“You are worth everything, and you were worth the bullet to my heart. It pains me to see you with him, but now that he is gone. Is there a chance for you and me?” I stare out at him, still with his strong hand in mine. I look into his sad eyes, and I cannot bear this. I stand up quickly, shocking him.
“What’s wrong?” He says.
“This is unbearable,”
“What is?” I grab my hair nervously and run my fingers through it, I fling it behind me and some lose curls caresses my face. I exhale and I look again at Michael.
“Why do you want me? There are a million other girls out there, who are more suited to you than me.” Michael stands up and walks closer to me. He takes my hands in his and smiles at me.
“Alanna, no girl with ever mean as much to me as you do.”
“What about Katharine?”
“What about her?”
“You cannot lead her on, it’s not fair to do that to her.”
“I won’t lead her on; I do care for her, but Alanna, if I had to choose between you and her, it would be you every time.” I feel awkward and I wish that this conversation never happened.
“Michael, I love Adrian, however he does not love me. I do not want to be with anyone other than him. I feel in myself that I would not want you to wait and hope that you and I can be together. If you feel that, you could love Katharine then be with her. If not, end it, before it gets out of control.” He smirks and I feel that this is all a game to him. I hate to see him so smug. Katharine and I are not on speaking terms right now. However, I feel bad about how Michael is treating her. He obviously does not love her, and I feel that perhaps she thinks that he does. I hope that for both their sakes, they can figure this out, before it gets messy.
“We both know that’s a lie. He loves you more than life. He is just an idiot.”
“Michael, don’t take about him like that!” He rolls his eyes.
“It is the truth; he doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you. Alanna, you are here waiting for him, if he cannot realise that and come back to you then he is the biggest fool, I know.” I let go of his hands and begin to pace up and down the room.
“Michael, do you know where he is?” He shifts nervously at my persistence.
“No, I don’t.”
“I do not believe you! If you know, you have to tell me.” He looks annoyed with me, he walks back over the bed and lies fully down, and he lifts my little white teddy bear from my bed and places it in his chest. He looks over to me and he has a devilish smirk pressed across his face.
“Alanna, believe me I don’t know where he is.” I sit on Sophie’s bed, to take the weight off my feet. I cross my legs and fold my arms.
“Please Michael, tell me where he is.”
“Alanna, I don’t know what to tell you. Do you want me to lie to you? Is that what you want?” He says sharply. I close my eyes shortly and open them again.
“Of course not, but don’t you even have an idea, of where he could be?”
“I really haven’t got a clue. The only person who might know where he could be is, Jeff.”
“Who is Jeff?” I ask, leaning further back on the bed.
“Jeff is Adrian’s right-hand man. He has put him in charge of the company for now. There is no one Adrian trusts more than him.” I wonder if I could call this Jeff. I wonder if he would tell me where Adrian is. My mind is filling with possibilities.
“Could I contact, Jeff.” He looks annoyed,
“No, you can’t.”
“Why not,”
“Because,”
“That’s not really answer.”
“Yes, well I don’t feel like giving you one.” He says in an absolute tone.
“You can’t tell me what do,” he rolls his eyes again and he throws the teddy bear gently towards me. I catch it and I say,
“I will find him.”
“Yeah, sure you will.”
“For once in your life, could you just not be, sarcastic?” I say frowning at him.
“Not in my nature.”
Five
The next morning I waken to the sound of Sophie blow-drying her hair. I rise gently from the bed and I feel a little burst of pain. I walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I cleanse my body and make sure that I am careful around my stitches. When I finish my shower, I wrap a towel tightly around me. I walk over the mirror and wipe away the steam from it with my hand. I apply my moisturizer and think of my scar. I have never really looked at it, and I wonder how bad it is. I slowly loosen my towel and glance at it in the mirror. There is heavy bruising that climbs up to my navel area. Lower down, is the stitches, they are stained with dried blood and they hurt to the touch. Underneath the stitches, I can see the scar, the deep whole where the bullet punctured my skin. I expected the scaring to be much worse than it is. I know I will I have these markings for life and they will be a constant reminder of how much that I owe my life to Michael. The scar also signifies the end of my relationship with Adrian. The pain I feel when that thought enters my mind is numbing. I feel like sobbing every time I hear his name. I want to curl up in my bed and lay there until he comes back. The longer this goes on, the more I feel that he is not coming back. I want to stop breathing at the thought, but what keeps me going is that he might. One day, Adrian could come back. His glowing green eyes may be staring into mine once again. I pray every night for him to realise that I need him. I want nothing more than I want him. I choose to be optimistic and believe that we will be together again. I will never give up on him and I will never be with anyone other than him. I quickly get dressed into a loose pair of cargo pants and white button up shirt. I blow dry my hair and tie it up into high ponytail. I through on some flip-flops and grab my bag. I head out into the busy hallway of Columbia. I walk briskly along the halls and into the classroom. I take a seat at the back; I do not really feel like being at the center of the gossip. I through my bag onto the desk and take out my books, I sit back in the chair and try not to make eye contact with anyone. The class begins and Mr Hopkins starts by saying,
“Now class, I would like you to welcome back Alanna Hart. How are you feeling Alanna?” My face flushes hot and everyone in the class has turned to face me. I clear my throat and I awkwardly say.
