by Rosie Clarke
‘That’s for the future,’ I said. ‘I want to buy a special dress for my wedding. I know exactly what I want. I’m not interested in a conventional bridal gown. I want something very simple … a dress that looks a bit like a medieval gown, slender and flowing with long sleeves and a little train at the back …’ I explained about the blue velvet dress I had worn when Jack and I first met. ‘But I want it made in a soft ivory silk …’
Gwen smiled. ‘I think that’s a lovely idea, my dear. But I’m afraid you will have to have it specially made. I doubt you will buy anything like that these days.’
‘Yes, perhaps you are right. I suppose I could buy the material and make it myself.’
‘I should like to help, but as you know I am useless at sewing. I can relieve you of any worries with the shop, the rest is beyond me. Buttons are my limit, I’m afraid, and even they have a habit of falling off.’
‘Oh, Gwen,’ I said and laughed. ‘I can do it easily. I shall have to buy a sewing machine, of course. I always borrowed those at the workshops … but I can’t now, of course.’
‘That was a bad business,’ Gwen said and frowned. ‘Francine did not behave well – and nor did Sol. To go behind your back like that … after so many years, too.’
‘I felt sad at first,’ I admitted, ‘because I have lost a good friend in Sol – but now I have Jack. I am so very lucky.’
Gwen leaned towards me. She kissed my cheek. ‘You deserve your happiness, my dear. You could have snatched greedily years ago, but you thought about others. You gave up so much …’
‘I tried to do what was right, that’s all.’
‘Greta thought you had a duty to stand by your husband. Personally, I felt she was wrong. I felt it was unfair to you, but I never tried to interfere.’
‘Well, it’s all over now. We can put all that behind us and look forward to the future.’
‘Yes, you have your freedom at last.’ She smiled. ‘I wish you every happiness, Emma. You and Jack.’
‘Thank you. All I want now is for my son to come home …’ I paused as the telephone shrilled beside me, then picked it up. ‘Yes? Emma Reece speaking …’
‘Emma! Listen carefully and don’t panic. I’m in Paris. I want you to catch the first available flight out here.’
‘Jack …’ I felt the chill creep down my spine. ‘What is it? What is wrong?’
‘James has been wounded. A bomb went off at a cafe in Algeria. He was passing and got caught by the blast …’
‘No! Oh, no …’ I could hardly breathe the fear was so bad. My son was wounded, perhaps near death – and I had sent him away.
Jack was severe. ‘I told you not to panic! It’s all right. He isn’t burned the way Jon was. He was knocked unconscious and he has some cuts and bruises. Also a broken arm. He will recover, Emma. I promise you. He isn’t going to die. I brought him back to Paris for treatment, because he will be safer here than in Algeria.’
‘I’m so glad you are with him, Jack, so glad you went out there and fetched him back. Have you let Lizzy know?’ My throat caught as I imagined her distress when she learned what had happened.
‘Not yet. I thought it might be best if you saw him first. You can prepare her. Now don’t get upset, darling. He is ill, but he will pull through. I give you my word.’
‘I hope so. I do hope so …’
I caught back my sob of grief. I had sent my son away to prove himself. Now he was lying injured in a hospital. I could only pray and believe in what Jack had told me – that my son would recover.
Jack was waiting for me at the airport. He kissed and hugged me, then took me to the hospital himself, introducing me to the doctor who was looking after my son. Doctor Bonnard was a tall man, lean and quite young. He smiled encouragingly at me.
‘You can go in now, Madame Reece. We operated on your son yesterday morning when Monsieur Harvey brought him in. He is still feeling very weak, but I believe he will make a full recovery. He is very lucky. Someone else was killed in the same blast.’
‘That is terrible,’ I said. ‘Why must people always try to hurt each other?’
He shrugged his shoulders. ‘C’est la vie, madame.’
‘Yes, I suppose life is like that, but it makes me very sad.’
