Neither Branch nor Kait had the will to question him further. Instead, they stood there, still as stone, waiting.
Their silence only heightened Zach’s amusement. He continued down the aisle, passing by them as he left. On his way, he leaned in toward Kait, whispering just loud enough for Branch to hear. ‘This won’t last,’ he said. ‘Because, Kait, history repeats itself. Remember that.’
Chapter 17
Kait
Kait was unnerved to be caught red-handed by Zach in the middle of a playful kiss with Branch. And yet, to be there, in the middle of such a mundane place as a grocery store, amidst the folks she had known her entire life, feeling so lighthearted and joyful in the company of the man she’d never stopped loving, was a heady mix of petrifying and exhilarating at the same time. It was as though she felt every emotion simultaneously, and yet she didn’t have a clue how to feel about Zach’s inopportune timing.
She did know how she felt about Branch, though, and that was what mattered. Because she now, without a doubt, knew how he felt, too. There was a smidgen of guilt that coated the edges of her happiness, only because she had made him feel like he had to reassure her of his stance in the first place. Maybe she shouldn’t have mentioned Janna, and perhaps she had been wrong to make it sound like she wanted to hide from the watchful eyes of Port Landon, but if they were going to do this, take a chance and be together, Kait needed a safe place to confide her worries and her thoughts. Not only because they were plentiful on any given day, but because she would go mad if she didn’t get them off her chest.
She had always considered Branch her safe place. Judging by the easy way he calmed her fears, he still was. And if he didn’t care what others thought, if he was willing to steel himself and take on whatever came next, she needed to find strength in that, because she knew all too well that she had never been the one to let others’ opinions roll off her back.
As conflicted as she was about where she stood with Zach after his impromptu appearance, Kait left the grocery store with a renewed sense of self. Branch had brought up the past, the fact that those who had mattered to him at the time of the accident had harbored disdain for him after it, and she had taken the opportunity to stand up for herself. She knew he was referring to her, and as much as it hurt to hear it, he was right. She had been completely and utterly wrecked by that night. In the immediate aftermath, so hurt and so broken by what he’d done, she couldn’t even look him in the eye.
Eleven years later, she wouldn’t apologize for that. It was how she had felt then. And she took ownership of her actions. So, no, she wouldn’t say sorry for hating what he had done to her. To her friend.
But she would forgive him. Time played a strong factor in alleviating her heartache, there was no doubt. But she was different now, and so was he. She believed that with all of her being.
That’s why Zach’s parting words haunted her. History repeats itself. Remember that.
Couldn’t he see that all she did was remember? The wounds on her heart had long since closed over, but scars remained, mostly because of the memories she had never been capable of letting fade into the recesses of her mind. She remembered it all. Getting the phone call, the flashing red and white ambulance lights. The images still seared into her brain.
She remembered. That was why Kait was so determined to prove him wrong. The history in question was part of their past, and she was going to do everything in her power to let it stay there.
Port Landon’s gossip veins were wide open and flowing. It had been a simple trip to the grocery store to get the food items needed for Christmas Eve, an attempt to avoid last-minute shopping in case there was something they couldn’t find right away and needed to search out elsewhere. The responsible, mature thing to do, planning ahead and being prepared.
In the eyes of their small town, however, they may as well have snuck out to the old water tower and spray-painted Branch loves Kait in neon colors. Folks had seen them together, and that was enough to deduce that they had fallen right back into each other’s arms, still the same crazy kids they had been a decade earlier.
Okay, so it wasn’t a far stretch from the truth in some ways, but they didn’t know that. The moment Kait arrived at the diner the following morning, though, she quickly realized that the town’s coffee-drinking crowd did know something. The way they watched her as she refilled their coffee mugs, all eyes on her and glittering with smugness, smiles dancing on their lips as they grew silent with her approach.
They knew. She knew they knew. The hushed whispers and nudges as the day wore on only confirmed it. So did her coworker Eve’s blatant questioning.
