by Amy Briggs
Surprising her with that first kiss was electric; I hadn’t planned it out or anything, but I’d been staring at those pouty little lips all night, watching her talk. I couldn’t resist anymore. It was going to be difficult to keep this gentleman thing up if I was touching her, but every chance I had tonight, I had my hands on her. As I drove home, I listened to the classic rock station and Poison’s Every Rose Has it’s Thorn came on, which had a nice slow sexy beat, but made me think about how there was no way Viv had any thorns.
I wondered what had happened to her brother. When he came up, she was firm she didn’t want to discuss it. She was young, so unless her parents were extremely old, he had to be relatively close in age to her, which would have made him quite young when he died. It occurred to me in that moment that I wanted to be the kind of man who she would want to talk to about something like that. Something about this exercise of becoming a gentleman, connecting with people—with her—was both uplifting and depressing at the same time. I felt like I had this wonderful opportunity to experience the kind of joy Dr. Rosen described as possible for anyone who wanted it. On the other hand, it also pointed out many of my past selfish, poor choices. Indiscretions that I thought were who I was as a person and that I felt defined me as a fun guy, made me feel unworthy of someone as kind and genuine as Vivian Deveraux.
As I lay down to sleep that night, reflecting on my evening, contemplating who she was, I resolved that this time would really be different. While I had already committed to the exercise Dr. Rosen had me following, I wasn’t sure my heart was really in it until then. I had an appointment with him the following day, and I was looking forward to talking with him about what I was experiencing. I drifted off to sleep that night, thinking about how sweet she tasted and how good she felt in my arms.
The next morning, I woke up to the smell of coffee and immediately realized I didn’t have a headache, and I had slept more soundly than I had in weeks. Immediately, a smile crossed my face, and I hopped up out of bed to go see Matt and Isabel, who were obviously in the kitchen doing the breakfast thing.
“Good morning, friends!” I exclaimed more loudly than I intended, because both Matt and Isabel flinched from surprise.
“Well, hey, there, sunshine, you must have had a fantastic evening. You’re practically glowing,” Matt teased.
“Well, fuck you very much. Yes, I did have a lovely evening with Miss Deveraux. And how are you two heroes this morning?”
Isabel started laughing immediately. “We are fantastic. In fact, even though all of the paperwork isn’t done yet, we are heading over to the gym to measure some things, so we can start setting up to paint and do some stuff like that. Would you like to join us?”
“I have an appointment around lunchtime at the VA, but I can meet you over there afterwards. Sounds like it’s all coming together?” I replied.
“Yeah, it’s getting pretty exciting. We want to remodel and get ready to put new signage up so we can start promoting a grand reopening in about a month. Murphy is helping us reach out to some fighters, and we are going to host an open house with some mixed martial arts demonstrations and stuff to draw in some new blood.” Isabel appeared enthusiastic about the whole thing.
“That sounds really cool,” I replied.
“Yeah, we want to have a kids program too, so we are going to incorporate more classes and offer incentives to the fighters to participate as guest instructors and shit, so that the kids who come in stay and become adults who work out and represent the gym eventually as they start to compete. It’s one of our longevity strategies for the business,” Matt explained.
“Dude, that’s awesome. I love that idea. Let me know how I can help in any way,” I said. I was totally on board for the whole project. Besides shooting, I didn’t really have a lot of hobbies, and this sounded like something I’d love to be a part of more regularly.
Without even asking, Isabel handed me a full coffee cup with a smile and went back to the table to finish her breakfast. “Thank you, darlin’.” I winked at her.
“Easy with the flirting shit, pal,” Matt ribbed me.
“Oh, leave him alone,” Isabel defended me. “Besides, look at that face. He’s in puppy love, can’t you see it?” She thought she was hilarious obviously, so I gave her the one-fingered salute from across the kitchen while taking my first glorious sip of coffee.