He nodded his agreement. I went into the small, private room Jack had arranged. It was comfortable and pleasant, more like a hotel than a hospital ward. The windows were shaded against the bright sunshine, but I could see my son plainly. James had a bandage wrapped around his head, his left arm was in plaster and he had some minor cuts to his face and neck.
He was lying with his eyes closed, but as I approached he opened them and smiled almost in his old way.
‘Hello, Ma. Come to see what a mess I’ve made of things?’
‘Oh, James,’ I said. ‘Of course I haven’t. I’ve come because I love you.’
‘Sorry I let you down. I wanted to come home rich and famous, but it didn’t work out. Maybe I’m more like my father than I thought.’
‘Don’t be foolish, darling. Paul isn’t a failure. I saw him just the other day and he is doing very well with his firm. Besides, you shouldn’t feel you’re a failure because of this. You couldn’t help what happened. It was very brave of you to be out there in the first place.’
‘Jack says I’m a bloody fool.’
‘Jack isn’t always right.’
‘He is this time.’
‘Well, I’m still proud of you. I always shall be, whatever you do with your life.’
James smiled. ‘You always were a soft touch, Ma. Me and Lizzy ran rings round you. Funny thing was … you never seemed to mind what we got up to as long as we were all right. I never realized how much you did for us – I know it was for us that you worked so hard.’
‘I have always loved both of you.’ My throat seemed to close with emotion, making me croak. ‘I know I sometimes left you with strangers, perhaps more than I should – but I seemed to have no choice. I tried to give you the things I’d never had.’
‘I know.’ He looked rueful, slightly ashamed. ‘I’ve had time to think since I left home.’
‘I just wanted you to be happy.’
‘We were, Ma – until I spoiled it all.’
‘You didn’t spoil anything, James. We both still love you.’
‘Does Lizzy still think of me sometimes?’
‘Of course she does.’
‘Where is she? I should like to see her – just to say I’m sorry. I wasn’t fair to her. She is clever enough to be a doctor if that’s what she really wants. I suppose she is just about to go to medical school? Did she pass her school exams with flying colours?’
‘It hasn’t been quite that easy, James.’
‘What do you mean?’
I reached for his hand and held it.
‘I have something to tell you. Some of it is good, some of it is distressing. Do you think you are strong enough to hear it?’
‘Is Lizzy married?’
‘No, she isn’t. Lizzy loves you, James. She always has.’
His hand tightened on mine. ‘Go on then, Ma. I can take anything else but that. It’s what I’ve dreaded for months – that I would come home and find her married. So why isn’t she at college then?’
‘Lizzy and I have been living in France. She is here now, but she hasn’t been too well recently.’
‘Lizzy is ill?’ He looked alarmed and I pressed his hand reassuringly.
‘Not ill exactly. Lizzy was pregnant when you left James. She had a baby last month. At least, she had twins. A boy and a girl. The boy was dead when he was born. The girl is beautiful and quite healthy, but Lizzy is naturally upset over the loss of little Jamie.’
James was gripping my hand so hard it hurt.
‘Who – who was the father?’
‘James! Need you ask? You must have known Lizzy was a virgin when you made love to her. Emily is your daughter – yours and Lizzy’s.’
‘My daughter …’
‘I am so sorry about Jamie,’ I said. ‘Lizzy should have gone into hospital to have the babies, but she slipped and fell and they came early.’
‘Lizzy is all right? She’s not ill?’
‘Not ill. Just sad.’
‘Thank God.’ James took his hand from mine and wiped the back of it across his eyes. ‘Damned fool! If I’d been here she wouldn’t have lost him. It’s my fault for leaving her.’
‘No, it isn’t,’ I said, and stroked his hair back from his face. ‘It isn’t anyone’s fault, darling. It’s just the way things are sometimes. We all have to face up to the bad times, but if we are strong – if we go on believing and trying to do our best, it gets better.’
‘The way it is for you now?’ His uninjured hand reached for my mine and held it. ‘Jack told me you are going to marry him. He said you had always loved him – that you loved me.’
‘Of course I love you, darling. I always have.’
