by Amy Briggs
“Sorry, babe, I don’t mean to be bossy.” She lowered her voice and gave him a flirty look. She was totally playing him, and it was hilarious.
He laughed, knowing the scam she was running on him, and I knew full well he didn’t care. “Sure you do, babe, but that’s ok. I’ll be bossy later.” He smacked her ass, causing her to jump and give him a smirk as she walked off to look at more walls in the gym.
Turning to me, he asked, “How was the VA? I keep meaning to ask if everything is cool?”
“Yea, everything is cool. I’ve been seeing a couple of doctors there for routine shit mostly, and they also have some great resources for information and stuff that I like to use.”
“Oh, that’s cool. I just wanted to make sure you’re ok. You are ok, right?” He gave me a concerned look, furrowing his brow in my direction.
“Yeah, of course I am. Why would you even ask?” I was defensive and concerned that maybe I hadn’t been playing it as cool as I thought I had been lately.
“I don’t know. You just seem tired lately. I’m your friend. I’m just doing a buddy check, is all.” He seemed to be trying to play off his concern.
“Yeah, I’ve had some trouble sleeping lately, but I’m alright. I have a doc there who gave me something I can take on nights I’m not at the station so I can get a good night’s rest, but I don’t love taking it. You know me. I’m not much for taking drugs of any kind, really.” That was honest, without giving any information. There’re millions of people who have trouble sleeping, and it doesn’t mean a thing.
“Alright. Cool, man. Well, if you ever need anything, you know you can count on me, and even on Isabel for that matter, right?” The thought of telling Matt how my anxiety had been lately gave me even more anxiety, so I tried to blow the whole thing off.
“Yeah, of course. But no need. Everything is cool, man.” I changed the subject. “What are you two up to this evening?”
“We are just gonna hang at her place tonight, watch movies or something. Why? What are you up to?” he asked.
“I am meeting Vivian and her friend and some dude downtown tonight,” I replied.
“Well, well. You had your first date last night, and you’re already going to see her again? And downtown nonetheless? You hate downtown.” He laughed.
“I do indeed hate downtown. I do not, however, hate her. She’s a cool chick, and that’s what she wants to do, so I aim to please.” That was mostly true. If it were up to me, I’d run off to the beach with her and climb in the bed of my truck for a sleepover like her perfect day. I made a mental note of what a fantastic idea that would be for another night when it was just the two of us.
“So, you really like her, eh?” he asked me.
“I do. I mean it’s new. I’m trying not to be that guy, though.”
“What guy is that?”
“The usual douchebag who doesn’t call the next day and doesn’t really care to chit chat. I like talking to her; she is interesting, and she makes me laugh,” I said.
“Dude, if you find a chick who makes you laugh and makes your dick hard all the time, you fucking keep her. Believe me. I never thought I’d settle down, but I can’t get enough of Isabel. She makes me laugh, she looks after me even though I don’t think I need it, and she rocks my fucking world,” he gushed over her.
“Yeah, you two are pretty awesome together, I have to admit it. I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I know that since I met her, she’s on my mind all the fucking time; and since last night, all I want to do is spend more time with her. There’s something about her, man. I can’t explain it.”
“Eh, you don’t have to. I give you a lot of shit, because that’s what we do, but I want you to be happy. In fact, I think that finding a sweet girl would make you less of a dick.” He started laughing.
“Ah, yes, fuck you very much, sir,” I replied, laughing myself. This was how we were. Brothers act this way; even if not by blood, we were absolutely brothers.
Isabel walked back over to us, taking the notebook from Matt. “What are you two laughing about?”
“I was just telling Jax here how much I care about his happiness.” Matt could barely even say it; he was still laughing.
“Oh, I see, you two clowns have your little secrets then.” She rolled her eyes at us. “Don’t tell me, that’s fine.”
“No really, we were having a broment.” I started laughing again, making up the word.
“See? I’m not a dick, baby,” Matt pleaded to Isabel.
