by Jaymin Eve
Not that I stuck around. Every day I moved on. Running was my release. The moment I slowed, my mind reminded me that there was no waking from the nightmare.
I started this journey high in Canada, making my way down to the east coast of America. The landmarks around me were familiar now. I was back in Connecticut, and as winter started to disperse, the earthy forests bloomed to life around me. I was about a day out of Stratford, even less if I pushed myself, but that wasn’t going to happen. The moment I returned, I would no longer be able to shut down. The ripping fire which burned across my chest would be released, and I’d be consumed.
As I crossed through a small town, faces turned in my direction. I got that a lot around humans. Don’t really know why. Probably because most of them were tiny-ass punks, and they feared the giant, angry male in their midst.
More likely it was to do with the fact that I looked like total crap. A shower and a change of clothes would come in handy; I’d stolen my last set a few days ago. All I had on me was a dead cell phone. The battery died days ago. Which was great at first, no way for anyone to find me, but then I started to worry. There was a reason I always harped on Jessa about keeping her phone on her. If something went wrong, there was no other way for me to reach her.
It was probably a good sign that I was worried about my pack. Meant I was starting to remember that I wasn’t the only asshole in the world to have suffered a loss. Part of the grieving process was about being purely selfish. I hadn’t wanted to deal with anyone else, so I took off. I’d just wanted to be in my own head, but it was starting to get damn annoying in there.
I recalled Jessa’s last text. She’d mentioned the bears and a coup. Was that related to their inability to get a leader on the council? Surely they wouldn’t try to take on Braxton.
If they did, that would solve a lot of problems. Challenging a dragon, you might as well fall on your own sword. Pure suicide. Especially when our Jessa was with young. My brother was going to be crazy protective over her right now.
Still … the bears had never shown much self-preservation, and us Compasses didn’t have a monopoly on arrogance. I found my footsteps speeding up; my pace increased to a run. I needed to know that everything was okay with my pack. My brothers were alive; our bond gave me that much information. None of them were in pain. None of them were experiencing strong emotions. But unless we were actually joined, I didn’t know more than that.
As I left that town, moving out into the less populated forested areas, I let my mind wander. As always, it went to the one place I would rather have never visited again. My mate. Cardia. A familiar, hot jab lanced my chest; the pain was sharp but brief, almost as if it didn’t go that deep, and yet she had been my true mate. I shouldn’t even be functioning, but every day it got easier to deal with her loss, which was so many kinds of screwed up. What did it say about me that I could so easily let go of the one who was my perfect half?
It said I was not worthy.
Some part of me must be defective. Broken. And because of that I had not been worthy of my gift of true mateship.
Her face was still strongly imprinted in my mind. She had been beautiful, with porcelain doll-like features and dark curls framing her heart-shaped face – the sort of looks standard for vamp females, but for some reason I always expected my mate would be strong and earthy, more natural, the way Jessa and other shifters were. Which was a hundred kinds of screwed up. I was a vampire, not a shifter. Why on occasion was that so hard to remember?
Vampire. Just like my mate. She had been so damn tiny, petite even; it had always been a worry that I’d crush her with my strength, which I’d never worried about with Jessa. She was likely to pummel me to death first. She was a nasty little vixen when she wanted to be, and like all shifters was extra tough.
Cardia was too, in her own way. Jessa and Grace had told me how vicious she’d been in that final battle. Fighting like a true warrior … right up until that last strike of the sword.
Fuck!
I hadn’t been there to save her or for her final moments. That killed me the most. She died a hero, bravely taking on an army that outnumbered ours ten to one, and she deserved to have me at her side. I didn’t blame my brothers. We were a team and we had always stuck together through everything. But the loss of a mate should trump the possible loss of them. And it didn’t. I knew even today, if I had to make the choice again, I’d stay with my brothers. So again, what the hell was wrong with our mate bond? It shouldn’t have been like that. There should have been no thoughts of other females or other bonds.
Other females. Screw that.
I was pissing myself off with all of this maudlin bitching and moaning, even if it was only internal. Probably been spending a little too much time in my own head.
A rustle had my senses firing. I focused on my surroundings. The heartbeat was the first indication that I wasn’t alone, followed by a familiar scent. My body relaxed minutely. I should have known he’d come looking for me.
Increasing my pace, faster than would be humanly possible, another surge of emotion flowed through the jagged pain in my center and I couldn’t stop myself from going to full vamp speed and crossing the space between us in seconds, to tackle the figure who had been waiting a mile out for me. Strong arms caught me and I let the bond of my brothers ease through my wounded soul.
As we pulled apart, Braxton’s energy kicked me in the face, which was not unusual. He’d always been strong; his dragon was an energy like no other I’d ever experienced. And now he was even stronger. Being council leader came with certain perks.
We all took some of the energy of our people, and in return we provided them with stable leadership and kept the prison towns running smoothly. The supernatural prison communities were in a bit of a shambles right now. Larkspur, the dragon king, had destroyed so many of the leaders in his bid for control. There were a lot of new faces on the councils across the globe, and most of us were learning the hard way.
