“Katharine,” I say as I turn fully towards her.
“Be with Michael he is an amazing guy he will always treat you right and promise me that you will look after him and be the best that you can be to him.” Katharine smiles and takes my hand she looks into my huge brown eyes.
“I will Alanna, I love him,” I do not answer I simply take her in my arms and we hug for what seems like the first time ever.
I look at the plate of soup and a tasteless yogurt that I have been given once again. And I can’t help but feel annoyed with Dr James for the food that he has insisted that I eat. I put down the spoon and look over to the door. I can hear people talk out in the hallway but I have no idea of whose voice I am hearing. I sit up a little further and move my head back and forth but I still cannot see anyone. I give up and rest my head against the pillow. I see Katharine’s bag lying on the floor as I wait for her to come out of the bathroom. I notice that she has not had a single text from Michael in the two hours that she has been here. Surely that cannot be a good sign. Or possibly it’s just what normal people do in relationships. I can only base my thoughts on the matter strictly from my own experiences and that was Adrian calling or emailing every hour of every day. Worrying about me and wondering whom I was talking to. Thinking back on it now I realise how obsessive he actually is. I understand now, where Sophie was coming from, he was controlling and I did what he said. I felt that I needed to please him and that I should be loyal and respect the way he is. He had a terrible ordeal as a child and that mirrors his actions today. He wishes that he were normal in the way he is controlling. However, to me that is just Adrian and if he weren’t that way then would I love him the way that I do? I desired the way he cared and the way he talked as if I were his for all eternity. I loved his cool presence and the silence in which he stayed whenever we were in his car. I always found that a little odd but again it was just one of those little things that define and make him who he is. I would never change a single thing about him I love his temper and all of his flaws. Its sounds crazy but that is the way that I feel. I would give everything I have just for one text or email from him. I am plagued by the thought of never seeing him again.
“That bathroom is huge, is this a luxury room?” Katharine says as she pours out of the bathroom door and seats herself down once again on the chair.
“I don’t know I am pretty sure this is just a standard room.”
“Anyway how are feeling?” Katharine says changing the subject.
“Fine but I am starving and this food is awful,” I say squinting my face at the very thought of it. Katharine rises up and looks at the tray she takes the spoon and swirls the soup around in the bowl. She twists her face at the very look of it.
“That looks terrible do they actually expect you eat that?” I laugh a little.
“I guess so Dr James insisted he choose my meals for me.”
“Why?” She says looking confused.
“He said that I am not up to eating big meals or something all I know is that I am starved.”
“That’s awful I feel so bad.”
“Don’t be,” I say smiling at her as I push the tray to one side.
“Alanna, what’s going on with you and Adrian?” Katharine says and I am apprehensive to what she is saying.
“What do you mean?”
“Alanna, why isn’t he here?” I look down at my hands and they begin to sweat. I do not like the thought of Adrian not being here but I hate to talk it about even more.
“I have no idea,”
“Come on Alanna, what’s going on?” She says as she pushes this matter further.
“I really don’t know, the last time that I spoke to him everything was fine and he was on his way to college to meet me. I am just as shocked about this as you are.” She sighs and looks to me.
“I don’t know what his problem is.”
“You said you saw him at that day I was brought in, didn’t he talk to you about anything?”
“Not really, I could clearly see that he was distraught about everything.”
“But didn’t you talk to him and try to comfort him?”
“Alanna, I don’t think he is my biggest fan and even if I did try to soothe him do you really think that he would let me?” I push my hair back from my face and exhale. I throw my head back and look to the ceiling.
“You are right, he wouldn’t have let you, he is too private for that and he doesn’t really know you. Katharine, has Michael heard from him?” I say and my hearts skips beats until Katharine answers.
“I don’t think so.”
“You have to be sure.”
“He talks to his father a lot on the phone and I hear him ask about Adrian but there is nothing to tell. I don’t think that anyone has seen him or heard from him.”
“This can’t be! Why is he acting like this?” I say almost shouting at Katharine as if she somehow has all the answers.
“I don’t know Alanna, I got the feeling that he blames himself for what happened.” I shift nervously.
“That’s ridiculous it’s not his fault.”
“I know that, but I am just saying that from the way Adrian was acting he did blame himself.”
“That’s why I have to talk to him. I have to make him see that none of what happened could ever be his fault. He needs to understand that I am going to be ok, he doesn’t have to worry about me anymore.” I have to fight back a tear as his glowing eyes enter my mind.
“He needs to pick up the phone and stop sulking.” Katharine says in an urgent voice.
“How can I make him answer me there is no way for me to do that?”
“We will have to figure this out you can’t go on like this you and Adrian are meant for one another.”
“Again, what can we do?”
“What if I called him?”
“Do you really think he would answer?”
“It’s worth a shot and he doesn’t have my number so he might think its business and answer.”
