‘Molly.’
She held herself stiffly, with her arms wrapped around her middle as she faced him. ‘I can see why your sex life has been experiencing a bit of a downturn,’ she said. ‘Your bedside manner definitely needs some work.’
He put a hand through his hair, a frown carving deep in his forehead. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.’ He dropped his hand back by his side. ‘Tonight was...perfect. I mean that, Molly. You were perfect.’
She let out a long, exasperated sigh. ‘Then why are you pushing me away?’
He held her look for a long moment. ‘This is all I can give you,’ he said. ‘You have to understand and accept that. I know it’s not what you want in a relationship but it’s all I can give right now.’
‘Just...sex?’ she asked.
A tiny knot of tension flicked on and off in his jaw. ‘Not just sex.’
‘But not love and commitment,’ she said.
He exhaled a long breath. ‘You’re only here for three months. It wouldn’t be fair to make promises neither of us might be able to keep. Besides, you might feel very differently about things once your parents hear we’re involved.’
Molly knew that was going to be a tricky hurdle to cross. For so long she had striven for her father’s approval and becoming involved with Lucas was going to destroy any hope of ever achieving that. ‘I’m hoping both my parents will put my happiness before any misgivings they might have,’ she said. ‘Isn’t that what most parents want’their kids to be happy?’
‘Most, I imagine,’ he said.
‘How will your parents handle it?’
A shadow passed through his eyes. ‘I’m not planning on telling them any time soon.’
Molly couldn’t help feeling a little crushed. Did that mean he didn’t think they would be involved long enough for his parents to find out? Was he ashamed of his attraction towards her? She bit down on her lip, torn between her pride and her passion for him. Why did it have to be so hard to be happy? Was her life always going to be one of compromise? Of never feeling quite good enough?
Lucas closed the distance between them, tipping up her chin to bring her gaze in line with his. ‘I’ve upset you,’ he said.
‘Why would you think that?’ Molly asked. ‘You had sex with me and as soon as it was over you told me to leave. You don’t want anyone to know about us being involved. And you can’t see us having any sort of future. Why on earth would I be upset?’
He brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, his gaze rueful as it held hers. ‘You deserve much better than I could ever give you.’
‘But what if I only want you?’ she said trying not to cry.
He gathered her close, resting his chin on the top of her head, his warm breath moving through the strands of her hair. ‘I have this amazing habit of hurting everyone I care about,’ he said.
Molly looked up at him. ‘You care about me?’
He held her gaze for an infinitesimal moment. ‘Are you going to give my sheet back?’ he asked.
‘You want it back?’
‘Only if you come with it.’
‘You’ll have to fight me for it,’ she said with a coquettish smile.
His eyes smouldered as he reached for the edge of the sheet. ‘Game on,’ he said, and stripped it from her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LUCAS WOKE TO find one of Molly’s arms flung across his chest, her head snuggled against his side and her slim legs entwined with his. He couldn’t remember the last time he had woken up beside someone in his bed. His sexual encounters were normally brief and purely functional. As soon as they were over he forgot about them.
But waking up beside Molly was not going to be something he could so easily dismiss from his memory. The way she had responded to him had been one of the most deeply moving things he had ever experienced. He felt like he was her first lover. In a way she had felt like his. Had he ever felt so fully satiated? So in tune with someone that he forgot where his body ended and hers began? His senses had screamed with delight and they were still humming now hours later. The scent of her perfume was on his skin. Her taste was in his mouth. His hunger for her was stirring his blood all over again.
She moved against him and slowly opened her eyes. ‘Hello,’ she said with a shy smile.
‘Hello to you,’ he said as he brushed an imaginary hair off her face.
She traced one of her fingertips over his top lip. ‘Last night was wonderful,’ She said. ‘You were wonderful. I’ve never felt like that before. I’ve always thought it was my fault, you know, that I wasn’t very good at sex. But now I can see what I’ve been missing out on.’
He caught her hand and kissed the end of her finger. ‘It was wonderful for me, too,’ he said.
She trailed her fingers over his sternum, her grey-blue eyes lowered from his. ‘I guess it’s pretty much the same for men, no matter who they have sex with,’ she said.
He brought her chin up. ‘Not always,’ he said. ‘I agree that it’s often more of a physical thing for men than for women, but caring about someone does make a difference.’
Her eyes shone as she put her arms around his neck. ‘Is it time to get up yet?’ she asked.
He rolled her beneath him and pinned her with his body. ‘Not yet,’ he said, and covered her mouth with his.
* * *
Molly came downstairs after her shower to find Lucas had already left for the hospital. There was a short note on the kitchen counter to say he would catch up with her later at work. She put the note down and sighed. They hadn’t really had time to discuss how they were going to manage their relationship in public.
Was it a relationship? Or had she done the same thing she had done with Simon’drifted into something that didn’t have a name?
She knew Lucas was keen to keep his private life separate but she couldn’t see how they would be able to stop people finding out they were intimately involved unless he planned to be all formal and distant with her at work. It wasn’t that she wanted her private life out on show, but neither did she want to hide her relationship with Lucas away as if she was somehow ashamed of it.
