You’re right about my feelings for her. I’ll always love her, but why would that affect us?”
She shrugged rather than try to explain something that didn’t make sense to herself. She didn’t want him to still be in love with his dead wife. Maybe that wasn’t fair or made her a petty, shallow person. Either way, she was uncomfortable with the situation.
“I don’t want you thinking about her when you’re with me and I can’t tell if you’re doing that or not.”
She’d spoken without thinking, the words coming in a rush. Once they were said, she wanted to call them back. But she couldn’t. All she could do was press her lips together and hope he changed the subject.
She hoped in vain.
He dropped her hands and reached up to cup her face. A slow smile tugged at his lips. “Nora, you’re a force of nature. It’s physically impossible to think of anyone else while I’m with you. I’m not just talking about making love, either. Just having a conversation requires me to focus all my attention on you. If I don’t, you’ll grind me into dust. You’re beautiful, bright and funny, but you’re never, ever easy.”
Some of her concern eased. “You think?”
“Absolutely. You don’t scare me, but you do get my attention.”
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to know that his past was firmly behind him and wouldn’t have anything to do with his present. But he hadn’t said he wasn’t in love with Courtney anymore and that was really what Nora wanted to hear. Not that she would ever tell him that. It violated the rules of noninvolvement.
He leaned forward and brushed her mouth with his. “Are we all right?” he asked.
She nodded. She knew that he was really asking if they could make love now. Her entire body heated with anticipation. She wanted to be with him, touching him, being touched by him. But more than that, she wanted him to hold her close and promise that everything would be all right. The sexual desire she could accept—the need for comfort terrified her. She didn’t want to be vulnerable to a man, not ever again.
So she pulled back, then rose to her feet. “I can’t,” she said, backing away from him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing specific. I just think we need to put things on hold for a while.”
He stood as well, but didn’t approach her. ‘“Things’ as in our relationship?”
“Yes. I can’t make love with you tonight.”
She waited for the anger, the accusation, but Stephen was quiet. He studied her, then nodded. “Are you going to tell me why?”
Because she was hurting inside and she didn’t know why. Because she was confused and afraid and somehow he’d managed to twist her world around until she didn’t recognize it anymore.
“No,” she said curtly. “I’m going to tell you that I’m not willing to have sex with you right now. You can’t order me into your bed. We don’t vote, this isn’t a democracy. If I’m not willing, then it doesn’t happen. And I’m not.”
She raised her chin slightly, prepared to take him on. But there wasn’t a fight. Only silence. Stephen stared at a point just past her left shoulder. She could hear the faint ticking of a clock in the kitchen. Somewhere outside a car engine started. Finally he looked at her.
“Are you still going to help me with Mrs. Nelson tomorrow?”
It was not the question she’d expected. “Of course. Why would that change?”
He gave her a humorless smile. “The rules around here seem to be written in quicksand. I was just checking.” His gaze sharpened. “Did you get your period yet?”
“No. I’m not due for a few more days.”
She’d spoken without thinking, because he’d caught her off guard. As soon as the words were out, Nora closed her eyes and groaned. Not only was Stephen capable of adding, he was a doctor so he knew what the numbers meant.
She risked a quick glance and saw comprehension dawning. He nodded slightly.
“It wasn’t a safe time last week.”
He wasn’t asking a question, but she went ahead and answered it all the same. “Not really.” She swallowed. “But it was just the one time and the odds of anything happening are really slim, don’t you think? I mean nonexistent. Statistically, we’re fine.”
He shoved his hands into his jeans front pockets. “I want you to take a pregnancy test tomorrow. Then we’ll know for sure.”
She took a step back. “No. That’s not necessary. It doesn’t matter if I’m pregnant. I mean, it won’t matter to you. You don’t want a relationship with a woman so you certainly don’t want to worry about being a father. Which is fine. If I am pregnant, which I’m not, but if I am, I’ll handle it all myself. I love kids. I’ve always wanted them and my work is such that I can be flexible with my hours. No one has to know you’re the father. I’d sign whatever you like, so you wouldn’t have to worry about me coming after you for money or anything. Really. It would be no big deal.”
His expression had tightened as she spoke until it was as if he wore a cold, unreadable mask. Nora took another step back and found herself pressed up against the fireplace.
“I realize that we don’t know each other very well,” he said in a slow, angry voice. “So let me explain a few things to you. First of all, I take my responsibilities very seriously. I am not the kind of man who would walk away from his child and I resent the implication that you could buy me off by promising to never come after any financial support.”
“I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” she said hastily. “I only meant—”
His glare cut her off in midsentence. “You should have told me the truth that night. If you’re pregnant, we’ll deal with it together.”
“But I don’t want you involved.”
“Too bad. It’s my baby, too, and I will be involved, so get used to that.”
“But you don’t want children.”
Some of the hardness left his face. “Actually, I do.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. Stephen was interested in being a father? Was that possible? She’d been afraid if he found out about the pregnancy that he would want her to get rid of the life growing inside of her. She’d never considered he would want to be a part of its life.
