by Emma Evans
His throat worked for a moment as he felt the rift between them begin to heal. “Thank you for being so careful on your return home,” he said quietly. “You cannot imagine the depths of my relief.”
Nodding, she shot him a quick smile before turning away and hurrying up the stairs.
Half an hour later, Hector found himself with a cup of tea in his hand whilst Sophia poured one for herself. She was dressed in a simple day dress, her hair neat and tidy with a little flush of pink in her cheeks, possibly from all her exertion earlier that day.
“Now,” she said, sitting back, “I suppose I should begin.” She cleared her throat, her eyes darting away for a moment as her cheeks began to darken in color. “I apologize, Lord Guthrie, for coming into your home and your bedchamber unannounced and railing at you in such an unorthodox manner. It was more than rude of me and I am heartily ashamed of my behavior.”
Hector could not help but chuckle, recalling just how wild she had appeared. “You did give me something of a shock, Miss Newton.”
A small, sad smile crept across her face. “Oh, Guthrie,” she said softly. “Must you keep referring to me in such a way? You once called me Sophia. Can we not return to that informality again? Are we not friends?”
Lowering his gaze, Hector cleared his throat. The truth was, he had thought to use her formal title so as to separate them both in his mind. Calling her by her Christian name had been much too intimate, had given him too much delight. But here she was asking him to do so again… and he found that he could not refuse.
“Of course, Sophia,” he said slowly, seeing her delighted smiled and feeling it pierce his heart. “I only wanted to ensure that I was doing everything properly when, it seems, the one thing I ought to have done, I did not do.”
She tipped her head. “And what was that?”
“I ought to have been honest with you from the very beginning,” he said truthfully. “I should have told you that I had a difficult past, even though I thought it had long been forgotten by society.”
Her eyes registered only interest, and, with a small sigh, Hector continued.
“The truth is, Sophia, I thought I was forgotten. I thought society would have had no interest in me and I considered that to be in my best interests. I never expected your cousin to ask me to take you on.”
“I suspect he did not expect to fall so deeply in love and find himself married,” Sophia interjected with a wry smile. “But that is how such things happen, I suppose.”
There was a warmth in her words and in her expression that had him swallowing hard.
“Indeed,” he murmured softly, aware of the pang in his own heart. “I confess that I have very little experience in that area.”
She looked surprised. “But I thought…” She trailed off and a slight frown appeared between her brows. “Were you not married?”
“I was, but that does not mean that I have any true experience of what it is to love and be loved in return,” Hector replied, a little sadly. “As you know, I am divorced, which was a rather difficult state to get myself into. It took a great deal of time, money and effort to go through the courts and I knew my reputation would never be the same again. Not that I cared at the time, of course.”
Sophia’s lips curved downwards.
“My wife made me a cuckold.”
The words were torn from his lips and Hector felt the old familiar sense of shame begin to creep up through his spine and spread like a fire through his face and neck.
“Oh, Guthrie.”
Her words were soft, but he could not look at her face. He did not want her pity, his head falling forwards as he pinned his eyes to the floor. There was a shuffling sound, and to his surprise, she came to sit by him on the couch, taking his hand in her own.
Fire shot through him and he jerked, but she held on regardless.
“I am so terribly sorry,” she said, her words breathy and light, almost a whisper next to his ear. “And I have been so awful to you. I had no sympathy for you and what you must have gone through. I only thought of myself and what effect it might have on my own reputation.” Shame crept into her voice and, daring a look, Hector saw that she, too, had dropped her head. “Was it truly a terrible time for you?”
The harsh laugh escaped him without him having any intention of it doing so. “Yes, it was. Made all the worse by the fact that I cared for her, loved her, so very much. She told me, of course, that she loved me in return, that she was devoted to me and the like. It soon became apparent that this was not the case. I shall not bore you with the details, my dear, but needless to say I became a shadow of the gentleman I had once been.”
Her hand squeezed his gently.
“I do hope you can now guess why I was so angry to see you with Lord Cardan,” Hector finished, memories of the past flashing up into his mind and stealing his breath. “Why I cannot allow you to be anywhere near him.”
A startled gasp came from Sophia and, turning his head, Hector saw that she had finally made the connection.
Her eyes were wide as she stared at him, as though waiting for him to say that no, in fact, it was not Lord Cardan who had made merry with Hector’s wife, that it was not the same gentleman who had walked with Sophia in the park that very afternoon.
“Please assure me that you will remain away from him, Sophia,” he said softly, placing his other hand on top of their joined ones. “I cannot bear to see you with him.”
Her mouth opened and closed but no words came from it. Her skin was a pale white, her eyes still registering shock as she stared at him, horrified.
“You—you should have told me,” she said eventually, her voice strangled. “I would not have gone near him, I would not have—”
“It is not as though I had plenty of opportunity to speak to you so, my dear,” he said slowly, with only a slight ruefulness to his smile. “And besides, you were very cross with me—although I will not hold that against you.”