She still couldn’t believe how amazing he made her feel. Her body was still tingling from his passionate lovemaking. Every time she moved her body she felt where he had been. Holding him tightly within her as he had come had surpassed anything she had ever experienced before. She had felt so deeply connected to him and had felt every one of his deep shudders of pleasure reverberating through her flesh.
She hoped it had been much more than just a physical release for him. She knew it had been a while since he’d been intimate with anyone but, even so, it had felt like he had truly cared about her. He had made sure she’d been comfortable and at ease with him and had made sure she’d experienced pleasure before he’d taken his own. He’d coached her without coercing her to do bolder things. Had been passionate and yet achingly tender with her. How would she be able to pretend he was just her boss at work? Wouldn’t everyone guess as soon as they saw her?
* * *
When she got to work Kate Harrison and Megan Brent were in the change room, putting their things in the lockers. ‘Looks like the boss has got himself a new girlfriend,’ Kate said as she hung up her coat and scarf.
Molly kept her gaze averted as she unlocked a locker. Was it somehow written on her face? Had she given off some clue? Could people actually tell she had spent the night in Lucas’s arms? ‘What makes you say that?’ she asked.
‘He actually smiled at us as he walked past,’ Kate said. ‘Can you believe that? He never smiles. We reckon he got laid last night. Don’t we, Megan?’
‘Sure of it,’ Megan said. ‘I wonder who it is?’
Molly stashed her things inside the locker. She could see her cheeks were rosy red in the
reflection in the little mirror hanging on the inside of the door. How soon before they put two and two together? Everyone knew she was sharing his house. It wasn’t much of a step to sharing his bed as well, or so most people would assume.
How would Lucas deal with everyone talking about them? How would she deal with it? She didn’t want anything to spoil her relationship with him. It was all too new and precious to her. She wanted time to feel her way with him, to help him see how wonderful being together could be. If a gossip-fest started he might bring things to an abrupt end. He put work before relationships and if their relationship threatened to jeopardise his career, she knew which he would choose.
‘I don’t think it’d be anyone from the hospital,’ Kate said. ‘He has a bit of a thing about staff hooking up with each other. He told off one of the residents for getting it on with a nurse in one of the storage rooms. We all thought he was going to have him fired.’
‘Do you know who it is?’ Megan asked Molly.
‘Um...’ Molly felt flustered. Should she say something? Oh, why hadn’t they talked about this earlier? What was she supposed to do? Deny it? Broadcast it? Lie about it?
‘You’re renting a room at his place,’ Kate said. ‘Surely you’d be the first to know if he brought someone home. Who is it? Did you get a good look at her? What’s she like?’
Molly turned to close her locker door before she faced the two women again. ‘I don’t think Dr Banning would appreciate me discussing his private life,’ she said. ‘I know I wouldn’t appreciate him discussing mine.’
Kate lifted her brows as she exchanged a look with Megan. ‘Right,’ she said. ‘Fair enough.’
Molly slipped her lanyard over her neck. ‘I’d better get going,’ she said, and hurriedly left.
* * *
Lucas headed back to ICU after speaking to the infectious diseases doctor about Tim Merrick’s antibiotic cover. He hadn’t seen Molly since he had left her in the shower that morning. He had intended to talk to her about how they were going to handle their relationship at work but he’d got a call about Tim’s rising temperature and had had to rush to the hospital.
He wondered if she would feel uncomfortable about separating their private lives from their work ones. He was good at switching off his emotions but he had a feeling she might not find it as easy. She was the type to wear her heart on her sleeve. She was open and honest to a fault. He, on the other hand, preferred to play his cards close to his chest. He didn’t want to be the subject of gossip and loathed people speculating about his private life. The thought of everyone picking apart his relationship with Molly was anathema to him. He didn’t want to be ribbed about his involvement with her. He didn’t want to be the butt of jokes or on the receiving end of teasing comments.
He wondered how long it would be before the news was out. It was more or less common knowledge that she was rooming at his place. How soon before people assumed they were sleeping together?
Being involved with Molly was an emotional minefield. She was only here for a short time. He wasn’t sure how he was going to navigate the next few weeks. A short-term affair sounded good in theory, but how would it play out in practice? What if he didn’t want her to leave when her time was up? What if she didn’t want to go? His mind swirled with a torrent of thoughts. How would she face her parents if she chose to be with him? How would he face his? Their relationship would cause even more heartache. How could it not?
He was the last person her parents would want her to be with. He had torn apart their family. He couldn’t undo the damage of that one moment in time. There was no way he could atone for the death of Matt. He had given years of his life to serving others, to saving others, but it still didn’t make an iota of difference.
He could not bring Matt back.
Even if by some miracle her parents and his were OK about him being with Molly, there were still his own doubts over whether he could make her or anyone happy. He had spent so long on his own he wasn’t sure he could handle the emotional intimacy of a long-term relationship. He had never been half of a couple before. His relationships’hook-ups was probably a more accurate term’had never involved the sharing of feelings, hopes, dreams, values and goals. He didn’t know how to be emotionally available to a partner. He didn’t know how to be emotionally available to anyone.
