by Aven Ellis
I can tell no is not an option. When CiCi Hunter tells you to sit down and have a cup of coffee, you do just that.
“Aga?” she calls out.
“Yes, Ms. Hunter?” Aga says, stepping into the room.
“Will you please prepare some coffee? I’ll take mine black, of course. Reese?”
“With any kind of milk, please,” I say. “Thank you.”
“We have cashew milk, almond milk, and coconut milk,” Aga says. “Ms. Bella is allergic to dairy. Oh, Ms. Hunter, would you like me to try hemp milk as well? I don’t believe she’s tried that yet.”
“Yes, I want my little princess to have all the options,” CiCi says.
“I’ll get some today. Ms. Brannon, what milk would you like?”
“Coconut, please.”
“Very well. I’ll get those right out,” Aga says, retreating to the kitchen.
CiCi grins at me. “You can see why I told Peter when I agreed to move in with him this summer that I would not sell my house and come without Aga. She’s a gem. Now, let’s go have a seat.”
We follow behind Aga, and I sit with CiCi at the kitchen table, which overlooks the terraced gardens outside.
“I wouldn’t worry about not receiving a text,” CiCi says simply. “I don’t think you are the type of woman to worry over one, either. Unless you are afraid of something.”
I fixate on the tabletop, not wanting to meet her gaze.
“Reese, look at me.”
I lift my head.
“What are you afraid of?” she asks.
I swallow hard. “I’m starting to let him in. I don’t do that, CiCi. I hate feeling vulnerable. I’ve never wanted to let anyone in like I do with JP, but I’m scared. I don’t want to be hurt. What if he’s changing his mind? We agreed to be casual, which means he could see someone else.”
“The real issue isn’t that he didn’t return a text, but that you’re afraid he’s going to leave at some point.”
My heart feels like ice in my chest. “Yes,” I whisper.
“When I went through the issues in my marriage,” CiCi says slowly, “I wasn’t always open about what my problems were. When my ex left, I was gutted. Absolutely gutted.”
I furrow my brow. I can’t picture CiCi like that, not at all.
“It’s true. Isn’t it, Aga?” she says, glancing at Aga who is working some expensive coffeehouse-type machine in the kitchen.
“It’s true,” Aga says, nodding. “She wouldn’t get out of her robe, she was so depressed.”
CiCi turns back to me. “For a long time, I didn’t trust any man. I was never going to be vulnerable to that pain again. I closed myself off. I gave Kenley horrible advice about Nate, telling her not to trust him, either, which I deeply regret now as Nate is a wonderful man who didn’t deserve my mistrust. If she would have listened to me, she would have lost him.”
“I can’t see this,” I admit, amazed at what she is telling me.
“Of course not, I’m not that woman anymore,” CiCi says. “I saw a life coach. I changed my attitude. I realized I was missing a lot by being shut off. I learned to open myself up. Then I found Peter.”
A smile passes over her face, and I know that smile. It’s for Peter.
The man who was worth the risk.
“You can stay protected, Reese, but you’ll be isolated and miss out on so much love.”
She reaches across the table and puts her hand over mine, and tears prick my eyes at the kind gesture.
“You need to talk to JP when things bother you. Talk about what you want. If you are brave enough to face hurt, you can be open to accepting all kinds of love. Love does not come without risk, but a good life doesn’t come from putting a wall around your emotions.”
Aga quietly places two cups of coffee between us, and I’m doing all I can not to cry.
“What if I can’t do it?” I ask, my voice thick with unshed tears.
“I believe in you,” CiCi says gently. “When your heart is ready, you’ll be brave.”
I stare down at my coffee cup as her words roll around in my head.
I pray with all my heart she’s right.
~ ~ ~
Something is not right with JP.
I’m on the verge of throwing up as I park my car down the street from Harrison and Kylie’s house in Highland Park. He finally responded to my good morning text in the afternoon, saying he had a lot of errands to run and it would probably be easier to meet up at Harrison’s party.
And that was it.
I blink back tears.
That’s not my JP.
JP has never been short with texts, and we talked about going to this party together a few days ago.
But he’s not my JP, I remind myself.
Tears fill my eyes, and going back to my childhood, I use all my willpower not to let them fall. I’m good at this. I’m good at hiding how I feel.
I swallow hard as thoughts race through my head. He’s pulling back. I can feel it. Within a blink of an eye, JP has gone from wanting to be with me to slipping away. I go over and over everything in my head, looking for answers. Did I say too much? Or not enough? Show too much affection? Is it because we had sex, and he doesn’t want me getting too attached as a result?
My phone chimes with a weather alert. I have it set to notify me when storms are rolling in, and I know there are supposed to be some monster ones tonight. I was going to ask JP if we could leave early because one of my biggest fears is being stuck driving in a storm.
I guess I can leave whenever I want now, I think as my chest pulls tight.