She shook her head, her eyes suddenly glassy. “That man took your wife from you. I can hardly believe it.”
The pain tore at his heart afresh. “Indeed, although I will not lay all of the blame at his feet. My wife knew what she was doing. Her love for me was not all that it seemed, apparently. What galls me the most is that society appears to have begun to welcome him back whilst I am still whispered about, simply because I divorced the lady who was not true to me.” Shaking his head to himself, a long sigh escaped his lips. “Returning to London was not, perhaps, the best idea. I thought I would have been the viscount forgotten by society, but it appears I was wrong. What lady will look twice at me now?”
Another gasp came from Sophia as she looked at him.
“What did I say?” Hector asked, a little confused. “Have I said something to upset you?”
She shook her head mutely.
“Then what?”
Her gaze jumped from place to place as she drew in a breath, settling her shoulders. “I did not think that you were in mind to marry again, Guthrie, that is all. After all, it is not as though you are eagerly pursuing anyone or letting anyone of import know that you are seeking a bride. You told me, quite plainly, that your heart was closed.”
“Perhaps that is for the best,” Hector replied, suddenly unable to look at her as a vision of her by his side in his country estate flashed into his mind. “This year is to be all about you, Sophia, is it not? It appears that society is not yet quite ready to welcome me back. Mayhap I shall have to return in a couple of years and find myself someone suitable.”
Aware that their hands were still joined, Hector cleared his throat and removed one of them from atop their joined ones, but still Sophia clung to his other hand. It was as though it belonged there, held tightly to his own. She showed no signs of wanting to move away, to release him or set a distance between them again. Instead, she simply sat there, her presence both a comfort and a distraction.
“You do not think that love is something you will ever find again?”
Her question seared his soul, his answer hurrying to his lips only for him to clamp his mouth shut. The truth was there for him to see but he could not reveal it. How could he tell the young lady he was meant to be chaperoning that he cared more for her than he ought? That one of the reasons he had been so upset to see her with Lord Cardan had been because he’d seen her smile at Lord Cardan in a way she hadn’t smiled at him?
“Hector?”
Hearing his Christian name on her lips forced Hector’s eyes to close as the urge to spill the truth out to her grew all the steadier.
“I—I am not sure,” he muttered, turning himself away as best he could so that he did not have to look into her eyes. “Trust is a difficult thing to build between man and woman, especially when I have seen it so torn before.”
There was a moment of silence, broken only by the sound of his own, quickened breathing. The air seemed to grow thick, a heavy expectation weighing on him as though he were meant to do something.
“Do you think you can trust me?”
He turned back to face her, hearing her soft words spoken so gently and yet with such a fear that he could not understand it.
“Of course, I do,” he said at once, wanting to erase the concern from her face. “Do not think that I did not speak to you about my past or Lord Cardan because I did not trust you. It was merely my own foolish thoughts that stopped me from doing so.”
Her smile brought him a measure of relief, although he could barely take his gaze from her eyes, seeing such a depth in them that he struggled to look anywhere but there.
She swallowed, leaning forward just a little as she did so. “Guthrie, I feel a great healing taking place between us. Do you not?”
There was nothing he could do but nod.
“I feel as though I know and understand you fully, for the very first time. That we are back to being friends, putting aside the error of the past. You are referring to me as ‘Sophia’ and the intimacy between us has now returned.”
His mind went blank. There was nothing he could think of to say, aware of her growing closeness, of her overwhelming presence. His mouth went dry as her leg pressed gently against his own, sending sparks shooting up into his core, his heart beginning to race.
“And yet, I think there is something more that needs to be said,” she continued, when he did not speak. “After our last conversation, I know that there is something you have not yet told me, Guthrie.” Tilting her head just a little, she looked at him steadily. “Tell me. Please.”
Oh, how he longed to confess his growing affection for her, aware that the very first hints of love were spiraling through his heart. He wanted to crush her against him as he had done in the hall, wanted to feel her lips against his own… and yet, something held him back.
He was a divorced viscount, tired and weary of society and broken-hearted over the loss of his wife. She was young and vibrant and filled with the excitement of the town. In time, she might grow bored of his staid ways, of his lack of eagerness in society and the like.
“I think it is best that it remains unsaid, Sophia,” he said softly, breaking their intimate gaze and sliding his hand away from her own. “As I have said before, I am too broken for someone as lovely as you.”
“I do not think so.”
The firmness in her voice had him smiling but yet his decision remained unchanged.
“Best kept in here,” he said, tapping his head. “Such thoughts expressed will always have consequences, whether good or bad. I do not think it fair to reveal them to you.”
How he hated seeing her lips tremble, the pain in her eyes. This was not what she had hoped for, he could tell, but she had to be allowed to find herself a more suitable gentleman than he.