“If you’re pregnant,” he said, “I will be the father, I will act like the father and I will be a part of my child’s life. If you’re pregnant, we’re getting married.”
Nora didn’t remember leaving Stephen’s apartment. One minute she’d been standing there listening to him say that if she was pregnant, he expected them to get married, and the next thing she knew, she’d pulled into her own driveway and was running into the house.
She fumbled with the lock on the front door, then threw herself inside and staggered to the sofa. She collapsed onto the familiar, soft cushions, pulling her legs to her chest and hugging herself as if she had to hold in incredible pain. Her body ached, she was fighting tears and nothing in her world made sense anymore. What was going on?
She huddled in the darkness searching for answers, but she didn’t even understand the questions. Worse, she didn’t know what was upsetting her the most. Was it his pronouncement, or something more frightening? She had a bad feeling that what rattled her the most was that Stephen had been able to figure out what she’d been thinking. He’d looked at her strange behavior, obviously wanting to be with him yet resisting the intimacy, and had quickly figured out her greatest concerns. First, that she wasn’t comfortable about his feelings for his late wife, and second, that she might be pregnant.
No one—certainly not a man—had ever understood her so completely. How could he do that, and after they’d known each other for such a short period of time? She hated that he could read her mind.
She pushed herself into a sitting position. “I won’t marry him,” she announced to the darkness. “He can’t make me.”
Married? Her? To him? It was too strange to consider. But what if
she was pregnant? Did he really want to be a part of his child’s life?
She told herself she hated the idea of sharing her child with anyone, but the feeling wasn’t all that forceful. She liked Stephen most of the time. Maybe sharing the burden would be kind of nice. Although getting married was out of the question. If there was a baby, they could discuss co-parenting or something equally civilized.
That decided, some of her equilibrium returned. She turned on the lamp by the sofa, then walked into the kitchen. She’d collected her mail earlier but hadn’t looked through it in her rush to get ready to go over to Stephen’s. Now she absently flipped through the stack of catalogs and envelopes. Her fingers fumbled when she came across a thick, creamy envelope. The printed return address was the Darby ranch.
Cold seeped through Nora. She stiffened in anticipation, but that didn’t stop a stab of pain when she opened the envelope and saw a wedding invitation. She pulled out the elegant stationery.
Because we love each other…
She brushed her index finger across the first line, feeling the ridges of the embossed printing. Jack and Katie’s names were below, the letters entwined, joining much as their lives would join when they married.
Because We Love Each Other. The words repeated themselves over and over until they filled the room. Jack and Katie were in love. That’s why they were getting married. They were going to face opposition from members of both families and years of talk in town. Katie’s father might never forgive his daughter for what he would see as a betrayal. But none of that mattered to them. They had each other and they would face the world strengthened by their love.
She’d seen them together and with Katie’s son, Shane. She’d felt their affection, their commitment. It glowed as brilliantly as the sun, and when she was too close to them, her skin felt as if it had been burned.
Tears trickled down her cheeks. She told herself she was being silly, that none of this mattered. But the words didn’t help. The tears fell faster and faster, a physical symbol of the pain ripping her apart inside. No man had ever loved her the way Jack loved Katie. Her own father had walked out on all his children years before. David Fitzgerald had married someone else. She’d been on dozens of dates, but not one man had been able or willing to see past her prickly facade to the softhearted woman inside.
She was empty and lonely and no one knew. Not even Stephen, who would marry her if she carried his baby, but would only ever love Courtney.
She tried to tell herself she didn’t care, not about him or any of it. She would go to her brother’s wedding and wish him the best because she loved him. Because she believed that Katie and Shane were going to make him very happy. She would hold her head high and never let the world know how she was broken inside.
As she sank onto a kitchen chair she couldn’t help wishing that Stephen was with her. That he would pull her close and hold her until all the tears were gone and she felt safe again. Which only made her cry harder because caring about him was worse than foolish. It was a steep, slick road to disappointment. He might like her and he might want her, but he would never love her. Not as long as he was in love with someone else.
Chapter Eleven
S tephen set his coffee mug on the worn table in front of him, then fingered the hand-crocheted place mat and lace-edged napkins. Myrna Nelson’s small house was sparkling clean, tidy and filled with a measure of things handmade with obvious care and love. Even the sharp smell of nail polish couldn’t overpower the scent of potpourri wafting from small dishes scattered throughout the kitchen and living room.
“I think you made the right choice,” Nora was saying as she applied nail polish to the other woman’s wrinkled and trembling hand. “Pink is always flattering.”
Myrna raised her free hand and blew gently on her painted nails. “I’ve always liked it. Pink is such a happy color.”
Although Stephen had requested Nora’s presence at Myrna’s house and had tagged along to watch the transformation, he’d stayed in the background during the visit. Nora had come prepared with a portable shampoo bowl, curlers and a complete manicure set. The small kitchen had been transformed into a palace of beauty and he could already see the difference in his patient.
