by Amber Dane
She’d smiled so prettily at his friend with what he’d sought all week. The slightest welcoming gesture. But nay, she refused him.Yet, gave it easily to Goran.
Jealousy raged within him like a crazed ox.
His gaze raked over her head to toe. Lust slammed him and his balls tightened. He wanted to bury himself inside her. The simple circlet held her loose hair in place and her face, flushed from the cold and warmth she was bestowing upon his friend made her look all the more beautiful.
She must have sensed him for Rourke knew he’d not made a sound when she turned and faced him. The laughter in her eyes died. The hand not holding the hoe went to her belly and folded there near the region he was eager to taste. It was all Rourke could take and he opened his mouth.
“Will you be able to give me sons?”
His eyes watched her with a burning intensity and Alexa stood and swept away the wisps of hair torn from her circlet. She could not say anything for she was too stunned by his words. Her brows dipped and anger sparked in her. He repeated his question and she found it difficult to breathe.
“What sort of question is this?” she choked out.
“One that needs an answer now”.
Alexa moved to turn from him and was surprised when he reached out and stopped her with his hand firmly wrapped around her forearm. Aware of the others so near, she felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. She did not like the wild look in his eyes and she tried to free her arm. Her worry and hurt feelings over the past days had come to this.
“Do the women in your family have trouble breeding?”
His words were cold and distant. Alexa swallowed. “Aye.”
Her mother had had difficulty getting with child both times. A third had been lost before it had been born. She whipped him an angry glare and told him thus, her breath heavy and a burning pain seized her heart over his insensitivity. “What are you after, Rourke?” she queried, eyes narrowed and teeth clenched.
“The midwife alluded to something of that nature when I spoke with her earlier this week. It’s been long enough and more than enough times that I have planted my seed in you for it to take. Yet, you still show no sign of it.”
His eyes did not soften over her horrified gasp. Alexa’s face burned even more. The flux had come to her at dawn. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest. She felt lightheaded. He could not mean to shame her like this in front of everyone. He could not.
“Would you have a care out here, please? This conversation would have been better suited for discussion in the solar. Do you not think?”
“'How could we have a discussion there when I do not know which one you speak? Our solar? Or where you currently rest your head- in your sister’s bed? ‘Tis matters not. Were it in either would the answer have been any different?”
Alexa stiffened under his scrutiny in disbelief. Moving back into Lisbeth chamber had indeed grown a burr on his arse.
Aye, his aim was to shame her. She cursed low as the damning truth of it twisted her heart. Did he not know how much his words cut her? Nay, for he took an intimidating step closer. She stood to her spot, her legs trembling and her hand tightened around the hoe she held to stop her from reaching for his thick neck.
“Shame me in front of all is the answer then?”
‘‘The shame will be upon you if you do not give me a son. Let us hope that you do not suffer your mother's curse. She had two babes, I simply ask for one. I think that is not asking much, Alexa.”'
Alexa could hold back no longer. “Then, do what you must to make it happen. Now, even as my blood stains your skin. If that is your wish. I cannot predict when and if your seed will take. Despite our differences these past few days, I had thought we were beyond this. Does your cruelty know no bounds?”
He only glared at her with one golden brow raised in warning. What had she done to make him act so vicious and cruel to her this morning? It was more than sleeping in another room. He’d been the one putting distance between them more and more all week. Did he not think she had wondered herself why she was not yet pregnant? And how heavy it lay upon her?
The pain of his behavior was suffocating and Alexa picked up the hoe and threw it down between them. It landed between his booted feet. He did not flinch. But,the surprise of her movement shone in his eyes. Alexa whipped around and stormed away from him before she did much worse.
Rourke ignored the dark look from Goran and stomped down the hillside headed for the village.
Let her spit and steam.
He growled aloud, scaring a group of birds from a nearby tree as he passed it. Villagers, seeing his dark look, hastened out of his way and by the time Rourke reached the blacksmith’s hut, he was still in a most foul mood.
The blacksmith was not present and his wife stood tall in the warmly furnished cottage. She smiled at him and something about the way she tilted her head reminded Rourke of Alexa and something in him quieted.
He was letting these old feelings toward Jacqueline destroy the little happiness he had started to share with Alexa.
He turned and headed back toward the manor. Snowflakes hit his cheeks and he looked up and heavier snow started to fall. Good. He needed the distraction for his long trek back to the manor.
His cruel words had hurt her. He’d seen it plainly in her eyes. His heart ached with what he had done. Once the words had started to flow from his mouth, it seemed like he’d no control over them. She’d been right.
He should have waited to speak about the babe when they’d been alone.
But, seeing her and the way his body had reacted had angered him so that he’d not been able to think straight.
What if she were barren and unable to give him a son? Would he be able to live with that?
Rourke shook the gut wrenching thought away. He could only hope she would speak to him when he came to ask her forgiveness and return to their chamber. And ask her he would, not demand. She was right. He had thought they were past that too.