‘So, you went and got yourself a man, did you?’
At twenty-five, Eve Sawyer was almost five years younger than Kait, but she harbored the luxury of having moved to Port Landon only two years ago from a small farming community in Wisconsin Kait had never heard of. That meant people around here only knew what Eve wanted them to know about her. To her credit, she had managed to keep her private life, well, private. Kait, knowing too well what kind of detrimental effects small-town gossip could have, had never tried to pry much information from the black-haired girl. She knew three things for sure; Eve had a love of red lipstick, regardless of how it clashed with the lavender hue of their uniforms, she had once mentioned that Port Landon was a bustling metropolis in comparison to the tiny town she was raised in, and she was nice. Genuinely nice. To everyone, regardless of whether she knew them or what she heard about them. Kait admired her for that.
Obviously, she was blunt, too.
‘That’s the buzz around town, is it?’ Kait was a little impressed by her coworker’s frankness, especially seeing as no one else had had the guts yet to mention so much as Branch’s name to her face. But that didn’t mean she was going to tell the whole sordid story to Eve, either. She kept her head down, calculating the tab for one of her tables.
Out of the corner of her eye, Eve waved a hand. ‘Something about a sighting at the grocery store, your arms linked with his, lost in his take-me-away eyes – okay, I made that last part up, but honestly, who are you, J.Lo? People are talking about you like they’re about to sell your picture to the paparazzi.’
Kait almost choked on a laugh. Turning, she faced the younger woman, hoping her skepticism was evident. ‘Surely it can’t be that bad. I went to the grocery store with an old friend.’
‘With an old boyfriend.’
‘Fine, an old boyfriend.’ She tossed the pen down. ‘It’s not as scandalous as people are making it out to be.’
‘No?’ One of Eve’s perfectly manicured eyebrows arched high. ‘So, this doesn’t have something to do with Mr Heart Eyes that comes in here every day to make sure you’re still here, single, and ready to mingle?’
‘What?’ Her skepticism transformed into full-fledged bewilderment. ‘Mr Heart Eyes? Are you talking about Zach?’
Eve rolled her eyes. ‘Who else? He’s in here every day, without fail. I know, I know, you’re friends. But if that guy had a chance, he’d snatch you up, take you home, and love you forever like a cute stray puppy.’
‘That’s kind of a creepy analogy.’
‘But accurate.’ She pointed a finger at her, the red varnish on her nail glinting in the fluorescent lighting. ‘You didn’t answer the question.’
‘What question?’ It was getting hard to keep up with the conversation, and Kait had work to do. Tables to tend to. Topics to avoid.
‘Does the paparazzi sighting have anything to do with him?’
‘No,’ she snapped. ‘Well, yes, we saw him at the store, but, no, it’s not Zach everybody’s rambling on about. I was there with Branch.’
‘Branch,’ Eve mimicked, testing out the name on her tongue. ‘That’s the high school boyfriend you had, right?’ She snapped her fingers, putting it all together. ‘Ah, he was the guy here last week, huh? Tall, ruggedly handsome. Wow, I thought he hit your friend with a truck or something? Cheated on you with some bimbo?’
>
Kait stared at her coworker, mouth open. All she could do was thank the heavens above that the woman had the decency to keep her voice down. ‘How in the world do you know all that?’
Eve shrugged. ‘Janna and I talk.’
‘About my poor choices in life?’ She always wondered what Janna was like with other employees at The Port. She had no friends, per se, at least no one she hung out with or visited. After Dorion left, Janna had been content to socially distance herself from everyone, and that hadn’t changed in the first two years of the twins’ life. She withdrew from everything and everyone after her heartbreaking ordeal, and though she had always been warier of people than Kait was, she had gone from wary to outright distrusting. Of everyone, anyone. At least that’s what Kait had thought. It turned out she’d been confiding in Eve, talking about things Kait never expected, so who knew how deep those conversations got.
