"Come and go in with us," Katie offered walking back to the entryway, ignoring Ciarán's raised eyebrows. Jocelyn answered her before he could offer his comment on the invitation.
"Sorry, Liam has said that if I dare cross that threshold without him now that I am this pregnant, he will paint my butt fire engine red. When he sees the tree, he will probably extend the no access zone to the whole area. I am far too uncomfortable now to add unable to sit to the long list of aches and pains, so I'll pass on the invite. I don't know why I put up with the insufferable bully, but," she shrugged and grinned, "I do. I don't really think my butt is in danger being this pregnant but why risk it. Besides, I rather agree." She paused for a moment and then seemed to remember something. "Oh, Katie, I came over to ask if you could help me look at nursery things if you are not too busy? Then we will finish your wedding reception layout. This family is growing and we need to make sure we are ready for the whole gang. Are you sure you don't want to wait until the end of February when I am guaranteed not to look like a beached whale? No? Well, I'll tell Liam about the tree when I get back to the house."
Jocelyn turned with deliberate effort when she heard her husband call out to her in a warning. "Oops, got to go appease my tyrant before he thinks I am not following one of his many 'love inspired' edicts. Don't tell him I said that, Ciarán." Jocelyn's big grin belied her words. "Come to the house when you two are done, Katie. It looks like it might snow again soon." Turning around completely, she went to follow her husband back into the warmth of the house, listening to his chastisement for being out in the weather, cold as it was.
"All right, come on, a stóirín, let me show you how your new house is coming along."
For the next hour, they wandered the house looking at and planning on how they dreamed they would use and enjoy it. There stood about five acres between the two families. It was a five-minute brisk walk from Liam's to Ciarán's and the women were happy with that closeness. At first, the brothers thought it was too close and were going to space them further apart. However, both Katie and Jocelyn had begged their men please not build them too far apart because they wanted to be able to go back and forth without too long a trek. As it was, they could see each other's house, but not much else. The men agreed after trying to reason why more space in between the houses might be better. The women, with the help of the O'Connor sister Kelli and her legal head for arguments, won the day.
Now with Kelli and her new beau, Parker Jamison, on the scene, maybe in another year, they would be building another O'Connor home. Kelli thought it would be more likely that Cián, the last O'Connor, would come back to open his veterinarian practice. Who knew; he might be ready to settle with a young lady by then. Possibly even Quinlan, the middle son and middle child, before Kelli would settle down enough to marry.
Now with Katie and Ciarán close to their wedding date, Katie could feel her nerves becoming more tangled than ever. Jocelyn had been able to help her deal with Ciarán's opinions, but Jos also had her hands full with the safe house project, her pregnancy, that enormous family of children they were adopting, and Liam. That left many times that Katie felt alone in dealing with everything coming her way. The issues of juggling time, Ciarán, job, wedding, new personalities, and changes in life got in the way of her joy.
Like today, she was looking at the house, but there were rules to do that. Katie wanted to begin moving her things into Jocelyn and Liam's house and the rest into storage. In his typical take-charge way, Ciarán, after telling her to do whatever made her happy, decided that he would just handle it. He loaded everything in a horse trailer and placed it all in one of the outbuildings for storage. When she had begun to protest, he had looked hurt and said it was his privilege to take care of her.
Jocelyn tried to fill her in on some of her DD home life and Liam overheard her.
"Jocelyn O'Connor, I told you not to discuss this subject with Katie. That is private and an area that she and Ciarán need to discuss alone. I could offer Katie some up close and personal eyewitness experience and take you over my knee for not obeying your husband."
"You don't just punish…" Jocelyn began and then realized that her husband intended to make an exception if she openly defied him. All bets were off if she pointed out their private affairs as far as their agreed upon 'rules of engagement'.
Instead, Jos turned to Katie, smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "He's right. It truly is yours and Ciarán's decision." Just as she stood to leave the room, looking over to make sure Liam was behind the corner desk in the family room, she said, "But the sex afterward is incredible!"