“Oh, I didn’t say that. You’re a dick, but you’re a dick who cares about my happiness,” I said. At that point, I was practically crying I was laughing so hard.
“Oh God, collect yourselves, children.” Isabel started to giggle. “I can’t take you two anywhere, I swear.”
“You love us,” Matt said and grabbed her up in his arms, making her laugh out loud finally.
“Yes, yes, ok! I do. I love you! Now put me down. Jesus!” she exclaimed.
“Ok, ok. What can we do now for you, my love?” Matt said, bowing in her direction mockingly.
“I need you two to figure out how much Sheetrock we need to redo that wall, and how much paint it will take to do the back counter and that other wall in the chalkboard stuff. And then I need to know how much paint it will take to cover up the rest of the place in one color so it’s uniform-looking and not peeling and shit. Then can you go get some paint samples in the colors we discussed so we can mull them over? I have to go into the precinct and finish up some paperwork from a case I’m working on. I was helping that Detective Seth Lane I told you about on one of his cases he just closed and need to sign off on the reports.” She handed the notebook back to him after taking a look at the notes.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said to her. “Jax, can you take me to Home Depot and then home? It appears my girlfriend has shit to do and we came together in her car, she is abandoning me” He looked over to me making a sad helpless face.
“Of course, I’m here to help.” I smiled. “Let’s go before she gives us more chores, though.”
“See ya, babe. Let me know when you’ll be home so I can be the bossy one,” he teased her before giving her a quick kiss and grabbing her ass.
Smacking his hand away, then smiling at both of us, she replied, “Shouldn’t be long. I’ll call you on my way home.”
I waved, and we made our way to Home Depot, where we had literally just been a day ago. Typical.
Like a married couple, we fished through the paint samples, attempting to find a shade of blue that the detective would approve of, then ended up taking one of all of them. There was really no use in picking one we liked, because we honestly didn’t care that much which shade as long as it made Isabel a shade of happy. The best way to do that was to let her pick it herself. If I’d learned anything about women in my lifetime, it was that if they sent you to run an errand that involved guessing what they wanted, you were totally fucked and your best bet was to bring all of the options back with you, or as many as you could.
“Dude, did you install steps on the truck this morning?” Matt asked.
“I did. That was the auto parts run I had this morning. Installed them in the parking lot there; wasn’t as big of a pain as I expected it to be.” I was pleased with myself.
“Well, well. I see you want the little lady to be able to get in here more easily. Well played sir, well played indeed.” He teased.
“Yes, well when I had to physically lift her into the truck, which as fun as it was to have my hands all over her, I felt like a fucking dick that I didn’t have a vehicle she could get into more easily.”
“You had to actually lift her in?” He was laughing.
“Dude, no joke. She’s tiny, like a little fairy. Even with a running start, I don’t think she could have leaped in on her own,” I started to laugh too. “It’s about time I turned this into somewhat of a grown up truck I suppose anyway, right?”
“You’ll hear no arguments from me. I think it’s
cool man. That’s actually really nice of you,” he said.
When we got back to my place, Matt got his truck and headed over to Isabel’s, leaving me back at my house alone. I really did like my house, but when no one was there at all, it left me with my anxiety and my thoughts; not the good ones. I had a few hours before I needed to go, and I didn’t really have anything particularly important to do, so I decided to lie down for a bit and try to erase the dark anxiety that was creeping in. Dr. Rosen did say that sometimes it was going to happen, and not because of a trigger necessarily. He told me that in those cases where I could chill out and practice meditating to settle my mind, I should do that.
He gave me some music that I would never ever show anyone I had on my iPod that was for meditating. It was mid-Eastern chimes, more or less, and shit that was supposed to help me visualize energy and focus on relaxing my muscles, and therefore my mind. I didn’t particularly like it at first, but after about two weeks of making myself listen to it quietly alone, I found that it did change my state; it completely relaxed me, helping me clear my head of the junk that fogged it up. The mellow sounds, and the singing or chanting I couldn’t understand, vibrated in my ears, taking my mind away from everything else.