I take a moment to push everything down, which usually works.
Except this time.
I’m sick.
I’m scared.
I have no idea what to expect when I see him inside.
I force myself to get out of the car. The skies are getting darker, and clouds are rolling by. My anxiety increases as I study them. There will be storms tonight; there is no doubt.
The question is: How many of them will I be facing?
As I head up the street, I see JP’s Maserati. I stop walking, a cold chill sweeping over me.
He’s here.
And he didn’t want to come with me.
Fear is replaced by anger. I deserve better than this. The JP of a few days ago wouldn’t be avoiding me. If he’s changed his mind, he should tell me. I know our rules. I wouldn’t make his life hell or go crazy. I’d be crushed. I’d be heartbroken.
I wouldn’t put any of that on him if he treated me with some common respect.
Now I march to the door with purpose. There’s a note attached to the doorbell, welcoming guests and telling them to come inside.
I open the door and hear laughter coming from down the hall. I move to the kitchen and find familiar faces. Kylie is chopping vegetables at the counter, and Kenley is hanging out next to her. I don’t see Holly; she must not be here yet. I recognize some of the women from the game the other night, including Emma.
“Hey, Reese,” Kylie calls out, a smile lighting up her face. “So glad you can make it. JP is out back with the other guys.”
“They are strangely fascinated with grilling,” Kenley quips.
“I remember someone who bonded with Nate over grilling,” Kylie teases.
Kenley laughs, and obviously, there’s a story there. “Oh my gosh, I forgot about that.”
“We didn’t,” Lexi Stewart, Kenley’s best friend, says. She shifts her gaze to me. “Good to see you again, Reese.”
“You too,” I say, glancing out the back window.
Normally, I’d start chatting, asking Kenley to tell me her story about Nate, or talking with Lexi about her fiancé, Niko, who is the television pro
ducer for the Dallas Demons, and seeing if Kylie needed some help.
But, instead, I need to face JP.
“I’m going to go out back for a second. I’ll be right back,” I say, forcing my voice to sound casual.
“Harrison has some sangria out there. You should get some,” Kylie says, going back to slicing a cucumber. “It’s so good. Or wicked good, as Harrison would say.”
“Okay, thanks.”
I go to the back door and open it, stepping out into the outdoor kitchen. I see Harrison and Nate at the grill. Easton Shaw, the second ginger on the team now besides Harrison, is talking with Niko Xenakis and Tanner Peck, and I can feel Easton staring at me as I’m standing there.
Then I spot JP.
I freeze.
I feel as though someone has taken a knife and run it through my heart.
Because JP is engrossed in conversation with a beautiful blond.
I begin to shake.
I’m going to puke.
He’s smiling at her, then he dips his head down lower as she talks animatedly with her hands, and then he throws his head back and laughs.
Just like he did with me a few days ago.
I can’t make sense of this. I can’t believe this is happening.
But it is.
JP wanted casual.
And now he wants someone else.
JP must feel my gaze because his attention shifts to me.
The smile falls off his face.
Oh, God.
It’s over.
And I don’t know how I’m going to survive it.
Chapter 25
JP’s eyes lock with mine. I freeze. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to go near him. I don’t want to hear what dumbass excuse he has for tonight. I don’t want the awkward conversation or the fake niceties.
His eyes show no emotion. Those beautiful eyes that I thought I knew show nothing. JP’s staring at me blankly, as if I were any woman standing there in front of him.
My heart lurches as I see his vacant expression. How is this happening? What changed JP’s mind?
How is this man, who is staring right through me, the same man who insisted on looking into my eyes the first time we made love?
Bile rises in my throat.
Because it’s casual to him. You changed the rules yourself, Reese. You made yourself vulnerable to him.
And now you’re paying the price.
I’m suffocating. I can’t breathe. I can’t stay here. It is too humiliating and hurts too much.
I have to get the hell out of here.
“Hey, Reese!” Harrison calls out good-naturedly, oblivious to my torment.
“What’s up?” Nate asks, smiling at me. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
“Can I get you a beer? A glass of wine?” Harrison asks.
Years of modeling have taught me how to fake expressions, and never has that skill been handier than it is right now.
“I’m good,” I say, smiling brightly. “Thought I’d pop out here and say hi. I’m going to head back inside and hang with the girls.”
I ignore the surprised expression on Harrison’s face when I don’t even acknowledge JP and head toward the door.
“I don’t think we’ve met yet,” Easton says, approaching me and stopping me in my tracks. He extends his hand. “I’m Easton.”
“Hi, I’m Reese,” I say, fully aware that JP is watching us. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
I can tell by the way he’s appraising me that he has no clue that I’ve been seeing JP.
Obviously, JP didn’t mention to his new partner that he was dating me.
Which is another knife in my heart.