“I don’t know but if you feel you want to then, yes, try it.” Katharine reaches into her bag and takes out her phone. She flicks through the numbers but does not dial.
“I don’t have his number.”
“Get it from here,” I say as I hand over the white Blackberry that he sent me. Katharine flicks through my phone until she comes across Adrian’s number. She quickly types it into her phone and looks to me before she hits send.
“Are you sure that you want me to do this?”
“Yes, why wouldn’t I?”
“Haven’t you stopped to think about, if he does answer, what he might say?” I realise that I have not. He could say anything from, he does not love me anymore, to that he has found someone else. Now that Katharine has planted doubt, my mind is working overtime. Even with all the negative thoughts, I have, I still want to her to call him. I need to know that he is ok and that possibly he is thinking of me. I take a deep breath and I say.
“Yes, I have thought about it, and all the possibilities, but I still want you to call him, I know that I would regret it if I told you not to.” Katharine does not answer instead she hits the call the button. The phone begins to ring and I can feel my heart race as we wait for Adrian to pick up. My chest is thumping even harder the longer I wait for him to answer. I look to Katharine and I notice that she is just as nervous as I am. Katharine’s face has lost its entire colour and her eyes are blinking rapidly. Her breathing is heavy as she holds the phone to her ear. I notice the movements of her face as I look down to floor.
“Hello”, she finally says and I realise that Adrian has answered. My heart is now pounding and I feel that if it beats any faster it will jump out of my chest. I immediately focus my attention on Katharine.
“Adrian it is Katharine, please don’t hang up!” She says her voice sounding urgent. Katharine walks over and sits next to me on the bed. She puts the speakerphone on and begins to talk to Adrian.
“Adrian, I need to talk to you,” her voice
now sounds weaker than before.
“Go ahead,” Adrian says and my heart feels as if it has sank into a deep ocean at the sound of his muscular voice.
“Where are you Adrian?”
“That is not important, how is Alanna?” He says in his deep London accent. “She is fine and recovering well, she needs you.” My nerves are shot and I cannot bear listening to his voice. I want to scream out to him, how much that I love him but I hold back and take in his words.
“I am glad that she is ok but, you are wrong, she doesn’t need me in her life.”
“She does need you, she loves you and you love her too, don’t deny it.”
“I know how she feels, but Katharine she is better off without me I only bring risk to her and I won’t allow that to happen again.” Katharine stares at me, as I stare back I see that her face is mystified she must find this hard to understand. If this was Katharine in my situation, I know that I would be a lot sharper with Adrian.
“You are making no sense,” I hear Adrian sigh.
“Katharine, I am bad for Alanna and the sooner everyone sees that the better.” “No, you are what she needs, you cannot abandon her like this.” She says now sounding sharper.
“She will get over this and she will see that her life is better and safer without me.” I feel the urge again to scream out to him but, yet again, I resist.
“If you believe that then you are crazy, she will never get over you, she loves you too much to even try.”
“Yes, I know that she loves me, I thank god every day that I met her, and she showed me how to care and how to you love. I will never get over her but I know that if I care for her then I have to let her go.” He says in a desperate but sad voice. I am, scared by what he is saying. I felt that this was all just a brief thing and that he would come round in time. Hearing his words now seems too real and my worst fears about losing him are now realised. I try my hardest to fight back the tears that fill my eyes however, I am unsuccessful and they start to pour freely from eyes. Katharine looks to me and her face is sympathetic, she quickly reaches into her bag and pulls out a white tissue that is, designed with little daisies in the corner. She hands me the tissue and I nod to her in appreciation. I wipe away as much of my salty tears as I can. Katharine looks very annoyed now and I can see the frustration in her eyes.
“Adrian, you are fooling no-one. I know that you are still in love with Alanna, its time you got over yourself and came back.” Katharine’s expressions have also changed and I can tell that she is mad at Adrian. Her lips are white and her face is the same, her forehead is crinkled and stressed and the look she has in her eyes is the same one she usually saves for her outbursts towards her brother Leo.
“Katharine, you think you know everything but you know nothing,” Adrian says and his voice now sounds frustrated. I remember the tone he uses when he is angry and this is it.
“Perhaps you should tell me? If I don’t know anything then fill me in, I am all ears,” she says very sarcastically.
“I don’t have time, now leave me alone.” Adrian says back just as sarcastically.
“Don’t hang up, we are not done here,” she says and the desperation in her voice is deafening.
“What do you want me to say?” He snaps and now he is very annoyed. My mind flashes back to that day when he threw me over his shoulder. The way he pulled me after him was very surprising and the look that he had in his eyes was not something I had seen before. He frightened me that day and I saw another side to him. Although I was extremely angry with him for the way he had acted, I still had this unconditional love for him that I could never shake off. His words now have me just as annoyed and angry as I was that day, the love on the other hand is there even more so than it was before.