“Guthrie, you are the most infuriating man,” Sophia replied, her words soft and with no trace of anger. “If you will not speak then I shall speak in your place. I have had no fear in telling you that I find my heart filled with no one but you. Nothing has changed in that regard. In these last few days I have done my utmost to push you asunder and replace you with another but even in my anger and frustration, you are still there. In fact, I believe I love you.” She rose to her feet, her hands on her hips and heat pouring into her face. “You may think on what I have said and consider what is to be done. For you may not say all that you think but I can see what happens when I move close to you, when I take your hand. Your eyes ignite, your cheeks darken with color. You are not as unmoved by me as you would desire me to believe.”
He could not deny a word she said, his heart bursting forth with all the deep affection it held for her. It was as if the very ground beneath him shook as he tried to rise, completely unsteady for a moment. Sophia caught his arm and held him for a moment, her eyes piercing his.
“I will leave you to think about what you will do next, now that you have heard this confession from my lips,” she said quietly. “I will accept whatever you decide but know now that I would be courted by you in a moment, if only you would ask. The love burning in my heart, in my very soul, will not leave easily. It is there to welcome you, to heal your brokenness, if you would only but let it.”
Hector watched her leave with eyes that clung to her, his whole body wanting desperately to go after her. With sheer force of will he stayed exactly where he was until, finally, she quit the room.
Chapter Twelve
Sitting across from Lord Guthrie in the theatre was nothing less than torture. What they had shared this afternoon—their first proper conversation in some time, consisting of nothing more than honesty and truth—had brought a myriad of feelings and emotions to the surface. As the performers began to make their way onto the stage for the first act, Sophia found herself entirely disinterested in all that was to go on. The only thing she was interested in was Lord Guthrie’s heart.
It was as though a shroud had been lifted off her heart as he had slowly revealed to her all that had gone on between himself and his wife. How her heart had broken for him as he’d told her the truth about his divorce. Whilst such a thing was, indeed, a scandalous state of affairs to occur between any husband and wife, Sophia did not find herself disagreeing with Lord Guthrie’s reasons for doing so. Of course, within society marriages, there was often the expectation that a husband and wife might pursue their own liaisons but, clearly in Lord Guthrie’s marriage, that had not been something he had expected. It was not something she would tolerate either, she thought to herself, as the audience clapped wildly at the end of a particularly long speech.
In revealing to her that it had been Lord Cardan who had toyed with Guthrie’s wife, Sophia had finally seen the depths of concern that ran through him. His concern and his regard for her. She had been angry with him for hiding his divorce from her, for assuming that society would have forgotten about him entirely without ever thinking about what he must have been enduring alone. Shame and guilt had washed through her as he had spoken, seeing the agony he had suffered over his wife’s betrayal. She could not imagine being treated in such a way.
And yet… there had been a shiver when she had taken his hand. A glancing away that told her there was more to what he felt for her than just simple concern. Her heart had quickened, her hope bursting to life, and yet he had refused to say anything to her of what he truly felt. His reasons made very little sense to her. Could someone be, as he had said, too ‘broken’? She did not think so. It was not as though he was closed to affection, not as though he had become dulled and sad after what had occurred. Perhaps he had never thought he would find love again, that he would simply remain as he was with, one day, a wife at his side that he found tolerable enough. Mayhap what he felt had come as a surprise. She, of course, had told him the truth about all that she felt, finding her affection bursting into love as she had listened to him speak, seeing the Lord Guthrie she knew emerging once again.
He had done nothing about what she had said. There had been no swift intake of breath, no grasping of her hand to confess the same. Instead, he had ju
st looked at her with those piercing eyes of his, his mouth firmly closed.
It was not as though she felt any shame in what she had confessed. It was right for him to know the truth, for he had only just finished being entirely honest with her. The urge for him to know exactly how deep her feelings ran had pushed itself to the surface until she had been unable to prevent the words spilling from her lips. She had told him that she loved him—and he had remained entirely silent.
When he had collected herself and Mrs. Drake from the house that evening, he had been charming and amiable, just as he had always been. There had not been any heaviness about his shoulders as there had been the last few days, as though what they had spoken of had taken a heavy burden from him. Of that, of course, she was glad, even though there had been nothing else shared between them. He had not, however, managed to meet her gaze as he had waited for them by the door. Helping her into the carriage, their gloved hands holding tight, he had not so much as looked into her eyes, keeping his gaze away from her entirely.
And yet, he had not told her that there could be nothing between them. He had not pulled her aside and told her that she had no hope. That could not be a bad thing, could it?
Unless, of course, he intends to speak to me during the interval when Mrs. Drake would be otherwise engaged with company.
The thought sent a pang of sadness straight through her and a heavy sigh escaped her, quite in contrast with what was going on in the performance. Catching Mrs. Drake’s questioning look, Sophia gave her a bright smile, not wishing her to think that there was anything particularly wrong, before turning her attention back to the stage. Lord Guthrie, on her left, did not so much as glance in her direction.
Sophia’s heart squeezed painfully.
“Well!” Mrs. Drake exclaimed as the curtain fell for the first half of the performance. “I think this is the most wonderful production of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ I have ever seen!”