He kept that part of himself tightly locked down. His parents and brothers had all but given up on trying to draw him out. He didn’t want anyone to see the bottomless black hole of despair deep inside him. He had concreted it over with work and responsibilities that would have burnt out a weaker man. He knew it wasn’t healthy, he knew it wasn’t going to make him happy either, but he had long ago resigned himself to a life lived without the contentment and fulfilment other people took for granted.
His hope was that Molly would finally come to see he was not worth the effort.
* * *
Molly was at Claire Mitchell’s bedside as Lucas came into ICU. She had worked tirelessly with Claire each day and he had been impressed by her dedication and patience. Claire had a long road ahead of her and would have to spend months in a rehab facility, learning to walk and talk again. But at least she was going to make it. Her parents would still have their daughter, even if she wasn’t quite as physically able as she had been.
Tim Merrick, on the other hand, was an ongoing nightmare. The CSF leak from his ear had increased overnight. The base-of-skull fracture had entered the middle-ear cavity and opened up a potential entry point of bacteria. Lucas had repeated an EEG but there was still little brain activity. The transplant team had contacted him earlier that morning but he had refused to enter into a discussion about harvesting Tim’s organs. He was treating Tim hour by hour, refusing to give up hope, even though a part of him was seriously starting to doubt there would be any chance of him recovering. He kept thinking of Hamish Fisher, how shattered he had looked that morning as he had been discharged from hospital. Lucas remembered it all too well’the day he had walked out of the hospital, with his best mate lying cold and lifeless in the morgue.
At least Tim was still alive’for now.
‘Claire, can you hear me?’ Molly was saying. ‘Open your eyes. Lift your arm. Wriggle your toes.’
‘Is she responding?’ Lucas asked.
‘Yes, she opened her eyes a couple of times,’ she said. ‘She’s fighting the ventilator. Her intracranial pressure and all other obs are stable. I think it’s time to start weaning her off the ventilator and sedation. I’ve asked the nurse to let me know if her stats drop. How is Tim Merrick doing? I heard things got worse overnight.’
He gave her a grim look. ‘I’ve started high-dose imipenem and gentamicin and I’ve just spoken to the ID doctor about recommendations for antibiotic cover. If we don’t get on top of this quickly, his chance of a recovery is going to disappear. The next forty-eight hours are going to be critical.’
‘Jacqui told me the transplant team called,’ Molly said, giving him a pained look.
Lucas drew in a tight breath. ‘Yes, but I’m not going to make any decision until we repeat the EEG a couple of times at least.’
‘His parents seem resigned’’
‘His parents are shocked and upset,’ he said. ‘They need more time to come to terms with their son’s injuries. It’s too early to say how things will pan out. Trust me, Molly. I know what I’m doing.’
She caught her lower lip with her teeth. ‘I was wondering if you had a minute to talk...in private, I mean.’
‘I’ll be in my offIce in about twenty minutes,’ he said. ‘I have a couple more charts to write up first.’
* * *
Molly knocked on Lucas’s open office door but he was on the phone and gestured to her to come in and sit down. She closed the door and came over to the chair opposite his desk, not sitting down but waiting for him to finish his call.
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‘Sorry about that,’ he said, and placed his phone on the desk. ‘It’s been one of those mornings. Everyone wants everything yesterday.’
‘Yes...’
He studied her for a moment. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked.
Molly let out a little breath. ‘I was wondering how we’re going to handle this...um, situation between us. A couple of the nurses were talking in the change room when I came in this morning. I didn’t know what to say.’
‘There’s nothing to say,’ he said.
‘It’s not that simple,’ she said. ‘I think people are going to put two and two together pretty quickly. I’m not sure how to deal with it. We didn’t get a chance to talk about it this morning.’
He blew out an impatient breath. ‘Personally I can’t see why it’s anyone’s business. I don’t go around asking staff members who they’re sleeping with, do you?’
‘No, of course not.’
He raked a hand through his hair as he leaned back forcefully in his chair. ‘What do they want us to do? Release a press statement or something? God. Why don’t these people have lives of their own instead of speculating about everyone else’s?’
‘If you’d rather not have people know about us then I’ll deny any rumours.’
He leaned forward again and dropped his hand back down on the desk with a little thump. ‘These things have a habit of fizzling out after a week or two,’ he said. ‘It’s best just to ignore the speculation.’
‘I’m sorry...’
He gave her a wry look. ‘Why are you apologising?’
Molly dropped her shoulders. ‘I seem to have made your life even more complicated.’
‘Yes, well, it’s not as if it’s going to be that way for ever,’ he said, making a business of shuffling the papers on his desk.
‘You can come right out and say it, you know,’ she said, hurt at how he seemed to have filed her away too, as if she was something temporary he had to deal with. ‘You don’t have to spare my feelings or anything. I understand this is just a fling between us.’
Their Most Forbidden Fling Page 10
