by Amy Briggs
“Jess saw you at Shea’s with some blonde chick. She was there with Jeremy. So don’t even deny it. She said she saw you, and she said you definitely saw her too.” She rested her hands on her hips, satisfied she’d put me in my place when I started laughing.
“That explains the nasty fucking look she gave me,” I said, still laughing.
“What’s so funny about that?” She scrunched her little nose up at me.
“That was my sister I was out with. Savannah lives across town, and I asked her to meet me so we could talk. I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit, Viv, and I took my sister out for drinks to talk.”
“Well, shit.” She dropped her hands from her hips and gave me a confused look.
I felt like a fucking asshole. Here I was, in love, not falling, it happened, and she thought I was skipping out to be with another woman. All I could think was that I had to say something to fix it, and my dumb ass decided to ask about her fucking shirt. “What’s with the Johnny Cash shirt?” Yeah, that’s what I said, and she just shook her head at me and walked to her living room. Of course I followed her, running my hands through my hair as panic that I might not be able to fix this started to set in.
“Do you even know anything about Johnny Cash, Seth?” she asked me curtly, putting her hand on her hip again in perfect sassy fashion.
“Honestly, I do not. You’re a big fan, I take it?” Still, nothing smart to say, obviously.
“Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash shared a love that fairy tales and stories are written about. After years of him begging her to be with him, she finally fell in love with him, and they spent like thirty-five years together until they retired. They had been through a ton of shit together. They were best friends. Then, they were madly in love. When she died before him, he died just a few months later. He died of a broken heart over losing her. He was so heartbroken that he covered the Nine Inch Nails song Hurt, which will rip your fucking heart out, by the way. It’s the kind of love that anyone would want. It’s inspiring. It’s what romantics dream about finding. So, that’s what’s with the Johnny Cash shirt.”
I couldn’t stop myself. I lunged forward to her, taking her face in my hands and crushing my lips to hers. She resisted for a moment, then gave in, letting my tongue seek out her mouth. I was out of breath trying to consume her as she reached around and slid her hands up my back. I started to run one hand down her side, pulling her closer to me as I reached her waist, when she put a hand to my chest, pushing me away slightly.
“Seth, what are you doing here, really? The other night you ran out—“
I interrupted her. “The other night, I got lost in my own thoughts, Viv.” I pulled her back in just to hold her, resting my chin on top of her head. “I need to tell you some things so you understand what goes on inside my head. It’s not all unicorns and kittens for me, darlin’.” I paused. “My darkness comes in waves, and sometimes I can’t control it, and that night, talking about your brother, well, it reminded me of myself.” I sighed, holding her tightly, hoping that she would relax into my hold on her.
Her arms reached back up around me, welcoming my embrace, relieving some of my anxiety about my confessions. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. Hearing her apologize for something she didn’t do brought tears to my eyes.
I pulled away and took her face in my hands, “Don’t you dare apologize, Vivian. You did nothing wrong. Do you understand me? You’re perfect. I should have stayed, and I should have opened up to you.” I rested my forehead against hers. “Let me explain?”
She nodded. I took her hand and walked us over to the couch so we could sit and talk, and I could finally come clean about everything.
Not letting go of her hand, I started, “So, you know I did two tours in the Marines. I was deployed in Afghanistan, and then again in Iraq. I didn’t experience anything that I thought was particularly horrible. It’s not a great place, I’m not saying that. But I didn’t lose anyone on my team while I was there. I just did my job. Now, maybe stuff happened that would have affected other guys, I don’t know. I was a take-orders kind of guy, so the whole thing to me was my job, and you just do your job.”
She nodded again, looking up at me with those beautiful, blue eyes, listening intently. “When I came home the second time, I decided that I wanted to go back to the fire department and work there. Matt helped me get my job there, while I finished out my time. No big deal. Over the last couple of years, we’ve seen a lot. We don’t save everyone, Viv. We can’t. We do the best that we can, but it’s one of the reasons I avoid riding the ambulance and I try to stick to the fire truck. When your job is to rescue someone and you can’t get to them in time, or they simply don’t make it, those things can wear on you after a while.”