I laid my head on my pillow with my ear buds in, focusing on the music and shutting my eyes. I had felt a headache developing shortly after Matt left, so as I laid flat on my back, listening, I imagined a soft light relaxing me from head to toe, making me sleepy. These were all techniques Dr. Rosen had gone through with me in the office. He had done what he called ‘a guided meditation’ when I first went to see him, to calm me down, and then walked me through doing something similar when I was alone. As I relaxed, my headache dissipated, and I dozed off.
I was so excited that Seth was going to come out, the butterflies in my stomach felt so bad that I got nauseous. Jess was completely spot-on; I was smitten. I was also really scared to get involved with someone. It’s a strange thing when you’ve been single for a while and you’ve gotten used to doing your own thing. You have bouts of loneliness that you have to fight off; they lead you down a dark path to depression if you’re not careful. Then, when you’re having an up day and you get excited about something, disappointment can feel like getting punched in the stomach. I was scared of getting my hopes up or investing in something that would turn out to be nothing. I had to remind myself a hundred times that we’d had one date, that’s all, and that it was too soon to tell.
Everyone who’s already in a relationship loves to tell you that you should do this, or do that, and they’re definitely always telling you how great dating is and how you should enjoy it. I get it, but seriously, dating gave me anxiety. The not knowing, the acting like a flipping idiot, which I do all the time; none of that was fun for me. That was the stuff that would make me just want to stay home.
I was drawn to Seth, though. He seemed troubled in some way that I couldn’t put my finger on. I wanted to get to know him, the real him. Of course he was charming and insanely good-looking, but I felt like I had barely scratched the surface in just one date. I knew tonight probably wasn’t going to be a getting to know you evening, but being near him anyway was a step in the right direction, even if I was scared and nervous. In the grand scheme of things, that’s what alcohol is for anyway; to take the edge off. So I planned to wear something sexy and enjoy the evening with my best friend, her new man, and what could very well be my new man.
Jess and I were going out by ourselves, and the boys were meeting us later when we’d be going to some nightclubs and bars. We wanted girl time of our own, so I met her at one of the martini bars downtown in the early evening instead of her house, which was the original plan. Downtown was between our houses, and it was really just easier to meet in the middle for our girl talk before the boys came.
“It’s about time. I’ve been here for like twenty minutes,” I said when she rolled in.
“Parking was a bitch! You know how it is down here,” she explained.
“Yeah, I do. Which is why I don’t drive in the city. Total waste of time. And at the end of the night, the last thing I want to do is walk six blocks to my car,” I said.
“Yeah, yeah. Well, let’s get a look at you, sexy.” She motioned for me to stand up.
Laughing, I accommodated her request and did a little spin at the bar for her. I had chosen an off-the-shoulder dress with long sleeves. It was sort of 50s style, very fitted, showing off all of my curves, not leaving a lot to the imagination. I chose blue, simply because I loved wearing blue, and I picked out black for my heels of choice that night. People always asked me how I walked in them, but I had been wearing them for so long, it was easy. I guess practice makes perfect, and if you found the right ones—by which I mean pay top dollar—sexy shoes can be very comfortable.
“You look absolutely fuckable, Viv,” she exclaimed.
Mortified, my eyes got huge. “Shut up, Jess! Now, sit down and have a drink with me!”
Following my orders, Jess, who was also dressed to kill, took the seat at the bar next to me. Her black mini skirt was very mini, and she had on boots that came up over her knee, skimming her thighs. She had on a fire engine-red top that was truly eye-catching.
“Ok, ok! Well, you do. And so do I, for that matter.” She laughed, flagging the bartender over. I was already sipping on a dirty martini with blue cheese olives. There was something about a little snack with your drink that made me happy, and they worked their magic quickly. After she placed her order, she turned to me. “So, let’s talk about Mr. Hotty Hot Firefighter, shall we? How did it come to be that he will be joining us downtown? Which pleases me to no end, I might add.”
