by Rosie Clarke
By the standards of the beautiful chateaux we had visited on our travels, it was very small, not as old as some, and had been refurbished with modern conveniences in the form of bathrooms and a well-equipped kitchen. Its yellow stone walls had a mellowed look, the wooden shutters on the windows painted green. There was a dovecote above the gatepost and a stream crossed our land on its way to the river.
‘It’s perfect, Emmie, don’t you think so?’ Lizzy said when we drove up the narrow approach road and discovered the house half hidden by trees. ‘So beautiful … and peaceful.’
‘Yes – and there is a farm near by,’ I said. ‘I think we can probably buy eggs, milk and butter there – and I noticed a bakery and butcher’s shop in the village as we came through. I can always drive into town when we need to do a big shop.’ I smiled at her as she wandered down to the stream. She sat on the bank and dangled her bare feet in the water. I followed and sat beside her, resisting the urge to do the same. ‘What do you think, darling? Shall we buy it?’
‘Can we afford it?’ She shaded her eyes to look at me. The sun was particularly warm that afternoon, especially here in this sheltered place.
‘Yes, I think so,’ I said and smiled at her. ‘It is very reasonable. I couldn’t buy a house like this at home for the money, Lizzy. But are you sure you will be happy here? There isn’t much going on, and it’s quite a way from the town.’
‘It’s just what I need,’ she said. ‘I can study and wait for my baby.’ She placed her hands on the gentle swell of her belly and smiled.
‘Then we’ll settle on it today,’ I said. ‘It has been fun looking round, Lizzy – but I shall be glad when we’re in. There is some furniture with the house, but I shall have to buy more. I’ll have a look in Orleans, but if we can’t see everything we want, I may go to Paris – but not yet. I am sure we can buy most of what we need …’
Lizzy looked at me dreamily. ‘I think I could stay here for ever …’
‘Just until the baby is born,’ I said with a smile. ‘You have a career to think about, Lizzy.’
‘Yes, I haven’t forgotten,’ she said. ‘Once we’re settled, I’m going to get on with my studies properly.’
Life at the chateau soon drifted into a slow, tranquil routine. Lizzy applied herself to her books, often taking them out to the orchard where the gardener we had found had fixed up a comfortable wooden swing with cushions for her to sit in. It had its own canopy of yellow sailcoth to shade her; this could be pulled out or folded up as she chose, and was extremely comfortable.
Andre was a young strong man, with rather dark Latin looks and curling hair that always looked as if it was wet. He worked hard for very little money, supplying us with fresh fruit and vegetables from the well-stocked gardens.
Whenever we wanted a chicken or duck for our dinner, Andre would kill and clean them for us, and he kept us supplied with eggs, milk and wonderful fresh butter from his parents’ farm. Sometimes, there was a plump fish that he had caught himself, and he told me where to buy all the wonderful fruit for which the region was famous.
I thought that he might have fallen a little in love with Lizzy. And who could blame him? As the weeks and then months passed, there was a radiance about her as she wandered the meadows and little winding roads surrounding our home. People smiled at her, waving their hands when they saw her. Lizzy always waved back, and I knew that she was liked and admired by everyone we came to know.
It was a pleasant way of life, and one that I found I enjoyed more than I would ever have thought possible. I had expected to long for London, but somehow I did not.
Sometimes, we went into town or visited the beautiful rose gardens around Orleans and Doue-la-Fontaine. There were also the forests and heaths of the Sologne, and the Forest of Orleans, but Lizzy did not feel like going far these days. She was becoming rather large as time passed, and the doctor we visited in Orleans was concerned that she should come into his clinic for the birth.
‘I think perhaps we have two babies in there, madame,’ he told me privately. ‘She does very well, the little one – but for the sake of the children she should be here for the birth.’
We agreed that Lizzy would move into the clinic a week before the birth was due. I was a little anxious for her as time passed, but Lizzy was serene. She seemed lost in her own private world, content to let the days drift on, and to study.
