by Amy Hale
“Please, have a seat in the living room. I’ll fill you in, then we can see if he’ll talk to you.”
I follow him into a beautifully furnished living area. It has a rustic lodge feel that reminds me of an upscale ski resort I went to with my girlfriends one Christmas. I sit on a small leather sofa and Aidan sits next to me, making the two-seater feel more like an arm chair. I push my discomfort away to focus on the issue at hand.
“After our talk in your classroom, I started observing him closely, and I noticed that you are right. He’s not the same. We were enjoying breakfast this morning, and I mentioned school. I asked him how it was going, and he just shrugged, so I decided to try some of the things we discussed, hoping he’d open up. I asked about friends because I realized he’s never asked to invite anyone over. He became upset and told me to leave him alone. When I asked what was wrong, he ran into his room and slammed the door.” Aidan frowned. “I thought maybe he just needed a little time alone. But after an hour or so, he still refused to come out. He’s since missed lunch as well.”
I think back to our school week. Was there anything that happened to set this in motion? He still wasn’t overly interactive with others at recess. He mostly kept to himself. Maybe he was just lonely. It was time to find out.
“Can you take me to his room, please?”
Aidan nods and stands then leads me back through the foyer and down a hallway on the opposite side of the house. He stops at a door with a little sign that says “Do Not Enter” and has video game characters all over it.
Aidan knocks. “Caleb? It’s Dad. You have a visitor.”
All is quiet behind the door until we hear the shuffle of feet as Caleb comes closer. “Who is it?” he asks in a wary voice.
I speak up. “It’s me. Miss Dawson. I wanted to come by and say hello. Is it okay if I come in? Or would you want to come out here?”
Again we are greeted with a moment of silence while he makes a decision and then we hear the lock click and the door opens just a crack. He presses his face against the opening, and we can only see one sad little blue eye. I smile at him, and he opens the door enough that I can now see his whole face. He looks tired, and his eyes are a little red like he may have been crying.
“You can come in, I guess.” He opens the door a little more.
Aidan looks at me and nods. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” He slowly backs away, giving his son a look of adoration and love that nearly breaks my heart from the sheer beauty and honesty that shines through. This is absolute, pure, unconditional love.
I give Aidan a sincere smile, then step over the threshold into Caleb's room. He sits on the bed, so I pull out a chair from his desk and get comfortable.
“So, Caleb, what did you do this weekend? Anything fun?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Ah, me either. Sometimes I get really bored. How about you?”
He looks at me a moment, and I see resignation in those big blue eyes. “Yeah.”
“I thought that since I was bored I’d come see you. Is that okay?”
He nods. “Why would you come see me?”
I smile. “Why not? You’re fun to be around! And it looks like you play video games.” I point to a gaming system near a small flat-screen television.
He gives me a small smile. “Yeah. Do you play video games, Miss Dawson?”
“I try to, but I’m not very good at it. Maybe you could teach me some moves?”
His face lights up. “Sure! What kinda game do you like?” He becomes more animated as he crosses the room and brings me a container full of games.
I look through the box he’s just handed me. “Oh, I don’t know. Which one is your favorite?”
“I love this one!” He pulls out a game about knights and castles. “We get to stop the bad people and fly on dragons and stuff! It’s super cool!”
“That sounds like fun. Teach me how to play that one!”
His smile widens even more as he turns everything on and inserts the disc into the system. I move to sit on the floor in front of the television, and he hands me a controller. “Here, Miss Dawson. You can be player two.”
“Thanks, Caleb. And when we aren’t at school, you can call me Whitney, okay?”
He frowns a little. “I don’t know. I’m supposed to call you Miss Dawson because you’re an adult and my teacher.”
“True, but when I’m visiting you, I’m doing so as your friend as well. And friends use first names, right?”
He thinks for a minute before his smile returns. “Yes, that’s right.”
“Okay then, when we are not in school you can call me Whitney, or Miss Whitney if that makes you more comfortable.”