“Well, he came to my open house today,” I said.
“Yes, you mentioned that earlier. What was that about? What did he say exactly?”
“He said that he wanted to see me.” I felt my face get flushed with embarrassment.
“Well, that’s fucking adorable, Viv. For real. Tell me more,” she demanded.
“Well, as I was leaving from a total waste of an open house, he showed up and asked to take me to lunch. I told him that I had plans but that if he wanted to meet us out, he was totally welcome to come, and he seemed fairly pleased about the invite?” I kind of questioned my recapping of the exchange.
“You had your first date last night, and he showed up at your open house today to take you out again. This is fantastic. I like him already.” She raised her martini glass so we could toast. “Here’s to a fun evening of judging each other’s man and having ourselves what could definitely be described as a double date.” We clinked glasses before we sipped our drinks.
The vodka was warming me through, and I was already less anxious about seeing him, and far more excited. I had texted him where we would be so he could come whenever he wanted, and I let him know that if we went someplace else, I’d let him know. I didn’t hear back, but he did say that he would be busy at the gym with Matt and Isabel, so I assumed that’s what he was up to. I was on my second martini and knew I’d need to take it easy or I’d be smashed by the time either of the boys showed up.
Since Jeremy was coming soon, I had Jess fill me in on what was going on with them. She seemed happy, and it looked like Hector the cat was a big fan too. That was a huge deal breaker for Jess; if you didn’t like cats, she didn’t like you. I thought that was a pretty good policy; after all, animals have instincts that the rest of us do not. Immediately, I wondered if Hector would like Seth, but since he’s a firefighter, he had to, right? The thought made me giggle a bit.
Not long after we got our gossip out of the way, Jeremy arrived. He was very handsome, and Jess lit up like a Christmas tree as soon as she spotted him.
“Hey, babe, you look amazing,” he said, giving her a kiss.
“Thank you so much. Jeremy, I’d like you to meet my best friend, Vivian Deveraux,” Jess introduced me, and I extended my hand.
“Vivian, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Jess has told me so much
about you. And of course, I’ve seen your signs,” he said, shaking my hand.
“Oh, yes, they are indeed all over the place. As silly as it is, it brings me quite a bit of business.” That billboard always came up when I met people, but in reality, it was the best marketing ever. My parents took pictures of it when it was put up, which was embarrassing and hilarious. My mom had mused about how proud my brother would have been, and then the day took a turn downhill. But she’s on her own grief schedule, and there’s not much you can do in a situation like that. As my thoughts drifted for the moment, I watched Jeremy interact with Jess. I wondered where Seth was, and then realized that I hadn’t checked my phone in a while.
“Well, shit,” I said, looking at my phone.
“What’s wrong?” Jess asked.
“Oh, I missed another message from Seth. I keep doing that. Not looking at my phone. Looks like he’ll be here any minute now too. I’m going to run to the ladies’ room real quick and freshen up.” I grabbed my purse off the little hook under the bar and went to the ladies’ room.
I checked myself in the mirror, wanting to look perfect, fixed my lipstick, fluffed my hair, and inspected my dress to make sure nothing was out of place. I was antsy and excited to see him, but nervous about all of us hanging out together. As I walked back to the bar, I spotted him standing there with Jess right away. Much taller than the average guy, he was at least a head taller than most of the men in the bar. As I approached, he saw me and smiled, giving me goose bumps all over again.
“Well, hey there, darlin’. Forget to check your phone again?” Not waiting for an answer, he gave me a quick kiss on the lips right in front of Jess.
“Um, yes, I did. I really must get better about that, I’m sorry,” I said, forgetting anyone else was there until Jess cleared her throat, waking me from my little daze.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Seth, this is Jess, my best friend, but it looks like you’ve met?” I said.
“I spotted him walk in and flagged him down. We were just making introductions,” Jess answered. She turned to Jeremy, who had taken a spot behind her and introduced him, “This is Jeremy. Jeremy, this is Seth.”