‘Can I come home, Ma? I haven’t proved anything. I haven’t achieved anything wonderful …’
‘Yes, you have, my darling,’ I said as I bent to kiss him. ‘Oh, yes you have …’
‘Do you think they will want to get married as soon as James is well enough to come out of hospital?’ I turned my head to look at Jack in the back of the French taxi that was transporting us across the city. ‘Should we let them have their wedding first?’
‘No, we damned well shall not,’ Jack said. ‘I’ve been waiting a hell of a lot longer than James. He can take his turn. I want my wedding ring on your finger.’
‘You must know I am completely and irrevocably yours by now?’ I smiled at him teasingly as the car sped recklessly through the streets of Paris, our driver dodging in and out of the traffic to the accompaniment of horns honking, brakes screeching. ‘Just where are you taking me, Jack? Why all the secrecy?’
‘I’m going to buy you a ring,’ Jack said and grinned. ‘A big, vulgar diamond and a wedding band to fit with it.’
‘Supposing I don’t want a big, vulgar diamond?’
‘Too bad! You’ve got no choice,’ he said. ‘I’ve been waiting to spend my money on you for years, and now I’m going to do it.’
‘You gave me the shop, you wicked, foolish man,’ I said. ‘That is worth a lot of money.’
‘Peanuts,’ he muttered. ‘Don’t defy me, Emma. You said you fancied being a kept woman – and I’m doing the keeping.’
‘Foolish man.’ I leaned towards him and kissed him on the lips. ‘Have I told you recently that I adore you?’
‘Not for at least ten minutes. I shall sulk if you leave it that long again.’
‘Never mind, my love. I shall make it up to you later.’
‘I’m forty-six, Emma. I am not sure I can keep up with your demands on my body.’
‘Poor old man,’ I murmured huskily. ‘I didn’t see any signs of imminent old age last night.’
‘I hope you realize our driver is listening to every word we are saying? I can’t guarantee our safety if he gets too excited. We’ve already cut up three private cars and a lorry …’
‘Do you think he understands English?’
‘From his expression, I am certain of it.’
I blushed and Jack chuckled with delight.
‘He doesn’t mind, darling. He’s French – and they understand these things. He knows by now that you are a wanton woman.’
‘You are wicked! I’m sure I don’t know why I said I would marry you.’
‘Oh, yes you do,’ he murmured. ‘Remember last night, Emma. I think you know very well …’
We returned to our hotel suite laden down with parcels. Jack had bought me the most expensive rings he could find, then taken me to some of the most exclusive fashion houses in Paris on a wild shopping spree.
‘You sell clothes, Emma,’ he told me when I tried to protest that I already had more clothes than I knew what to do with. ‘But from now on you are going to wear only the best.’
‘Just how much money do you have, Jack? I like spending it. If you teach me bad habits, I might get to enjoy it too much – then where will you be?’
He laughed, taking up the challenge as always. ‘Going to try and ruin me, Emma? Good! It will give me an incentive to keep on making more.’
‘So I am going to be a rich man’s wife, am I? Spoiled and pampered …’
‘Utterly.’
He reached for me just as the telephone shrilled beside the bed.
‘Damn!’ Jack looked rueful. ‘It can’t be for me. I left strict instructions that I was not to be disturbed here. My secretary wouldn’t dare phone me if the Martians attacked Fifth Avenue in force.’
I pulled a face at him and picked up the receiver.
‘Mum?’ James said. ‘I’m downstairs with Lizzy. Can we come up?’
‘Yes, of course you can, darling. I was coming to see you later. When did you get out of hospital?’
‘This morning. They said I could leave if I could walk down the corridor without stopping, and I did.’
‘Naturally. How many times did you have to stop after you got out?’
James laughed. ‘That would be telling! Lizzy wants to talk to you. We’re on our way up now.’
I replaced the receiver and looked at Jack.
‘That was my son. He and Lizzy are coming straight up.’
‘James never did have good timing.’ He grimaced. ‘But I suppose I can wait a little longer.’
‘Poor old man,’ I teased. ‘It will help you to get your strength back for later.’