As happy as I was to see him, I still had to ask: “What are you doing here, Brax?”
I hated the probing nature of his electric blue eyes as they drilled into me. He saw right into your soul. Mine was dark. It was angry. I was likely to destroy anyone who tried to pry there. My brother got a pass for now, but since my control was shot to shit, that was likely to end very soon.
Braxton's expression was hard, giving nothing away. “You need to get your ass home. Jess is upset.”
That very short statement told me everything.
Jessa had turned her beautiful sapphire eyes on him and he had caved like a poorly constructed house. It was nice to know some things hadn't changed in my absence.
“I’m on my way home, brother. I don't need an escort. I know the way.”
My feet were already moving. The fact that I was distressing my pack was enough to kick me into gear again, and this time I wouldn’t screw around. I would make it back to Stratford today. A strong hand landed on my shoulder and I was relieved to see not an ounce of pity in Braxton’s face. It would have been on then. I didn't deserve pity, and I sure as hell did not want it.
“I’ll keep you company,” was all he said.
The rest of our journey was quiet. I had no energy for talk, except to make sure that Jessa and her young were doing okay. Braxton assured me, with that damn proud smile on his face, that they were already giving his mate hell and they hadn’t even been born yet. Flutters of something happy and light twinged the dead space in my chest. Followed by an empty, aching pain. There would be no young for me now. My mate was gone, and with that my chance for a child.
Some of my grief was set aside as I focused on the occasional odd pauses in Braxton’s explanations. He would start to say something and then stop. I swear I heard him murmur Mischa’s name more than once, but then he didn’t elaborate, and I didn’t want to ask any more. Jessa’s twin was not a place I let my mind go very often, for a multitude of reasons, and none of them I was proud of.
Even with
Braxton’s speed slower than vamp, we still made good time, and by early afternoon were nearing the edge of the securities surrounding Stratford. I could feel the energy humming inside my chest. The connection we had to the Book of Guidance was now a direct link to our town. Our energy reinforced the power that protected our world and protected the humans from us. I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt the witch’s barrier so strong. It was an impenetrable force intertwined with the energy of the five races, and Louis’ sorcerer power as well.
“It’s good to be home,” I found myself saying as we slowed to walk the last few yards.
Braxton nodded. I could tell he’d been uneasy leaving Jessa alone even for such a short time.
I halted him before we went any further. “What’s really up, Brax?”
There was something else going on, more than the bear shifters, who were yet to make a move. Apparently it had just been whispers of a coup on the wind; Jessa’s text had been embellished in a bid to get me home. Which didn’t surprise me at all.
My brother wasted no more time filling me in. “Kristoff has been seen multiple times in the vicinity of our town and around Vanguard. We’re working to change all of the securities and vet all the guards because he still has some loyal followers, especially amongst the magic users.”
My teeth slammed together as a low growl ripped from the violent predator who made up the center of my being.
“Why the hell haven’t you mentioned this to me before now? You left Jessa here. That asshole could be around just waiting to use your young as leverage.”
I wasn’t the only one growling now. Braxton’s was even more animalistic. “Don’t you think I haven’t considered that? She’s well protected, and you leaving has caused her great emotional distress. We let you go for as long as we could. I respect your need for space, but now you have to come back to us. The rift in our pack and our council must be sealed. It’s this type of dissonance which gives Kristoff the power to slip through the cracks. We need to be strong and united against him.”
“Shit!” I ran a hand through my hair, before rubbing it over my face. “Sorry. I’m really screwing things up lately.”
I should have known better than to question a dragon’s ability to protect his mate and young. I was lucky he hadn’t attempted to rip my head off. I probably would have in his position.
Braxton gave me a knowing grin. “I’m giving you a pass because you suffered something so unimaginable. There is no way for me to even consider the possibility that there would ever be a world without my true mate in it. I don’t know how you’re even remotely sane. And yet I’m so grateful to have not lost you.”
Somehow the intelligent bastard had read my mind. We weren’t connected, so my emotions must be spilling out across my face.
“I would not wish this pain on anyone, but truthfully it’s not as I expected either. There’s so much I don’t understand. Do we know of any supe who lost their true mate and didn’t either kill themselves or go slowly insane?”
I needed to know what was going on. What was wrong with me? When Cardia had died I felt as if a part of me died also; there was an instant fissuring which started in my soul and worked its way out until the fracturing was complete. In those first days I did not know if I would survive the pain, but already time was allowing a few moments’ reprieve from the hurt, and it was way too soon for that.
Braxton was doing the shrewd staring thing again and I wished he’d just hurry up and give me his thoughts. I hated being psychologically stripped bare. Supes had learned early on to stay out of my head.
My frayed temper snapped again. “What, Brax? Spit it out.”
No expression change. “I have my doubts that Cardia was your true mate.”
He dropped that on me and then started striding across to the barrier. It fell in an instant, allowing him inside. I was stunned for a second, anger striking hard through every cell, and as a red haze crossed my mind I went into vamped-out mode and flashed across to my brother.
My fangs were long and aching, my vision tunneled as I smashed against him. His expression told me he’d been expecting it. He didn’t fight back immediately, but also wasn’t surprised. My fist smashed into his jaw and I saw the feral gleam of dragon spring into his eyes.
