“Mak, are you okay?” The worry in his voice prompted me forward.
“Yeah. Um. I was just wondering if you were coming home tonight.” I hedged nervously fingering the hem of my shirt fighting to keep my voice steady.
Lenny released a long sigh into the phone. It sounded as if all the tension he had been carrying had been released. Like the sound of an over-inflated tire finally being relieved.
After a beat of silence, he spoke. “Yeah. I may be late. I know I promised Avery I would tuck her in.” His voice sounded hesitant.
“I’m sure she’ll understand.” I tried to reassure him.
I knew Avery would understand. She knew her daddy had to work, but I also knew Lenny didn’t want her to have to. He had been adamant about the fact that our daughter came first. That we came first.
“See that’s the thing, Mak. She shouldn't have to understand.” He blew out a long stream of breath as though mentally preparing himself.
“I kind of did something I should have asked you about first.” The nervousness in his voice was endearing. To say my interest wasn’t piqued would be an understatement.
“What did you do, Len?” I didn’t try to conceal the teasing smile in my voice. There was no point in it.
Lenny chuckled lightly into the receiver. “I kind of picked her up already and took her to get a Happy Meal.” I could almost see him cringing with the admission of feeding our daughter processed foods.
“I gots chicky nuggets, Mommy.” I heard Avery yell in the background.
Laughter bubbled out of my chest. “What time will you two be home?”
There was another beat of silence before he answered.
“I’m not sure. I have a meeting here in town. I’m taking Avery with me. It shouldn’t take long but I didn’t want to break my word.” The nervousness in his voice was palpable.
“Sounds great. Just let me know when you’re on your way and I’ll whip you up something to eat. We can have a late dinner together. That is, if you haven't already eaten. Then you can tell me all about your meetings today.”
“Mak, are you okay?” My teeth sank into my lip as I bit back a smile. He was nervous. Fear and hesitancy danced throughout his words.
“Of course. Just shoot me a text or give me a call when you're close.” Internally I was doing a happy dance.
“Okay. It shouldn’t take too long. I’ll ring you, if that’s okay?”
“Of course. Talk to you soon, Babe. Love you.” I knew my words threw him. I was surely giving him emotional whiplash. But it was true. I did love him. More than anything.
“Love you too, Babe.” The smile in his voice warmed my heart.
With my fingers crossed we were back on the road to recovery.
With a home cooked meal and some light conversation, Lenny should be relaxed enough for me to lay out all my cards on the table.
To say I wasn't nervous would be a lie. I knew Lenny wouldn’t take the news lightly. But we were making strides to healing the fracture in our relationship. I was making strides. Lenny, well, he just needed to show up. He didn’t create this mess. I did. Now it was time for me to clean it up.
Chapter Nineteen
Lenny
A spotted Toad record was nothing like I expected it to be. When Jeremy said it was a small label in Grand Rapids I thought he was talking about a small space with a grungy garage band feel.
The tall glass modern building overlooking the Grand River was anything but. It looked like it belonged beside any of the studios found in LA, but with a better view.
The smooth sleek lines and Iron sculptured designed by local artist instantly made it my favorite place. It was the perfect blend of the two things I loved, music and home.
The commute- priceless.
“Daddy, are we going to the carousel?” Avery asked from the back seat. I bit back a smile.
“No, Princess. You’re going with Daddy to work. Do you think you can be a big girl for me and help me get through this meeting?” I asked turning back in my seat to face my daughter head on.
“What do I do?” The innocence in her face was priceless, stealing my heart in its entirety.
“You, my beautiful girl, just have to be yourself.” I winked at her sending her into a fit of giggles.
“‘Kay.” She sang excitedly.
With Avery in hand, I took a long deep breath, centering myself for what could possibly be the most important interview of my life.
The inside of the studio was even more impressive. The large wide open space was sectioned gave way to what appeared to be live rooms. Through its modernistic design, it still gave the air of comfort, like coming home. Live plants sat in large hammered copper pots around thick masculine brown leather furniture.
