by Holly Jacobs
Actually being burned might be less painful.
She folded her arms across her chest and nodded. “Okay.”
He stood, grinning. “Let me have a shower and we’ll go.”
“I’ll go get Aaron,” she said.
“Where is he?”
“Out back with Elmer.”
“Tell you what, you find him, I’ll get dressed and we’ll stop at Taco Bell for our picnic. You always liked Mexican food.”
Lou laughed. “There’s one right on Peninsula Drive. I bet I can still outeat you when it comes to tacos.”
“We’ll just see about that,” he said with a chuckle as he started to leave to get ready.
He turned. “Hey, Lou?”
“Yes?”
“Thanks.”
His gratitude about such a small thing left her choked up. Each time she saw how hard he was trying with Aaron, the thought that she’d denied him his son for so long cut at her.
She couldn’t undo the past, she reminded herself for the umpteenth time. But she could work with the future and make sure Joe and Aaron got all the time they needed to build a close relationship.
To build the kind of family that she and Joe never had…a talk show kind of family.
It was perfect, Joe thought as he sat on a blanket next to Louisa. Aaron was running around on the beach, tossing a loaf of stale bread to the seagulls, piece by piece.
She sat next to him, close but not touching.
An almost overwhelming urge to reach out and wrap his arm around her kept pulsing through his body, but he resisted, sure she wouldn’t welcome his touch and wishing more than anything that she would.
“Mom,” Aaron suddenly screamed. “It’s almost time.”
He ran the short distance that separated him from the blanket and plopped down between Joe and Lou. His thigh brushed against Joe’s, and Aaron didn’t pull away.
That one small touch warmed Joe’s heart. Aaron was adjusting to him. The boy wasn’t calling him Dad, but he’d referred to him as “my dad” a couple of times. Each time was like a gift, and Joe was warmed.
“Look, it’s almost happening.”
“What is happening?” Joe asked, not that he cared. What mattered was he was here with Louisa and his son. It was a talk-show-family kind of moment.
“The sun’s going to hit the water in a minute,” Aaron said.
“Oh.”
He turned. “Don’t you know the story?”
Joe shrugged. “Afraid not.”
“When the sun hits the water, you can hear it hiss if you listen hard enough. Whenever Mom and I come out we listen, but we’ve never quite heard it. I almost did once, but then a bunch of seagulls started squawking for more bread. That’s why I quit feeding them early today. Maybe they’ll be quiet and we’ll finally hear it. Have you ever heard it?”
Joe shook his head. “No, but where I lived there wasn’t a big lake like this one.”
“I know. It’s so big, it’s like an ocean. You can sit here and believe that it really is the end of the earth. That’s what Mom says.”
“What else does Mom say?” Joe asked.
Louisa’s eyes met his over their son’s head, and she glared at him.
She was annoyed he was pumping Aaron for information on her.
Joe could live with her annoyance.
She was avoiding talking to him just as much as she was avoiding touching him. And if she wouldn’t talk, Joe had learned enough about his son in the past few weeks to know Aaron would.
Talking was one of the things Aaron did best.
“We sometimes go out back at home and watch the stars. Mom says each star is a wish. She’s got one special one—it hangs right over the big tree out back. I asked what that wish was, but she said it was one that would never come true. But she likes to look at it and think about what it would be like if it had.”
Joe had a wish like that. A wish he’d never thought would come true, and yet here he was, sitting on the beach with it…with them.
“Shh.” Aaron said. “Here it goes.”
Joe noted that they all three moved forward slightly, as if they might hear the hiss if they were closer.
The sun sank in all its pink-hued glory and touched the water.
“Did you hear it?” Aaron whispered.
“No. Sorry,” Joe said. “Did you?”
“Nope. But there was that little bit of wind. It probably blew the hiss back into the water.”
“Probably.”
“Maybe next time. Mom says, There’s always next time.” He sprang up, grabbed the rest of his bread and ran back to the seagulls.