She raised her hand up to my face, caressing my jaw. I brought my hand to hers, closing my eyes for a moment, collecting my thoughts before I brought her hand back to my lap and continued. “The last few months I’ve had trouble sleeping. I started having nightmares and anxiety. Walls feeling like they’re closing in on me, the whole nine yards. You remember I told you that I was trying to be a better man?”
“Yes,” she said quietly.
“Well, that is true. I wasn’t always that great of a guy, Viv. I used people. I was never dishonest about it, but I never went on real dates. I didn’t spend a lot of time outside of the bar talking to a woman. After one night, it was pretty unlikely they’d see me again. And I drank a lot. On my days off, of course, but certainly more than I should have. I was trying to drown out the noise in my head. I was heading down a path of self-destruction, and I really didn’t know what to do.
“I was at the VA getting a physical, and I mentioned to the doctor that I was having trouble sleeping, so he made me go see a therapist. Big shocker, I didn’t want to, but you have to do what they tell you to, or you can’t keep going there for other things. So, I went. Viv, Dr. Rosen is the one who helped me see the light. He told me that I was never going to get out of that darkness if I didn’t work on making meaningful connections with people. And then I met you.”
The corners of her mouth turned upward into a small smile. “Then you met me,” she repeated.
“Yes, you were the light, darlin’.” I couldn’t contain the grin her little smile caused me to have. “I met you, and after our first date, I had the absolute best sleep I can remember in months. I was hooked on you from the moment we met. Even if you are sassy and you weren’t sure about me.” I tried to lighten the mood a little bit.
“I thought you liked my sass.” She scrunched her nose at me again. Definitely one of my favorite looks on her.
“I love your sass. I love everything about you. I lo—” I hesitated and then I just blurted it out. “Fuck it, I love you, Vivian. I’m in love with you. I know it hasn’t been long, but you know when you know, and I know that what you’ve been through makes it hard for you, and if you don’t love me yet, maybe you will someday, but you need to know how I feel about you. I. Love. You.” That was some word vomit that I’d not soon live down. I was almost out of breath from trying to get it all out quickly while I had the courage.
She raised her tiny hands, placing them gently on either side of my face. Looking up into my panicked eyes, she whispered softly and with a slight smile forming, “I love you too, Seth Jackson.” A ten-ton weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders.
“You do?” I asked cautiously.
“Of course I do, you sweet, sweet man.” She grinned, showing her beautiful full smile. “Everything that happens to us happens for us, really. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, everything that’s happening around us brings us to each new special moment, Seth. Everything that happened with Michael brought me to you. I was meant to be light for you, and you for me. Don’t you see it?”
“I do, darlin’,” I replied, pulling her into me. “I can’t believe how happy having you in my life makes me, Viv.”
She squeezed me back, holding on to me tightly. “I told my parents abo
ut you yesterday when I saw them,” she said.
“You saw them? Are they back in Florida?” I asked, relaxing my hold on her. I hoped I could meet her parents soon; I suddenly wanted to meet the people who raised the woman I love.
“No, I flew there for a night so I could spend time with them. After you left, I just wanted to hug my parents, and I felt like they needed me too,” she explained softly.
“You flew there? For a day? Is everything ok, darlin’?” I asked. She looked slightly sad at first, then her eyes brightened and she smiled at me again.
“Everything is great, .I spent some time with them separately, and we talked about Michael, and for the first time, we talked about what happened. It’s time for me to let go of the guilt; that’s what they both wanted me to know.”
“They’re right, you know. He would have wanted you to be happy. He loved you, even if he couldn’t help himself.” My heart ached for her. I knew how hard it was to lose someone, and the burden can be so hard to let go of.