Liam threw his pen down on the desk and Jocelyn, in her very pregnant state, left the room with as great a speed as she could muster.
Once Jocelyn was out of the room, Liam smiled at Katie and said, "Fortunately for her, she is telling the truth."
His head at once went down as he chuckled and went back to his accounting.
Saturday came and the sheetrock went up at the newest O'Connor place. They had hired additional help for the ranch, thereby allowing the brothers to work smarter with specialized help. It enabled them to have more time to complete the house by the end of the month. Winter house building was difficult at the best of times, but since they had framed it in late fall, it was easier. They had come back for Thanksgiving for a week to do the outer walls. Everyone would be coming back in February for the wedding and to complete the inside work. It had been keeping them busy when the weather didn't shut down work altogether.
Dinner over, and work done except for the livestock, Liam encouraged Ciarán to go ahead and take that drive with Katie and he would handle doing the final checks of Ciarán's stock and cowboys.
"I think that would be a good idea," he looked at Liam in response to his suggestion, "looks like snow."
They had put off the conversation of boundaries and both had wanted to talk about them before they were married. Ciarán noticed that she seemed unsure now. The air was thick with unexpressed thoughts, inquiries, desires, and many other, yet unnamed, emotions.
"Ciarán, I'm not sure I can have this conversation. In fact, I am positive I am not ready to have this conversation."
"Why?"
"Because talking about it makes me too uncomfortable, it just seems strange to consider rules to… well, you know."
"You are doing an excellent job. We are talking about it now," Ciarán said in an attempt to lighten the mood. It fell short of its mark. "Okay, so let me lay it out for you and then you can ask your questions, discuss, debate, whatever you want. Just let's get into the halfway cabin and get us a fire going so we can talk without disturbance. I promise that if we get going and you don't feel more at ease, then we will put it off. I think you are putting too much into it."
They pulled over to what Liam first called the halfway cabin because it was roughly halfway down the road between the main house and the south end of the ranch. The name may not have been very inventive, but it was very descriptive. No one needed to guess which cabin it was. It sat on the banks of the Silver Creek and the beginning of this section of uncleared forest.
Ciarán set about starting a roaring fire with the dried kindling and the seasoned wood ready to burn. The cabin was toasty within ten minutes of arriving and had been built with that ability in mind as the cabin was compact with a large fireplace. Once they set the coffee to boil on the hearth, Ciarán and Katie snuggled on the sofa to talk.
"So tell me what it is that makes you so bent on beating your wife's butt?"
His facial response showed his displeasure.
"A chroí, I do not beat my woman. Beating implies anger and intent to harm. As I said before, I don't believe in causing any bruises or doing harm emotionally or physically because I do think that is abuse. You will be my wife; you are the woman that I love with all that I am. I promise to try not to warm your butt in anger or with anything but my hand or my belt if it's warranted; however, I cannot promise never to be angry. We have talked about this and you
agreed on this lifestyle. You trust me not to harm you, don't you?"
Ciarán waited while Katie answered, finally, with some hesitation, nodding her head. It bothered him that she had to think about it a moment and he knew that he had some work to do.
"Okay, so tell me when you would want to chastise this way," Katie asked, still unable to use the word spank.
"Chastise?" Katie saw how Ciarán tried desperately to hide his smile. He was unsuccessful. "That would only be for willful disregard of safety, health, and that includes mental health."
"Okay, safety like when Jocelyn drove to visit her parents and yours after Liam said he didn't want her driving that far alone because it wasn't safe? What if I don't want to talk but need time alone, are you going to be able to read my moods well enough?"
"Yep, just like that. I'm sure they stayed another few days for her traveling comfort, not because Liam was in dire need of a longer home visit," explained Ciarán. "But because that was an immense trust violation as well as a safety issue and I'm sure he burned her bottom. The reading of your moods is something I've been actively working on but am no expert yet. You'll need to tell me if I'm off."