‘I think I would like to live here,’ she told me one afternoon when she had been resting on her bed. ‘One day, when I’m older, I’ll have a house just like this one.’
‘You know this house is yours whenever you need it, Lizzy.’ I sometimes sat with her when she rested, reading to her or sewing tiny garments for the baby. ‘I love being here, too – but I shall be just as happy when we’re back in London. And you will too, darling, when you’re at college. You are too young to bury yourself here in the country – and too bright not to make the most of your life.’
Lizzy pressed her hands against her swollen belly and laughed.
‘He kicked again,’ she said. ‘He’s so restless … just like James.’
‘When are you going to tell James?’
‘I don’t know – perhaps never,’ she said. ‘He hasn’t written to us. I don’t think that is very nice of him, do you?’
‘I suppose he has been busy,’ I said. ‘You know what James is, darling. When he starts working he forgets everything. And he was very cross with us both when he went away.’
‘Yes …’ She sighed and looked unhappy. ‘But he could have sent me a postcard now and then.’
I had telephoned Sol just that morning to ask if anything important had come in the post.
‘I should send it on if it had,’ he told me, sounding a little put out because I had asked. ‘Surely you know that, Emma?’
‘Yes, of course I do. I was just asking, for Lizzy’s sake. Anyway, I miss talking to you. How are you? How are things at the showrooms?’
‘Busy as ever. Francine has come up with some new ideas again.’ He hesitated then, ‘She has been feeling a bit restless, Emma. She threatened to leave us last week – but I think I’ve managed to talk her out of it.’
‘How did you do that?’
‘I’ll tell you when you get back,’ he said evasively. ‘When do you expect to be home?’
‘In April, I should think. The baby is due about the end of March.’
‘That’s another two months …’ He sighed. ‘Oh, well …’
I thought he sounded very down, not at all like himself.
‘Is something wrong, Sol? You’re not ill, are you?’
‘No, of course not. Fit as a flea!’
‘But something is upsetting you?’
‘No, not really. Except that Jack was here last week. He wanted to see you. I told him you had gone away for a while, that I didn’t know where you were or when you would be back. I’m not sure that he believed me … I think he thought I was being evasive, trying to stop him seeing you.’
‘Jack was in England – looking for me? Are you sure it was me he wanted and not James?’ My heart caught suddenly and I was breathless for a moment. ‘Did he say what he wanted?’
‘No. Just that if I did hear from you, I was to tell you he wanted to see you.’
‘Oh … well, perhaps he will write.’
‘If he does I’ll send the letter on.’
‘Yes, thank you,’ I said. ‘Sol … did he say anything about his wife?’
‘Not to me. If you had been here, you could have spoken to him yourself.’
I was puzzled as I replaced the receiver. Sol had seemed angry with me for a while now – why? What had changed between us?
Had I taken him too much for granted over the years? I had thought our friendship was rock solid, but of late he had been short with me several times.
Perhaps it was time I started to look for a house of my own in London? Sol might not take kindly to the sound of a child crying in the house. He was so youthful that I sometimes
forgot that he was more than twenty years older than me.
Lizzy looked at me as I carried a tray of coffee and cakes I had baked out to her in the garden. ‘Something wrong, Emmie?’
‘Sol was cross over something, but I don’t know what.’
‘Surely you know what’s the matter with him, Emmie?’ I shook my head and she laughed. ‘He’s always been in love with you. Why don’t you marry him?’
‘Marry Sol?’ I thought about it, then frowned. ‘No, it wouldn’t work. I don’t love him in that way. It would make him unhappy. I’ve taken him for granted all these years, and I shouldn’t have. I think I shall buy a house of my own when we go back.’
‘Why don’t you live here?’
‘You wouldn’t be able to see the baby very often then,’ I pointed out. ‘You will want to visit as often as you can, Lizzy – besides, I have the shops to think about. Gwen took them on as a temporary measure, and she will continue to help me for a few years, but one day she will want to retire.’
‘What about you, Emmie? Wouldn’t you like to have more time for yourself? Wouldn’t you like to travel – go to America and visit Jane Melcher? You’ve talked about it often. Why not sell everything and have some fun for yourself?’