The room was void of activity save for a lone woman at the reception desk. The desk was made of thick clear glass. The young woman sitting behind it was on the phone, her smile genuine. Her long blond hair was pushed back from her face, falling down around her shoulders, highlighting her high cheekbones and porcelain skin. She had perfect Dutch features, with matching bright cornflower blue eyes, common of the area.
Wiggling her fingers at us in way of greeting, she offered a wide open smile. With the flick of her wrist, she signaled for us to wait as she finished her call.
I took Avery’s hand in mine and walked her around the room, taking advantage of the time afforded to us to really take in the space.
“Daddy, it's so pretty.” The awe in Avery’s voice was unmistakable. Her little feet scampered across the marble floors, echoing lightly off the wall of glass.
“It is, isn't it, Princess?” The ceilings were high, creating a perfect echo chamber. A large grand piano sat off in a corner overlooking The Grand River, begging to be played. The vibe of the building screamed creativity. I could hear the music in my head loud and clear, desperate for release.
This would be a good fit. I could feel it in my bones. This was somewhere I could work, a home away from home.
“How can I help you?” The young woman asked, now off the phone. Her voice echoed lightly across the room.
I twirled Avery around like a ballerina, pulling a giggle from her lips. The sounds ricocheted around us.
Hand in hand we strode back to the reception desk. “I'm Lenz, Jeremy Epps set up a meeting.” Jeremy hadn't mentioned who I would be meeting. He only told me to be here. I felt slightly unprepared. With my free hand tucked nervously in my pocket I gently rocked back on my heels.
“Oh, fantastic. We're so glad you could make it on such short notice. My name's Lilac, like the flower. And who is this beautiful little girl we have here with us?” Lilac’s voice was light and airy just like her name as she bent down to meet Avery on her level. I instantly warmed to her as she openly accepted my daughter, speaking directly to her instead of over her.
“My name's Avery. This is my Daddy.” Avery proudly introduced herself, her little hand swinging mine excitedly.
“I love that name.” Lilac beamed. “Would you like to follow me? You can meet my Daddy. His name is Jerome, but you can call him Rome.” Lilac rose to her full height, spinning on her tiny black heels she led us further into the studio past several live rooms.
Knocking tentatively on a large solid wood door, she shot back a reassuring smile, turning the handle and swinging to door inward.
Stepping through she motioned for us to enter.
Jerome sat behind a mixing board, a pair of heavy headphones over his ears as he worked soundlessly editing the track playing through the headset.
Noticing our presence, Jerome turned, flicking a series of buttons to end the streaming of music. Immediately, I could see where Lilac got her looks. Jerome was a tall slim man with white-blond hair. His shoulders were squared, giving him a dominating presence.
Standing up he easily towered over me. He slipped the headphones off his head, looping them around his neck. His smile matched Lilac’s as he stepped forward extending his hand. Avery nervously
fidgeted beside me, shifting her weight on her feet. I reached out and shook his hand. “Lenz, it’s great to meet you. I’m Jerome Smith. You can call me Rome.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” My smile was honest.
“Hello, young lady, what’s your name?” Jerome glanced down beside me at Avery. Crouching down he offered his hand out to my daughter for a shake.
Not missing a beat, Avery accepted his hand giving it a delicate shake. “My name’s Avery.” She beamed proudly.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Avery.” Blown away by his attentive nature to the small human beside me, I felt my discomfort at the situation dissipate. I was amazed at how inviting and accepting both Jerome and his daughter had been. I hope it was a good sign, a sign that I had made the right decision in coming.
I had been nervous and unsure about bringing my daughter with me to a business meeting. However, I needed the label to understand just how much my daughter meant to me. How much of an influence she would have on my decision to sign.
“Please, have a seat.” Jerome offered motioning toward the empty chairs at the mixer board.