"What do you mean, trust issue? Plus, I wonder how can it be a safety issue if she had driven a lot further than that alone before without incident?"
"Good question. Let me get us some coffee and I'll explain it."
Ciarán got up, got coffee, and then brought out the flavored liquid creamer he'd put in his backpack especially for Katie. He drank his hot and black. Then he sat down with her again.
"Now, the safety issues are things that I, as the head of the house, feel are unsafe even if you don't."
"Wait, what if I don't think there is a problem or I have done it before with no issues?"
"You mean like going hiking alone to Trapper's Lake for the day?" Ciarán asked while he raised his eyebrows in her direction.
"What do you mean? There are no safety issues with me going to Trapper's for the afternoon. I've done it for years with no ill effects and I have a cell phone that works up there… usually."
"What I mean is you'll not be doing it anymore because you'll not go walking for long distances alone again. According to your father, you've been stuck before on more than one occasion. Things like hiking alone more than a mile or so, driving long distances, or through uninhabited areas or volatile areas alone is not to happen anymore. It is an unnecessary risk. Don't give me that face, mo chroí. I call you my heart because you are. I love you, you are all I think about and dream about. I strive to earn your respect, but I am not going to compromise on what could cause you to come to harm." He pulled her into his lap and kissed her hard.
"The trust comes in here when you trust me to make the best decision based on the information that I have at the time. Now, I am not always going to be right in hindsight and neither are you, but I hold the trump card when it comes to yours and later our children's safety. That means, even if you don't agree, if we talk and I don't change my mind, you need to acquiesce. We have already decided this. I know you understand it's out of love, not control."
"Ciarán, that doesn't make any sense. I'm a grown woman, I'm going to do what I want to do and you will not beat me over it."
"I do not, have not, and will not ever beat you. Stop it. We can call it whatever else you are comfortable using. We can discuss things, we can have a talk about things, have a meeting, whatever your heart desires to call it, but I do not beat." Irritated would have only described the first level of emotion Ciarán obviously had on this subject.
Katie wondered if that is what Jocelyn meant when she said do not ever refer to Liam as punishing his wife because he gets very upset with that reference. Liam did not punish. He reconnected with her, released her emotions, they chatted, but he did not punish. Jocelyn, the social worker, was fine with it. Go figure.
"Okay," Katie said in a quiet, subdued tone. "But Ciarán, what am I supposed to think when I don't agree with you? I lived a whole life before you and did so many things like hiking to the lake."
"I don't intend to dictate to you, nor do I intend to do all of those things that you appear to be afraid I'll do. Have I done that so far? What is going through your mind right now? We've talked about all of this. We just need some boundaries to live by. Do you think that Jocelyn, Caoimhe, or Alisha feel as though they are overrun by their husbands? Do they have no free will to do things? "
Ciarán waited while Katie thought about that and she said, "Wait, do you mean all of the men in this family, even the grafted in ones, Andrew, does, this?" Katie rolled her eyes.
She continued, "Sometimes it seems as though they are afraid to do things because their husbands would be upset. For instance, we wanted to run into Missoula and just because it looked like the weather was not optimal, they hesitated. They came up with all sorts of reasons but still it was odd."
"If I remember that day, it was predicted to snow part of the day and into the evening. Caoimhe, Alisha, and Jocelyn have babies or pregnancies to think of beside themselves and that may have been a big factor in the hesitancy. Besides, they know the borders of acceptability with their husbands already, but you don't know ours yet. They trust their husbands, and they respect their place as head of household—most days." He cast a droll smile her way.
Ciarán leaned over and kissed Katie again lightly. He couldn't wait until she was his forever. "I like a little fire and brimstone to keep things clean and fresh so no worries, mo chroí, I will not expect anything but who I know you are. I would be disappointed if you became someone other than the spicy woman I fell in love with."