Another shrug. ‘About a lot of things,’ Eve replied.
Okay, Eve knew more than she ever expected. A lot more. That didn’t mean she had to stand here and fill in any of the details Janna might have kept to herself. ‘As interesting and cryptic as that sounds, I’ve got some customers to look after. The long and short of it is that I was at the grocery store with Branch buying food, can you imagine?’ She feigned sarcastic shock, pressing her hand to her chest as she gasped. ‘We saw half the town there, as you can already surmise, including Zach. It’s not the outrageous story everyone’s making it out to be.’
‘Maybe not yet, but I’ve got a sinking suspicion that might change right about … now.’ Eve smirked, her gaze flitting past Kait’s shoulder toward the door. The bell clanged loudly, and Kait whirled around to see what she was talking about.
Or rather, who.
Zach entered the diner, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head. A groan emitted from her throat, causing a wave of guilt to wash through her. He was her friend, her good friend, the one who had stuck by her. She should be ashamed of herself for being less than enthused to see him, knowing he would eventually make his way here, as he always did, because he cared about her, as he always had.
‘Hey,’ she greeted him, accompanied by a small wave. ‘Let me just get these bills delivered to my tables, then I should be able to chat for a few minutes.’ It was the most nonchalant version of We need to talk she could come up with. Kait didn’t give him a chance to protest, grabbing a couple of check holders in one hand, the calculated bills in the other, and rushing hastily toward the tables she was serving, thankful they were in the opposite direction of Zach and her coworker.
She needed to compose herself. He was the only one who had witnessed their kiss – the first and only real public display of affection they had allowed the world – and now it was making Kait feel like she had somehow betrayed Zach by doing it. Rationally, she knew it wasn’t the case, and she knew loving Branch the way she did wasn’t wrong. It couldn’t be. If it was, then she would never understand how love was such an unjust and cruel emotion, and how it was so unfair to be able to feel it in the first place.
She needed to make Zach understand. They were friends, had been as long as she could remember. She knew what he’d been through, and lived through the tragedy alongside him. Her pain might not have been physical, then, as his was, but she had endured pain like she’d never experienced before. And she prayed she never would again.
But something deep inside her was breaking ground in the parched foundation of her resolve, bringing Kait a sense of renewal and regrowth. Love had bloomed once again for her, something she thought she would never have again, and for that reason alone – the sheer need inside her to feel that much at all – she was desperate to grasp the second chance she had been given and hold on to it with all her might.
She needed to be the one to make Zach understand. He didn’t need to like Branch, and she doubted he would ever give his blessing, but Kait needed to talk to him, face to face, and be honest with him. She owed her friend that much.
She slipped the bills into the vinyl folders and dropped them off at their respective tables, asking if they wanted top-ups on their drinks or needed anything more. Satisfied that her customers were taken care of, Kait made her way back to the front counter, where Zach had already taken up residence at his usual stool, hunched forward on his elbows. When he turned, however, his expression was anything but the easygoing one he usually wore during his trips into The Port to see her.
‘Are you all right?’ She already knew the answer but she asked anyway, curious what Zach would openly divulge. He was troubled by something, that was obvious, but she wasn’t sure he would offer up the whole story here, with prying eyes and perked-up ears sitting only a few tables away.
‘Never better,’ he muttered. ‘Are you?’
She found his question odd despite the lack of emotion in his voice. ‘Of course,’ she replied carefully. She caught herself before she followed it up with Why wouldn’t I be? If Zach was hurt by what he’d witnessed yesterday at the grocery store, Kait wanted to tread lightly, fearful of sounding defensive toward him. ‘I think we need to talk, Zach.’
‘I think you’re right,’ he replied, accepting the cup of coffee she poured him with a grateful nod.
‘About Branch.’
He scoffed. ‘Right again.’