Bringing Avery with me I sat her in a chair beside mine, pulling it out enough to keep her from the shiny lit buttons on the mixing board. The bright colors were alluring for an adult, for a child they would be damn near impossible to resist.
Jerome sat across from us, unconcerned of the havoc easily caused by such tiny fingers, his chair turned out to face mine. “Jeremy tells me you have talent. Raw talent. I’m not sure what you’re used to but around here everyone has to earn their place.” I nodded in agreement. I didn’t want to be offered a contract because of my status. I wanted to earn it.
“I understand.” I agreed, glad for the directness.
“How much range do you have?” I didn’t miss the studious way his eyes assessed me.
“I can hit baritone, bass, and a few tenor notes. My tessitura is baritone, though.” I confessed confidently.
“Your falsetto?” I shrugged lightly.
“It’s tolerable,” I admitted. It was a tool in my wheelhouse, just not my greatest.
“How about we get you in front of a mic and you show me your style and range. We’ll go from there.” Jerome motioned toward the thick wood door to his left. I liked his directness. There were no filler words, false empty praise, and promise. No blowing of smoke.
“Come on, Princess.” Lifting Avery in my arms I brought her with me into the sound room.
“What’s this, Daddy?” Avery asked motioning toward the empty slate gray room. A mic sat above a music stand, two wooden stools resting before it.
“This is where all the magic happens. Where music is created.” My eyes widened dramatically, filling her face with wonder.
“You sit right beside me and I’ll get you some ice cream when we’re all done, ‘kay?” I promised.
“’Kay.” Her smile lit her entire face.
Setting Avery on a stool, I took the one beside her, angling her small body so that she faced me. The rest of the world faded away as I stared into the trusting eyes of my little girl. In this moment nothing else mattered. It was just me and her.
The small red light on the wall switched to green, signaling the recording.
Closing my eyes I took a long slow breath, exhaling all of my nerves. When I opened them, Avery was all I saw. The way her tight brown curls framed her angelic face. The bright blue of her eyes shining with amazement and so much love. The smile that speared her lips was all Makayla. My heart was full, blossoming with love.
I sang.
The lyrics spilled from my lips fluidly. Spilling forth and filling the room. The deep timber of my baritone echoed around us.
The lyrics meant for her, my daughter. They poured forward, with ease.
I gave it my all. Every lyric filled with the emotions I felt. The pain harbored away, deep within the recesses of my soul spilled forward. The longing I felt to be home with my girls and the hope that radiated within me at making our family whole. All of it rushed forward, emptying into the room around us.
By the time I finished Avery’s eyes were wet with tears, her lower lip wobbled. “It’s all for you baby girl,” I promised, my own eyes misty with tears. Avery threw herself into my arms, launching herself off the stool like a rocket. I caught her with ease, cradling her in my arms.
“I love you, Daddy.” Her sweet voice wrapped around my heart. I held on to her. Cradling her in my embrace. Giving her every ounce of my love, my heart. My soul.
“I love you, too, Princess,” I whispered against the side of her head, placing a light kiss to her dark curls.
The green light switched to red.
Gathering my daughter in my arms I carried her with me out of the room. Jerome sat, waiting. His face a blank mask. Nerves tingled down my spine.
I took my seat. My shoulders held back proudly. I refused to cave. I would not cower. His approval was not needed.
“Avery, do you like to sing?” Jerome asked eliciting a vicious nod from Avery. “What’s your favorite song?”
“Umm,” Avery pretended to think, her little finger tapping at her chin, much the way her mother did when she was thinking. “I think it’s Home to you.” She beamed proudly at her selection. I felt my heart swell in my chest at her mention of the title. It was a song I had written for her and Makayla.
“Would you like to sing it for us?” Jerome offered, casting me a look as if asking for permission. I nodded my approval.
“In the room like Daddy?” She asked full of curiosity.
“Of course.” Jerome smiled gently.
