Well at least it’s not a demand. “Why is that?”
“You’re a distraction and I’m going to need his full attention for the next few months.”
“Is that when you’ll find out if he’s the daddy or not?” Yeah, I can be petty.
Laken doesn’t flinch. Either she knows exactly who the dad is, or she thinks she can change Duke’s mind about her. “The baby is his—like it or not.”
“It doesn’t matter to me.” Oh, but it does.
“Easy to say now when he’s not holding this sweet girl in his arms.” She rubs her belly and I blink.
“You’re having a girl.”
Laken nods. “Her name is River. Thought I’d let Duke pick out her middle name.”
I swallow hard. The baby is becoming more and more real by the second. “That’s nice.”
“You should see her nursery. It’s very chic and done in grays and whites and pink. Fit for a princess who has a King for a daddy.” Laken grimaces, then blows out a breath and smiles like nothing’s wrong. “Duke will need to have one at his house, too. Unless we move back in together to raise our daughter.”
My blood runs cold. “Together?”
“River deserves two parents, True. A child deserves all the love and support she can get from her family.” Laken fishes in her purse, pulling out a—oh my Lord—a 3-D sonogram of her baby, then pushes it to me. “Isn’t she precious?”
Despite myself wanting to run, I take the image and study it, marveling on the tiny fingers and toes, over her nose and mouth... “This looks... so real. Life like.”
Laken’s mouth twists. “Did you think it was just a clump of cells in there, that miraculously became a baby once the doctor says push?”
“Of course not. I know how fetal development works. Biology One was a requirement in college.” Face flaming, I hold out the picture. “Here.”
“Keep it. As a reminder of the little girl who’s gonna need her parents.” Laken stands, slowly, grimacing again. “Please, True. I’d like the chance to make things work out with River’s daddy, and I can’t do that with you in the way. I know he’s comparing and contrasting us, with you always coming out on top, but I need this. River needs this. So, I’m asking you woman to woman not to take my man. To gracefully step aside and... if things don’t work out between us, then you are welcome to him.”
Unable to form a coherent response, I simply stare at her.
A beat later, Laken nods at me. “Think about what I said.” She walks back inside the house.
***
That night I take River’s picture to bed with me. Although she’s an unknown to me, I imagine her as an actual baby, a toddler, and finally a little girl who loves her daddy, clinging to him and hanging on his every word.
Basically, River is me as a child. I can’t imagine a life without my parents in it. I can’t imagine another woman stepping in, coming in between the happiness my parents have. Or rather the potential happiness they could have.
Marriages take work.
Maybe I should get out of the way so Laken and Duke can work on their marriage, or at least give it another shot, for River’s sake.
I bite my bottom lip. I love Duke so much, but if what Laken says is true, and let’s face it, based on my previous conversations with him, I do know he holds her in contempt and me in the best light possible, then I will be responsible for this baby not having the best shot of love and support from every part of her family.
Do I want to have to look into River’s eyes one day and see the blame in them? The anger and the hate...?
Tears that I thought long dried, start to flow and my nose starts to run.
I know what I have to do. I place River’s sonogram picture on the nightstand and pick up my phone.
Me: Can you meet tomorrow for lunch?
Duke: Absolutely. My place?
Me: No, Ten Blue. Noon.
Duke: I’ll be there, Sunshine. Can’t wait to see you.
Chapter 16
Duke
Finally.
True is coming to me, which has to be a good sign, has to signify that she wants to do more than just try... or at least this is the beginning of her trying.
Either way, I’ll take it. When it comes to the woman I love, I can’t demand more of her, especially given the situation we’re in.
Although it’s not needed during lunch, I reserve the exact same table where True and I sat on our first date. I want our lunch to remind her of what first made us click, what first brought us together.
This time, I won’t use my surfboard to bang against her leg in order to get her attention. Honestly, the whole thing had been a fluke, but what a beautiful fluke it turned out to be.
My gut churns with anxiety and nervousness, emotions that are foreign to me. Emotions that aren’t welcome.
I check the time on my phone. It’s almost twelve and while I don’t believe in being fifteen minutes early to everything in life like my brother, Barron, I do think arriving early today is the right thing. There is no way I want True to wait on me ever again.
She deserves to be first.
What about the baby?
The question slides in my mind without permission.
A baby will change nothing between us. If Laken’s child is mine, then I will do everything it takes to be a good dad—financially and emotionally... albeit distantly from Arizona.
I frown.
For the first time it occurs to me that might not be the best thing for a kid. I don’t have a real reason to be in Arizona, like, say a soldier going off to war or a job transfer that will benefit my family.
I push the thought away. It doesn’t matter right now, because nothing’s settled. The odds aren’t in my favor but there’s still a chance the baby could be someone else’s.
A small, slim, tiny, infinitesimal chance.
Fuck. I take a drink of water, wishing it were something stronger.
I spot True walking my way over the rim of the glass and quickly set it down, water sloshing over the rim, before standing. My heart beats for her, my smile triggered by her mere presence while the rest of me wants to touch True, hold on and never let go.