“As much as I’d like to tell you both to go fuck off, I’d have to listen to it through the walls, so I’ll just say piss off in traditional Irish fashion. Isabel, what kind of coffee is this? It’s different than the norm, and it’s fucking delicious,” I proclaimed cheerfully, changing the subject.
Laughing, she replied, “I wondered if you’d notice. I found it at that coffee shop downtown on Third Avenue. Matthew here didn’t notice a difference. No accounting for taste, I guess.” She poked him from across the table.
“It’s amazing. My new favorite. Thanks, Detective. You’re aces with me.” I winked at her. I winked a lot I was realizing. I should keep that shit on reserve for Viv I thought to myself. “Alright, well, as much as I’d like to shoot the shit with you two lovebirds all morning, I need to go to the auto parts place and take care of something for the truck before my appointment, and then I’ll meet you at the gym around 2:30. Does that work?”
“Yep, sounds great. See you then,” Matt replied.
I took that glorious cup of coffee with me to the shower and got myself ready for the day, feeling optimistic even though I definitely had some stuff I wanted to run through with Dr. Rosen.
I hit up the auto parts place that was near the VA, so I could maximize my time. I hadn’t heard from or talked to Viv yet, and while I wanted to text her when I woke up, I decided to wait until after my session, so I’d know better how to play my cards. While that may sound divisive, it was really because I didn’t want to fuck it up.
“Well, Seth, how are you today? You’re looking quite positive, I must say.” Dr. Rosen shook my hand when I came in.
“Well, Doc, I had a fantastic evening yesterday.” I took a seat on the oversized chair in his office and got comfortable.
“I trust that you’re following the rules?” He raised an eyebrow at me; clearly, he thought I wouldn’t have.
“I sure am. To the letter, in fact.” I grinned, feeling accomplished.
“Well, do tell, Seth. Let’s chat.”
Even though it was late when I got home that night, I immediately texted Jess a bunch of hearts, so she’d know I was home and had had a fabulous evening. As soon as she was awake and functioning the next morning, she called me.
“Soooooooo?” she squealed.
“Well, good morning to you too, sunshine,” I teased her.
“Oh, cut the shit, Viv. I saw the hearts! Did you get some last night? Oh God, I hope you did,” she rambled.
“No!” I exclaimed.
“Well, that’s disappointing. Did you at least get to second base?” She really could be too much sometimes, but she made me laugh anyway.
“Oh my God, Jess, shut up. He was a perfect gentleman the entire evening.” I felt a little excited churn rise up from my belly. “We did kiss, though. And Oh. My. God. Jess… I can’t even tell you how sexy he is. Well, I can.”
“I’m gonna need ALL of the details,” she said.
“Well, duh.” I laughed at her. I loved that we had a best friend relationship that felt almost like high school. I mean we could be serious when we needed to, but me going on a first date, and a fabulous first date at that, was something we could have a lot of fun talking about.
I proceeded to tell her about how he made it known from the moment he picked me up that the business talk was just a ruse, and how he had to lift me into the truck.
“He had to lift you physically into the truck? How big is this truck? It’s not a small penis compensation truck, is it? He doesn’t have rubber testicles hanging from the tailgate, does he?”
I laughed so hard that I let out a mini snort. “
No! I mean I don’t know what his penis size is. Yet. But there are definitely no dangling ball sacks hanging from the tailgate. Only you would think of that, oh my God, Jess.” I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Well, these are valid questions, Vivian. I mean, seriously, they are.”
“Yes, you’re totally right.” I was still laughing but continued telling her about the evening.
“So, when you stuck that pouty-ass lip of yours out because you wanted to pay for drinks, he shut you up with a kiss?” she asked.
“Yep. That’s exactly what happened. It was incredible.”
“Oh, boy, someone is a smitten kitten, aren’t they?” she teased me.
“I sure am. Not gonna lie. I invited him in last night, and he said that he was trying really hard to be a gentleman, that he wanted to come in, but he thought he should go. But we totally made out on my doorstep before he left. And he asked if we could go out again,” I gushed.