The Myrna who had greeted them at the door had looked bent and tired. Now, with her white hair freshly washed and curled, she had a sparkle in her faded blue eyes. She smiled more and had even excused herself to put on lipstick. As she gazed at her pink-tipped nails, she seemed to sit a little straighter and speak a little louder.
Stephen had always respected the mind’s ability to influence the body. Time after time in his Boston emergency room he’d seen patients survive awful traumas, and people who should have been fine pass away. The former were often in the center of a warm, loving family, with hopes and dreams, and plenty to live for, while many of the latter were alone and lonely. He was glad that Myrna was responding to Nora’s ministrations. He didn’t plan to lose his patient anytime soon.
Nora laughed at something the older woman had said. Stephen turned his attention to the beautiful brunette wearing a green short-sleeved dress. She’d pulled her hair back into a braid, but a few curls had loosened and brushed against her cheek. Her big brown eyes avoided his gaze and she seemed jumpy around him. Not surprising considering their conversation the previous night.
He might be having a child with this woman. The concept was difficult to grasp. But as he watched her care for Myrna, he knew that Nora was going to be the best kind of mother—patient, loving and supportive. Nothing like Courtney.
The disloyal thought made him uncomfortable, so he pushed it away. Instead he tried to figure out how he felt about the possibility of Nora being pregnant. He hadn’t thought he would have another chance at a child. Part of him was terrified, yet he couldn’t help being a little pleased, too. Still, a baby would change everything. Was he ready for that? Did he have a choice?
He meant what he’d told Nora. If she was pregnant, he would marry her. He wanted to be a part of his child’s life from the moment he was sure of its existence until he breathed his last. At least she’d been adamant about having the baby. He realized they’d never discussed any other alternative. Which was something else that was different. Courtney had resisted carrying the baby to term. They’d argued dozens of times until he’d finally convinced her to keep their child. If it had been left up to his wife, she would have terminated her pregnancy.
Although he hated thinking ill of Courtney, he had to admit that despite being a doctor, she wasn’t very compassionate. She never connected with her patients and was careful to keep a professional distance between herself and her patient’s family. She might have intuitively understood why they were ill, but she never touched their hearts. Not Nora. The woman sitting in front of him jumped in emotionally with both feet. She was fearless with her heart—at least where the rest of the world was concerned. She didn’t trust men easily.
“You know all about the feud, don’t you, Dr. Remington?” Myrna asked.
Stephen forced himself to pay attention to the conversation. “Yes. I’ve heard bits and pieces and Nora has filled me in on some of the details.”
“She has a unique perspective on both the families.” Myrna leaned toward him and lowered her voice conspiratorially. “David Fitzgerald was a fool to let her go.”
Stephen couldn’t help glancing at Nora. She stiffened slightly, then gave a tiny shrug as if to say talk like this couldn’t be helped. She finished with the second coat of nail polish and screwed the top into place. After blowing on Myrna’s nails, she opened a bottle of clear liquid.
“David was a long time ago,” she said calmly. “We were both too young to be thinking about getting married. We couldn’t be sure we were making the correct choice.”
Myrna raised her eyebrows. “You’re right about that. David sure didn’t. Fern is a weak-willed woman who only complains. Those girls of hers are a handful. David works long hours keeping the ranch going, getting no thanks
from his father.” She leaned toward Stephen. “Aaron, David’s father, is a bit of a tyrant.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“Nora here—” she nodded at the woman sitting across from her “—would have sassed him right back. I think that’s one of the reasons he didn’t want his son marrying her. It takes the right kind of man to handle a strong, intelligent woman. My Bert knew exactly what to do with me and I suspect you, Dr. Remington, have the gift as well.”
“No matchmaking on weekends,” Stephen said firmly. “You need to save that sort of thing for midweek.”
But Myrna wasn’t going to be put off so easily. “I’ve seen how you look at her, Doctor. My eyesight might not be what it was, but I can still see a thing or two.”
Stephen allowed his gaze to drift over Nora, who just a week ago had made him remember the complete joy of making love with a responsive woman. “Nora is practically a goddess. Mere mortal man can’t help being tempted. But that doesn’t mean he’s allowed to touch.”
Nora rolled her eyes. “A goddess? Can’t you do better than that?”
“Not this early in the morning.”
Myrna smiled. “You like that she sasses you.”
“It’s one of her best features.”
Myrna patted Nora’s hand. “See, dear. There’s hope.”
Nora gave him an insincere smile. “My heart is going pitty-pat at the thought of this handsome man worshipping at my feet. I swear I feel a swoon coming on.”
She finished the manicure and began to pack up her supplies. Myrna reached for her purse, but Nora wouldn’t let her pay a dime for the services. Stephen figured he would settle up with her later. In the meantime, his patient glowed with life and interest.
“Promise me you’ll call one or two of your friends and have lunch with them,” he said as he rose to his feet.
Myrna stood up and waved her still-damp nails in front of her. “I think that’s a grand idea. I’ve been meaning to for the past month or so, but I haven’t had the energy.”
Unexpectedly Expecting! Page 13