“Cool!” He pushes a couple of buttons, and the game comes to life. “I’ll teach you all the buttons and special power moves, Whitney. Then you’ll be able to defeat the evil wizard!”
“Let’s do this!” I hold my hand up for a high-five, and he slaps his palm against mine before we settle in for what will inarguably be the worst butt kicking of my video game existence.
Caleb and I have been playing for almost two hours. We’ve laughed and talked while he slayed trolls and I ran from them.
“Whitney! You gotta kill them, or they’ll come back and get you!”
I laugh. “I don’t think I’m gonna survive this round. Maybe you should save me!”
“I got this!” he yells enthusiastically. His small fingers move deftly over the controller and in moments he’s defeated my enemies.
“My hero!” I shout as the victory music begins to play, signaling that we’ve won that round.
Caleb stands up, takes a dramatic bow, then does this adorable dance that has me laughing so hard I fall on my side and roll on the floor. He is such a fun, wonderful kid, and I honestly can’t think of a better way to spend my evening. Well, I can think of one way, and it involves his gorgeous father, but I’m not going to allow my mind to wander there. My brain needs to tell ‘the little libido that could’ to take a chill pill. If only there really were such a pill.
Caleb and I are recovering from our laughter when I notice Aidan in the doorway. His smile is ear to ear, and I know it’s because his son is having a good time. He just wants his kid to be happy, and for now that goal is successful. I smile at them both as I get up and stretch. I’m not old by any means, but after two hours on the floor, I could use a break.
Aidan must have been thinking the same thing. “Hey, Caleb, should we order a pizza?”
Caleb looks at me. “Do you like pizza, Whitney?”
“I love pizza. What toppings should we get?”
Caleb looks at his dad. “Can we get the one with all the meats and lots of cheese?”
Aidan nods. “Sure, if that’s something Miss Dawson likes too.”
“Dad, we don’t have to call her that. She’s our friend, so we call her Whitney when she’s not at school.” He gives Aidan a look that says “Duh!” and I have to struggle not to laugh out loud.
Aidan crosses his arms in front of him. This accentuates his biceps a bit, and I find myself thinking about cold showers. Lots of cold showers.
“You are absolutely right, son. How silly of me. Are those toppings acceptable, Whitney?” When he says my name, the undertone sends ripples of awareness through me. Damn. I can’t seem to escape this attraction, even with a child in the room.
“Yes, that sounds good to me,” I manage to squeak out, hoping it resembles any other sentence I’d utter on any other day. The momentary flare in Aidan’s eyes tells me that I’ve failed miserably. He knows what I’m thinking, and I hate it. I might as well have a digital message center strapped to my forehead. Whitney is desperate and lonely. She’d like you to do unspeakable things to her on the kitchen counter. I silently thank the heavens that no such thought reading device exists, and I offer Caleb a hand up.
He takes my hand, and once he’s standing, he continues to hold on. I give him a little squeeze and let him lead me to the kitchen with Ai
dan just behind us.
Caleb insists I take a seat while he sets the table. Aidan orders the pizza and then offers me a beer while getting tea for Caleb. Once the pizza arrives, we enjoy the food and conversation until I notice the time.
“Oh, dear. I should really go.” I stand, and they both follow my lead. “I’ve had a lot of fun, Caleb. Thanks for teaching me how to slay trolls! And thanks for the great pizza!”
Caleb beams with pride. “You were starting to get good at it, but it takes practice. You need to come back so we can play again.”
I should have seen that coming. I look at his angelic little face and realize two things: I can’t tell him no, and, to be honest, I don’t want to. I really did have a great time with them both tonight.
“Sounds like a plan, little man.” I ruffle his hair, and he gives me a big hug. I can’t help but hug him back.
“Okay, Caleb, you need to go brush your teeth and get ready for bed. You both have school tomorrow. I’ll walk Whitney out.”