“I am fine.” There are a few sniggers and I notice that a few groups of girls begin whispering amongst themselves. I try to hide my embarrassment but not with much success. I listen as hard as I can to everything Mr Hopkins is saying. My mind tends to flash back and forth to Adrian and I sometimes lose concentration. My eyes get hazy and my wound is beginning to ache. I grit my teeth from the pain and focus on my essay. I soon realise that I am not writing to my highest standards. My mind has been occupied with Adrian and everything that happened before the shooting. The break that I took in the middle of the semester is beginning to show. I do not know anything about this paper. I have missed so much schooling that I feel there is no way that I could graduate this year. I hate to think about failing and there is no way I want to do another year at college. I must focus completely on college right now; I could not cope with failing in college in the same way that I have failed in love.
The bell rings and it is not a moment too soon. I quickly grab my bag from the floor and pack my books. I begin to march out the door when Mr Hopkins asks me stay for a moment. I turn around and walk over to his desk. He signals for my essay and I reluctantly hand it over. He briefly smiles as he takes it from me. He does not say a word; he places his glasses on bridge of his long nose and begins to read over my essay. I stand patiently waiting to hear what his opinion will be. My eyes are blinking rapidly as he reads over the paper. He finally pulls his eyes from sheet.
“This is good, I am surprised.” I cannot believe his words, I am gobsmacked by them.
“I know that you have missed a lot of classes, but your work is good, Alanna.” I cannot contain my smile.
“I was worried that it wouldn’t be good enough. I know that I have missed a lo
t, but I am willing to put in the extra work. I would love to graduate this year.” He considers the paper again and I await his response.
“If all your work is like this, then I see no reason for you not to graduate.” I am ecstatic when I hear his words.
“Thanks, I will work extra hard.” I say beaming. He looks at me and says,
“I am sorry for your ordeal, it must have been horrendous.” I shift uneasily, I do not know why I act so strange whenever someone mentions the shooting. I try to hide my stress.
“It was horrible, but I now have to move on from it.” He nods in agreement. I smile again at Mr Hopkins and then I walk out of the classroom. I reach my room and I walk in to find Sophie and Katharine sitting on the bed. Sophie smiles when she sees me. However Katharine does not even look at me, instead she shifts nervously and diddles her foot against the bedframe. They look as if they were in deep conversation before I came in and I feel uncomfortable because I know that I was perhaps the topic of their discussion. I glance over at Sophie but I do not say a word. I throw my bag onto the dresser and I head for the bathroom. I rummage in my wash bags to find my pills. I take out two and I run myself a glass of water, I quickly swallow the pills and head back out into the room. Katharine and Sophie are again engaged in conversation; however, they quickly stop whatever they were saying as soon as I enter the room. It is clear to see that they are discussing me and I cannot say that I am not annoyed with them. I walk over to my bed and carefully sit down; I lay back and rest my head against the soft pillow. I do not look at the girls; I stare up at the ceiling and wonder what they are discussing. My mind is overflowing with every thought possible. I listen to them talk and I cannot believe their cheek. They do not even acknowledge that I am here and I am stunned by their arrogance. I look over at them for a split second and I catch Sophie glaring at me.
“Alanna, how was class.” She finally says. I manage to say,
“Good actually,”
“That’s wonderful; did you have any pain today?” She says looking concerned. “I am in pain right now, I wasn’t all day but I think that sitting around brought it on. I took two pills so hopefully that will help.” I say only looking at Sophie. Sophie sighs and I can see that this is a strain on her. It must be hard to see your two best friends arguing. I would hate it if I were in that situation. I feel that I want to work things out with Katharine. However, this awkwardness proves to me that I cannot.