“Is that right?” Joe asked Louisa.
She turned her head toward him, but her eyes didn’t meet his. “Is what right?”
“That there’s always next time?” Joe asked softly.
“Yes,” she said softly. “At least when it comes to sunsets.”
“And what about us?” he asked, though he hadn’t meant to.
The discovery that he still had feelings for Louisa—even though he wasn’t sure what they were—was building in his chest, like a balloon pressing against his ribs, just aching to get out.
“What about us?” she asked, inching away from him.
“Is there a chance that this time—our next time—we can get it right?”
“Do you want to?” she asked softly.
“To be honest, I don’t know what I want. When you left, it just about killed me. And when I found you in the shop that first day…I don’t know how to explain all the emotions. There was an initial sense of elation that you were there. And as I realized that you’d been in Erie all this time, a sense of, I don’t know quite what it was, but it was warm. The thought that you’d come here just like we’d planned…It made me happy. I would have asked you out to dinner, would have wanted to catch up and see if we could reconnect. And then…” he paused.
“And then Aaron came in,” she supplied.
“It was like a physical blow. I had a son. You’d had him all this time and I’d never known. I was furious, I was heartbroken.”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I can’t tell you how sorry. I keep saying it and I mean it. If I could go back, if I could undo it, I would.”
“It wasn’t just you I was mad at. It was me. I went along with my parents’ ruse. And Elmer said something the other day—”
“Joe, I’m sorry. Elmer shouldn’t have said anything. I’ve warned him, but warning Elmer doesn’t always work. I’ll talk to him.”
“Don’t be sorry. He was right. I should have insisted that you get involved with my family. He said I hid you away.”
“No, no you didn’t,” she said. “I didn’t want to go to your family functions. I knew how they felt about me.”
“I should have insisted that they accept you,” he said.
“You can’t force people to accept each other. And, Joe, this was my fault. I should have trusted you. I should have told you.”
“But—”
“We can’t do this. We keep coming back to this, coming back to a past neither of us can change. Maybe we both made mistakes. We’ve both apologized, and that’s that. We can’t beat ourselves up over the past. We could spend the rest of Aaron’s childhood arguing about whose mistakes were the biggest ones, but it wouldn’t get us anywhere.”
“So, we’re back to the question, what do we do with this second chance?” he said softly.
“I’d like to think we could learn to be friends again. I missed that. A hundred times a day I’d see something or hear something and think, I’ve got to tell Joe. Even now, before we met again, every now and then something would happen and my first thought was telling you. And every time I realized I couldn’t, it was like right after I left, the pain.”
He held out his hand. “Friends?”
She hesitated a split second, and he wasn’t sure she was going to take his hand, but she did.
Her hand felt warm in his.
&
nbsp; Warm and right.
“Friends,” she said. “It was where we started before. Maybe with time we can trust each other and find something new.”
She gently pulled her hand out of his.
Joe wanted to grab it back, to pull her into his arms, but he simply watched her get up and walk to where Aaron was still feeding the gulls.
This trip to the beach had been a good thing. Something had changed between them. Louisa might think they were becoming friends again, but Joe suspected it was something more.
Or that it could be something more.
The sun sank below the horizon, leaving a pink tinge in its wake.
When the bread ran out, Aaron came running back to the blanket.
“Aaron, your father and I wanted to ask you about something.” She shot Joe a look.
Like old times, he knew what she was thinking. She was going to talk to Aaron about changing his last name. He wasn’t sure if this was the time. Aaron had just started warming up to him and—
Louisa continued. “When you were born I didn’t give you a name for almost a week. I knew you were Aaron. Aaron Joseph. But I couldn’t decide if I should give you your father’s last name or mine. Finally, I decided on mine, mainly because it would be easier. But your father’s back and he’s not going anywhere. Not ever. He’s a part of your life now. Nothing’s going to change that. And we talked.” She looked at Joe.