She was asleep and did not stir when he finally came into Lisbeth’s chamber. Rourke thought she feigned at first, but upon closer inspection and the stains of her tears present upon her cheeks, he knew different.
Pain gripped his heart and a low groan escaped his lips.
He caressed her cheek and she stirred beneath his fingers, turning onto her back and knocking the fur off her upper body.
He should not have procrastinated and come earlier. She had not sought him out either. Why would she? He’d given her no reason to.
‘Twas he who had attacked her with his words.
Feeling like his heart had been cut open and left to bleed dry; Rourke pulled a woolen coverlet over her. He stood and watched her for a long time. Time had come to put his past behind him. At the mere thought, something tightened within his chest. Then, he looked at her sleeping face once more.
He had to do it or lose much more.
TWENTY-NINE
Alexa, despite the gloom of her mood, worked around the manor early the next morning leaving her dead to the world husband slumbering and snoring loudly away across the hall. She was not going to let him know how deeply he’d hurt her. So, she kept herself busy, seeing to things around her home and had plenty done by the time she heard his bellow to Goran announcing that he had come down.
She went in the opposite direction of his deep voice and nearly tripped over Lina in her haste to get away.
The maid quickly backed away, but not before Alexa caught the hint of the secret smile upon her face. Anger sparked in her at the thought of Rourke sharing the woman’s bed. Something churned in Alexa’s gut. She watched the maid’s back until she disappeared around a corner. Time had come for her to clean her house and she would start this day. Rourke’s bellow came again and Alexa turned away.
Goran brought a sentry into the hall and Rourke lifted his head from his uneaten meal and brooding thoughts.
He had no appetite.
He grunted when he spied Alexa out in the hall looking in. He grew
more irritated. He’d wanted to start this day by setting things right. Now, he had to deal with this interruption.
She pretended to be instructing the servants on something, but he knew she had one ear open to the dirty and dust covered sentry that stood before him.
He had come to report that there was some unrest amongst the villagers at Rourke’s estate further north of York. Rourke frowned over the news.
He ordered a servant to bring more food and drink for the exhausted sentry. The man took a seat at one of the trestle tables. Goran remained next to Rourke.
“I’ll go,” Goran announced.
Rourke shot him a quizzical look. “We’ll both go.”
“’Tis probably a fight between a family or two, Rourke. I doubt it’s aught more. Furthermore, as your friend, I think ‘tis best you try to mend the unrest here.”
Rourke’s face darkened and his eyes shot to the entranceway. Alexa had gone. He turned back to Goran. His friend did not look happy.
“As my friend, eh?” Rourke stood.
“Aye. You must make things right, Rourke. Trust me. Everyone will be grateful. So will you, if you but open your eyes to see it.”
“Go! Send word back if it is more than angry neighbors, friend,” Rourke ordered and stepped down.
Goran’s light laugh came behind him. He knew what Goran was getting at. But, he was ahead of his friend. He’d already vowed to make things right this day. He went in search of his wife.
He didn’t even know where to begin when he caught up to her at the top of the staircase. She barely turned to acknowledge him and the tightness in his chest ballooned. Alexa said nothing and continued to walk down the long corridor.
“I wish to speak with you.” Rourke cleared his throat, surprised at the hoarseness he heard.
She stopped and turned, but did not look at him. Instead she pretended to find great interest in the sleeves of the simple gown she wore. He noted then he liked her in breeches more. She looked uncomfortable.
“As you wish.” was all she said.
“In our chamber.”
Her head whipped up and he sucked in a breath. Anger and her hurt lay there open and wild in her amber eyes. Yet, she faced him with a challenging stance.
“Does this not suit your needs this day?” she waved her hand out to indicate the occupied corridor.
Rourke set his teeth. He’d not be repeating the painful blunder he’d made yesterday. This time he wanted no ears hearing anything that was said. He waved away the guards and servants filling the space.
“Nay. What we needs discuss is for our ears only.” She raised a brow and he continued, “As yesterday should have been.”
Something flickered in her gaze and he watched her swallow. Aye, he had hurt her greatly indeed, Rourke thought.
"Do you plan to escape me again?" the words left his mouth before the bedroom door closed.
Alexa turned to face him. Her throat worked and she shook her head. "Nay."
Relief rippled through him. "Where had you planned to go the last time?”
"What is this trivial stuff you speak?" her words were angry and he deserved it. Yet, she waited.
"I wish to discuss this…our marriage."
She said nothing and he did not know he held his breath until she simply walked over to the bench and sat down. Her hands neatly folded in her lap and her eyes on him. She would give him audience and Rourke was humbled. He walked near and sat on the bench across from her. She never took her eyes off him. He wanted to take her in his arms and wished it were all they needed to repair the rift between them. But, her eyes told him his answer. He would get no forgiveness here. He had to earn it.
Rourke inhaled slowly. He did not know what to do or how to correct the damage he'd done. He was a man of war. He did not love her, so professing his love was out. With that thought his heart felt heavy. When his words came, they were angry and spoken gruffly. "Think your womb is barren?”