Caleb says goodbye and bounds down the hallway. Aidan walks me to the door but stops short of opening it for me. “What did you learn today? Is he okay?”
“He will be. He seems to be lonely. For some reason he’s not making friends as I expected him to, so I’m going to see what I can do to foster that during the school day. He didn’t open up too much, but I think in time he will.”
Aidan surprises me by placing a kiss on my cheek. “Thank you, Whitney. I owe you. He really enjoyed himself today. I play video games with him often, but it was obvious he needed someone other than Dad today.”
“I’m glad you called me. I had fun, too. He’s a fantastic kid.”
Aidan opens the door and slowly walks me to my car. Once we reach the driveway, he puts a hand on my arm. “Can we talk a minute?”
I feel the panic start to rise in my chest. “We are talking.”
“You know what I mean.”
I lean against the driver’s side door. “What do you want me to say, Aidan?”
“Dammit!” He puts an arm on either side of me, trapping me against my car. “I just want to know why you’re ignoring me. What did I do? Was it the kiss in the fun house?”
I swallow. I can’t find any words that will accurately explain why I freaked out, or why I continue to be anxious about spending time with him.
“Fine. I’ll never touch you again. Does that make you happy?”
It doesn’t, but I don’t know how to explain that either.
He backs away from me. “Don’t shut me out, Whitney. I won’t touch you. I won’t kiss you. I’ll even try not to think about you, although, I doubt I’ll be successful. But it’s obvious Caleb needs you, and to be honest, I enjoy your company too.” He searches my face, his eyes pleading. “Can we give that whole friendship thing one more try? I promise to be on my best behavior from here on out.”
My mind is racing with possible answers, but the only thing I can say is, “Friends. Yes, I’d like that.” My mouth has committed mutiny once again.
Monday morning proves to be relatively uneventful. During lunch, I finish up some grading and then, after wolfing down a yogurt and granola snack, I spend a little time on the playground to observe the children. I’m especially interested in interactions with Caleb. Over dinner the night before, I learned that Rebecca is a family friend and that she stays with them during the week. She cleans, does the shopping, and takes care of Caleb after school and when Aidan has to travel for work. At this time, Aidan hasn’t settled into a specific job, but he’s considering taking on a coaching position at the high school. For now, he’s just volunteering his time and feeling out the work environment. He is also the partial owner of a sports complex that opened over the summer which is why he moved here. Small world.
As for Caleb’s mother, all I know at this point is she passed away when he was only three. Caleb was born premature, which explains his small stature compared to the other kids, and his memories of his mother are faint. Aidan was hesitant to say much in front of his son, so the discussion was cryptic and sort of pieced together in a way that wouldn’t upset Caleb. I’m looking forward to learning more about her from Aidan, once he’s comfortable sharing that kind of information with me. We agreed to start over and give this friendship thing a real try, so I’m having to slap myself mentally every time I think of him. There is just way too much going on in my head where he is concerned.
I watch Caleb approach the swings and quietly wait his turn. Once a swing is vacated, he sits down and begins to rock back and forth until the motion is fluid and smooth. For the first five minutes or so he seems to be enjoying himself, but once a small group of children approaches the swing set, he slows down and decides to walk away. I try to be casual as I position myself a little closer to the children, hoping to hear their conversation.
I realize Kara is front and center of this little faction, and she’s obviously unhappy with Caleb. “Where are you going, cry baby?”
Caleb looks down at his shoes. “Nowhere.”
She grins. “That’s right. You’re going nowhere because you’re a loser, just like your dad.”
Caleb glares at her then. “My dad is not a loser! You take that back!”
I decide I’ve heard enough, and as I walk toward them I hear all the kids in this small mob start singing, “Caleb’s a loser!”
“All right, children, that’ll be quite enough.” I work to keep my tone even, without injecting the anger and hurt I feel over how they are treating him. “No one is a loser, and you all owe Caleb an apology.”
Kara crosses her arms defiantly. “You don’t know, Miss Dawson. You don’t know what his dad is like. He’s an awful person. He lies about other people.”