“Listen, Aaron, this is totally up to you. Your mom and I agreed. If you want, I mean, I’d like, but I’d understand…” He just couldn’t think of how to phrase the question so a seven-year-old would understand.
Louisa smiled at him, then at their son. “When you want—if you want—we can change your name to Aaron Joseph Delacamp. It’s up to you.”
“And neither of us will be mad no matter what you decide.”
“I can change my name?” Aaron asked.
Joe nodded.
“Hey, maybe I’ll change it to Peter. Like Spiderman. Or Bruce, like Batman, or—”
“Your last name,” Louisa said with a laugh. “Because if you were going to change your first name it would have to be something like Goof. Yes, if I were naming you today, I’d totally go with something like Goofball Clancy. Or Goofball Delacamp.”
Aaron giggled. “Nah.”
“How about Stinky Boy?” Joe asked, knowing that Louisa was turning a tough decision into something fun.
“Stinky Boy would be a good name for a superhero. Stinky Boy to the rescue,” Louisa said.
“Yeah,” Aaron said, his eyes alight. “Stinky Boy never takes a bath. He just stinks the bad guys to death.”
“Yes, Stinky Boy would be a good superhero,” Louisa said with a laugh. “And accurate. It’s time to go home. You need a bath.”
She let the question of Aaron’s last name wait as they all packed up their impromptu picnic, laughing about Stinky Boy’s superstink powers.
Yes, Joe realized, he and Louisa had turned a corner. He wasn’t sure where it would take them, but he was sure that he was looking forward to finding out.
“The pizza party’s this weekend,” Pearly said.
“I was just going to pop in after work and then pop out,” Louisa said.
“Nonsense,” Pearly said. “You bring Aaron and Joe. The Five and Dine is closing down Saturday night. Susan is ordering pizza, so even her staff has the night off. The whole of Perry Square will be there. Libby’s even bringing the baby. He’s a real cutie.”
“But—”
“I already talked to Joe,” Pearly said, “and he said it was fine with him if it was fine with you.”
“But—”
“So, about seven.”
“Pearly,” Louisa moaned, even though she knew moaning wasn’t going to do her any good.
The woman was a story-telling steamroller. Crushing every argument that stood in her path.
“Louisa, it’s just a party,” Pearly said with a tut. “A party we had planned for a while. It’s not a reception, though I still think we’ll be planning one of those soon enough. It’s just a great opportunity for your friends to meet your son’s father.”
“Fine,” Louisa said, throwing up her hands in defeat. “You win.”
Pearly laughed. “I never doubted that I would.”
Louisa didn’t know how to handle the people on Perry Square. They were a tight-knit community. A family. And when she’d moved The Chocolate Bar here, they’d taken her into their fold, making her one of their own.
During her youth she’d had Joe. Then she’d had Elmer and Aaron.
It wasn’t as if she couldn’t connect with people. But this sense of family, this bond of the people who worked on Perry Square, she still didn’t quite know how to handle it.
“Did I ever tell you about Buster McClinnon?” Pearly asked, cutting into her thoughts.
Despite the fact she felt as if she was being forced into this party, Louisa couldn’t help but smile.
“No, I don’t believe you have.”
“He thought he was all that and then some. A big track star. But one day he planted a kiss on me, underneath the mistletoe. I guess he thought he could outrun me if I got annoyed, but I showed him.”
Despite herself, Louisa laughed and said, “What did you do?”
“I chased him all right, chased him out into the hall away from the party and then…”
“Then?” Louisa asked.
“I kissed him back.” Pearly grinned.
“Guess you showed him.”
“You’re darned tootin’. I ruined him for other women.”
“So what happened to Buster after that?”
“Don’t know,” Pearly said with a soft smile and a faraway look in her eyes. “We graduated, went our separate ways. But now and then I think about him and those kisses. They were pretty special.”