The chalk white look of her had him scrambling. Rourke spoke quickly a hand out in front of him to calm her. "I’m not starting this off very well, am I? I meant if you are barren, there is not much we can do about it. Only time will. Think you, I can repair the damage I’ve done?”
There, he’d said it.
He’d apologized.
Rourke straightened his shoulders with confidence and sat back with a fist on his hip.
Alexa swallowed hard over his words. His aim was not to hurt her. This,she saw plainly in his open gaze, but his words still stung, nonetheless. Gallant, he certainly was not. She believed she understood what he was trying to convey, but she did not wish to speak of it again.
He went on when she said nothing. "When you are done with your time…bleeding…then we shall try again."
He made it seem like a prison sentence. She wanted to tell him nay. But, she did not. Frustration crossed his handsome face at her lack of response.
He asked, irritation lacing his tone. "Much has happened, I know. Do you wish for this to work between us?"
"As best as it can be done, I imagine." her simple answer did not please him.
He shot to his feet. Had he expected her to just fall into his arms like a smitten maid and be grateful that now he had come to offer some semblance of an apology- a bad apology at that, that she would swoon and all would be forgiven?
Nay.
Any feelings she'd had for him, he'd smothered in the past week with his behavior. She still hurt and a few simple words would not change that. Lifting her chin, Alexa stood and faced him. "Will that be all?"
Anger flashed in his bright green eyes. Alexa blinked and what she thought she'd read was gone. Of course. She had seen what she'd believed and wished. Hurt. But, since he was incapable of feeling anything. 'Twas impossible.
His next words confirmed it. "Aye. Return your person back to this chamber this eve."
She nodded in agreement to his order. He stormed out and Alexa pressed a hand to her breast and leaned out the window for air. Damn him!
She had thought he’d come, but Alexa admitted to herself that she’d not been so sure. He stood in front of her now with that mad man expression he’d worn the day he’d bound her in those chains. Still, she wouldn’t back down. He walked from the door to where she stood at the foot of Lisbeth’s bed. She fought off the urge to turn from him and waited while he cursed and spit his anger.
He’d been yelling for the past half hour it seemed and she had not budged.
Alexa said again for the third time. “I told you I had fallen asleep. I am weary. I do not see why the morrow will not be soon enough.”
“You were told this eve, Alexa. Is it your wish to drive me mad with your steadfast defiance? You will return to our chamber at once, even if I have to carry you there myself! Sleep there if you are so weary. I am the master here. This means your lord and master.”
He was prepared for her blow and caught her long arm in his and turned her, her back pressed against his chest and her arm twisted behind her. “I know what you plan before you do it, hellion.” She struggled and he held her tighter, continuing, “I would release you, but I fear I cannot trust you.”
“Best you remember it then.” She spat.
Rourke growled and trussed her up in his arms and strode across the hall where he dumped her in the center of the bed. She surprised him when she did not crawl off. She just stared at him.
Rourke shut the door and crawled into bed. She continued to shoot him the murderous stare. After a moment he muttered, “Go to sleep.”
“You cannot command everything. I am not tired.”
He reached out and his fingers dug into the upper part of her arm. “Did you not just say moments ago it is what you wished? Make up your mind, woman! Sleep now or find your legs spread with my rod inside of you. Blood or not. Think you that will make you tired enough?”
A horrified gasp dropped open her mouth and Alexa tried to wrench free of his grasp, but he held fast. She managed to elbow him in the gut. He laug
hed and clasped her hands in one of his in front of her.
She kicked her feet and thought about her retort. She snapped her mouth closed, outraged and said, “You are truly a Norman pig!”
He shook her hard and when his other hand snaked down over her belly she cried out.
“Nay!”
“Then go to sleep, hellion!”
His growl of warning was next to her ear. He released his grip and waited. Her body rigid against him and he heard her release an angry huff. He said nothing.
He had not lied to her. As hot as he was for her, the discord between them had tired him beyond and he sought nothing more than sleep too. Had he been able to muster his rod to cooperate she could not stop his use of her body.
A tingle stirred in his loins. Perhaps he was not that tired after all. His hold tightened around her waist and loosened suddenly when she moaned.
He had been so wrapped up in his lusty and angry musings he hadn’t realized she lay pliant against him now. Her warm curves relaxed and soft against his side. She had fallen quickly asleep.
Disgusted with the feel of her against him and her harsh words earlier still ringing in his ears, Rourke made space between them and gave her his back. Dawn was near by the time sleep came for him.
THIRTY
The noise coming from outside drew Alexa from the hall out into the courtyard and into the midday sun. She halted. The king’s banner blew in the light breeze and the herald dismounted and approached her husband. Rourke stood with his axe by his side and from the clothes in which he was dressed; Alexa knew he’d been practicing. After unraveling the parchment, the herald began to read in French, “By sovereign right-“
“Give it to me.,” Rourke cut him off with a wave of his hand. The man reached into his cloak and withdrew a thicker parchment sealed with the king’s seal. “Come inside.”