I manage to catch Caleb just before he decides to lunge in Kara’s direction, his little arms swinging out to hit anything in their path.
“Kara Mathison, I want you to listen to me closely. The same goes for all of you that are standing here. It is never okay to make someone feel bad about themselves. I don’t care what reasons you think you have, acting this way will get you labeled as a bully. Is that what you want? To be a bully?”
Most of the kids display some form of regret on their features, and a few even pat Caleb on the back, saying they are sorry. But Kara and two other boys, Josh and Brent, are adamant in their stance against their classmate.
Kara sticks her little nose in the air. “Now you are making me feel bad about myself, Miss Dawson. Does that make you a bully?”
Her tone and attitude catch me off-guard. Of all the snotty, spoiled children I’ve dealt with, she takes the cake. She’s actually accusing me of bullying her because I corrected her behavior? Unbelievable.
“No, I’m not bullying you. I’m explaining why it’s not okay to behave in such a way. Now, recess is almost over. Apologize for being unkind, and I don’t ever want to hear this kind of talk from any of you again, do you understand?”
The children nod and mumble their apologies, although, I have a hard time believing Kara is truly sorry for anything she’s said. Her entire demeanor screams that she doesn’t appreciate this exercise in kindness, and she has no intention of backing down. I wave them all away and take Caleb’s hand.
“Hey, buddy. Sorry about that. Sometimes people say things, and they don’t understand how hurtful those words can be.”
His frown was frozen in place. “They don’t know my dad. He’s a good guy, right, Whitney? My dad isn’t a loser or a liar.”
I decide not to correct his use of my first name, even though we are on school property. Right now he’s hurt, and he needs his friend more than his teacher. “Yes, Caleb, your dad is a good man. I’m sure Kara got her wires crossed somewhere.”
Caleb sniffs, and I can see him fighting back tears. “She says we had to move here because no one wanted him in baseball and they made him leave town. She says...” He takes a big gulp of air. “She says he is a thief.”
My jaw drops open. How could she possibly thi
nk those things about someone she doesn’t really know? My estimation is that she’s heard adult gossip and is just passing on the rumors. I make a mental note to look into these accusations and get Caleb some clarity and peace once and for all.
Once the day is over, I offer to take Caleb home. I call Aidan to let him know I’m coming.
“Hey, Aidan, I wanted to know if it’d be okay if I brought Caleb home. I thought we could hang out again.” With Caleb at my side, I decide to be vague and fill in the details when he is preoccupied.
“Yeah, that’d be great. I’m running late today, so I won’t be there for another hour or so, but Rebecca is there, so I’ll let her know you’re coming.”
“Okay, see you soon.”
I hang up and smile at Caleb. “Your dad is running a little late, but he said it was fine if I come over. Maybe I can practice killing trolls for a while?”
His crooked smile melts my heart, and it’s all I can do not to bend down and hug him. I take his hand, and we walk to my VW.
“Hey, can you keep a secret, Caleb?” I give him a conspiratorial smile.
“Yes! I’m very good at keeping secrets. Dad says it’s because I’m a good listener, and I have something called empathy. I don’t know what that is, but he says it’s a good thing.”
I chuckle. “Yes, that’s a very good thing. Your dad is a smart guy.” I pull my keys from my purse. “So, my secret. Are you ready?”
He nods his head with enthusiasm, causing his blond curls to bob up and down.
I point to my car. “This car has a name. I call him Sir Bubblebutt or Sir B for short.”
Caleb giggles. “You named your car? And you said butt!”
I open the passenger door. “I did, that’s why it’s a secret. Only special people know his name.”
His smile is wide now, and he’s buckling in as he looks around the interior. “Why did you pick that name?”
“Well, when I first got him, I used to carry a lot of stuff in the trunk, so I started making jokes about having junk in my trunk. The trunk on this car is actually in the front, but I don’t care. I still think it’s funny.”