“This has gone on long enough.” Sophie says and I feel surprised by her forwardness. I look to Katharine but she still has not said a word and there is no way that I will be first one to talk. Sophie gets up from the bed and walks over to sit my bedside. She leans closer to me and whispers,
“Katharine just told me how much she hates being in a huff with you. The bottom line is that she misses you and I can tell that you miss her too.” I know that Sophie is correct in her words. However, I do still feel anger towards Katharine. How dare she ask me to stay away from Michael? I knew him first and he is Adrian’s stepbrother, although he and I are not together right now, I still feel obliged to him. I could not ignore Michael and my bottom line is that, I do not want to ignore him. I am selfish; I do want him in my life and I will do everything in my power to keep him there. If Michael is all that I have left of Adrian, then I will hold onto him for as long as I can. I slowly rise up from the bed and I walk over to Katharine. I have not looked at her properly since I came into the room. I notice that she is dressed in the trendiest new clothes. Her hair is longer, and her makeup is much more subtle. She also has a brand new Chanel bag, and I know that she cannot afford handbags like that. The more I look at her, the more I realise that she is wearing exactly the same type of clothes as I do. The jeans are the same, the shoes and her sweater is something I would also wear. I glance again at her handbag and I soon conclude that, it is the identical bag, which Adrian bought me. I look into her blue eyes and they are not plastered in thick mascara that usually covers them. Her usual red painted lips are in a nude gloss and I wonder if Michael influenced Katharine’s makeover.
“Katharine, I think we should talk.” I say firmly. She looks at me for the first time and again I am surprised by the changes that I see in her. I try to not let that be a factor, instead I look back at her and wait for her impending words.
“You are right Alanna, we do need to talk.” She says and her voice is equally as firm as mine was. I notice Sophie getting up from the bed.
“I will give you two sometime alone. Please, play nice.” Katharine and I both smile at Sophie as she heads out the room and into the noisy crowded hallway. I turn back Katharine.
“Do you mind if I sit?”
“No, of course not, sit down Alanna.” She says quickly and I take a seat onto the bed next to her. I part my lips, as I talk first.
“Things are strained between us; I want to sort this out. Please, talk to me and tell me how you feel.” Katharine considers her words carefully; she relaxes her tense arms and wipes cool sweat from her forehead. Her eyes look serious and I am anxious about what she will say.
“I want that too, however, you have to understand that I am in a difficult position.” She says in a kind but firm voice. I shift the weight from my legs nervously. I glance into her dark blues eyes,
“I do understand and I know how you feel about Michael, I wouldn’t want to come between you two.” I insist.
“That’s the problem; I know you don’t want that, but no matter how much Michael says he doesn’t love you, I know that he always will. Having you around him makes it impossible for me to trust him.” I sigh.
“He may not be completely over me, however he now realises that nothing will ever happen between us. I have told him several times and I feel that he understands my feelings more now. Adrian is not here but I still love him and I will not give up on him.” I protest in my most sincere voice.
“Are you sure that’s how Michael feels?” Katharine questions as she runs her fingers through her hair.
“Yes, he told me.” She looks surprised by my confession.
“I know that asking you to stay away from him was out of order, but I hope that you see my point of view?” She says awkwardly. I run my fingers along my neck and I feel the diamond chain, I twist the black diamond pendant that Adrian gave me. Ever since I have been apart from him, the necklace gives me comfort. It takes me back to happier time and I long for that feeling again. I again twine the pendant in my fingers nervously and I gaze at Katharine. I feel that she was very out order in asking me to stay away from Michael. However, things are slowly resolving and I do not want to anger that. I also feel that, any feelings I have towards Katharine should be put to her and we ought to at least try to accept the bad feelings along with the good.
“I do see your point of view; however you were out of order. Michael had just stepped in front of a bullet for me and you wanted me to ignore him.” Katharine sighs and I notice the distress on her beautiful face.
“I feel awful. Looking back on it now, I realise it was a selfish, jealous thing to ask. I know that you and Michael have some type of connection that I will never fully understand. I also believe you when you say that friends, is all you two are.” I smile at her for what seems like the first time ever. She slides over her hand and grabs mine. Katharine looks up at me, her face is different, and her clothes are different but her eyes remain the same, soft kindness as before.