Hell yes.
It was on now. I was going to have an outlet for my rage – better to get it out of my system before I was back in civilized society. His return hit was hard enough to crack bone. I felt my jaw jarring, teeth grinding together. I didn’t have time to think about it though, laying straight back into him with another of my own crushing blows. Braxton had the dragon strength behind him, but I had my pure, blind rage.
His opinion was unwarranted. And unfair. There had been no time for anyone to get to know her. I barely fucking knew her. But that didn’t allow him the right to disrespect our bond.
“You only fight me because you know I speak truth,” Braxton grit out as he elbowed me sharply across the jaw.
Beyond words, I jumped to my feet and kneed him straight into his side, cracking more than one rib in the process. Arrogant shifter, thinks he knows everything. Gold was bleeding into his eyes now and I knew the dragon was hovering just beneath the surface. Bring it on. I had enough aggression that we could be fighting this out for a month.
My head snapped back as he landed a solid blow; my cheek throbbed and I was pretty sure my jaw was dislocated. Still, that didn’t stop me from smashing him in the gut, and swinging around to clip him in the right side, breaking another few ribs.
Braxton was an unmatched fighter; he was not coming at me full force yet. But I had many years of training and knew how to hold my own with any supe. Eventually, though, as my anger faded out, the sharp ring of truth in his statement settled into my mind, taking root in a way that told me I would have to consider his words. Otherwise the thoughts would drive me insane.
Both of us were sprawled on the ground, breathing heavy. My body ached in about twenty different places, and even with advanced healing and blood I’d be feeling this tomorrow.
Words tumbled out: “How is it possible that there were so many signs of the bond? What other explanation could there be? We were true mates.”
Braxton seemed to consider his next words carefully. “Having felt a true mate bond now, I believe you were missing something essential. Even with those other signs. When you talked to me about the coldness between you … the way you didn’t need to touch her … the way you didn’t like many of the fundamental parts of her personality. There is no way the fates would have gifted you a mate so incompatible to you.”
I had spoken in some length to Braxton on the issues Cardia and I faced during our very short mateship. At first everything had been as expected. A strong attraction. A blood compatibility. But then this weird space, which had always been between us, started to grow, little negatives which colored the relationship. It was too damn soon for the honeymoon period to wear off. That could take decades for supernatural mates. If it ever happened at all.
Still, I had to offer some sort of explanation. “Maybe our bond was different because it’s vampire and not shifter.”
There was no denying that a certain level of ruthlessness existed in my race. Practical and methodical we were. Designed to be warriors. To fight without remorse. We were one of the more battle ready of the races.
Braxton laughed, and then groaned. I’d definitely nailed his ribs. He deserved it though. “We’ve seen plenty of vampire mate bonds, Max. It’s as strong as for shifters.”
I’d been grasping. We both knew it. “It’s too late to find out now. Cardia’s dead, and the dead reveal no secrets.”
Braxton lifted his head and fixed a hard glare on me. “The fact that you can even mention your mate’s name and the word dead in the same sentence, tells you everything, bro.”
Clenching both of my fists, the shaking in my arms intensified. “I’m so fucked up. I shouldn’t even be here, I shouldn’t be able to exist without Cardia, and yet the
pain eases more every day. I want answers.”
Neither of us moved then, both staring into the forests around us. The leaves above us were thick enough that the area was heavily shaded; the undergrowth was also thick. A scent drifted across the wind and my body instantly reacted. Damn. I wasn’t emotionally prepared to deal with this.
I couldn’t stop myself from turning to find her, Mischa, frozen on the edge of the forest, her eyes darting across the scene of our fight. The area around us was ripped and plowed as we’d pummeled each other into the ground.
Her scent was familiar and my beast inside roared to life. This was not the first time this had happened, and just like the other time I pushed the instinct down. The vampire part of my soul didn’t control me. We had a symbiotic relationship, we were as one, but my mind was stronger than my base instincts. To aid in this, I cut off my sense of smell, locking it down so I could keep a clear head.
With a shake of her head, Mischa started to move. Her footsteps were heavy as she pounded closer; she was stomping. Okay, clearly she was pissed about something, and that was not a part of her personality I was familiar with. I’d always known she had a fire burning deep in her essence, one that hadn’t emerged yet. At least not in my presence.
Maybe today was the day. I was strangely looking forward to whatever words were about to come out of her mouth.
Braxton and I pulled ourselves up to sit, which gave me a front row seat to Mischa in all her angry glory. What the…? Everything inside of me froze as the petite female stormed across the clearing to reach us. Was she … what the actual fuck? Was she pregnant?
I released my senses to roam free again, and as I sucked in deeply I scented the slightly different note of her essence. Without thought I was on my feet, the energy roaring to life as the beast inside started to lose its mind, thrashing against the heavy cage which kept the predator locked down.
I expected Mischa to freeze as I started to stalk toward her. No doubt my eyes were as black as pitch, and the heavy throb of my fangs indicated they were at full extension. I was fully vamped out.