“Well, Miss Viv, it looks like Stella Got her Groove Back. I’m proud as hell.”
“As silly as it sounds, I feel like I did! After we kissed, he somehow had a hand on me at all times. Doing little things like gently rubbing my thigh, stuff like that. He was even trying to keep me warm with his arm around me when I forgot my jacket in the truck.”
“You forgot your jacket in the truck? You saucy little minx. You never forget your jacket. You did that shit on purpose, didn’t you?” She totally knew me.
Laughing, I admitted it. “Yea, I did. I wanted to see what he’d do if he thought I was cold, or if he’d notice. He totally put his arm around me to keep me warm. Let me tell you about his rock hard body, Jess. Seriously, I couldn’t help but give a little feel on those washboard abs of his when he had me pulled in tight. Oh. My. Gawwwwd.” I definitely squealed a little bit on that one, reminiscing about touching his hotness.
“Viv, I’m so goddamn happy for you. This is excellent. Have you talked to him since?” she asked.
Making a bit of a pout, I said, “No, not yet. I don’t want to text first. I don’t know what his schedule is or anything, so I don’t want to bother him, and I definitely don’t want to come off like a stage-five clinger or anything like that.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. Men like that have busy lives and lose track of time and space and shit. If he already asked you if he could take you out again, and he didn’t try to bang you on the first date but was kissing on you and stuff, you’ll hear from him. Just be ‘busy’ until you do,” she advised. As much as I hated playing the game, and I really wanted to send a text thanking him for the evening, I knew she was right. And being the normally mature, busy professional that I was, I needed to be dignified and adult about the whole thing.
“Oh, you’re right. It’s Saturday, so I have a short open house in a bit, and then me and you, we’re doing drinks at that martini bar downtown?”
“You know it. Ok, go sell a house so you can buy me liquor,” she teased.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll text you later. Have a good afternoon nap,” I teased her back. She always took a Saturday afternoon nap. She insisted on getting up early every day, so it was part of her routine, but she couldn’t handle it and always took naps on Saturdays and Sundays. She was so funny.
I didn’t feel like working out, so I showered and put on one of my usual shift dresses that doubled as a suit. Realtors had become more casual over the last ten years, but I found that dressing up more professional and conservative than trendy gave me credibility I lacked due to my age. After the conversation I had with Seth last night about being alone in houses, coupled with the weird guy from yesterday, I decided to ask one of my colleagues from town to join me at the open house just so I wouldn’t be alone.
Sometimes open houses went really well, and sometimes they were a total flop. They were kind of old school, but people out on a drive did like to stop by and check out houses that were for sale on a whim, so we always did them anyway. It was almost tradition to do a few of them for properties that had great curb appeal. The house I was showing today was no exception. It was a small, Florida traditional bungalow, and it was priced to move. It has a sweet little backyard, which was a commodity this close to the city, and while it needed some upgrades, it was a perfect starter home, which was my favorite to show.
This particular home was still occupied, so it was furnished and lived in, which helped sell houses better. Staging could be tricky when a house was unoccupied, because it’s so empty. While that makes the house seem bigger overall, it made it harder for potential buyers to envision it being lived in. Normally, I ask homeowners to ensure their pets are out of the house, but it was a single woman selling and she had a cat, and had no one to take care of it while she was out of the house letting people walk through it. I told her that she could keep the cat there, and that I’d make sure he didn’t get out.
Normally, I’d be worried about potential buyers being allergic and things of that nature, but I just didn’t care. I liked this woman, and truth be told, I loved her cat. I wanted to get one myself. I loved them. They’re so sweet and loving and funny. I played with Jess’ cat, Hector, all the time, and anytime she went away, I took care of him. I made a mental note to go to the shelter soon to get myself a little companion soon.