“Just tell the truth, you love her,” Katharine says.
“I do love her but I am not going to be with her, I cannot have her and I definitely don’t deserve Alanna’s love.”
“You are crazy you know that?”
“I know I am, but it’s the way I feel and nothing will change that.”
“Do you know that I am back with Michael?” The phone is silent and all I can hear is Adrian and his panting breath.
“I wasn’t aware of that, how long has this been going on?” He says in a quizzing voice.
“A little while, you know how Michael felt about Alanna but I want you to understand that I am now with him. He is committed to me, if there is even a slight chance that you are staying away because of Michael then I want you to know that it is not an issue any more. Michael has moved on and he has accepted the fact that Alanna loves you and only you.” She says in a pleasing voice.
“Katharine, Michael will always love Alanna and no matter how hard you try to make him happy, she will be in his mind every day and every second. He won’t move on from her.” I am little shocked at Adrian’s words, I feel he is being harsh with Katharine and he should not really be saying this to her.
“You are wrong, he has moved on, he wants you to be with her, stop being selfish and insecure and do the right and come back to Alanna,” Katharine says her nostrils are flared and hands are shaking.
“You only want me back, because you are the one who is insecure, you are scared that what I am saying is true and you fear that he will never love you.”
“You are totally wrong; I don’t think like that, Michael and I can be happy together.”
“Possibly, for a while, but you will never match up to Alanna in his eyes, the sooner you realise that the better.”
“How dare you, you don’t know anything.”
“Yes love, I do.” I look to Katharine and I make a signal for her to hang up. I do not like the way things are going and it is a little uncomfortable for me given what Adrian is saying.
“Adrian, I am going to hang up now, but please get in touch with Alanna, she misses you and she does need you.” The phone is silent as Katharine hangs up. She rushes over to the seat and I slide myself back into the bed. Katharine is annoyed and I can see that she is very frustrated about the talk that she just had with Adrian. I do not really know how to approach things with her however, she is my friend and I need to try.
“Katharine,” I say but she jumps in first and I do not have any time to explain what I have to say before she tells me how it is.
“Michael does care for you, a lot, but he and I are together now. I trust him when he says how he feels about me and I hope that you can understand that and hopefully you can move on from him.” What is Katharine saying; does she think that I love Michael?
“I am not sure what you’re saying, why would you think that I need to move on from him?”
“I feel that you care for him more than you say you do. Possibly you like the fact that he would do anything for you and I feel that you like the attention from him.” Her words have struck me hard, I try to come back with a suitable response and be respectful of her; however, my heart has sunk at the sound of the thoughts she obviously has.
“I do like Michael but I love Adrian, it’s him I want to be with.”
“If that’s true, you won’t need Michael in your life anymore.” Katharine’s words are icy and I feel awkward around her.
“What are you saying?” She leans back in the chair and folds her arms.
“I don’t think that you should see Michael anymore.” I gasp, is she really saying this?
“Why would you say that?”
“Adrian is correct in what he was saying, Michael won’t get over you, he needs space and you need to give it to him.”
“Katharine, I have known Michael longer than you, he is my friend, he saved my life and I won’t give him up.”
“How can I accept that you don’t love him, when you say things like that? I don’t understand the hold you have over him?” My face is hot and I feel flustered, my heart is racing, I cannot think straight. I wish that Katharine would just back down as I do not need this from her right now.
“We spent a lot of
time together, we lived together, did he tell you that?” The look on her face suggests that he has not, her face is now like thunder and her eyes are raging.
“When did all this happen?”
“I left college for a break, remember?”
“Yes, but you were stressed and Sophie said that you checked into a hotel, what does that have to do with Michael?”
“It wasn’t a hotel, it was a condo in Soho, and Michael was there too.”
“I don’t understand were you two, together?”
“It’s hard to explain, we weren’t together but we did share a house for a while.”
“Alanna, you are making no sense, tell me what happened?”
“Adrian owns the condo; I decided to stay there for a while. Adrian is very protective and he would not let me stay there by myself. So he asked Michael to watch over me while I was there.” Katharine stands, she looks very annoyed, and I wonder why Michael did not tell her he stayed with me? Is he ashamed? On the other hand, is he just protecting Katharine from the truth?
“Alanna, did you sleep with him?” Katharine’s words have shocked me, she knows that I do not do that, yet she has the nerve to ask me.
“No, never, you know that I don’t do that!”
“I am sorry, but you have to see my point of view, I love him and although he is with me, he will always love you.”
“It’s not the ideal situation, but what can I do about it?”
“You cannot see him anymore, I won’t allow it.”
“You can’t really be asking me to do that?” I protest.
Three Thousand Miles - Jealousy (book #2 of Three Thousand Miles Series) Page 4