‘Perhaps one day,’ I agreed. ‘I’m too young to think about retiring just yet, darling.’ But I had thought about it. I had thought it would be nice to let my hair down and just have fun.
‘I suppose so,’ she said, ‘but it makes me sad to think of you alone. You should be with someone who loves you.’
‘I have you and soon we shall have the baby to share,’ I said. ‘I’ve loved being here with you, Lizzy. We’ve been so happy together – but we must go back, darling.’
‘Yes, of course we must,’ she said, but I wasn’t sure she was convinced.
Did she regret the decision she had taken not to go away with James when he asked her? If she had, I knew they would have married long ago. James would not have deserted her. I was sure he loved her, but he had been taught to expect too much of his own way.
My one real wish was that he would realize what he was missing and come home before too long.
Chapter 15
I had been to the village to post some letters. It was a pleasant spring afternoon, and I was walking back thinking how much I would miss this place when we finally went home. Perhaps Lizzy was right … perhaps I should think of retiring soon …
I was startled from my reverie by a shout, and saw Andre racing towards me, his expression such that my heart caught with fear. I went to meet him.
‘What is it, Andre?’ I asked. ‘Is it Lizzy – has something happened to her?’
‘The baby come,’ he said. ‘The little one fall on the ground near the stream and I find her lying still, eyes closed. I carry her to Maman … she send me to find you.’
It was ten days too soon! I had been going to take Lizzy to the clinic that weekend. Now it was too late. She was about to have her baby in a farmhouse.
If she died, I would never forgive myself. What were we doing here in this isolated backwater? Lizzy could have been at home in London, with all the best doctors to care for her. Sol’s words came back to haunt me. He had warned me that I was not wise to bring Lizzy to France, away from her family and friends.
‘Have you sent for the doctor?’ I cried. ‘Is he coming?’
‘He comes soon,’ Andre assured me. ‘You do not worry, madame. Maman knows what she does. The baby will be safe, and the little one.’
He seemed so cheerful that my fears were temporarily allayed, but I was still anxious as I hurried on ahead of him to the farmhouse. He did not know how dangerous it could be for a woman at times like these – and we had been warned that Lizzy might need special care.
As I entered the house I heard a baby crying. I ran upstairs, following the sound. A door at the end of the corridor stood open. I could see Lizzy sitting up in bed and Madame Brenne was about to place a child in her arms.
‘Lizzy darling,’ I cried as I went in, then stopped as I saw that there were two babies. One had been wrapped in a white cloth, which covered its body, and face and I felt the chill strike me. ‘Are you all right?’
Lizzy looked at me, tears trickling down her cheeks. ‘Little Emily was born first,’ she said in a choking voice. ‘She’s fine, Emmie – but Jamie had the cord round his neck. I stopped pushing because the pains had stopped, and then … he was dead when we realized …’ She could not go on, her head bent over her daughter as the tears flowed.
‘I shall take the poor little one away,’ Madame Brenne said. ‘Andre will make a basket for him, and we shall bury him here, amongst us. Forgive me, madame, there was no more I could do. I am not a doctor and the first one came quick … I did not realise the other one …’
‘It isn’t your fault, madame,’ I told her. ‘You did what you could – you may have saved Lizzy and little Emily. I am very grateful for your help.’
I went to sit on the edge of the bed, reaching for Lizzy’s hand.
‘I’m so sorry, darling. If I had been here I could have taken you to the clinic.’
‘It might not have been in time,’ she said, wiping her hand across her eyes. ‘It was my fault. I was restless. I went for a walk by the stream, caught my foot and fell. I brought my labour on too soon … I should have been resting, like you told me.’
‘Oh, Lizzy,’ I said, bending to kiss her. ‘Don’t blame yourself, darling. It was just one of those things. It could have happened if you had been in the hospital. Even the doctors might not have been able to save him.’