“I know that. I think I always sort of knew that. But I felt like if I moved on, it was betraying him in some way, if that makes any sense. My dad told me how he’d tried to help Michael, how he’d try to get him help, to talk to someone, and how he just didn’t want it. He reminded me that sometimes all you can do is give your love and hope it’s enough. What happened isn’t my fault, but I don’t want history to repeat itself, Seth. You opened up to me, and I want you to know how much that means to me. I do love you, and I will love you on good days, and on bad days, and every day in between.”
“Well, you’re stuck with me now.” I laughed.
“Come on.” She got up yawning, pulling me along with her.
“Where are we going?”
“We are going back to bed.” She smiled.
I gladly followed her to her room, practically floating from letting go of the angst and fear. A sense of relief had taken over; I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do was hold her.
I led him back to my bedroom by his hand, then turned to face him, placing my hands on his chest softly. He still had his uniform from work on, and I started to undo the buttons on his thick shirt while he stood in front of me motionless, watching me. His eyes were heavy, and while it was a sensual moment, undressing him, I wanted him to rest. I slid his shirt off his shoulders, leaving him in his undershirt and pants.
As I made my way to undoing his belt buckle, his body stiffened, and his hands stopped mine. “Viv, we don’t have to do this right now,” he uttered breathlessly.
I stopped and pushed him gently to sit on the edge of the bed. “I know, Seth. We’re just going to rest together; you need to sleep. I can see it in your eyes.”
I helped him take off his boots and then went back to his pants. As they dropped to the floor, I took note that he was noticeably hard, his size and arousal causing me to become wet with desire immediately. Trying to focus on taking care of him, I motioned for him to lie down and get under the covers in his boxers and tee shirt. He never took his eyes off me, watching me intently. I walked to the other side of the bed and undid my shorts, letting them fall to the floor before I slid under the covers next to him.
He raised his arm for me to snuggle in close, the feeling of our skin against each other igniting that controlled burn I had for him. As I rubbed my leg against his, I slowly moved my hand up his chest, under his shirt, outlining his abs with my fingertips. As I made my way back down, tucking my finger gently into the waistband of his boxers, he sucked in air and quickly rolled on top of me.
“Is this what you want, Vivian?” he whispered into my neck as he gently licked down to my shoulder.
“Yes,” I breathed out. He quickly sat up and yanked his shirt off, exposing all of his tattoos and muscles for me to enjoy. Those beautifully tattooed arms reached back down to the hem of my shirt, where he gently pulled it over my head, causing my hair to fall from its bun into waves around my shoulders.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Vivian. I’m so fucking lucky.” He looked at my almost naked body like I was dessert. I pulled him back down to me, letting the heat of our skin converge, causing the burn for him to bubble to the surface. As he began kissing me, making his way down my body, I shuddered with desire. I wanted him to ravage me, but he wanted to take his time with me, and I was going to enjoy every minute of it. “I want to taste every inch of you,” he whispered.
He made his way to my breasts, sucking and nuzzling my nipples. I started to rock my hips up against him, feeling his hardness against me, which was driving me crazy with desire. He kissed his way to my stomach and softly kissed my abdomen, as his hands started to pull my panties down gently. As he pulled them down my legs, taking them off, I lay there watching him. Watching him worship my body. He stood up and took his boxers off, completely exposing his beautiful form to me. He had moved to the end of the bed and kneeled down, gently grabbing my ankle, kissing it softly. As he continued moving up my thigh, I tried to control the urge to leap up; the sensations of his gentle, soft lips along my thigh were turning me into a quivering pool.
As he reached the top of my thigh, he paused and looked up at me. “I’m having you for breakfast, because you’re mine,” he said in a raspy voice. Not waiting for an answer, he gently spread my legs wider, licking me in my most sensitive spot. I let out a stifled moan, causing him to go in deeper, suckling my clit, then sliding a finger inside of me. Ecstasy started to build inside me; I’d never felt so consumed, or experienced so much pleasure at once. The emotions of the day coupled with my overwhelming desire for him came to climax as I cried out, letting the pleasure take me away.