She knew what he was going to say. She shouldn’t be with Branch. She shouldn’t be doing this to herself. To him. She and Zach were supposed to be friends, and friends didn’t rekindle romances with men who had caused other friends so much pain and heartache. He was going to ask her if she had really, truly forgotten everything they had been through, or if she was just so starved for attention and enamored by the man that she would let the past fade into the background like it never happened at all.
These were all things she had lain in bed at night thinking about, swirling around in her mind and keeping her awake. Somehow, Kait had managed to move past all the negativity and find a sense of peace in the second chance she had found. Now, all she had to do was help Zach find a little peace, too.
‘We’ve been through so much together, you and I,’ she began, tucking her notepad and pen into the front pocket of her apron. ‘The last thing I want is for you to be angry with me.’
She stood across from him, her hands on the counter as she idly fidgeted with her fingers, giving him her full attention. Zach took the opportunity to reach for her hand, his gaze downcast.
‘I’m not angry with you. I don’t even think that’s possible.’ He looked up, the brief glimpse of a sad smile on his lips.
She returned that smile, hoping hers was more encouraging. ‘That makes me feel a little bit better, I think, but there’s still something bothering you. And we’ve got to talk about it in order to work through it.’
He shook his head. ‘You don’t understand,’ he insisted. ‘I’m not angry with you, Kait. I’m sad, and I’m hurting. Not angry.’
A sigh fell from her lips. ‘But, Zach, I don’t want you to be any of those things. I know there’s so much history between all of us that it makes it hard to see anything beyond that, but I really want there to be a chance we can all move on. I’m not saying you and Branch need to be best buddies, and I’m not saying that we can all just forget all the painful things that happened. But I think we need to at least forgive each other.’
‘You want me to forgive him for what happened that night.’ It wasn’t a question, and she was grateful he had the decency to refer to that night in a roundabout way. Zach knew how each mention of his injuries sliced through her like a hot knife.
‘I wish that could happen someday,’ she admitted, though she thought it was unlikely to occur. ‘But I would settle for you forgiving me.’
His head snapped back as though she had slapped him. ‘Forgive you? For what?’
She swallowed, her hand turning in his to give it a sincere squeeze. ‘For not being who you need me to be.’ It was something she should have said a long time ago. Sure, she had apologized profus
ely after the accident, and she’d said how sorry she was when they had tried to be more than friends and failed, but Kait wasn’t certain she had ever bluntly stated how she had failed him through both of those debacles. ‘Years ago, we tried to push the boundaries of our friendship into something more than it was, and as much as I wanted to be that for you, I couldn’t. I know how much it hurt you, and I wish things could be different in many ways, but they can’t.’
She wasn’t sure if she was making things better or worse with her convoluted explanation, but when she took a pause for breath and Zach didn’t interrupt, Kait forged on. ‘Which is why I’m hoping you’ll forgive me now, because the truth is, I don’t think we can control who we love. I know how you feel about Branch, but I know how I feel about him, too. I can’t stop it, despite the events that happened all those years ago. I know what he did, and I still love him. I don’t know what that says about me, but I do know I never expected to be standing here with a second chance to make things work with him. So, I need you to forgive me, because I still love him, and because I’m ready to take that chance with him.’
Zach’s hand didn’t jerk away from hers as Kait feared, and he didn’t push away from the counter or storm out of the diner. Her confession hung between them like a thick veil, and she let him have the moment of silence that followed to choose his reply. She owed him that much.
A long breath sounded as he stared down at their linked hands. ‘You’re right, Kait, we can’t control who we love.’
Her weary nod matched his defeated expression. ‘I know,’ she whispered softly.
‘I know my feelings for you are unrequited, and I’ll never blame you for that. The only thing I wish is that you loved someone who loved you the same way you love them. Someone who deserves it. Deserves you.’
Even after everything she had put him through, he was still only worried about her own wellbeing. He really was a good friend to her. ‘I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know, but I do believe Branch loves me, Zach. As hard as that is for you to hear, I know he does.’
The Winter Berry House Page 17