"Okay, so can we do a trial run or something because it sounds too embarrassing and humiliating?"
Ciarán shook his head. "Sweetheart, we have been doing one. The occasional swat is the real deal. That quirked eyebrow or light touch to your butt cheeks is how it normally is. Degradation is never part of the package. There's no anger associated with it and not a public conversation. Not a punishment for being your own person outside of health and safety. Even then, it is for attention, and if we can talk about it well enough, maybe not even then. If you will not discuss it with me, I might help you break through the wall. That would mean spanking until you fully released but not a moment longer. If appropriate. And of course, there are the 'good girl' kind of spankings that I think you already like but I will make you love."
"What if I said 'no,' would you still marry me?" Katie's voice wavered a bit. Ciarán's look darkened and his voice was dangerously low and ominous. She could not ignore the familiar excitement she always experienced when his emotions were ignited. It was unavoidably exquisite. Her tummy rolled and her clit tingled.
"Katherine Jelese Franklin, did you really just ask me that?" Katie just bit her lip, looked at him and shrugged sheepishly.
"Did I declare my love for you?" Ciarán demanded a response from Katie and she nodded, realizing too late that she had ignited a flame within Ciarán that flared high. I want him to kiss me. Hard. Take me right now. She looked at him and he appeared hurt. She must have misinterpreted.
"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"Did I promise to marry you, protect you, ask you to bear my children? Grow old with me?" He waited for her affirmative albeit timid response.
Ciarán stood up to pace the little cabin and Katie allowed big hot tears to run down her face. He had so rarely been actually angry, unlike Liam, who seemed to react to Jocelyn all the time. Liam exploded or his voice became menacingly hard and Jocelyn loved it. Jocelyn also ignored him. Ciarán was different. He would get quiet as death. He didn't want to scare her, she knew and she knew he disciplined in his relationships. Something else must be going on.
"Ciarán, I'm sorry. I guess I worried that this might be a deal breaker. I didn't think about everything you had committed to me. I figured that you would not want me if I chose not to make rules for you to do… that. I know we talked about this the night you proposed and once later. I guess I have
had time to think about it and I'm worried. Besides, people break up all the time right before they get married. I worry that maybe you won't want me if I don't… you know." Big tears began to run faster down Katie's face and she tried to wipe them as quickly as they fell but was unable to catch up.
Ciarán kissed her eyes, her cheeks, and her mouth sweetly, tenderly, possessively.
After a moment, her tears began to stem. Katie pushed Ciarán back some and said, "Do you want to postpone the wedding until we figure this out?"
Ciarán answered with a growl of frustration and ran his hand through his hair just as his brothers did when they were faced with a dilemma they were unsure as to the remedy or they thought they had fixed earlier. Then he straightened up.
"I need you to tell me why you are so hesitant so that I can address the specific worry."
Katie waited but knew she needed to tell him some of what had happened to her to help him understand.
"I have something I need to tell you."
"Now we are getting somewhere." He showed the relief in his voice as well as physically.
He pulled Katie back into his lap and allowed her to cuddle in and then he waited.
"When I was in college, I had a boyfriend." Ciarán tightened his hold but didn't speak. "He was into the same types of things I thought I was into or at least wanted to explore. He became violent after a while and so controlling that he told me what to wear and where to go, isolated me, things like that."
"That is why when I said things about your clothes last Fourth of July you were upset."
"Kind of, I also didn't want you to think I was different than other women you might have gone out with. Therefore, I dressed in a way that would keep your eyes on me. Anyway, you were right; I was wrong then. Anyway, after I ended it, he wouldn't stay away and so I got help and moved to another college. I haven't seen him since."
"So this domestic discipline scares you. You know I would never hurt you or try to stop all the incredible things you do. What happened in the bedroom, Katie?"
Rancher's Creed (Ciaran O'Connor Book 2) Page 2