‘Yes, I suppose so …’ she said, but I could see she did not believe it. ‘You told me to stay in the house and rest while you were gone. I should have done what you told me.’
‘No, darling,’ I said. ‘I shouldn’t have left you so close to your time. I’m very sorry.’
‘Do you think James will blame me for killing his son?’
‘Oh, Lizzy …’ I felt the pain strike at my heart. ‘Of course he won’t. When he comes home we’ll tell him about little Emily. He will love her – and one day you might have another child.’
She nodded and bent to kiss the top of her baby’s head, but she didn’t say anything. The tears continued to trickle down her cheeks, and I knew nothing I could say would help.
I wished that I had been with her, or that we had stayed at home. Perhaps then both twins would have lived.
It had been my idea to come here, and now it had ended in tragedy.
‘I’m worried about her,’ I said to Sheila that May morning. ‘I had expected to be back in London by now, but Lizzy says she’s not ready. She hardly leaves the baby for a moment. I think she is afraid Emily will die if she isn’t with her with her the whole time. I don’t think she sleeps much.’
‘I’d noticed Lizzy was looking a bit fragile,’ Sheila said, looking concerned. ‘She’s blaming herself, of course. It’s natural in the circumstances. I expect she will get over it in time.’
‘I asked if she still wanted to be a doctor. She says she does, but not yet – that the baby must come first.’ I frowned. ‘The trouble is, I have to get back to London. Sol insists he needs me there, and Gwen wants to have a talk about the shops … I can’t force Lizzy to come if she wants to stay here, but I don’t want to leave her like this.’
‘You go,’ Sheila said. ‘I’ll stay here with her, Emma. You’ve done as much as you can. It’s my turn to look after her for a while.’
‘Would you mind? I’ll come back as soon as I can.’
Sheila had decided to marry again now that her divorce from Todd was final. The wedding was due to take place at the end of May, but I could see no reason why I should not be back by then.
‘Tom will just have to wait,’ Sheila said. ‘This time Lizzy is going to come first. Don’t worry, Emma. I’ll keep an eye on her. I’m not such a soft touch as you. She might decide to come out of herself if she doesn’t have your shoulder to cry on all the time.’<
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‘You’re nearly as bad,’ I said. ‘Especially when it comes to your grandchild. I’ve seen you picking her up and gloating over her when you thought no one was looking.’
‘Well, she is rather delicious, isn’t she?’
‘Gorgeous,’ I said and smiled at her. We were united as never before in our adoration of the wonderful Emily. ‘So we’re agreed then? Lizzy stays here for the moment. I’ll come back when I’ve sorted things out at home, then we’ll see what she wants to do.’
Lizzy kissed me goodbye the next morning, and told me not to worry. ‘I shall be all right,’ she said. ‘I just need to think about things for a while, Emmie, that’s all.’
‘Take your time, darling. We all want whatever will make you happy. I shall be back soon. Take care of yourself and Emily. Remember we all love you both.’
Lizzy nodded, but she wasn’t listening. I could hear the baby crying as she turned back into the house.
It was hard to leave them like this, but it had to be done.
Besides, Sheila was with them. They would be quite safe.
On the journey home to England, I kept wondering what was so urgent that Sol was insisting I come back. Surely the wholesale business wasn’t in trouble? It had been flourishing when I left. But there must be some sort of crisis or Sol would not have asked me to return.
He had been acting in a manner unlike himself for a while now. I had an odd foreboding as the taxi stopped outside the house that had been my home for so many years. Something was wrong. I had sensed it even before I left for France.
The house felt different as I went inside. Mrs Jordan came to greet me. She looked awkward, apprehensive, but said nothing more than a few words of welcome.
When I went into the sitting room, I noticed the changes immediately. I had always tried to keep to Margaret’s favourite colours so that the room remained basically as it had been when Sol’s wife had been alive. It was very different now! The carpet was new – a very dark blue – and the curtains were a sort of check pattern in blue, white and yellow, very bold and bright. All the furniture had been replaced by plain modern pieces in teak wood; it looked smart, very fashionable but also uncomfortable.