My colleague, Mike, who was supposed to join me, ended up having a family emergency and called to let me know he couldn’t come at the last minute. I wasn’t really nervous, to be totally honest; it was Seth’s expression of concern that made me more disappointed that I’d be alone than anything else. I headed out to the house, which was only about fifteen minutes away, even in city traffic, figuring I’d be bored out of my skull, and having no idea how wrong I’d be.
“So, it sounds to me you like this Vivian, yes?” Dr. Rosen asked me. I felt my face get warm; I think I was blushing.
“Yeah, I do. She’s cool as hell, Doc. She’s beautiful, smart, funny. She’s been through something. Her brother died. She didn’t want to talk about it, but I found myself wanting to be the person she’d talk about that kind of thing with. Honestly, most of the women I’ve spent time with in the past were about passing time, I think. This feels different,” I admitted.
“So tell me, Seth, you said that you were following my rules. Was it easy, or was it difficult not to spend the night with her?” He crossed his legs and looked at me thoughtfully.
“Both,” I blurted out.
“Interesting.” He smiled at me. “Explain.”
“Well, obviously, I’ve told you she’s a fox. I mean, have you seen her billboards?” I asked him. He chuckled at me.
“Is this that blond girl who sells real estate? Her picture is everywhere?”
“Yes!” I exclaimed. “Listen, I know you’re a married guy and all, but you’ve seen her billboards. She’s hot. Of course my first instinct is to get intimate with her. But, and thanks for that, you were on my mind the whole time. I was thinking about how my actions would make her feel, and I wanted to make sure that I was listening to her. That I was attentive to her needs, even on a first date.”
“Well, that’s good. Tell me, how did it make you feel?” he asked.
“It made me feel good and shitty at the same time, Doc. That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about today. I’m doing everything you said, and even though she invited me in last night at the end of the date and I said no, against my instinct, I still felt like a douchebag.”
“Ok, tell me why.”
“Well, it has occurred to me what a stone cold dick I’ve been to other women. For example, I never even realized that women could barely get themselves into my lifted truck until I helped her and picked her up last night, because she was way too short to get herself in. I felt like a jackass.”
The doctor chuckled. “Well, self-reflection is a part of the process, Seth. While this isn’t about making you feel bad, it is about coming to a place where you recognize where you are versus where you want to be, and closing that gap. So it sounds like you learned so
mething about the kind of man, or potential mate for someone, you want to be versus who you’ve been in the past. Is that fair to say?”
“Yeah, I’d say that’s pretty accurate. Today, I went and installed steps on the truck so that she wouldn’t have so much trouble getting in. I mean, I still want to help her, I like helping her, but I don’t want her to feel totally helpless. Nobody wants to feel that way,” I said. Realizing what I’d said, I felt a grin spread across my face as I met the doctor’s eyes.
“You just had yourself a little breakthrough, didn’t you?” he asked.
“Doc, I sure did. I understand what you mean by making a connection. Not focusing on how hot she is, which wasn’t easy, but listening to her and observing her, actually made me feel better than it used to when I’d ignore those things and focus on physical connection. It’s kind of crazy to realize it like this.”
“It’s not crazy. It’s human nature, Seth. Humans were born to love,” he said. Noticing my skepticism, he continued. “Let me explain. If you go back to the times of the cavemen, they mated for life. They found someone to build their home with while they hunted and gathered for the family. It’s almost a basic instinct. But let’s take that to today’s day and age. Humans cannot thrive without six basic human needs.”
“What are those?” I was genuinely curious.
“The four needs of personality are certainty, uncertainty, significance, and love. The last two, which are needs of the spirit, are growth and connection. The theory behind living a fulfilling life is to prioritize them in ways that are resourceful and meaningful. For example, if you were to rank these in order of importance to you, how would you rank them?”
I pondered them for a moment. I thoroughly believed that significance used to be important to me, but in the last few weeks, love and connection had become front-runners for me. “Well, I think that now, after spending time with you and reflecting more, love and connection are the most important to me. Is that right?” I asked hesitantly.