“I am sorry for everything, can you forgive me?” I proudly flash her, a smile.
“Yes, of course I can and I am also sorry.” She smiles and I say,
“I know that my friendship with Michael is a sensitive issue and from now on I will be considerate to your feelings. I hated being apart from you. My drama has opened my eyes to see what is most important in life.” Katharine’s face swirls full of emotion and I gaze and wonder why?
“Have you heard from, Adrian?” She says sympathetically. I again hold onto the black diamond necklace as I fill Katharine in on my recen
t telephone call with Adrian.
“That is, bullshit! He clearly loved you.” Katharine says very firmly. I feel uneasy and my heart begins to ache as I remember his words.
“I don’t know anymore and I am beginning to think that it was all a lie. I have amazing memories of our time together; I don’t want them to fade because I fear that they might be all that I have left of him.” Katharine wrinkles her forehead head and she looks irritated. I push back my hair from my face and I hold in a tear. Katharine notices my despair and she quickly tries to comfort me.
“I wouldn’t worry about him, he will be back. No matter what he says, he loves you. I know that it is hard and I can tell that you are hurting. However, you have so many people around you, everyone is routing for you. Alanna Hart, you are a strong, independent, confident, young woman. You are destined to have your dreams fulfilled.”
The next morning I wake early and head out for my long day of classes. I walk briskly down the hallway and I stumble into the class. My face flushes hot and I quickly march up the back and take a seat. I take out my books and I hear a buzzing sound from my phone. I take out my white Blackberry and I am stunned to see that I have an email from Adrian. My heart races and I cannot wait to read his words. I slide the phone open and I click onto the email app.
“Excuse me, Miss Hart no phones in class.” I turn around and I see Mrs Malcolm staring at me. I force out a smile and I quickly put my phone back into my bag. I lean back in my chair and try to focus on the lecture. However, my mind is taken over by the looming email. I wonder what he wants. Has he decided to change his mind and come back to me? Alternatively, is he simply just emailing to let me know that he has moved on? There are many possibilities and I have no idea which one I am concluded on. My writing and concentration is deeply flawed as I wait for class to finish. My foot is taping loudly against the leg of the chair and I am aware that the sound is irritating some of the other students. I turn around and I see a guy make a disapproving look towards me, I automatically stop the irritating action and briefly flash the guy an apologetic smile. He rolls his eyes at me - which I find rather rude. I again focus on my paper with not much will power. When the bell rings to signal the end of class, I am the first student out the room. I rush down the hallway and I head back to my room. I open the door and I am astonished when I see, Adrian. My heart skips a beat, as I stare at him. I take in his looks, which I have missed so much. His light chocolate hair is tousled and I find it odd that he is not wearing a suit. Instead, he has on, dark blue jeans and a dark grey coat with black glossy buttons, the collar is turned up, and it gently caresses his neck. Underneath he has on a black shirt, his gorgeous face is mesmorising and I cannot stop gaping at him. His glowing green eyes astound me and I cannot say word. He stands motionless as he sees me walk in and I manage to close the door behind me. I still do not have the breath to speak, he looks at me and I melt. I gently slip my bag onto the floor, Adrian takes two massive strides, and he is now right in front of me. I tilt my head back so that I look up at him. He does not say a word and he does not have to, because I know exactly what he is thinking. With one swift move he pulls me towards him, his hands are on my face and now his lips are on mine. His kiss is captivating and I missed it so much. He slides his hand down my back and then he moves it into my hair. He slips off my hair tie, my blonde curls fall loosely down my back, and I am frozen by his touch. He pulls back from me and I cannot open my eyes, I fear that this may all be just a dream. However, I feel his hand again on my face and I am forced to open my eyes. Adrian is gazing down at me with one hand on my face and the other is intertwined in my shaky hand. He smirks at me, I dumfounded by his presence, he leans in again, and his kiss is softer than before. I wait for him to pull back but he does not. I love this feeling and I do not want it to end. However, I need to know why he is here. I have so many questions that I need to ask him and I am a little mad that he said he never loved me. I take my hand from his and I place it on his chest, I push him away gently and he quickly pulls back. He looks stunned by my action and I can see that he is not happy.
Three Thousand Miles - Jealousy (book #2 of Three Thousand Miles Series) Page 9