But that would be a bit much at a restaurant.
“Hey, you,” I say, taking her small hand in mine, and trying for a light-hearted tone.
“Hi. Thanks for meeting me here.” True’s smile is tight and her outfit conservative, the opposite of how she usually looks on our dates. While True is always, always beautiful to me, she’s acting as if she’s on a job interview.
“I’ve missed you,” I say gruffly, then let go of her hand to pull out her chair. I want to kiss her, but the vibe she’s giving me is ‘hands off’. I don’t like it, but I do respect her.
As I sit across from True, the server appears to take our orders and dashes off to get her drink—a strawberry lemonade.
“It’s kinda empty today so if you want to dial up those happy moans of yours, I’m fine with it.”
Her mouth flattens. “I won’t... I don’t like strawberry lemonade anyway.”
Confused, I ask, “Then why did you order it?”
She looks away. “Because I won’t drink it ever again.”
Okay. “Does this mean you don’t like seafood alfredo, too?”
Biting her bottom lip, she nods. “Yup.”
A warning bell goes off in my head, but it sounds more like a horn of a boat as it enters a harbor shrouded in thick fog. “What’s wrong, Sunshine?” I attempt to take her hand in mine again, but she pulls away.
She takes a deep breath and faces me, the anguish in her hazel eyes cutting me to the bone. “Duke I—”
“Don’t do this, baby duck. Please.” I know what’s coming. I know she’s made a decision that doesn’t include me in her future. “We can work this out. Swear to—"
“Laken came to see me yesterday.”
Son of a motherfucking bitch. “And?”
True swallows, her fingers twisting in the clot
h napkin. “She asked me to consider what life would be like for your daughter—if she’s your daughter—with me in the picture.”
Laken’s having a girl? Why didn’t she tell me? “You don’t have to do what she says. Laken doesn’t have the ultimate say in our relationship.”
“She didn’t demand I do anything. Didn’t threaten me either,” True says, shocking me. The Laken I know would have threatened, would have demanded the entire world stop for her, in order to accomplish whatever goal she had in mind. “She simply talked, and I mostly listened.”
My mouth flattens. “It sounds like you agreed with her.”
“Don’t be a jerk. Your wife has a point. As long as I’m here, you won’t consider her.”
“I won’t consider her no matter where you are, but that’s beside the point.”
“That’s the whole point.” True leans forward in her chair. “River deserves two parents who love her, who did everything they could to make their marriage work because she was worth the struggle.”
She named her River? That’s the only name we agreed on whenever we talked about kids. The damn nerve of that woman. “You think I should sacrifice what we have in order to work things out with a woman I no longer consider my wife simply because she’s pregnant with a child who may or may not be mine.”
“What’s love without sacrifice? Besides, I will not be responsible for that baby’s unhappiness. I refuse to be the other woman and right now, until proven otherwise, that’s all I am. All I’ll ever be.”
“Don’t you dare say that. You are anything but...” I clamp my jaw shut so I don’t say anything I regret. Or that will push her away even more.
“Here’s the thing, Duke,” she grabs my hand, squeezing, and I wish it was because she wanted to touch me not because she wants me to understand her position. “It ceased to be about me and you as soon as Laken decided to have that baby. She wants to raise her with you. You cannot do that in Arizona. There’s no reason, beyond me, for you to move there in the first place.”
“Fine. Move back when school’s over or turn in your resignation sooner. Live here. We’ll make it work.”
True shakes her head. “I can’t.”
I jerk my hand away. “You won’t.”
“No, you don’t understand, my contract isn’t a regular contract, it’s for three years and I can’t go back on my word. It’s the one true thing about me. It’s the one thing I’m certain about, and it feels like the right thing to do.” Her lips quiver, making a liar out of her.
“Fuck the contract, True. I’ll pay your way out of it,” I counter.
“Doesn’t work like that.”
“I’ll pay for you to fly home every weekend.”
“What, so we can spend a day together?”
“Better a day than nothing.”
Tears start to fall. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is. I love you, Duke, but I can’t... I just can’t right now.”
“So that’s it.”
She nods. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too.” I study her face, searching for a weakness to use against her, to persuade her to my way of thinking. I can’t lose her. I refuse to give up on her. It’s not my style.
My phone buzzes and I glance at the screen. It’s a text from Laken, but I ignore it. I’m not at her beck and call, and she’s the fucking reason I’m losing True.
“Don’t you want to get that?”
“Nope.”
Another text comes in, this time from Barron. Then another from—fuck it all—my mother, demanding my presence at Royal Bay General. Laken’s in labor.
My heart shoots to my throat. “I have to go.”
“Okay.” True bites her lip.
“No, you don’t understand. Laken’s in labor and it’s too early. She had at least three more months to go.” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I don’t want to be invested in this, but that part of me I can’t deny, won’t let it be. I have to be there for Laken and for the baby that most likely is my daughter. Like True said, the baby didn’t ask for this.