Pearly gave herself a little shake. “That’s not why I told his story. I simply wanted to point out that I tend to win, so of course I won about the party. I like winning.”
“Really?” Louisa asked, with sarcasm practically dripping from her voice.
“And I like it when people obey.” She turned to leave. “And, Louisa, you might want to come visit me at Snips and Snaps before the party. I’ll give you a trim, and Josie will do your nails up real pretty. As a matter of fact, I’m putting your name down for Saturday at three-thirty so you’ll be in fine shape for the party. Don’t be late.”
Louisa got home that night and told Joe and Aaron that they were apparently all expected at the party.
“I’ll see Meg!” Aaron yelled. “I better go practice my signs.”
“Signs?” Joe asked.
“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Meg can’t hear with her ears, so she hears with her eyes. We have to talk on our fingers. Mom taught me the alphabet, but I don’t spell too well, so I’ve been learning words, too. Mom bought a bunch of books. And Meg doesn’t get mad when I goof up. She helps me. But I’m going to go practice.”
He ran out of the room.
“Well, he’s obviously excited,” Joe said with a smile. “Too bad his mother looks like she’s on her way to the guillotine. Come on, Lou, it should be fun.”
“Yeah, fun,” Louisa repeated, though she knew there was a decided lack of enthusiasm in her voice. “I moved to Erie looking for a sense of anonymity, something we never had in Lyonsville. Then I move the store to Perry Square. It’s like living in a small town all over again…everyone knows everything about everyone.”
“And you still don’t want people to know about me?” he asked.
“Would you get over yourself, Joseph Anthony Delacamp,” she said, using his full name just like she used to when she was annoyed. “Despite what you think, this isn’t about you. It’s about me. I don’t like being the center of attention. I feel awkward, I feel just like I did back in Lyonsville, as if I won’t measure up.”
She shrugged, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll deal with it.”
“Lou, I’m sorry.”
“Not your problem. It’s mine. I’ve worked so hard at moving beyond that time. I put this mask on every day and pretend I’m a confident, successful businesswoman and a good mother. And I’ve pretended so long that sometimes I believe it. But every now and then a small crack shows through, and I realize that no matter how much I pretend, Clancy’s kid from Lyonsville is still in there hiding out.”
“Well, Clancy’s kid has no reason to hide. She’s grown into a pretty amazing woman.”
Louisa felt her cheeks warm. “Thank you. And if you’re going to be my cheering section let me return the favor by saying that you’ve grown into a pretty amazing man.”
“Thanks.”
Joe reached out and traced the line of her jaw with his forefinger.
It was just a featherlight caress, but it shook Louisa in ways she could never explain.
Her first instinct was to draw back, to try to keep the distance between her and Joe. But instead she moved forward, stepping into his arms. “Hold me for a moment, okay?”
She’d barely gotten the words out of her mouth when his arms engulfed her, pulling her into his embrace, pressing her face against his chest.
Louisa drank in the scent of him, basked in the familiar warmth. Years might have passed, things may have changed, but not this, not this feeling of coming home, of belonging.
“Louisa,” he whispered before he kissed her.
Soft and sweet, his lips pressed to hers.
And though she knew she should pull free, knew this would only complicate an already complicated situation, Louisa kissed him back. What started out soft and tender quickly escalated, becoming hard and demanding. And in that kiss she rediscovered what had been missing for so long…her heart.
Chapter Six
“Meg!” Aaron cried, minutes after they walked into the party that Saturday. “Meg!” He forgot the little girl couldn’t hear him.
Still calling her name, he ran across the room and Joe could see his fingers flying.
Aaron had taught Joe the alphabet so he could say hi to Meg when he met her. “I want her to meet my dad,” he’d said.
It didn’t get old—hearing Aaron refer to him as “my dad.”
Joe mentally reviewed the signs for “Hi, my name is Joe,” because he didn’t want to disappoint Aaron.