“Seth!” I cried out as my hips rocked and shook. He held me in place with his muscular arms, continuing to eat me out until my hips fell to the bed, spent. I was panting, unable to speak from the intensity of the orgasm. He moved to the side of the bed, getting something from his pants, and came back to the bed.
Still trying to catch my breath, I looked over to see him smiling that stunning grin at me. “I could do that all day long, baby. Are you ready for more?”
I just nodded as my chest continued to rise and fall dramatically. I watched as he ripped the foil and rolled the condom on before sliding in next to me again. Pushing myself up, ready for round two, I encouraged him to lie next to me so I could climb on top of him. “Oh yeah?” he said, helping me straddle over him.
“Oh yeah,” I replied as I slid myself on top of his length, causing us both to moan. “Oh my God, Seth,” I cried out as he filled me up slowly.
“Fuck,” he growled, as he grabbed my hips roughly. “Oh my God, Viv, you feel so fucking good.” He held me in place as my body adjusted to his size, and then allowed me to rock myself gently on his cock. I leaned forward, placing my hands on his chest, sliding up and down gently, watching him enjoy the sensations with me. As my own climax started to build, I started to go a little faster, which caused him to stop me. “Viv, you’re killing me,” he sighed out as he rolled us over so he could be on top of me.
Hovering over me, he took control, kissing me while we made love, watching my face. I was about to implode again, and as he picked up his pace, we both began to moan loudly, shouting out our release together. He collapsed over me, trying not to crush me and rolled on his side before going into the bathroom. When he came back, still completely naked, I drank him in with my eyes.
“Are you ok, darlin’,” he asked me as he crawled back into the bed, pulling me close.
“I am great. Are you ok?” I asked.
“I’ve never been better. I’m in love.” He kissed me gently. “Can we rest together today, or do you have to work?”
“We can rest together.” I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heart as we both fell fast asleep.
I slept like the dead that morning, well into the afternoon. The weight of my guilt, my demons, it all lifted when I told her how I felt about her; how I felt about everything.
When I woke up, she was missing from the bed
, so I sat up looking around for her. I couldn’t figure out what time it was, but from the light in the window, it looked like the sun was going down already. I must have slept the entire day. I grabbed my boxers and my pants, and went to look for her. I could hear a faint noise, music of some kind coming from the kitchen.
As I approached, I was overwhelmed with the scent of something delicious, making my stomach rumble. I realized I hadn’t eaten since the day before, and I was starving. When I made my way to the end of the hallway, I spotted her in the kitchen, her hair tied back up, radio playing softly, while she was dancing around and singing while cooking something. I could wake up to this vision every day for the rest of my life. A smile spread across my face as I realized that was possible. I loved her, and she loved me back. She was mine.
I stood there watching her dance around until she noticed me and jumped. “Oh my God, Seth! You scared me!” She did that scrunching thing with her nose, making me smile even more.
“Hey, darlin’, whatcha doing in here? Smells amazing.” I took a deep breath in.
“I didn’t want to wake you, but I figured you’d be hungry when you woke up. I did some cooking.” She was beaming.
“I thought you didn’t cook.” I smirked at her.
“Well, as it turns out, I cook for you.”
I made my way over to her, taking her in my arms and planting a kiss on her sweet lips. “Well, aren’t I the luckiest guy in the world?”
“Well… you haven’t tasted it yet, so if it doesn’t kill you, then yes, you definitely are.” She laughed.
“If I die from the food the most beautiful woman in the world cooked for me because she loves me, I’d die a happy, happy man right here and now.” I kissed her again.
She stopped and embraced me. “I really do love you, Seth. No matter what, don’t ever forget that.”