“You have an accent,” Easton says, flashing me a flirty smile. “Texan?”
I find myself shaking with nerves as I feel JP glaring at me. The feeling is confusing. Why should he care? JP is the one who dumped me, in this bullshit way without even telling me, and now he’s acting like he doesn’t even know me.
Anger returns and mixes with the thoughts swirling through my head.
“Yes, I am,” I say, forcing my smile to grow for JP’s benefit.
“Perfect. I’m new here, and I’d love to get a native’s perspective. Come on, sit down and have a beer with me.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Harrison says, shooting Easton a pointed look.
“What?” Easton asks, furrowing his brow, oblivious to the fact that things are about to get awkward.
“I’d love one,” I say quickly, “and I’d love to give you all my Texas tips.”
I pluck a bottle of beer out of a silver bucket, shaking the ice water off.
Easton takes it from me and allows his fingertips to brush against mine.
“Allow me, my lady,” he says.
He takes the beer, uses a bottle opener to pop off the cap, and pours the beer into a red plastic cup for me.
“Let’s sit over here. I’m done talking hockey,” he says. “I’d rather talk to you.”
Gah, he has player written all over him.
In huge letters, with a permanent Sharpie pen.
He escorts me over to a sectional on the deck, and I sit, fully aware that JP’s eyes haven’t left me. My hand starts shaking again, and I quickly park the cup on the table so I don’t slosh beer. Easton sits close to me and puts his arm up across the back of the sofa, where it grazes my shoulders.
Man. He doesn’t waste time.
Or personal space.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement.
I turn my head, and JP is striding across the pool deck.
Toward me.
His face shows nothing but restrained anger.
What could he be angry about? This was his choice. Not mine. None of his actions make sense, none! How could this be the same man I was with a few days ago?
How well do you really know someone after a week, Reese? I remind myself. You lost yourself to a man you know nothing about.
A lump forms in my throat. Apparently, I didn’t know him at all.
“Hey,” JP says sharply, “I need to talk to you for a moment.”
“I don’t think so,” I answer simply.
Because I will never, ever, let JP get close enough to hurt me further.
Easton looks from me to JP and back to me.
“You two know each other?”
“No,” I snap.
“Yes,” JP says at the same time, staring at me.
“Um, okay,” Easton says, getting up.
“You don’t have to leave because of him,” I say.
“I think I do,” Easton says. “Nice meeting you.”
Easton walks away, leaving me alone with JP.
“We need to talk,” JP repeats.
“I have nothing to talk to you about,” I snap. “Your actions have made it very clear what you want.”
“My actions?” JP asks, his voice incredulous. “What do you mean, ‘my actions?’”
I stand up. “You know damn well what I’m talking about,” I say, my voice rising. “If you didn’t want to see me anymore, you should have manned up and told me. Not by sending me a text saying you’d meet me here, and not by coming with another girl. I don’t need this, and I don’t need you.”
I angrily storm off, heading straight for the gate to the driveway. I don’t want to be around him. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to talk to him, it hurts too much.
I need to escape.
I jerk it open, and then I flee, hurrying toward my car.
“No!” I hear JP yell behind me. “Reese!”
I whirl around as he runs up to me. A gust of cool air
sweeps over us, sending a chill through me.
“You have some nerve being mad at me,” JP spits out angrily.
“What?” I cry. “Me? This is your doing, JP!”
“I’m not the one who told people you definitely weren’t serious about me. I’m not the one who called us ‘just fun.’ You’re the one who made it clear I’m nothing, and you sure as hell left your options open to date other people. Probably in case you get bored with me like every other woman does.”
I stumble backward. Oh, no. No. With a jolt, I realize my whole conversation with Emma at the game has come back to haunt me, and some of it isn’t even right.
“That’s not what I said.”
“So, Emma lied to Tanner? We had quite the interesting conversation on the flight back to Dallas last night.”
Oh, no. I feel dizzy. I can’t breathe.
“What did you want me to say?” I manage to choke out. “You made it clear you don’t want anything serious with me! I don’t want to label us anything you don’t want, JP. I didn’t want you to think I was making more out of us than you wanted it to be.”
“You honestly think that’s how I feel now?” JP yells back. “After what we shared together? Do you think I’m like that with every girl?”
“I don’t know how you feel,” I blurt out, but as I see the wounded expression on his face, I do.
He not only cares, but in the same way that I do about him.
“If you knew me at all, you would,” JP says, pain resonating in his words. “You obviously don’t.”
I feel the need to push back, to not be any more vulnerable to pain.
“If you were a man about your feelings, you would have talked to me instead of running away,” I say, fighting back. “You wouldn’t have ignored my texts or bailed on me tonight. Instead, you acted like every other guy. You walked away.”
Tears fill my eyes as I hold still. The clouds roll quickly overhead. The storm is coming any second now, moving in much faster than anticipated.