Jack went into the sitting room of our suite. I heard him pull a cork and knew he was opening a bottle of champagne he had ordered earlier.
‘I have a feeling we may have something to celebrate,’ he said, looking at me as I followed.
‘Yes … perhaps. James said Lizzy wanted to talk to me.’
‘I’ll take a little bet with you …’ Jack paused as someone knocked at the door. ‘We’ll soon see if I am right.’
He let them in. I saw at once that Lizzy was glowing. She was wearing a ballerina length white cotton dress with pink spots, white stilettos, a ribbon in her hair and looking as if she hadn’t a care in the world.
‘Come in and have some champagne,’ Jack said. ‘We are celebrating our engagement. ‘I’ve just bought Emma a ring.’
‘May I see?’ Lizzy came to look. She glanced at Jack and laughed. ‘Where did you find a diamond that big?’
‘Jack has his ways,’ I said. ‘I understand you have something to tell me?’
‘We’ve talked it over, Emmie,’ Lizzy said. ‘James and I are going to marry very quietly, if you will give your permission. Sheila already has … then I’m going to sit my exams. If I pass, I can apply for medical training.’
‘It isn’t a case of if,’ James said, sounding almost back to normal. ‘I shall help you. You won’t fail, Lizzy.’
I smiled and kissed them both.
‘I’m so pleased, about the wedding as well as the medical school. I suppose you would like me to have Emily for a while? Just until you can manage on your own?’
‘No,’ James said quickly. ‘That wouldn’t be fair to you and Jack. I am going to take care of Emily while Lizzy is studying.’
‘You …’ I stared at him. ‘What about your own career? You could afford a nanny …’
‘No!’ Lizzy and James spoke together. ‘We don’t want a nanny.’
‘Why? You both loved Sarah, and she was devoted to you. You cried when she finally left us.’
‘But we hated Nanny,’ Lizzy said. ‘She was horrid to us. We don’t want Emily to be smacked for nothing the way I was.’
‘I sent her away after your fall. If I had known she was hitting Lizzy, I would have done it sooner.’
‘It was her fault Lizzy fell and broke her arm,’ James said. ‘She was hitting Lizzy at the top of the stairs, shouting at her. I
ran out and told her to stop but she ignored me … so I kicked her ankle …’
‘She jerked away and I was knocked backwards,’ Lizzy took up the tale. ‘It was Nanny’s fault but she blamed James for kicking her. He was only trying to stop her hurting me.’
‘And then you broke your arm,’ I said. ‘I was so angry. If I had only known what she was doing …’
‘You weren’t to know,’ James said. ‘She had never hit me until Lizzy arrived. She was getting older. It was probably too much for her to look after us both – but that’s why we don’t want a nanny.’
‘I could help.’
James shook his head. He was determined, giving me a charming smile as he refused my offer.
‘No, thank you, Mum. I want to look after Emily myself. My career can wait. I’m not sure what I shall do when Emily is old enough to go to school. There is something I might try, but I’m not sure yet.’
‘I think that is an excellent idea,’ Jack said. ‘Why shouldn’t a man look after his own child?’ He looked at me, eyebrows raised. ‘What’s wrong with the idea, Emma?’
I laughed as three pairs of eyes turned on me. ‘Nothing. Nothing at all – if James has made up his mind.’
James looked hesitant for the first time. ‘We may need that money you banked for me, Mum … if that’s all right?’
‘It’s yours, James. When you marry, I’m going to give you an income of your own. I’ve decided to lease my three small shops. I don’t want to run them anymore, and Gwen has enough to do with the main shop. I shall give them to you. You can keep them or sell as you please.’
‘I’ll keep them,’ James said. ‘No point in selling property – is there, Jack?’ He looked at me almost shyly. ‘Thanks, Mum. I know you’ve done a lot for me – but one day I may find a way of paying you back.’
‘All I want is for you two to be happy.’
Jack was pouring the champagne.
‘You two may want a quiet wedding,’ he said. ‘But Emma and I are going to make a bit of a splash …’