True jumps to her feet, shooing me away. “Go. Go.
“Can we talk later?” I ask, my gut churning once more.
True shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Fine. I’ll stop by tonight.” I grab my phone and start to walk away then pause and turn to look at her. “Or maybe you can stop by the hospital. This early... I don’t know. I pray to God everything is okay.” I mean it, too.
“You’re a good man, Duke King. Don’t you ever forget it.” She moves to me, kissing me on the cheek. “I love you.”
“If you love me, stay.”
“I’m leaving tonight.”
My gut sucks in, like she’s delivered an actual sucker punch. “Just like that.”
“It’s better this way.”
“Maybe for you.”
True grabs my arm and focuses her pretty gaze on me. “Don’t let us end like this.”
My phone buzzes again and I groan, then take True in my arms and kiss her with every ounce of love in my body. I don’t care who’s waiting. I don’t care who’s watching, and I sure as fuck don’t care if True wants it or not. Okay, so that’s a lie. I want her to want me. I want her to stay.
True’s arms steal up me, and she returns my kiss with just as much passion, but when I open my eyes, my arms are empty and she’s no longer there.
Chapter 17
Duke
The moment I meet River, I know without a doubt she’s mine. Forget a paternity test because the same stormy blue eyes I see every morning in the mirror are staring up at me.
Except don’t all babies have blue eyes?
Who cares.
I count her toes and fingers as she lies in the plastic bassinet under a warming light, all splayed out like she’s sunning herself on the beach. Little surfer girl. “She has all her fingers and toes.”
“She’s tiny,” Laken counters.
I cut my eyes to her. “She’s early.”
The nurse clears her throat. “She’s considered full term.” Sensing that she might have stepped into something she shouldn’t have, she says, “At thirty-seven and half weeks, she does meet the criteria for a late term preemie. Either way, you have a healthy baby girl.”
“Thanks,” I say gruffly, then leave my daughter to speak with Laken. “I thought you said you had another three months?”
Tears slip down Laken’s cheeks. “Does this mean you’ll leave us now?”
“Not when my daughter needs me.” If she’s my daughter, I remind myself. Then again, can I simply leave this baby? I held her right after Laken, cut the cord, and hung out with the nurses while they explained all the things I don’t know. All the things I’ve probably forgotten already and will need to learn again.
Laken sniffs. “I wanted you to stick around, be there for me.”
“You wanted to wait True out.”
She nods. “That was the plan.”
I laugh and Laken glances up at me, her eyes rimmed in red. I should feel sorry for her, at least sympathy for all that she’s gone through. She just pushed a human out of her body. “True left last night. For good.”
Laken smiles bitterly. “And now you hate me even more.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“But you don’t love me either.”
“Right now, I don’t know how I feel about you anymore.” I focus on the baby, on the person possibly binding me to Laken for the rest of my life. “What I do know is that River needs us, and I’m going to be there for her.”
“They can do the paternity test here, I think.”
I shrug. “Whatever you want. If it comes back that I’m not the father, I’ll help you out until you do find the dad.” Yeah, cheap shot, but damn it, I am mad at her.
“She’s yours, okay? Dave can’t have kids, and he wasn’t giving me some line either. He literally cannot have kids. Had an accident when he was younger and it’s not possible. Besides, the ti
ming doesn’t match up. I was faithful to you—“
“Until you weren’t.”
Laken closes her eyes, shadows under them making me reconsider fighting with her right now. “Save it for later, Duke. If the tests come back negative, then I’ll personally fly out to Arizona and speak with your precious True.”
My heart leaps at the suggestion. “Deal.”
She turns her head away and after a while, she falls asleep. I pace the room, keeping one eye on River while I field text messages from my family. Laken wouldn’t allow them in. I take a picture of River, waking her up. She starts to cry, so I scoop her up and cradle her against me, like the nurses showed me earlier.
River blinks those big eyes at me, settling down. She knows me. “Hi, little surfer girl,” I say. “Hi.”
Maybe it’s silly, but I don’t know what else to say right now.
River smiles and just like that, she captures my heart.
My soul.
My everything.
Part II
Chapter 18
Duke
Ten years later
It’s been over six months since Laird went out to sea during a storm. Five months ago, the Coast Guard stopped looking for him, citing the low sea temps and lack of any kind of evidence of his boat, much less a body as the main reasons for downgrading their search.
“Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. Go in peace.”
My heart clenches in pain as I watch the pastor move from the front of the crowd to speak with my mother and Ophelia. Tears are running down my mother’s face, but my sister-in-law... she’s defiant.
Convinced that the ocean will return Laird, safe and whole.
I wish I had even a tenth of her confidence.
I’ve often heard it said that out of tragedy something good can emerge... as if God’s making this thing called life a little easier on us mere mortals.
Only I know the truth of it all. Life is suffering. Life isn’t fair, and life sure as shit isn’t going to bring my little brother back.
Or True for that matter. I don’t know why I still think about her.
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