“Yes!” She cheered scrambling out of my lap. Her tiny feet barely touched the floor as she bounced around on the balls of her feet.
“How about you go in there and sing for us,” Jerome mentioned toward the sound room.
Avery scampered across the floor and into the room.
I watched with bated breath as she climbed on the stool in front of the mic. Peering through the glass window she gave us a thumbs up. She looked like a professional as she leaned toward the mic, her eyes lit with a passionate fire.
“She’s adorable.” Jerome offered returning Avery’s thumbs up.
“Thanks.” I beamed proudly watching my daughter. Her small voice filtered through the room as she sang into the mic. Belting out the lyrics she knew by heart.
“While she is occupied I wanted to ask you a few questions.” Jerome turned giving me a level stare.
I nodded, grateful he had the foresight to occupy my daughter instead of asking a question that may or may not have kid appropriate.
“The thing with Howard, what happened? I want the straight truth. Not pissing around.” I inhaled sharply, expecting this question yet unprepared for such directness.
“His daughter, Angela, caught my set when I was in high school. She talked her dad into signing me. The condition was I leave everything behind and date her in exchange for a five-year contract. My girlfriend at the time, Makayla, agreed that it could be my big break. Against my better judgment, I did it. Makayla was pregnant. It made taking the offer that much sweeter. I would be able to provide for my daughter.” I explained evenly.
“Why did he let you out of your contract early?” I heard the twinge of suspicion in his voice. It was clear he had heard the rumors.
“I stayed out of Angela’s grasp as much as I could. She finally realized I wouldn’t cave. She called her father and told him to drop me. He did. Once the ink was dry I packed up everything and put my apartment on the market.
Angela retaliated by spreading rumors. She tried to sue me for half of the sale of the apartment. The case was dismissed.” I held his gaze, refusing to back down. I would not shy away from my past. My mistakes. I owned them. I wore them like a badge. A symbol of my survival.
“Jeremy told me you had a list of demands, what are they?” I swallowed around the lump that had formed in my chest. This was it. It was my chance to lay it all out there.
>
Glancing out through the glass my lips pulled up. Avery had her eyes closed as she belted out the lyrics to the song. She poured her heart and soul into it, her body swaying to the rhythm in her mind as she sang about the heartbreak and loss of losing someone you loved and the promise of returning home. If only she knew how true those words were. Maybe she did.
“I refuse to hide or deny my family. I won’t leave them. I won’t leave Grand Rapids. If I tour, they go with me. I won’t go on long tours. I will not disrupt my daughter’s life.” I glanced back at Jerome, gauging his reaction. He gave none. This man would be a shark at poker.
“I want to make my own music. I want to have creative licenses to pick and choose the style and genre of my music. I want the freedom to collaborate with whoever I want. I don’t want to be forced into any contractual obligations that would jeopardize my morals or ethics or stifle my creativity.” I exhaled slowly leveling my gaze. I wanted him to know I took this job seriously. I took myself seriously. But I wasn’t just about receiving. I had a lot to offer as well.
“I have a lot of demands, I know. I also have a lot to offer and I’m not just referring to my talent or fan base. I can assure you I would never be subject to a scandal of my own doing. I would never do anything to disgrace your name or the label. I hold myself solely responsible for all for my actions, and I promise I will work hard.”
The sound of pattering feet pulled my attention from Jerome.
“Daddy, did you hear me? Did I do good?” Avery bound into the room running full speed. She shot into my arms like a bullet. “Rome, did you hear my song? I’m a good singer.” Avery’s exuberance pulled a warm smile from Jerome’s lips.
“You were fantastic, Avery.” His large paw reached out ruffling her curls.
“I wanna sing like my daddy.” She boasts proudly, her head held high. Her love and adoration shined brightly in her eyes.
“I’ll have a contract ready for you to sign. I like you. I like your honesty.” His voice was firm but held an edge of affection as he glanced down at my daughter.
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